Diary of a Submissive (a Tomb of Ashen Tears Book 4)
Page 61
I giggled, but kept the camera on him as I said, “We spent years training our minds and bodies to let go on command, and now you tell me not to let go…”
Raising a brow, he smirked from the corner of his mouth. “There is a difference, Darlin’.”
“And if I find myself without you, weakened and heartbroken, then what do I do?”
“You follow through with the promise,” he said. “Cruz will pick up the lead and carry you home.”
“Is that truly what you want?” I can hear my crying in the background. I remember thinking I was going to lose him if I didn’t hold on tighter than I ever had.
“Absofuckinglutely, he’ll take care of you like no one else.”
“I’m not ready for you to die, Sal,” I whispered, sobbing. “I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
Oh. God.
I grab a tissue from my purse and gather my things to escape the crowded cafeteria when I spot the swagger of a man I love. His smile quickly turns to concern as we meet in the hallway. “What’s wrong?”
“What warehouses have you bought with Sal? And why is he fucking Amber and Rowan? And God knows who else? Why did I lose him, Deacon, why?”
He takes me under his arm as the old Deacon would have, and we walk outside. I sit on the bench, and he crouches. “Tell me what happened.”
“I went to see Cat, but I heard her on the phone with Sal, and I eavesdropped. And I know it’s wrong. I shouldn’t have done it, but I heard his voice, and my heart melted.”
“We bought into sixteen warehouses with Oscar Sato and X.”
“Why?”
“Because Sal is in Japan, working with Masa on helping to expand the triad development. They made an exchange. Sal would show Masa how to run a better outfit, and Masa would train Sal in the eight virtues.”
“… Masa promised familial secrets to Sal?”
“Sal desperately wants the skills of a samurai to serve you better. He knows how important your heritage has become and how you want to support the regional underground and protect their interests. They’re completely rebuilding Lotus to work more efficiently.”
“… What?” I blurt, completely unaware this was occurring. “How?”
“Sal brought in all-new infrastructure, protocol, and security standards. They’re working on meeting with leaders from several countries, not just China. He is building a motherfucking monster for you.”
“Does The Chairman know?”
Holding my hands, he says, “Yes.”
“Why is he doing this?”
“Love.”
“But he is screwing everything that walks,” I contend. “So, what point is there to any of this?”
“He has…” He pauses, licking his lips and glancing at the gardens behind me.
“Sentences, Deacon!”
“He has basically taken a vow of chastity.”
I loudly blurt, “… Like a monk?”
“Pretty much,” he says. “He believes engaging in sex will fundamentally go against his commitment to the Lotus.”
“Sal?”
“Yes,” he replies.
“… Lucas Salvatore Raniero?”
“Yes,” he repeats with conviction. “I’m sure there are leniencies. I know if I went over there, he would want me.”
“He is in love with you, though,” I contend, accepting their bountiful and beautiful connection. “That is different. It doesn’t count. Am I right in that you’re saying he isn’t having casual sex?”
He shakes his head. “None.”
“Since when?”
“Val’s funeral,” he informs as I tightly cling to his fingers. “If he cannot be in a committed relationship, he will not have sex. He wants love. Says he needs love more than a cum shot.”
“… Sal?”
“Yes!” He laughs. “This is who he is becoming.”
“What else is he doing over there?”
“He is clean and sober and working out like a madman. He goes for a run every day. He is going to make me look like a chump.”
“And I left him…”
He expression contorts. “I don’t think you will ever be done with Sal, but after everything, you both needed a break.”
“But, you’re here…”
“I am here because I love you.”
“Sal told you to take care of me,” I allege, pointing fingers. “He did it, and I know he did, so don’t deny it, Deacon.”
“I won’t deny it,” he whispers. “I will happily take care of you for the rest of your life. I will put a ring on your finger and love you forever if that is what will make you happy. I will be your husband and put my babies in your belly. I am a caregiver. It is what I do. It is who I am, and that is never going to change, Iris.”
“Why do I hear a but…”
“Because there is still one man I would give you up for,” he says. “But anyone other than that daego, I will fucking kill. You belong to us—fully and completely.”
“And I fully and completely love two men.”
“Yes,” he says. “And you need to accept that. I meant every word when I said, ‘If you say I do to Sal, you say I do to me too. Sal and I will be together forever.’ We’re never going to stop.”
“What about a girl?”
“Iris…I have a girl, and I am looking at her. I don’t want a girl. And I wish like fuck everyone would stop trying to get my ass hitched up to some whore I don’t give two shits about.”
I wipe my running nose with the tissue. “… Who?”
“My crazy fucking mother!”
“Oh, don’t get me started!” I confide. “She hates the idea of me with either of you.”
“That’s unfortunate because you are our girl,” he vows as I try and attain the elusive place of accepting this bizarre love. Two–not one. “We are in love with you. I don’t know what the future holds, but I won’t give Sal up.”
“I would never ask you to, Deacon,” I whisper, smiling. “I have had the privilege and honor of witnessing the absolute of your love.”
“It’s not easy to share,” he mutters, staring at me. “We’re terrified of it getting swept away in bullshit, but I knew he cared about you from the beginning. And I accepted my place as his sidekick.”
“If there was no me…would you marry him?”
“He’d never marry me,” he says as his eyes tear up. “There are blocks in his brain from childhood that this thing he and I have is scandalous and taboo. I’m working on him, but it takes time. I dolled him up.”
“… You what?” I gasp as he pulls out his phone and shows me the pictures. My hands shake as I look at the photos of Sal—my buff, scratching, grunting man dressed to the nines. “Holy crap, he’s fucking hot!”
Deacon grins. “Want me to send them to you?”
I eagerly nod. “I should’ve been there!”
“He never would’ve done it with you there.”
“Shame,” I say. “We could’ve had a lot of fun.”
“I know that, and you know that…Sal doesn’t know that.”
“You would marry him in a heartbeat,” I argue with total trust. “And we both know that.”
“I would marry either of you in a heartbeat.”
“As would I,” I say, brushing my fingers over his cheek. “But if there was no me...”
“My preference is men, Iris,” he confides what I already knew. “And that isn’t going to change. I’ve slept with plenty of girls, and none of them do what he can do. I love you because we have something special—the three of us. And I would be a good man for you.”
“You would always want more if Sal wasn’t in the equation.”
“Yeah, I probably would, but I’ve meant every word I’ve said to you about love and devotion and loyalty. I can be your husband and the father of your children. You just may have to humor me.”
“I could humor you,” I tease. “Because I like making out with girls. I get it.”
“I know you do.”
“It is, but if I can watch Sal getting turned on by it, it’s even better. But so was watching his ass grinding on Mass.”
“He didn’t…”
“Oh, he did!”
My mouth gapes open. “I wish he knew what it does to us when he is free.”
“He’s trying to get there,” he reassures. “He’s working on himself.”
“… Would he ever marry you?”
“I don’t know.” He blinks up at me. “But I know who he would marry.”
“… Is he going to forgive me?”
“He needs time, baby girl,” he whispers. “But it isn’t about you. It’s about him. He is going through a lot. We would have to be dumb to think he wasn’t going to fall off the tracks. You knew he was going to be using shit and so did I.”
“He’s an addict.”
“He is,” he says. “And he is going to battle that demon for the rest of his life. He’s learning how to tame and deal with it, but neither of us should expect him not to fall again. That would be ignorance on our part.”
“Has he always been this way?”
“Yes, he cycles on and off. It’s just who he is. When the stress goes up, the pills show up…”
“And the coke?”
“Off and on since Kaci’s funeral…Cristos gave him some…”
“I’m going to destroy him,” I callously claim. “For Dom. For Nicky. For Sal. For you. Cristos is going down by my hands, but I need twenty mil.”
“Why?”
“Because I promised the last twenty to him.”
“… Etienne?”
I nod as he puckers his lips. “I can’t do it.”
“But I know someone who will.”
I smile. “He sold RE…”
His brow furrows. “How do you know?”
“Because I bought it.”
73
Devil's Rope
His Butterfly
We pull up to the property with the high chain-link fence with three rows of barbed, electrical, and razor wire at the top. Deacon said it resembled a prison, and he wasn’t lying.
“Whose property?”
“It belonged to Serene’s family, and she let Jaid have it,” he says. “The three houses are original.”
He continues driving as I note a man outside of the first house. “Who is that?”
He doesn’t say a word, pulling to a stop and getting out. Slowly, I exit the vehicle and step closer. My eyes do double-time, blinking with disbelief.
With a smile, Deacon introduces, “Iris Nakamura, this is my brother, Diablo Cruz.”
I gasp. “You killed Val.”
Diablo extends his hand, and I offer mine. He kisses my fingers as his blue eyes radiate warmth through me. “Pleasure to meet you, Miss Nakamura. You’re a beautiful woman.”
Deacon smacks him in the pec. “She’s mine!”
“Still …she’s beautiful.” He smiles.
Dear. God.
“We’re going up to see the kids,” Deacon informs as I cannot stop staring at the two brothers. It’s freakish how identical they are, even their movements are similar, and they weren’t raised together. I have zero desire to experience these two in action—in any regard.
Taking my arm, Deacon abruptly interrupts my gawking. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”
He opens the door of the truck, and I catch Diablo staring at me. I smile, but something about the twin leaves me feeling a tad unsettled. I don’t know him, and I don’t trust him.
Deacon waves, and we pull onto the path. “Why is he here?”
“Because Muerte wants to kill him.”
“Sal is going to kill him.”
“Funny because Sal put him here,” he says. “He killed Val because Cesario Raniero offered his freedom in exchange for a hit on me. It pissed Diablo off, and he killed Val.”
“Why is he still alive again?”
“If we release Diablo, then we don’t know where he is.”
I glance around. “But he agrees just to stay put?”
“He is because Immortal has bounty hunters looking for him for the things he did before the incarceration.”
“… What did he do?”
He rolls his eyes. “That’s a whole other story, sweetheart,” he says, pulling to a stop, and I spot the curly, raven-headed girl. “We have Diablo handled. Don’t worry about it.”
With a look of concern, I ask, “Does Trudy know he is here?”
“We haven’t told her,” he confides. “Keep that between us.”
“Trudy Diaz is the last person I would ever say anything too,” I comment. “She doesn’t like me and I…”
“You don’t like her.”
“She’s a tough one,” I reply. “I can’t seem to find common ground with her.”
“Because you aren’t cut out to be an old lady.”
Feeling slightly insulted, I ask, “What is that supposed to mean? I’m certainly not mafia, either.”
“You’re neither cut nor suit,” he says. “You’re a thug. Just like Sal.”
“That doesn’t sound any better!”
“You’re a Queen, Darlin’, and he is a Dark Prince.”
“And you’re a Saint,” I say. “Now that we know who everyone is, what do we do?”
“I’m inherently seen as a cut,” he says. “Born and bred to be a biker. Saint only because my father was trying to bridge the gap between The Cuts and The Suits. In many ways, I’m an anomaly, just like you.”
“Oh, my God…” I boast as he stops the car. I sprint towards the swing set like my feet cannot carry me fast enough.
“Raine?”
“Who are you?” a young man barks as I spin.
“… Merritt?”
“I asked who you were,” he huffs as I catch a glimpse of his blonde hair and blue eyes. He is the spitting image of his father and his uncle. And if I’m honest, his Aunt too. He scuffs his sneakers in the sand. “Answer me.”
“I am Iris,” I announce, crying. “You’re both so beautiful!”
“You’re Daddy’s girl!” Raine cheers, leaping from the swing. “I know because you have funny eyes.” I squatted down, and she gently touched my face. “You’re very pretty.”
I grin at her innocence. “I am Daddy’s girl. And you are stunning.”
“Are you going to be my Mommy?”
I don’t know what to say. “I don’t know,” I honestly remark. “We’ll have to see.”
I spot the beautiful golden blonde siren with her burgeoning belly on the front porch. “Jaid…”
“Are you sure?” Amber said, sitting in the middle of the bed half-dressed at The Dollhouse. “It’s not too late to change your mind. You don’t have to go.”
“But I do,” I replied, casting a glance at the freshly showered Jaid, appearing in nothing but a towel. “We can’t keep this up.”
Touching my hand, Jaid whispered, “We could have so much fun while the tigers are away.” She pressed her lips to my arm and ran teasing trails up to my neck.
Amber giggled. “Are we the rats or some larger vermin?”
“We are tiny, quiet, and minuscule, but together…” Jaid lured seductively, dropping the towel and skirting onto the bed. “We are invincible. We are Etienne. Secret women hid in the pack of wolves.”
“I’ll be right back,” I say to Raine, who is holding onto me. I march up the steps to the house. “Why is Diablo here?”
“Because better to have the monster in my backyard than running wild on the lands.”
“This isn’t safe for you,” I maintain.
“Maybe you need to look inside my house before you say that.”
I glance back to the kids and spot Deacon, grabbing a football. “Run back.”
“How much has he been here?”
“Almost every day.”
“I want to catch the ball!” Raine demands.
“She is the spitting image of Sal,”
Jaid mentions. “It’s fucking scary.”
“What about Merritt?”
“We’re working with him,” she confides. “He has a violent streak. He hit Raine one day. I told him he couldn’t do that.”
“What did he do?”
“He tried to hit me, and I laid him out,” she says, glancing down and rubbing her very round belly. “This was before. Abel spends a lot of time with him when he is here.”
“You need to be careful,” I worry.
“He needs to be careful,” she warns. “I don’t play. He is close to Henney.”
“What about Raine?”
Her lips twitch. “She isn’t close to anyone. Talks about going back to France all the time. It’s her primary focus. Her room is Paris-inspired. It’s kind of reached a ridiculous state, but I won’t stop it. If we take her off her trajectory, she’ll start acting out. She has her father’s mind.”
“That’s frightening!”
“Yeah,” she whispers, taking my hand. “Come on. I have a surprise for you.”
Jaid shows off the beautiful, modern home she shares with Abel as I ask, “Are you expecting a boy or a girl?”
“Boy,” she says. “But we haven’t picked out a name yet.”
“When are you due?”
“Supposedly, August 31,” she says as we hike up the grand staircase. She stops and passionately kisses me…soft lips…soft skin…wet tongue…wanton. I breathe as she says, “But Dr. Gigi thinks I may run two weeks later.”
“Have you had an easy pregnancy?”
“With everything but my emotions, I’m off the map on tears,” she says, opening the door. I spot Amber, sitting in the middle of the bed and glance at Jaid. “Diablo doesn’t know she is here.”
“But does Deacon?”
She shakes her head. “This is the first time we’ve been alone in years,” Amber says. “Did you meet my friend, Diablo?”
“You found him,” I say, dropping my purse and coat in the chair.
“I did,” Amber replies as Jaid shuts and locks the door. “The first and second time.”
I kick off my shoes and sprawl out on the bed. “How did Japan go?”