by GS Rhodes
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
After the day he’d had, the only thing that Kidd wanted to do was get himself home. He considered going out for a drink with Zoe, something to take the edge off, but decided against it. There would be time for drinking later. When he thought about the number of things that had happened today, from Craig’s lucky escape to the end of not one, but two cases, he was exhausted. Drinking would only send him to sleep quicker.
He made his way home, taking his route along the riverfront a little slower than normal, breathing in the warmth of the night air. If John wasn’t already over, he would drop him a message once he’d had a chance to shower and get himself together. They would have the whole house to themselves without having to think about Craig.
It was strange to think that part of his life was over now. He didn’t know if he would ever see Craig again. There was a small part of him that was a little upset he didn’t get to say goodbye after all they’d been through.
As Kidd turned the corner, he could see that the lights were on in his living room. He tried to remember if he’d left them on earlier on in the day, but couldn’t remember. It didn’t seem like something he would do.
John must be home, he thought, the feeling of opening the door to see him there filling his chest and putting a little extra bit of bounce in his step. He rushed to the front door and opened it.
“Hello,” he called out. “Sorry if this is a surprise, I know I’m early. But you won’t believe the day I’ve had.”
He walked into the living room and stopped dead.
Craig.
He looked up, his face a picture of panic. There were bags around him, the one that he’d arrived with looked fit to bursting, another suitcase that was definitely Kidd’s just next to it.
“I didn’t think you’d be back yet,” he breathed. “I was just about to go, I didn’t think…I didn’t think you’d want to see me again so I was just going to…” He looked at the bags, a sad smile making its way across his face. He shook it off and turned to Kidd once more. “Tell me about the day you’ve had,” he said with a chuckle.
“I’m not sure that you’d believe me if I did,” Kidd replied. “What are you…?” This must have been where he was when he’d gone to the flat with Andrea. Craig had come back here to pack his stuff, to get himself out of the way just like Kidd had told him to. Maybe he would get a chance to say goodbye after all. So that was something.
“I was going to leave a note,” he said.
“About the suitcase that you’re stealing? Thanks,” Kidd replied with a smirk.
“Shit, yeah, sorry,” Craig said. “I just…I grabbed some of my stuff from the loft. I…I didn’t know if you would have kept any of it but took a look while you were out at work one day and…there it all was. Like I never left.”
“Yeah,” Kidd said.
“You always knew I’d come back.”
“I think ‘knew’ is a little bit strong,” Kidd replied. “I think I always hoped that you’d come back.”
“Bet this wasn’t how you imagined it though, right?”
“Pretty far from it, now that you mention it.”
A silence pushed its way between them. Neither one of them really knew how to say goodbye to the other. The last time they’d parted ways, neither one of them knew that they were going. Craig thought he would have had more time but what happened with Andrea had forced his hand. Kidd hadn’t even known there was anything wrong. He didn’t know what he would have done at the time had he known. He’d like to think he would have been able to help.
There was an alternate universe where Craig and Ben’s relationship was better, and they talked about all of the things that were going on between them. And in that alternate universe, Craig came to Ben and told him about the money worries, or told him about getting in too deep with Andrea, and Ben would have helped him out.
But in that universe, there was no John. And even though it had only been four months, it was hard for Kidd to imagine a world without John in it. Which was the biggest sign he could think of that he had moved on and maybe, just maybe, this time he would be able to let go of Craig once and for all.
“What time are you leaving?” Kidd asked.
“There’s an Uber on the way,” Craig replied. “It’s taking me to the airport.”
“The airport?” Kidd repeated. “Where are you going?”
“I think it’s probably better that I don’t tell you, right?”
“You don’t have to worry about Andrea anymore,” Kidd said. “At least I don’t think you do.”
“How do you mean?” Craig replied.
“She…well… She came to the station and we, Sam included, paid a little visit to John’s flat,” Kidd said. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that you weren’t there.”
“Now that you’re telling me this, so am I,” Craig breathed. He really did look relieved. Kidd didn’t want to think about how badly that would have played out had Craig actually been in the flat. It didn’t bear thinking about.
“You didn’t kill them, Craig,” Kidd said flatly. “I know that. You stole from them, sure, but you didn’t kill the guys who attacked you.”
“Ben, you don’t have to—”
“That’s a fact,” he interrupted. “I have the whole thing recorded, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
Craig breathed a heavy sigh, a smile floating across his face. He looked skyward, his eyes filling with tears. It was a kind of relief that seemed to lift his entire body. Kidd could even see that he seemed lighter, like nothing could touch him anymore. Everything was going to be alright from this point on.
“I can’t tell you how much that means to me,” Craig said, his voice shaking. He could barely get the words out. It had clearly been playing on his mind for quite some time, and Kidd had managed to make all of that go away. “Thank you, Ben. Thank you so much.”
Kidd shrugged. “I told you I’d try to help if I could,” he said. “They forced my hand a little, and you played your part by actually listening to me for once and disappearing.”
“Hey, I listened to you,” Craig said. “Some of the time,” he added quickly.
“But I don’t think they’re going to bother you anymore,” Kidd said. “So you can start over. No more hiding, no more running. Unless, of course, you’ve gotten used to the whole nomadic lifestyle and you just want to go from place to place like a criminal on the run.”
Craig laughed, though it sounded a little bit hollow. The last two years had a big impact on him. He wasn’t ready to joke about it just yet. That would come with time.
A notification pinged on Craig’s phone. He looked down and almost seemed disappointed. His Uber must have arrived. Kidd could feel that same disappointment swelling in his chest. He was going to miss Craig. Even though he had caused a huge amount of pain and upheaval in his life, there would always be a special place in his heart for him. He couldn’t escape that. He wasn’t even sure that he wanted to.
“That’s my ride,” Craig said, nodding to the window. “Oh, and I’ve gotten a new phone, new number, all that stuff,” he added. “I didn’t want Andrea to be able to get in contact, but I’ll text you my new number, yeah?’
“Okay,” Kidd replied. “Let me know when you’ve landed safely, okay? Wherever it is that you’re going.”
Craig nodded and looked out the window at the front of the house. Kidd joined him. You could just make out the lights of the car waiting outside. He really needed to go.
“Come with me,” Craig said suddenly.
Kidd looked back at him sharply. “What?”
“Come with me,” he repeated, his face suddenly wild with excitement. His smile was giant, his eyes wide, he looked like he had lost the plot. “Pack a bag, grab your passport, we can get you a ticket when we get there. Just…just come with me.”
“You’re out of your mind,” Kidd replied.
“Maybe,” Craig admitted. “But what’s so wrong about that? Come wit
h me, get on a plane, we can start over.”
“Craig—”
“New place, new life, we can even have new names if you want,” he continued. “Leave everything behind, don’t look back.”
“Craig, that’s crazy.”
“It might be crazy, but who doesn’t love a little bit of crazy?” he replied. “Haven’t you ever wanted to do that? Haven’t you ever wanted to just pick up your life and start over? You could start completely afresh, everything brand new, and never think about this town or this job or this life again. Be spontaneous, Ben, and for God’s sake be spontaneous with me.”
Craig’s eyes were pleading with him, practically begging him to drop his entire life and say yes. There was even a small part of Kidd that thought about how good it would be to just let everything go and start all over again.
But as he looked deep within himself, searching for the answer to Craig’s question, he found one simple truth. He didn’t want to. If Craig had come to him two years ago and asked him that question, maybe he would have done it, if he’d even asked him six months ago he might have been swayed to run away from it all. But not now.
His life had fallen apart when Craig left. He’d spent so much energy trying to find him, trying to get back to the life that he had before. It had almost killed him on more than one occasion.
But the last six months had changed everything for Kidd. He’d gone back to work and found a rhythm with a team that he loved working with, that he cared about deeply. He’d found joy in his niece and nephew, getting to know them and becoming ever closer with his sister Liz. And above all of that, he’d found John. Or John had found him.
Kidd wasn’t the same person he had been six months ago, and he was glad for that. He didn’t want to run away with Craig. He wanted to stay right here. And that was okay.
“I’m sorry, Craig,” he said. “I can’t.”
“But why?”
Kidd sighed. “Because it’s time for us both to move on, I think,” Kidd said. “I care for you so much, Craig, and I really hope you have the happiest life wherever the heck it is you’re going. But I’ve got a life, I’ve…”
Craig nodded. “You’ve moved on.”
Kidd smiled. “Yeah, I guess I have.”
“I get that,” Craig said, picking up his bag and starting across the living room towards Kidd. “I’ll miss you though.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” Kidd replied, and he really meant it.
“I hate goodbyes,” Craig said as he reached him and put down his bag. Kidd wrapped him up in a hug, squeezing him tight for what might be the last time.
“Then let’s not say goodbye,” Kidd said, his voice muffled against Craig’s shoulder. “See you later, Craig.”
Craig laughed into Kidd’s shoulder. “See you later, Ben.”
Kidd got out of his way and let him walk out of the front door and to his Uber. He watched from the door as Craig put his duffel bag and his suitcase in the boot and opened the back door.
He waved.
Kidd waved back.
And Craig got in the car and left, leaving Kidd wondering if he would ever see him again.
Maybe, he thought. Maybe.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
“This is your absolute last chance to back out,” Kidd said as he pulled the car up outside Liz’s house. The day had finally come. John McAdams, the most important person in Benjamin Kidd’s life, was about to meet Elizabeth Spencer (formerly Kidd), the other most important person in his life.
The tail-end of the week had been a long one in DI Kidd’s professional life. They’d got the suspects they needed in custody, it was now a case of making sure all the evidence against them was watertight so that the CPS would sign off on a charge. It was the less interesting part of his job, for sure. Solving it was one thing, proving it was another.
The team had spent the week getting things in order for both the Philippa Kay case, as it was now being referred to, and the Holly Grant case. To say that Kidd deserved this Sunday night dinner, a night with some of his favourite people in the world, would be something of an understatement.
“I could say the same to you,” John replied, a smirk making its way across his face. “You can back at now too, if you want. We can turn around and get takeout. Tell Liz that you’re sick.”
Kidd raised an eyebrow. “Are you nervous?” he asked.
“A little,” he replied.
Kidd’s eyes widened. “But you’ve been acting like I’ve been the one who didn’t want to do this, that I was the one keeping the pair of you apart. How the tables have turned!”
They’d been talking about it all week. They hadn’t spent a lot of time apart over the past few days. With Craig gone, they had the house to themselves and John hadn’t really gone home all that much. Kid’s home was starting to become his home too and Kidd didn’t really mind it all that much.
“Don’t get too cocky there,” John said. “It seemed like a very good idea when it was only a theory, but now in practice…” John looked out of the window at the house. “It just seems a little bit scary now.”
Kidd laughed. “You’re so cute.”
“What if she doesn’t like me?” he asked, his voice coming out like more of a whine.
“Well, I’ll have to break up with you and try again with someone else,” Kidd said with a shrug. “I don’t make the rules, that’s just how it is.”
“You’re not helping,” John snapped.
“Not trying to help, I’m trying to make fun of you,” Kidd replied. “Shall we?”
John took a couple of deep breaths before he unclipped his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. Kidd followed suit. John really did look incredibly nervous. It was probably the most nervous he had ever seen him. Whenever Kidd had brought up this dinner, John had been all for it, encouraging even. But now he seemed to be having second thoughts.
Kidd couldn’t really blame him. They hadn’t done a whole ‘meet the parents’ thing yet. Kidd’s parents had moved away many years ago, so they weren’t around to do such things, so meeting Liz was a big deal and John knew it.
“It’s going to be great,” Kidd said as they started towards the front door. “She knows all about you from what I’ve told her, all of which is good stuff by the way, and then there’s the fact she’s probably Googled you forwards and backwards.”
“Christ, now is not the time for me to be overanalysing my internet footprint,” John groaned.
Kidd stopped halfway down the path, putting his hands on John’s shoulders as a way of steadying him. He smiled at the man who he had grown to care for over the past four months and received one in return.
“Deep breaths now,” Kidd said. “You’re going to be fine.”
“But seriously though,” John replied. “What if she doesn’t like me?”
Kidd took a moment. It was now or never. “Well it doesn’t matter if she likes you or not,” he said. “Because I love you, and that should be more than enough for her.”
John’s mouth fell open. He blinked a few times, a smile slowly making its way across his face. “Well, that’s alright then,” he said. “I love you too, by the way. I’ve been wanting to say it for a little while just…”
“Waiting for the right time?” Kidd finished. “Same here.” He looked back at Liz’s door. This wasn’t the place he had thought he would do it but it did feel good to say that to someone again, even better to say it to John. “Shall we?” he added.
John leant in and kissed Kidd on the lips, wrapping his arms around his lower back and pulling him in close.
“I really do, you know,” he said.
“Me too,” Kidd replied.
“Good.”
He let go of Kidd and took hold of his hand, the two of them walking towards Liz’s door together. Even though it had been the end of something when it came to Kidd and Craig, it was the start of something for John and Ben, a new chapter.
As Kidd waited for his sister to come to the door, he gave
John’s hand a quick squeeze. John squeezed back and Kidd felt his heart skip. He felt like a lovesick teenager, and he didn’t even mind. There was nowhere else he’d rather be. Nowhere else in the whole world.
DI BENJAMIN KIDD WILL RETURN IN 2022
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you so much once again, dear reader, for getting to the end of another one of DI Kidd's adventures. It means so much to me that there are people reading and enjoying these stories. Seeing this audience grow over the past ten months has been such a thrill. I cannot thank you enough for all of the support.
While this certainly isn't the end of DI Kidd's adventures, I very much see Hand On Heart as the end of the first series for me. I've wrapped up some pretty big storylines that I've had running for a little while and rounded off a few things, but definitely left a few little plot strands dangling for when the series returns next year. I hope you will join me for that.
Thank you again to the writing support group of the endless help that you give someone who is very much making this up as they go along. Thank you to Bill who is always there for my neurotic breakdowns and panics. Thank you to my partner who is always there to talk through a sticky plot point with me.
Huge amounts of love to the wonderful Hanna who has whipped five of these books into shape in 2021. I cannot tahnk you enough for all of your thoughtful notes, edits, and support. Thank you for plugging my plot holes and making me look good.
Huge thanks again to Meg Jolly for another gorgeous cover. I love how great these books look next to one another and with every cover you just knock it out of the park.
If you have enjoyed this book, feel free to leave a review or even a rating as it really helps me out. Hopefully I will see you for the next one. Until then...
