After introductions and some initial chit chat, Clara told Amanda her story. Her husband, Anthony, was killed when the Humvee he was in rolled over an IED three years ago. No one survived. It was three weeks before his casket came home because there was still fighting in that area. He was nine months into a twelve-month deployment. Her son had just turned two before his father had left. They were living in Kansas, but she couldn’t stand staying on base without Anthony, so she came back home to Olympia and lived with her mother for two years before finally getting her own place. She found a job at her son’s school district working at the reception desk so she wouldn’t have to put him in daycare.
She didn’t find the Gold Star group until just last year. A teacher at her school brought the group up as an organization they could support for their Month of Thankfulness. Each November, the school picked an organization to either raise money for or find a way to support to show their thankfulness. When the teacher explained that the group was made up of families of the fallen, but that they also turned around and helped other military families, Clara knew she had to find out more. It sounded like a group she should join. The teacher was new that year and didn’t know Clara’s story yet, but the few who did asked her afterwards if she was involved with the group.
“Not yet,” she told them. “Not yet.”
Now Clara was helping them by reaching out to families who moved to the area and families who’d just lost a service member. She checked in regularly with the casualty assistance representative roster and had just found out about Amanda.
“We will have one of our meetings next Friday, and I would love for you to join us. I can even come pick you up if you’d like. There’s room in my car for an extra car seat, and I’m a pro at getting them in and out of cars now.”
Amanda agreed to go and thought it would be better if Clara picked her up so that she knew someone when she walked into the room. She wondered if there would be a lot of awkwardness and crying when a group of widows got together. She was pleasantly surprised that the first thing she heard when she walked into the meeting room was laughter. There were several children at a back table area. Clara mentioned that the base provided two people to help take care of the children during the meetings so the women didn’t need to find childcare. It was a big conference room at the base’s Family Support Center and there were about 10 round tables with tablecloths, a long table with coffee, water, tea, and snacks in the middle, and a podium up front. There was a small table at the entrance to check in. Amanda handed Lucy off to Clara while she filled out the form and put on a name tag. They handed her a blue folder with the Gold Star flag on the front. Clara had a laminated one with a clip and Susie, who was sitting behind the reception table, told her they would make her one for next time.
Clara took Amanda around the room and introduced her to other people. Some people offered their story while others just inquired about where Amanda was from, if she worked, and how the baby was doing. No one asked about her husband, and it seemed like it was an unwritten rule to not ask, but listen if someone wanted to share. Amanda was glad. She didn’t think she could manage to talk about Lucas’ death to six different strangers.
The meeting turned out to mostly be a social event, but Amanda really enjoyed it and knew she would be back. They got some food and drink before the meeting part started and sat down. There was a quick talk by the president of the group, Sally Lemmon, and then there were a set of worksheets at each table for the group to use as questions. Sally discussed some changes to the dental insurance coverage and information on the back-to-school supply drive the base was having for lower income families. She said Gold Star families were also being offered school supplies if they wanted or needed them. There was also a reminder about signing up for the holiday cookie drive committee, meal delivery to the Fisher House, and a training team for the Air Force marathon.
The worksheet was filled with questions about ending summer well. Amanda’s table discussed the first two questions about what things they still wanted to do and what their best memory of the summer was, and then the discussion veered off into more personal questions and observations. They talked mostly about their children and how they managed to do things with being the only parent and how they would tell the teachers this year about their child’s father. It got easier and harder every year, one lady said. Amanda didn’t say much, but listened closely, filing away their tips for later. She did share about Lucas when they all started sharing about their husbands’ deaths. They all were quiet when they realized she hadn’t known she was pregnant until he was gone.
“That had to have been hard,” one woman said finally. “But, also, what a gift. I love that I can still see my husband’s eyes when I look at my daughter.”
Several women agreed. Then the conversation turned to the Fisher House, where families of servicemen in the hospital can stay, and what meals were best to take. Amanda picked up Lucy from where she was sleeping in the car seat and looked at her closely. She was still a typical baby, but she hoped Lucy would look a little like Lucas. Maybe she would keep the blond hair and have his green eyes. She closed her eyes and hoped.
On the drive home, Clara asked if she wanted to go to the next meeting. Amanda didn’t hesitate to say yes.
“Are there any membership fees?” Amanda asked.
“None, but that’s why we try to do things that give back to the military families around us. The base pays for everything for our group’s support. Did you get the calendar with all the upcoming events?”
“Is it in the folder I got when I registered?”
“It should be. If not, let me know. There is a weekly playgroup that meets in various houses. It’s a great way to get to know some of the other younger moms better. I mean younger by having young kids.”
“That sounds fun. I don’t get out of the house much except to get groceries and visit my parents. Lucy and I need to start meeting people.”
“I’m planning to go to the next one. I think it’s Wednesday. You’ll have at least one person you know, like today.”
“Thank you so much,” Amanda said. She started tearing up, and Clara reached over and patted her hand.
“No thanks needed. We are all here to help each other.”
On the anniversary of Lucas’ death, Amanda finally felt it was time to look at the last thing she had from Lucas that she hadn’t been able to read through yet – the journal from his deployment. She took out all four boxes that contained his memorabilia and looked every piece over after putting Lucy to bed. There were tears, but she didn’t break down like she thought she might. His flight suit still vaguely smelled like him. She looked at each patch and went through each pocket. His hat was in the bottom pocket, and there was a coin in each breast pocket – one from the squadron in Washington and a coin from the one in Charleston. His upper arm pocket had a pen and pencil tucked in the pen and pencil slots and inside the pocket was a small pocketknife and a folded picture of them from their wedding. He would put his wedding ring there when he was flying, but he had been wearing it when he was running and Amanda asked them to leave it on his finger when they buried him. She pulled out his favorite T-shirts one by one and smelled them. They had all lost his smell, but she smiled at the memories of each one. His boots were on a shelf in Lucy’s room. Under the books he had taken on his deployment were the three deployment journals. She put them aside and packed everything else back up. Then, she took the journals to the couch to spend some time reading through them. She glanced up at their pictures on the mantel, where she had added the framed flag from his funeral and his official military picture. She grabbed a tissue from the box on the side table and wiped her eyes.
“I miss you, Lucas. I wish you were here to see Lucy. She might just have your blond hair and green eyes. I wish you were here to hold me and that we were planning our next adventure together,” she said as she looked at his photo. She opened the first journal and felt a wave of peace wash over her. It was almost as if h
e had sat down beside her. The first journal was different from the rest since he was just writing to save his own memories, not to her. It was fun to read how much he wrote about her. In the second journal, she could tell he really did think about her every day. There was the entry early on where he noted having been to Turkey and there were a few stars on that page. When she had asked what they were for, he had said that was the day he knew he wanted to marry her. There was only a month’s worth of entries in the last journal, and as Amanda read them for the first time, she noticed a more serious tone to his writing. He spent a few lines writing about his day, but then talked about one aspect of their future each day, too.
If I stay in the military for 20 years and we have the retirement money, I would love to try my hand at teaching and do woodwork on the side. Then we would both have the summers off and could take our kids on trips like you did with your parents and maybe sell the woodwork at a few shows around the country. What about visiting every state fair through the years?
While I know I often said I wanted us to have a boy, I often wonder what it would be like to have a daughter. I see you and your father and wonder what it would be like to have that kind of relationship. Maybe we will get really lucky and have one boy and one girl. I don’t know if I could do these deployments once we have a baby. It would break my heart to miss out on so much of their lives. Can’t wait to start making a family when I get home.
I just realized today that we have never been to a sporting event together. We should go catch a local baseball game and a Panthers game this year to just experience what it’s all about.
My run time is really improving here. I think I’m going to do really well at the Tough Mudder. I can’t wait for you to watch the race. I know running isn’t your thing, but I really appreciate you supporting me and coming to see me finish the races. Maybe I should go try out a Zumba or spin class with you one day.
There was no entry on the day he died. Amanda knew he usually wrote at the end of the day. Amanda wondered what he thought about in his last moments, but she guessed he had thought of her. She wiped her eyes and picked up the three journals to take them to her room to put them on her dresser where she could read them any time she wanted. Then, she saw something shiny on the coffee table where the journals had been sitting. She didn’t move for a moment, but just stared at what looked like her wedding ring. She had thought it was lost forever. It must have landed in the box when she threw it in the closet and ended up in one of the journals, she thought. She picked it up and looked it over. It really was her wedding ring. Then she looked at her hand – did she want to put the ring back on? She walked to Lucy’s room and stared at her daughter. She could feel that he was still with them, even if he wasn’t here in the flesh. She took the ring and slipped it back on her ring finger on her left hand. The light from the globe lamp caught the ring, and it shone for a moment. She could see the three different rings woven together and the diamond sparkled.
“I, Amanda Lynn Schaffer, promise to spend my whole life loving you, Lucas Timothy Weston. My whole heart will be forever and completely yours as long I live. I also promise that Lucy will know about you and hear your name every day. She will know you love her.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
When Lucy turned one, Amanda went back to work teaching at the high school where she first taught, and Lucy stayed with her grandparents during the day. Her mom and dad loved taking her places and it kept them active. During the summers, they started taking road trips together and tried to stop by Colorado or Florida every other year so Lucy could see her other grandparents. They both also flew up to see her at least once a year.
Lucy got to hear stories about her father from people who worked with him. Every few months for the first years after his death, she would get a letter in the mail from someone who had worked with Lucas and wanted to share stories of him with her and her daughter. Occasionally, Capt. Thomas would bring someone along who had known Lucas, and they would record that person’s visit so Lucy could listen to stories about her father when she got older. Sometimes, she would be sent photos of mementos left at Lucas’ gravesite in Arlington. She treasured each of these times because it meant that Lucas was being remembered by more than just his family.
Amanda never remarried and wore her wedding ring to her grave. Amanda and Lucy visited Lucas’ grave every year in the summer, and Lucy told her friends stories of her father as if she knew him – because she did.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you, Bill, for supporting me in my dream of writing.
Thank you, my girls, for being my best cheerleaders.
Thank you friends and family who read what I wrote and encouraged me all through my life.
Thank you Mrs. Richardson for seeing me as a writer when I was only 10 and encouraging me.
Sarah Anne Carter is a lover of books. She is an avid reader and is a book review blogger. Writing stories since she was little, she is constantly thinking of ideas that could be used as a plot for a novel. She is a journalist by trade and has written numerous newspaper articles. She grew up as an Air Force brat and married a military man and has lived in many states and countries. Currently residing in Ohio, she spends her time enjoying her family, reading and writing. The Ring is Sarah Anne’s first published novel.
You can reach Sarah Anne at her Web site at www.sarahannecarter.com.
Please take the time to leave a review of The Ring on Amazon, Goodreads or wherever you review books!
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