I wrap my arms tighter around her, taking in our last night together. No amount of past planning and scheming done by our parents could change how I feel about her. She is mine. Mine to love. Mine to protect. Mine to cherish.
I close my eyes and drift off to sleep with her. It’ll be a month before she’s in my arms once again.
* * *
– Middle of March –
School has been in session now for just over three months. Since I’m only taking fifteen hours this semester I’m able to get all my classes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I drive up to Surprise late Thursday nights and head back to school Monday afternoons. Things have been amazing between Robert and me, and we have begun talking more and more about our future and what that looks like for us. We have decided on a large family since both of us were only children, we want a houseful, and for our kids to have plenty of brothers and sisters to play with.
Trey has been a fantastic teacher and I can now hit balls up to seventy miles per hour. I’ve been thinking about surprising Robert this weekend when I’m in town. Trey thinks I’m ready for it.
After I left on Monday, Robert found out the Rangers were getting ready to call a few rookies up and he’s been stressed ever since; waiting on a call that may or may not come.
My last class of the day was cancelled, and I finished my test early in the class before, so I was able to leave Tucson earlier than usual. I head straight to the apartment since I know Robert doesn’t have a game tonight and practice is already over.
When I get there, Robert isn’t home. I didn’t tell him I would be there earlier today, so he probably when out with some of his teammates. I decide to make myself comfortable on the couch and start on my readings for my English 2 class. I don’t want to interrupt his down time, even though I’m eager to see him.
After what seems like hours later, I hear fumbling at the front door and watch, eyes wide and confused, as Robert stumbles in. I rush over to him and he pushes me away. He can hardly stand, and I notice his truck is parked all wonky, taking up two spaces. I’ll have to fix it so he doesn’t get a ticket.
“Are you drunk?”
“Maybe. It’s not like you care. What are you doing here anyway?”
A sharp pain grips at my heart. “Robert what’s going on?”
An evil, vile laugh fills the air as he stares at me. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me!”
“Robert.”
“Don’t fucking Robert me, Presley! I fucking trusted you! Liv trusted you!”
I quickly rack my brain trying to figure out what could possibly be going on, I come up blank. “Robert, what are you talking about? What do you mean you trusted me?”
“Don’t play dumb with me bitch.” His deep bellowing yells fill the apartment. The pain that was creeping through my heart turns to an intentness throbbing. “How long has it been going on Presley!”
He’s not making any sense and his rage only continues to grow as I struggle to understand what’s happening. “How long has what been going on Robert?”
“How long have you been fucking Trey, you fucking slut!”
My confusion turns to rage at his accusation, “Excuse me!”
“Oh what! Now you’re gonna pretend like nothing’s going on. I fucking saw you two yesterday at the batting cages. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him, and he obviously couldn’t keep his hands off of you.”
I open my mouth to defend myself, but his phone rings and he answers it. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.
“Hello? I might have had a few, so what. Coach you can’t do that!” His eyes land on me and his phone crashes against the wall behind me causing me to flinch. His eyes are full of rage, disappointment and hurt as he moves towards me and for the first time ever I am terrified of the man in front of me.
“This is all your fucking fault! I trusted you and now, now because of you, I lost the rookie position and am benched for a month! You’re lucky I wasn’t kicked off the team, you fucking whore!”
No amount of cheek biting can keep back the tears stinging the backside of my eyes, but I refuse to let him see me cry. I quickly grab my keys, pack up my backpack and go to open the door, taking one last look at him, mustering all the strength I possibly can so as not to seem weak. I can stand on my own and now is my time to prove it. “I’m not going to stand here and allow you to belittle me. You’re drunk and have no fucking idea what you saw. I’m leaving. Call me when you’re done being an arrogant, self-centered, fucking prick.”
With each step closer I get to my car I feel control quickly slipping away. My bones quickly turning to Jell-O as my whole body shakes with a mixture of rage and adrenaline.
“That’s right. Just go run off to Trey. Maybe I’ll go fuck Liv and we can call it even. She’s probably a better lay than you are anyway.”
I slid into the driver’s seat as the first tear breaks free and I quickly wipe it off.
“You were just a piece of ass Presley! You weren’t even good!”
A few of the neighbors are now standing outside of their apartments watching our very public and hurtful fight. Even through my closed door and rolled up window I heard his voice plain as day. I back out of my parking spot and quickly make my way to the exit. What the hell just happened?
My shattering heart and flood like tears prevent me from driving too fast but I pull over on the side of the road once I feel like I’m far enough away from whoever that was in there. Did he really think I was sleeping with Trey? How could he honestly think that.
I fumble for my cell and call Liv.
“Girl what are you doing calling me! I thought you and Robert would be—wait—Presley—are you crying?”
“Liv, I don’t know what happened.” I say in between heavy sobs. “He said he saw me and Trey together at the batting cages and then he asked how long I had been screwing him.” Sniffling, I wipe my nose on my long sleeve shirt. “You know I would never do that to you, right?”
“Of course I do sweetie. What do you mean he saw you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he came down to Tucson yesterday. Did he say anything to you?”
“No. Nothing. Presley, where are you?”
I look around and nothing looks familiar. “I don’t know. I just had to get out of there. I’m stopped on the side of the road somewhere. He was really mad Liv.”
“It’s gonna be okay, Pres. You’ll explain everything in the morning and then you two will be good as new.”
“I don’t think I can Liv. I don’t think I can ever forget what he said to me.” My tears fall harder as his words ring over and over in my mind. I fold over the steering wheel trying to lessen the ache in my chest. Forget a heartbreak, this is more than I could bear. It feels as if I have a giant open wound, a gunshot to the chest, except instead of dying, you’re left to bleed out.
“What did he say?”
“That I was just a piece of ass. I’m a whore, that—”
“That mother fucker! I’m going to fucking murder him! Don’t worry about ever seeing him again, Presley. The fucker just signed his own goddamn death certificate.”
“I don’t know if I can ever forgive him, Liv.” I cry harder as I realize my future with him is gone. “I can't do this Liv. I’m going home.”
“But what about school? You can't quit, Presley.”
“I’ll figure something out when I get home. Will you ship my stuff back? And don’t you dare tell that piece of shit where I went!”
“I won't sweetie. I’ll take care of everything. I’m so sorry, Presley. Call me when you get home, okay?”
“I will.”
“I love you P.”
I let out a pained sob as I realize I will never hear those words from Robert again. But maybe he never loved me in the first place.
Chapter Fifteen
It’s been ten months since I’ve seen or heard from Presley. I went to her dorm a week later and all her stuff was gone. Liv won’t talk to me and Trey limits
what he says to me.
I was benched for a month for underage drinking. Martinez drilled it into me that if I fucked up again I’m gone. Finished. Off the team. I lost my position at first and was demoted to eighth in the pitching lineup and was forced to stay there the rest of the season. My second season in the minors and I was as good as dead. A complete waste of my time and my talent.
I contemplated moving apartments, but then I would need to explain why to the league, and I didn’t want to talk about how she ruined me that night. I think, however, a small part of me longed for her return. Her clothes still hung in the closet. Her toothbrush still shared the holder with mine, makeup still lay on the counter, and her perfume still sat on the nightstand. A week after she left I removed the lid and every once in a while, when the air moved just right, I could make out the distinct notes of Jasmine and Honeysuckle. She always smelled like summer. However, at this point it’s probably safe to say Presley and I will never be together again.
Trey did call me a few months ago and filled me in, or at least told me as much as Liv would allow him too. He’s so tightly wrapped around her little finger, and thought I could easily criticize him for it, I had that once. It was good, until it wasn’t. I could tell he was hurt I assumed he was sleeping with Presley. I don’t even remember accusing her of cheating. If I could say something like that, then there was no telling what else I said to her. The one person who supported me no matter what, I not only turned my back on but was apparently disgusting towards.
A knock on my door pulls me out of my non-existence of a life. I was only at the apartment long enough to sleep. I practically lived at the stadium where she wasn’t a constant reminder of what I had lost. I open the door shocked at the sight before me. A figment of my past coming back to haunt me no less.
“You. What are you doing here? You’re the last person I ever expected to see here.”
“You gonna invite me in boy?” His voice still held the same grit and gravel as it had when we were on speaking terms. His leathery skin wrinkled in the corners of his sunken eyes. Dark circles told of his exhaustion. His silver hair disheveled as though his hands had combed through it a million times over the course of his drive here. A mixture of exhaust and Old Spice wafted from him as he stood in my doorway.
I step aside and allow Gramps to pass by. He takes in the sight before him, it’s been weeks since I’ve cleaned. I don’t live here; I just exist and I sure as hell don’t bring anyone back here.
“I like what you’ve done with the place. Looks depressing.”
“What do you want old man?”
“I came to check on you. Your momma worries about you.”
“Tell her not to.”
“I ain’t no messenger boy. You tell her when you start calling her.”
“Where’s Presley?”
“You’ll find her when she’s ready to be found. But then again, you’re a real piece of shit so your odds aren’t great.”
“She ruined my life!”
Gramps stops his stalking and slams his hands down on the table nearly shattering the wood. “No, you shit for brains!” He bellows out. “You ruined your fucking life, and you ruined hers too, and until you can see that, you don’t fucking deserve her. That girl gave everything up for you. She gave you everything you ever wanted. What the fuck did you ever do for her? Not a goddamn thing.
“Sure you probably saved her life, and we’re grateful for it, but are you going to allow that to be your only claim to fame with her? You said somethings that will stay with her for the rest of her life. Sure, you were drunk when you said it, and lucky for you, you probably don’t even remember that night, but she wasn’t as fortunate. She will always have you calling her a fucking whore in the back of her mind. You fucking ruined her you self-centered, arrogant, numskull. I’d kill you myself, but that seems counter-productive since I came down here to make sure you were still breathing.”
I stand there and take every word he utters like a well-deserved lashing. I accused her of sleeping with Trey, and now I find out I called her a whore. My Presley. The girl with an all-time high modesty level, but secretively harbored a sexual appetite to match my own. She never shied away from what we did in the bedroom and was always the one willing to take things to the next level.
Gramps returns his voice to normal. His hands hooked on his waist as he takes a deep breath and expels it. “Now I came down here as a favor to your mother to make sure you’re still alive. I see you breathing so my job is done here. Now clean this shit up.” He motions to the mess scattered around the apartment. “My grand baby worked hard to make this place a home for you. You’ve already insulted her enough; I will not see you disrespect her hard work.”
I stand in the silence of the living room and watch him as he heads out the door. The only thing I can think about is how some old man isn’t gonna tell me what to do with my life. Fuck him. Fuck her. And fuck my mother. If she was that concerned about me then she should have come down. No one has ever asked my side of the story.
* * *
I spent eight months on campus at the University of Arizona and then pleaded with my professors to allow me to finish the rest of my course work online. I told my professors I was needed at home to help with my father and they were all more than understanding. I did feel a little guilty about using him as a means to get what I wanted, but if I told them the truth they wouldn’t have been as accommodating. Even throughout my heartache I still managed to keep my 4.0 GPA and ended my freshman year on the dean’s list.
After my first year I transferred to the University of Nebraska in Lincoln and focused all my time and energy into completing my degree.
I was now in my final semester of my senior year, twenty-one years old, and still no clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. I felt as if the only part of my original college plan I actually accomplished was the fact I was able to finish school in three years. The rest may have gone to shit, but this small accomplishment at least helped me feel a little less like a failure.
Unlike most twenty-one-year old’s, I spent my birthday at the ballpark and enjoyed my first beer during what seemed like my hundredth game. My love of the game was stronger than ever.
At the start of my sophomore year I attended my first football game and eventually games and practices became part of my everyday routine, football in the fall, baseball in the spring. Nebraska had a great baseball team and after my first season of sitting in on practices the coach offered me sideline passes to every game and I was able to practice my batting again with their pitchers.
I was slowly beginning to feel alive again. The energy of the game, my dedication to it was slowly filling the void in my life, and with each ball I hit I could feel my confidence, my value slowly returning.
Robert’s words cut me deeper than I ever imagined and for the longest time I believed every one of them until I didn’t. Until I saw how he no longer owned me. I knew who I was better than anyone else and I was slowly coming into my own.
Every now and then I would watch the Rangers’ minor league and occasionally I would see Robert pitch. He still signaled me once an inning and at first it pissed me off to see it, and then one day I realized I didn’t feel anything. He wasn’t thinking about me, and he sure as hell didn’t love me; at this point in his career it was probably just a mindless habit. I did feel bad he was still in the minors, he deserved a professional contract, but he had done this to himself.
As I watched one of the final practices of the season, I overheard two scouts talking behind me.
“Yeah, I’d like to offer him a position, but he’s too much of a risk.”
“God, I know what you mean. I’ve got one that if I could just get him signed the payout would be huge.”
A small smile pulls at my lips as I’m about to make the biggest gamble of my life. I know this game better than they do. I know these players better than they know themselves. I muster my courage and turn around to face the two gentlemen behind me.
“I’m sorry to eavesdrop, but I have a proposition for you. What if I could guarantee you I can get your recruits signed within a month?”
“I’d say you were a goddess, but do you have any proof?” The scout wearing a dark navy pollo and khaki shorts, dark brown hair and chiseled jaw, is incredibly attractive, but I can’t bring myself to flirt back with the stranger. I never could no matter how attracted I was to someone.
“No. You two would actually be my first clients. You wouldn’t even have to pay me until the deal was done.”
They look questioningly at each other almost as if they’re waiting for the catch.
“I’m listening.”
“The name’s Donovan.” I extend my hand for a shake, squeezing each man’s hand in an attempt to show I mean business. My heart races at the possibility of this rather unconventional and unheard-of business proposition.
“Unique name for a girl.” The other scout scoffs.
Asshole. “I mean if you don’t want that big paycheck I can leave right now.”
The cute scout quickly stands and halts my leaving. “Wait. Stay. I’m sorry my friend is an idiot.” A smile pulls at the corner of his soft, full, kissable lips.
“Who do you want?”
The rude friend speaks up, “Number eighteen out there—”
“But his numbers are all over the board. He can only hit a fast ball making him an easy target for strikeouts. His accuracy is only forty-five percent and his run times vary between fifteen and twenty seconds so he’s slow.”
Both men look at me as if I’ve just sucked all the oxygen out of the atmosphere, eyes wide, jaws dropped. “His name’s Brice Allen by the way.”
The rude scout cocks his eyebrow. “Impressive. Are you his girlfriend?”
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