A guy a little older than me comes over and pulls a beer out of the ice, popping the top and handing it to me.
“You must be Charlie.”
“And you must be the pitcher.”
Without saying another word, he hands me my beer and disappears behind the swinging kitchen doors. I don’t say anything, I just stare at the bar top, rocking my beer back and forth along the roughed grained polished wood.
“She got to you, huh?”
“Yea. I guess. Something like that.” I don’t know what to think or how to feel about today.
“Just a warning, it only gets harder. She’ll make you face demons you didn’t even know you had.” He shrugs and wipes down the place next to me. “But then again, what do I know? I’m just the bartender. Let me know if you need anything else.” I nod and he puts his hand against the bar top. “I’ll have your burger out in a little bit.”
I look up at him, “I didn’t order anything yet.”
He smiles back, “Donovan did.”
I sit there sipping my beer. She did get to me and in fact she pissed me the hell off. She ruined my life and now she thinks she can fix it. Maybe I’m stupid for wanting her back.
I sit there drinking beer after beer. My anger towards her growing stronger and stronger. “Charlie,” I call out to the man behind the counter while hitting the wood, “give me one more.”
“No can-do man.” He motions to the clock behind the bar, nine thirty. “Time to go. But it doesn’t look like you’re in any shape to drive. I’ll call you a taxi.”
“Don’t worry about him, Charlie. I’ve got him.” A firm hand grips my shoulder. I look back to see Trey standing behind me. I haven’t seen him in years. He looks whipped. “Come on. You’re staying with me tonight.”
“No. I want to see her.”
“You’ll see her tomorrow.”
“No!”
His friendliness disappears and he takes a more assertive roll. “Get in my car now, Robert. You’re not seeing her tonight. You can see her tomorrow, after you’ve got some sleep.”
I shake his hand from my shoulder and push him back from me.
“Robert, you’re my best friend, but I will not hesitate to lay your ass out. Now go get in the truck.”
I stop my forward movement towards the front door. I shake my head, standing in the center of the bar and turn towards Trey and Chuck, Charlie, whatever his name was. “Fuck this shit.” A couple other patrons stop their conversations to watch me closely. “It’s like she’s got everyone in the whole damn town wrapped around her little finger. Well not me!”
“Robert Lucas!” Well shit. Liv’s shrill voice is heard over a slamming door. The sound of it still causes me to involuntarily flinch. “Get your ass in the car now!”
There’s always been something about Liv that has scared the shit out of me. Maybe it’s how she seems sweet and normal, but she can flip a crazy switch at the drop of a hat, so I do as I’m told.
I climb in the back of Trey’s truck and sit quietly with my shoulders hunched inward while the two of them talk quietly about something in the front seat. Hands threaded together. He looks at her as if she were his world, while she looks at him as if he hung the moon and the stars. Presley used to look at me that way, now it’s anger and hatred more than anything. Occasionally I’ll get a glimpse of something more, but even last night, our physical moments were a means to a long-awaited release. She was still hesitant. Scared. Worried. Conflicted. I could tell she wanted more, but she was scared to let herself give in. She might have said yes, but the look in her eyes was that of a person not fully committed.
We pull up the drive to their quaint, cottage styled home. A tall oak tree sat sturdy in the front yard behind a picturesque white picket fence. The flower beds were minimalistic along a cobblestone path. This is exactly the kind of home I had wanted to give to Presley years ago. Now I could barely afford the beer I consumed on a nightly basis. The league still paid for my apartment, and meals were free to players at the clubhouse. I was a failure in every-way that mattered.
My door swings open faster than I can register, and I’m pulled from the truck. Liv’s boney little fingers wrapped tightly around my ear as she tugs against me until I’m lying in the grass. “Liv, stop! I just want to go home.”
“No. You don’t get to go home tonight. Do you remember the last time you showed up at home drunk?”
Of course I did. It was the night that Presley left me.
I stayed quiet which only fueled Liv’s bitterness toward me. Presley was her best friend, and she was incredibly loyal to her.
“Let me refresh your memory. It was the night you fucked your life up! The night you abandoned Presley! And the reason you play like shit! Now get your ass to bed. You’re expected on the field at 9 a.m.”
She releases me with a heavy push, leaving me in the grass while she moves towards the house, throwing her hands in the air. “Men can be so fucking stupid!”
Trey offers me a hand up. “Come on. I’ll show you to your room,” he says quietly.
I follow him inside and down a tiny hallway. Pictures of the two of them line the wall. Pictures of road trips they’d taken, birthdays, and Presley’s graduation, proof they never stopped being there for her. Everything I’d missed. Their lives didn’t stop the day Presley left. They continued to live. My life was the only one that ceased to exist.
I laid stretched out on the bed, watching the fan blades spin round and round, trying to isolate a single blade. I searched my mind trying to recall the events of that night. Was Liv right? I was drunk. I remember coming home and accusing her of cheating. I called her a whore and she walked out. She didn’t argue with me. She didn’t cry or try to tell me I was wrong. She just filled her backpack with her books and left.
Would I have listened to her? That was a strong hell no.
Trey told me he was teaching her to hit. That’s why she was at the batting cages, and based on what I saw today, she’s definitely got some skills. She didn’t drop a single ball, and I was purposely trying to hurt her, see her fail.
Had I been lying to myself about everything this whole time? Was I only seeing what I wanted to see? Had I believed a lie for so long that in my mind it had become truth?
“Trey! Liv!” Footsteps pound down the hallway and Liv is the first into my room. “I’ve got to go! I’ve got to go find Presley.”
“What are you talking about Robert? It’s two in the morning. She’s asleep like any normal person would be.”
I kiss Liv firmly on the mouth until Trey pulls her back from me, “Hey man! What the hell!”
“Liv! You’re an angel. You were right all along. I was just too arrogant and blind to see it.”
She smiles proudly back, “Glad to see the light bulb in your head finally clicked on.”
“I’ve got to go. I need to see her.”
Trey shifts his weight, “You can’t man. Not tonight.”
“What do you mean? I don’t want to fight with her. I want to apologize to her. Really apologize. For everything.”
Trey and Liv share a look with each other.
“Someone better tell me what’s going on.”
Liv looks sad and I really begin to worry somethings happened to her, or worse, she’s left.
“Robert, two days ago Tina found Gram unconscious. They took her to the hospital and then she was air lifted into the city.”
“What?”
“Her pancreas was blocked, and she went into shock.”
That must have been what Presley and her mom were discussing at the table.
“Robert, she died this afternoon.”
I’m shocked to my core. The wind completely sucked from my lungs. “Did you not notice that she wasn’t there?”
Of course I didn’t. I’ve pretty much only been concerned with myself and what I wanted. I hadn’t even noticed anybody else.
“I’ve got to go.”
Why didn’t she tell me? She went on with he
r day like nothing was wrong. Sure Presley has always been a private person, but she told Trey and Liv. Why not me? In all honesty, she probably told Liv, who told Trey, but did she not trust me with this? Did she not feel as if she could depend on me? She would rather suffer alone than have me there.
“Trey, give me your keys. Please.” I put my hand out, fingers waging as Trey disappears and reappears moments later, keys in hand.
“Don’t do anything stupid, Robert.”
“I’m done with stupid, Liv. Thank you.”
With my buzz burned off over the last couple of hours, I came to face the truth of that night.
The drive out to the ranch seemed to take longer than usual. The lights in the house are off as I park out front. I push against the front door and it creeks open. The house has an uneasiness about it. A vital part of it missing.
Quietly I head to Presley’s room. I open the door and hear her muffled cries. I take my shirt and jeans off and crawl into bed behind her, wrapping my arms around her. She turns into me, her tears streak down my chest, while I stroke her hair and she cries herself to sleep.
With every twitch, I hold Presley tighter, pulling her closer to me. Never again will she feel as if she needs to face demons alone. I watch her as she sleeps. Kissing her forehead every few minutes as I map the contours of her body, the lines of her face, committing every distinct feature to memory. With every brow furrow I find myself wondering what she’s dreaming about and as she occasionally grasps at me, a surge of warmth envelopes me.
I’m lost in time, addicted to this woman’s every move, that it isn’t until my alarm goes off at four thirty I realize I never slept. Quickly, I turn it off, slip out of bed and make my way down the hall. In my room I quickly get dressed for this morning’s chores and get to work. The barn gets cleaned out and the cattle are fed and released to pasture, before I get started on the stables, a task I’ve never been expected to do before. I make quick work of the stables, coming inside to shower in my room before getting dressed for the day and starting a pot of coffee. Gramps is the first one to come into the kitchen.
“Sir, I’m sorry abou—”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
He pours a cup of coffee, grabs what looks like one of Gram’s famously hard chocolate chip cookies and sits at the table, dunking his cookie in his black coffee. I can't begin to imagine his pain as I watch him. I can't fathom how I would feel if Presley was here one moment, and then cease to exist the next.
“The barn and stables have been cleaned out. Cattle and horses have been fed and moved out to pasture. Is there anything else I can do for you sir?”
He shakes his head no and his words catch in his throat as he says a quiet, “Thank you.”
Soon Mr. and Mrs. D come into the kitchen, both look numb; and Mrs. D’s eyes are red and swollen. It’s probably safe to say that not much sleeping happened last night in this house. All the more reason why my heart warmed thinking about Presley curled next to me. I was able to grant her comfort so she could rest.
Tina sits down at the table as I bring the coffee over, pouring each a cup before putting it back on the stove to warm.
“Thank you Robert.” She reaches for my hand as I pass by her, giving it a small squeeze before releasing me.
“Is there anything else I can get you?”
“There’s a breakfast casserole in the fridge. Please put that in the oven. Three hundred and fifty degrees for thirty minutes.”
“Yes ma’am.”
No one says anything. I set a timer on my phone to pull the casserole out and then go back into Presley’s room where she is still fast asleep. Her alarm will be going off in a few minutes and I want to let her sleep. I grab her phone and the screen lights up. The “family” picture we took the Christmas I gave her Kringle appears on her locked screen. How could I have been so stupid? Her alarm goes off and I quickly silence it. She doesn’t wake. A deep inhalation and she wiggles her body next to mine taking in my scent and hums against me. I kiss her head and go back into the kitchen to take the casserole out of the oven.
“Robert dear, you don’t have to be here for this. I know Presley would understand if you wanted to go to your moms for a few days.”
“It’s okay Mrs. D. I want to be here. I’m supposed to be here.”
Chapter Twenty-five
The last three days have been a hazy blur. Robert continued with his daily barn cleaning and practiced with Kevin. He hasn’t left my side at night, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy having him next to me. He was peace when I felt a million different emotions all at once.
It’s the morning of Gram’s funeral and the house is quiet. Robert is outside helping Gramps with something while mom and I are looking through a couple photos to take to the funeral home for her ceremony.
We’re not expecting a large turnout. The town is small, and Grams liked to stay home.
“I don’t know what you said to him, but that boy has been different these last couple of days. He seems humbler. More willing to help.”
“It’s still early, Mom. Let’s not pretend this is a permanent change. But it is a good start.” I smile at her just as Gramps and Robert come in the house.
“You boys go get cleaned up. We need to leave soon.”
“Yes ma’am.” Robert steps in the living room and kisses my cheek, whispering in my ear, “You look beautiful.”
I blush as he heads towards his room. I can feel mom’s eyes on me, so I resume my search through the photo album laid in front of me.
“So what’s going on there?”
“Please don’t over think this Mom.”
She raises her hands in surrender. “I worry about you Presley. Don’t let a few pretty words make you forget about what he did.”
“I haven’t forgotten Mom. But I feel like things might be going in the right direction. Who knows, you might get those grandchildren after all.”
We both laugh as she pulls my head towards her, kissing my temple and releasing me, “You know I love my grand dog.”
Kringle barks and I swear it’s as if he can actually understand us.
“Good, because I’m not in a rush to give you more than that.”
We continue looking through the photo album and manage to pull an additional few. “I’m gonna give him another two weeks to see if this behavior sticks before we head back to Arizona.”
“You think that’s enough time?” She looks at me hesitantly. They say it takes twenty-one days to create a habit and I’m cutting Robert about a four-day break.
I shrug my shoulders, “We’ll see. I need to get him home and back in his normal routine. Make some tweaks here and there and get him ready for Texas. Liv said if he’s ready before the six months are up then they’ll take him sooner.”
“And what about you? Where will you go?”
“I’m supposed to go to Texas with Robert, but he doesn’t want to remain a client. He said he wouldn’t mind if I worked with other players, just not him.”
She stops cleaning up the photo albums and looks at me, her face etched in worry, “Presley, sweetie, have you really thought this through?”
“Mom.”
“Listen to me. How would a relationship between the two of you even work? Usually you bring your clients here to start and then move them back to their hometowns before finally going back to their stadiums. You don’t have an apartment and everything you own fits into a carry-on bag.”
I don’t want to face this right now. I just want to be happy. I have a few months left in a bubble with him. I don’t want to deal with the reality of the situation right now. “I don’t know Mom.”
“Would you be willing to give it all up for him?” She seems cross as she waits on my reply.
“What? No! I mean, I don’t know. I’ve worked too hard for this. I’ve built my image, this business from the ground up. There’s value in what I do, and I’m damn good at it too.”
She nods her head, “Does he know that?
Don’t you lose yourself to his identity sweetie.”
“I won't Mom. And I know it’s something we need to talk about before this goes any further.”
“Good. At least you’re thinking clearly.” A heavy silence cloaks the living room, and I’m almost crushed by the weight of it.
“I think we might go to the field this afternoon if that’s okay with you.”
“That’s fine. I know your grandpa is anxious for some normalcy again. Now I wonder where those three are. How is it possible they take longer than a woman to get ready. Come on you three. We need to go, or we’ll be late.”
* * *
I’m about to go into the living room when I hear Mrs. D ask Presley about our relationship. I stop in the hallway eager to hear what she says.
“I don’t know.”
What doesn’t she know about?
I keep listening and they begin talking about her business. How a relationship with me would even work with the amount of traveling she does. The time she devotes to each client she handles.
She doesn’t have any answers, but it seems very clear to me that I’m still a job. A lump swells in my throat as I hear heels heading towards the front door. Quickly, I head back to my room and wipe away the couple of tears that have fallen and head back out. This is what it must feel like when someone claims to be heartbroken.
She smiles at me and I force a smile back. Placing my hand against the small of her back, I usher her to the waiting car the funeral home has sent for us. I hold tightly to her, more for my strength than her comfort, feeling as if I’m clinging to a butterfly that has just found its wings.
The funeral was small and short, just like Gram wanted it to be. People told stories about her and there was more laughter than tears. I know I should have been focused on mourning the memory of her, but I was enthralled with the woman sitting next to me and where we were headed. I had been three hundred percent certain I knew what was coming next with her, but I was thrown a curve ball from left field and felt as if I had missed the catch entirely.
Tag Forever Mine Page 23
