by Kyra Dune
I nodded. "Me too." It was a weird moment for me, because it was a lot harder to hate her with my every breath when I was kind of starting to like her a little. Maybe this whole thing wasn't going to be a disaster after all.
CHAPTER TEN
Sam and I spent three days working on my air powers. Three days that felt like they lasted forever. She dragged me out of bed barely before the sun came up and worked me until it was past dark. It was exhausting, but I almost wished we could push harder. It felt like time was slipping away from me. Each night I dreaded going to sleep, wondering if the next day would be the one when Megara caught up to us. Because she was coming for me, of that I had no doubt.
Zack and I had practically zero time to spend together, but he was there every time I laid down to close my eyes and that was something. I needed him to keep the nightmares away or else I never would have gotten any rest at all.
Just before dawn on day four, me and Sam were standing in the backyard facing each other, like always. But this time Sam didn't try to tap my powers. "It's time for you do this on your own," she said. "Let me see you ride a tornado."
My mouth fell open. "R-right now? I don't think I'm ready for that."
"Well, you better be," Sam said. "Because your boyfriend woke me up at midnight to tell me we were taking too long with your training. We still have three other elements to work with. I chewed him out good for it, but he wasn't wrong. But go over there first." She pointed to the tree line. "Just in case."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." I trudged across the yard, my chest getting tighter and tighter as all those panic butterflies were doing cartwheels in my gut. I really wanted to get this right, but I was terrified of the consequences of messing it up.
I stopped right at the edge of the trees and turned to face the house. Sam had gone up on the back porch and was standing against the door. This did not exactly help my nerves any. I breathed in and out slow, trying to use both the meditation techniques Jonah taught me, and the lessons Sam had given me on tapping my powers.
Something sort of like calm settled over me. I had been wanting to do this for a long time, but I never actually thought I'd be able to. But it had been easier for me to tap my fear than I ever imagined it would be, and despite all my uncertainty, I was beginning to find faith in myself that I never had before.
Megara's instructions on riding a tornado played through my mind. Bad as her methods were, I had learned a few things from training with her. "You can do this," I whispered. "I know you can."
It was easy to get the air started spinning around me. A little more complicated to keep it doing so while gathering the air under my feet and lifting myself off the ground. I raised a few inches, wobbled, got a few inches more, almost lost the circling air. I paused, just breathing, just being. Not trying. Not thinking. Letting my fear fuel my power in a controlled way.
I rose five feet into the air and held myself there, my hair whipping around my head from the force of the swirling air around me. Dust kicked up, turning the air brown with bits of rocks and sticks.
I was doing it. I was actually inside of a tornado. It was the most awesome feeling. "Okay," I whispered. "Just a little bit more." I reached out and pushed myself with the outside air, swinging the tornado to the right. I could feel the strain of controlling the air in three different ways like a tug at the base of my skull. But it didn't hurt. It was like... lifting a weight at the very edge of your ability. I was shaky, but I wasn't going to drop it. I was in control.
Now, if I could only disperse the wind without blowing anything over or killing myself, I could call this one a win. I did it slowly, in backward stages, letting it go a little at a time instead of all at once.
When my feet were safely on the ground again, I swayed a little. I felt kind of light headed, but also exhilarated. I just rode a tornado! It made me feel like I was a force of nature myself. No wonder Megara believed she was so superior to regular dragons. In a way, she kind of was. I kind of was.
I crossed the lawn on trembling legs. "Did you see that?" I called out to Sam, even though she was standing there the entire time so of course she had. I was just giddy and hyper excited. If only Zack had been watching.
"I rode a tornado." I pressed a hand to the side of my head and could feel my heartbeat thumping through my veins. "I really did it."
"That was pretty cool." Sam stepped off the porch. "You got skills."
I was grinning so hard my cheeks hurt. "I didn't think I would ever get there. You're a pretty good trainer."
"I've got a pretty good student," Sam said. "So, do you want to try fire now?"
My smile faded. "Can we do water instead? Zack can make this icicle he uses as a weapon. I'd like to be able to do that."
"Sure. Whatever you want," Sam said. "By the time we finish with water, you should be able to work up a storm. It usually takes a whole group of air and water dragons together, but I'd bet anybody who can ride a tornado could handle it on her own."
My mind flashed back to Oregon. To the storm in the woods. To the huge chunks of ice falling from the sky. The screams. The blood. My breath hitched in my throat.
Sam frowned. "Hey, you okay?" She laid a hand on my shoulder.
I flinched back, then laughed to try and cover it up. "I'm fine. It's just... nothing. Let's get back to work."
"You want to take a break first?" Sam was giving me that uncertain kind of concerned look like you give someone when you think something is wrong with them, but you're not sure.
I started to say no, because we really did need to speed things up a little. This had to be finished by the time Jonah and the others met up with us here. My gut told me trouble wouldn't be far behind them and I wanted to be ready for it. But I was trembling and my head was full of stuff that was not good for helping me be calm.
"Maybe fifteen minutes," I said.
"Sure." She grinned. "You should go find Zack and tell him how awesome you are."
I laughed for real. "Not a bad idea."
Zack wasn't in the house. I found him instead out on the porch, sitting on the steps and staring off into the distance. So much for hoping he was watching me from the window. "Can I join you?" I wasn't worried about startling him. I figured even if he was thinking about something else, he probably heard me coming before I even opened the front door.
"Sure."
I sat down beside him. "I just rode a tornado." Okay, so maybe that was a bit abrupt, but I had no idea how to work up to it.
"Huh."
Zack didn't even look at me. It was like I was talking about the weather or something. "Sam is a really good trainer. I think with her help, I can learn to be just like the two of you. Like a tracker." What I meant was that she would teach me how to fight, but I don't think I said it quite right, because Zack was frowning.
"Great," he muttered.
I threw my hands up. "Will you look at me please, or at least say something? This is a big deal for me, and you're just sitting there. Talk to me."
"What do you want me to say?" Zack turned his head toward me. "You want me to congratulate you? I think this is a bad idea. You know that already, so what is there to talk about?"
"Sam and I are being careful, if that has you worried," I said. "Besides, aren't you the one who has told me over and over that I need to get control of my powers? And now that I am, you can't even pretend to be happy for me?"
"I..." Zack ran both hands through his hair, then let them drop to dangle between his knees. "I want you to have control over your powers, but I don't want you to be like us. Like me. I'm okay with who I am, but I'm not okay with you turning yourself into something you're not. And I don't want all this power going to your head."
A shock wave went through me as I realized what he meant. "Are you seriously sitting there, telling me you think I'm going to end up like Megara?" I rose to my feet and stepped off into the dirt, then turned to face him. "I can't believe you would even think that, let alone say it to my face. Megara wan
ts hybrids to rule the world. I just want us to be able to live in it."
"And you have to turn yourself into something else to accomplish that?" Zack asked. "You have to kill her? Why can't you just... put that little video of yours out there and let that be the end of it?"
If only it could be so easy. "Even if the entire world believes we exist, it's not going to turn this situation into sunshine and roses. I'll still have to deal with Alastair and Megara no matter what."
Zack gave me this look that almost stopped my heart. It was a look of fear. He was afraid for me. He knew as well as I did how this was going to play out, but he didn't want to know it. I understood the feeling.
I knelt in front of him, taking his hands in mine. "We can't get out of this without somebody dying. I wish we could. I wish it more than anything in this world. I don't want this. I didn't ask for it. Not any of it. And I'm so tired. Tired of running. Tired of being afraid. Tired of losing people I love. It's time for all of this to be over. It has to be over." Tears spilled down my cheeks.
Zack brushed them gently away with his hands. "I look at you and I can't even see that girl from the park anymore. What happened to her?"
"She had to kill people." My voice broke. "She had to look into the dead eyes of her best friend. She had to grow up." I started to tremble with the force of the fear I'd been holding so deep inside ever since I let Hannah sink into that quicksand pit. "But she's not completely lost, is she? She didn't become the monster they all said she was?"
"Of course not." Zack cupped my cheek in his hand and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I wasn't trying..."
"Stop talking," I said. "You're really bad at it." I sat on the step just below his and rested my head back against his stomach. "Just be here with me. That's what I need."
Zack put his arms around me and we sat there, together, alone in the silence, as the new day dawned.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
"I want to ask you a question," I said. Me and Sam were taking a break, sitting in the shade of the farmhouse. After working with her for over a week, I was finding myself not hating her at all. I mean, we weren't friends exactly, but I liked her more than I didn't, if that makes sense. But I still needed to know the truth, even if I didn't want to know.
"About what?" she asked.
I took a deep breath and decided to just come right out and say it. "You and Zack."
"Oh. I figured that was coming sooner or later." Sam sat her Coke can in the grass. "It's true, we did have a thing that one time we were tracking together."
"A thing?" The words tasted sour in my mouth. "What does that mean?"
Sam smiled. "It means you have nothing to worry over. He stayed here about a month. We hooked up. He left. I hadn't heard one word from him since, until he called in the favor I owed him."
Hooked up. I swear I heard all the other words she said, but my brain kind of got stuck on those two. It's not like I thought I was Zack's first girlfriend. I always knew he was way more experienced than I was. But it was so weird to know we'd been living under the same roof with someone he'd slept with in the not too distant past.
"This doesn't have to be a problem," Sam said. "Our thing was exactly that, a thing. A couple of trackers blowing off some steam. No hearts involved. Besides, even if I wanted him, which I don't, I couldn't have him. He has it bad for you."
I couldn't help but smile. "What makes you say that?"
"Well, I don't usually get threatened when somebody is asking me for a favor."
"Zack threatened you?" I didn't find that in the least surprising.
"Yup. Said I better be careful with you or else. And I didn't for a second imagine he was bluffing."
No, Zack was not the type to bluff. I stretched my legs out in the grass and leaned back against the house. It was good we'd cleared the air between us, much as I didn't like knowing she'd messed around with my boyfriend.
Besides, talking about Zack was a good excuse not to talk about that other thing in the air between us. My fire. We'd worked on water and earth and I was doing well with both of those. Really well. I felt so much stronger, so much more centered, more like I could handle almost anything that was going to be thrown at me. But we hadn't touched my fire. And it was time. No more later for putting it off until. Yet another thing I wished I didn't have to know.
"I... I guess it's time to work on my fire." I wiped my sweaty palms on the legs of my jeans. "I can guess what emotion fuels that. Anger. And pain. I..." I bit my lower lip. "I'm afraid to go there again. That day, in the woods..." My stomach clenched just thinking about it.
"That was self defense," Sam said. "Zack told me--"
"No." I forced myself to meet her gaze. "It wasn't self defense. It wasn't even revenge. It was... I lost control. Completely. The fire... I don't want to say it took over, like some outside force was controlling me, because it wasn't like that. Not really. I was still me. I was right there inside of myself. But it was a part of me I never knew existed. A part I didn't want to know existed. A part that wasn't going to stop. That couldn't stop.
"I think I would have died. I think I would have burned myself out if not for Zack. Did he tell you he had to attack me with battle training to stop me? Did he tell you he had to almost kill me to put the fire out?"
I could tell by her expression he'd left that bit out of whatever story he'd told her. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea," I said. "Maybe... maybe it's better to leave the fire alone."
Sam shook her head. "No, we can't. Now, don't get me wrong," she held up her hands to stop my protest, "hearing you say all that doesn't make me exactly eager to see your fire in action, but it's because you're so afraid of it that we have to do this. You have to learn to control it, otherwise what's to stop that from happening again? What's to keep you from unleashing your fire and letting it burn out of control?"
I opened my mouth, but what could I say to that? It made sense. "But if you tap my fire, I could kill you. Tony is a fire dragon, could he help us?"
"I don't know, maybe," Sam's expression grew thoughtful. "It's not like he can take control of your fire. That would take more power than I've heard of. But he might be able to do something." She gave me a look I really didn't like. "We can get my brother out here, but Zack should be here too."
"No way," I said. "I... I don't want him around me while I'm trying to get a hold on my fire." I know this makes me a horrible person, but I was way more willing to put Tony and Sam in harm's way than I was Zack.
"But you said he stopped you from going too far the last time," Sam said. "He's a water dragon. Perfect for dealing with fire."
"But..." My mind raced, trying to come up with some excuse to stop Zack from being involved in this. "He'll never allow it. If you tell him we're planning on tapping my fire, he'll put a stop to it."
"I don't think he will." Sam was being infuriatingly calm and reasonable about this. "He had to know when he called me that we'd get around to fire eventually."
She was right, of course. Zack wasn't stupid. He'd have thought out all the angles before he decided to let me take battle training. And I don't know, maybe it was because of my fire he agreed to it in the first place. I know it had to worry him. How could it not? He'd seen firsthand what I was capable of when I lost control.
I sighed. "Okay. Fine. Let's get this over with."
Sam rested her hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay. You've mastered the other three elements in way less time than it takes a normal dragon to master one. It's no wonder everybody is so scared of hybrids, you guys are badass. You've done things I didn't even know one dragon could do alone. You'll get this too. I have faith in you."
My mouth dropped open. Her words hit me right square in the chest because I believed her. She meant every word she was saying and I just couldn't understand it. Why did people keep putting this kind of faith in me? I wished they wouldn't do that, it only made it so much harder when I let them down.
I waited outside
while Sam went to get the guys. All the while, I was praying she was wrong and Zack would flat refuse to let this happen. I didn't want to mess around with my fire. It was too dangerous. And I didn't have the faith in myself that Sam did. I wasn't so sure I could ever bring my fire under control.
The back door banged open and Tony stomped down the stairs. His expression was stormy as he approach me. "Let's get this straight right now. I think this is a stupid idea." He stepped up way too close, totally getting inside my personal space. "Fire is not something to play around with."
Even though I wanted to, I wasn't about to back off and let him think he was intimidating me. "I know tha--"
"Hybrid dragons shouldn't even be battle trained anyway," he spoke right over me. "I told Sam that."
"Yeah, yeah, we all get it." Sam glared at him from the porch. "You are totally against this whole thing. Blah, blah, blah. Stop puffing up your feathers and back off a little, okay?" She cut a sideways glance at Zack, who was standing in the doorway with that look on his face. The one that said he was about three seconds from something bad about to happen.
Tony's expression flickered, I guess that's the best way to describe it. He didn't look so cocky with Zack staring him down. He backed off, giving me space to breath. "This is dangerous."
"We're trackers," Sam stepped off the porch, "dangerous is what we do." She smiled at me. "Good to go?"
I glanced up at Zack. His eyes met mine for half a second before he looked away. But that moment was enough for me to know how much it hurt him to think of having to attack me again the way he did in the woods. I hoped it didn't come to that, but it was a thin hope. "I guess."
We moved out into the very middle of the yard, where at least the only thing I could burn was the grass. Oh yeah, and us. Fear made my heart slam against my rib cage and stole all the moisture from my mouth.
I had killed someone I cared about before. Hannah. Even though she was a traitor who was never really my friend at all, it didn't change anything. I couldn't make myself stop caring about her just because I should have. I hated her for everything she'd done, but that didn't mean I'd forgotten all those feelings.
