by Vi Lily
“Oops, sorry, skank,” Kaila smirked as she walked to the desk next to Ben. The other kids laughed while Beth grabbed her purse and pulled some tissues out and started dabbing at her cheek where the hot coffee had run. Ben could see the angry red mark already showing itself.
Mr. Carmichael walked in then, took in the kids laughing, glanced around and saw Beth’s wet hair, red face and the mess surrounding her. He cocked an eyebrow.
“If you make a mess, Miss Hanson, you’ll no longer be allowed to have drinks in class.”
Beth didn’t make an argument, or point any fingers. Instead, she sniffed back her tears.
“May I be excused to go to the nurse’s office?” she asked in a small voice while everyone laughed again.
Mr. Carmichael scowled at her. “No.”
Beth’s shoulders slumped in defeat. She was going to have to sit there in wet clothes and wet hair — and, of course, Kaila had put lots of cream in her coffee and probably sugar too, so it was going to be sticky and stinky.
Ben frowned; it was obvious what had happened to her, but even the teacher wasn’t going to take the whore’s side. Everyone was gutted over the loss of their match-winning coach, and while he logically knew it wasn’t entirely Beth’s fault, he also knew everyone was going to blame her.
She was in for a very, very hard time. He thought it sucked to be her, but those were the consequences when you did stuff you shouldn’t.
Karma, bitch.
Class dragged by. He wasn’t paying any attention to the teacher and he knew he was going to pay for that at the end of the week when they had a quiz. And he no longer had a study partner pushing him to do better.
All of it just pissed him off. Her betrayal, obviously, but all the things he’d lost — the girl he’d considered his future, maybe even his wife some day; the idea that maybe he, too, could get into Harvard with her, which is why he’d been studying his butt off the past month and his grades showed it; his confidante, since he’d shared things with Beth that no one else knew; and mostly, his best friend.
The bell toned and Ben pushed his chair back and stormed out of class. He was halfway down the hall when he felt the hand on his arm. Expecting Raine or one of her minions, since they’d been hitting on him all day, he glanced back.
Beth was staring up at him with wide, tear-filled eyes as she trotted alongside him. Her cheek had a raised streak from where the coffee had run; he wondered if it was going to blister. And with her fair skin, that would mean a scar.
“Wait,” she begged, “can we talk?”
Ben snarled at her and jerked his arm away from her. “I have nothing to say to a whore like you.”
She skidded to a stop at his cruel words and sucked in a deep breath. He narrowed his eyes at her and snarled, “You think you even have the right to talk to me after what you did?” He took a step closer to her so he could intimidate her with his size and felt satisfaction when she cringed and took a step back.
He kept advancing on her until she backed into the lockers lining the hall. He poked her in the chest. “I have nothing to say to you, get it? I trusted you, and you screwed me over. Screwed my whole family over.”
He ignored the little voice telling him that his dad was just as guilty — and actually more guilty — than Beth. At the moment, he wasn’t in control of his mouth.
“Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, and don’t breathe my air. In fact,” he snarled, “I don’t care if you breathe at all.” He cringed at his own cruelty, but he was beyond controlling himself at that point.
The tears that had filled her eyes rolled down her cheeks. For some reason, that made him even angrier. He growled and slammed his fist into the locker next to her head. She jumped but didn’t move away. She probably knew he’d never hit her, no matter how mad he was.
Ben growled at her one last time and pushed away, storming down the hall toward his next class. Yet another one he shared with her.
This day was going to suck.
Lunch came and Ben wasn’t even hungry, which was pretty amazing, considering he was always hungry. His mother always said that he’d bankrupt the family just in pizza rolls and Oreos.
He went through the motion of getting food, not even paying attention to what he picked and made his way back to the jock table. He was very grateful that so far no one had taken his dad’s actions out on him. Probably because he was the best player they had and was their only chance for still having a good season.
Ben wondered if he’d even still be attending Athole for the season. His dad was gone — good riddance to the piece of crap — and his mom was mostly absent too. He had no idea where she was, but her absence was starting to affect her work. The office phone rang constantly and there were notes being taped to the door from angry community residents wanting resolutions to their ridiculous petty problems.
He glanced at his sister sitting across from him, next to Rod. If their mom lost her job, they lost their home. If they lost their home, Ben had no clue what he and Gwen were going to do, where they were going to go. It would probably be on him to take care of his little sister, so he’d likely have to quit school and get a job. The problem was, he had no idea who would hire an eighteen-year-old high school dropout.
He pushed those worries aside as he forced himself to eat. He’d already lost a bunch of weight in just the past week, since it all hit the fan. Gwen, too, was barely eating and he’d only managed to get a few words out of her. She’d always been the quiet type, but he was usually able to have conversations with her if he pushed. But not recently.
The worry over his sister made him scowl into his plate as he shoveled the food into his mouth. Raine had squeezed herself in next to him and was sitting far too close for his liking. There was no way he was ever going to date the stuck-up bitch, but for the look on Beth’s face when she’d walked into the dining room and saw who had taken her place, it was worth it to put up with Raine’s self-absorbed chattering.
He could tune her out.
Ben was somewhat surprised to see that Aleen was still sticking by Beth’s side. But then, they’d been pretty close from day one. Considering Aleen had been picked on when she first transferred to Athole, maybe she felt some sympathy for the whore.
He covertly watched the pair as they got their food and made their way to an empty table. Lauren, another of Raine’s minions, stood up as Beth passed and pushed her from behind.
Beth went sprawling, her food tray flying. The tray hit the floor and something that looked like soup splashed on Alex Johansen, a senior and a seriously big dude with a bad attitude. He jumped up and stomped over to Beth, grabbing her by the back of her jacket. His face was contorted in an angry scowl and Ben knew he was going to pound Beth into the floor. The guy didn’t care if she was less than half his size.
He was a class A jerk.
Before he realized what he was doing, Ben found himself hurrying over to Alex. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing — the guy had cocked his arm back and was about to punch the girl in the face. Closed fist and all. He would have broken bones, undoubtedly.
Destroyed her beautiful face.
“Hold up, dude,” Ben said as he grabbed the guy’s fist. Alex was the only guy in the school who could stand toe-to-toe with him. But Alex outweighed him by about twenty pounds. All muscle. He was their heavy-weight wrestling champ.
Alex glared at him. “Stay out of it, Penn,” he growled. “This bitch needs to learn her place. And that’s not flat on her back with her legs spread.”
Beth was sobbing, but Ben ignored her. “I don’t give a crap about her, but you don’t need to do anything to get kicked off the wrestling team,” Ben warned. “You know the team is probably gonna take state, but not without you. You only have a few weeks left in the season.”
Alex scowled at him, but reason seemed to take over as he relaxed his fist and dropped Beth. Aleen rushed to help her up and pulled her away.
“You, of all people, should want her beaten fo
r what she did,” Alex snapped as he swiped at the food that had splashed on his pants.
Ben nodded. “Yeah, but if she’s gonna get beaten, it’s gonna be by me.”
Alex glanced up at him, then grudgingly nodded. Ben patted him on the back, then glanced at Beth and Aleen. Beth was staring at him with wide, hopeful eyes, like his stopping her from getting her face busted open was some sort of chivalrous act. He rolled his eyes and turned his back on them, walking back to the jock table.
“What was that about?” Raine hissed at him as he sat. Ben cocked an eyebrow at her presumptuousness. Like he had to answer to her.
“Piss off,” he growled and turned back to eat, ignoring the breath she sucked in.
“Oh, my God,” Raine laughed. “You still care about the slut. Even after what she did. That’s so pathetic,” she cried, but Ben didn’t miss the note of jealousy in her voice. He saw Gwen wince at the venom spewing from the bitch’s mouth.
“Like I said, piss off,” he told Raine. “I just didn’t want to see Alex get kicked off the wrestling team,” he shrugged. He ignored the little voice in his head crying “liar!”
For some stupid reason, he really didn’t want to see Beth get hurt. He was pathetic.
ME AGAIN
Chapter 1
L IFE AT SCHOOL — and at home — is more miserable than I could have ever imagined. More than once, I’ve dreamed of going back to California, back to my old life, where no one called me “slut” or “whore.” Where no one tripped me, pushed me, threw things at me, hit me. Or threatened to.
Hell, I’d feel safer in freaking South L.A.
After Ben’s surprising defense of me in the dining room, the attacks from the others haven’t stopped, but they have gotten sneakier. And they’re getting more abusive and aggressive.
I tried to get help from the principal, but that was a joke. Mrs. Giuliano was not only unsympathetic, she actually said that the bullying incidents “served me right.” And none of the teachers care, or even say anything, when I’m attacked.
Because of that, the bullies are getting braver.
It’s only Friday of my first week back and I’ve been physically injured, mentally abused and attacked from every quarter. The whole school blames me for “losing” their coach.
Apparently, that blame extends to Bearing too. This soccer-crazed small town is insane. The only thing they care about is the fact that Athole Academy’s soccer team is the best in the nation, ever since Coach Penn took over. And now that he had been fired — and I’m pretty damned positive if that video hadn’t been made public, the Academy would have overlooked his teacher-student “indiscretion” — they were looking for someone to blame. Someone to crucify.
Two guesses who… and, no, it’s not the sick perv who stuck his dick in a girl the same age as his son.
It’s like something Stephen King would write about, it’s that intense. People — adults! — literally snarl at me and call me names. They pull their little kids close to them, like some whore germs are going to leap off of me at any moment. And I’ve been shoulder-checked more times than I can count. My fair skin is covered in purple bruises.
Besides the hateful attitude I get everywhere I go, I’ve been humiliated by being turned down for service at fast food places, stores and even gas stations. New signs have started appearing in the windows, declaring the right to refuse service. One sign even read “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone who seduces coaches.”
It’s mortifying.
And it’s dangerous. I got a blistering burn on my cheek from the hot coffee that Kaila dumped on me. None of my teachers would let me go see the nurse, so I went on my lunch hour.
The effing school nurse refused to see me.
I thought that it was illegal to refuse care to a patient, but this psycho town seems to operate under its own morality and laws.
So, I went to the medical clinic in town after school. Even the doctor wasn’t helpful; I literally begged him for something to put on the burn, but he said there wasn’t anything he could give me, which I know is bull.
I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a scar, a reminder for the rest of my life of the time I didn’t do a damn thing wrong, yet paid dearly anyway.
Freaking awesome.
The week went from bad to worse, the attacks coming every time I let my guard down. Of course, they come even when I’m ready and alert.
Sometimes the attacks are physical, like the shoulder checking, or tripping. Other times, they’re destructive, like when some a-hole poured like a gallon of freaking gravy into my purse. I’m sure it came from the Academy’s kitchen, which students aren’t supposed to have access to, so it’s likely the kitchen personnel had something to do with it.
Vandals painted “SLUT,” “SKANK,” “WHORE,” and other equally uncreative names, across the front of my locker with spray paint. Plus, someone managed to get my lock combination — and since only the student and office people knows the combo, I’m pretty sure Ben had something to do with that — and they set fire to the contents. My gym clothes, coat, hat, gloves and my extra uniform that I’d taken to school in case of a repeat of the coffee incident were all destroyed.
I froze my butt off the rest of the day without a coat.
The fire set off the sprinkler system and did some damage. Since it was my locker, the administration decided to bill my parents for the damage. I know damn well there are security cameras in all the halls, so the vandals had to have been caught on video; instead, they’re blaming me. Like I set fire to my own freaking locker.
And still, no one does anything. I’m all alone in this.
Except for Aleen. She’s stayed by my side, regardless. It shocks me, honestly. She acts like we’ve been friends since grade school and I have earned her undying loyalty, when we’ve barely known each other for a few months. But she’s stuck with me, defends me and helps me whenever she can.
Her friendship is the only thing saving me from total destruction.
I hate to admit that I’m almost to that point… of wanting to just end it all. I know that it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem and all that, but damn. The bullying is only going to get worse, I’m sure. The stupid soccer season hasn’t even started, and if people are this vindictive now over losing their coach, how bad is it going to be when the season starts, and the team possibly starts losing matches?
If I don’t get out of Bearing, I’m going to end up dead one way or the other.
The only thing keeping me going, besides Aleen, is Harvard. It’s a mantra with me; “In a year, I’ll be at Harvard, five hundred miles away. None of this will follow me. This is temporary. I can do this.”
I just wish I believed it.
I think that the worst part of all of it, what hurts the worst, is how Ben is treating me. He hasn’t actively participated in the bullying, and even stopped that Alex dude from beating the crap out of me right in front of the entire school — and even some teachers who just stood there watching — but the looks of hatred he sends my way are worse than any of the other torture.
I thought we had something special, something that could easily have become love. I had already started to have those feelings for him, even though I know I’m probably too young to really know if those feelings are real. But he quickly became everything to me. I had planned on giving him the one thing I’d never given anyone.
But, of course, that was stolen from me.
After I got over the shock of seeing myself on the video, of seeing what happened to me in the lost hours of my mind, I watched the awful thing again and tried to be objective. It was super hard, but I forced myself to just watch like an outsider. And listen.
The evidence was damning, I admit.
It definitely looked like I “wanted” it. Sounded like it too. As ridiculous as it was, the evidence showed that I wanted to have sex with Coach Penn. There’s no way I would, not in my right mind. But I wonder if whatever it was that he’d given me ha
d made me more… susceptible, I guess. More agreeable.
Ugh. I don’t like thinking too hard on that part.
I researched date rape drugs online and the best thing I came up with is Liquid X. It’s like Ecstasy, but in liquid form. Odorless, colorless and, other than being slightly salty, tasteless. Scary as hell.
It’s also pretty hard to detect if you don’t get a drug test within like eight hours. And even then, it sometimes doesn’t show up at all.
I’m pretty sure that’s what Coach gave me. I have no idea how, though. It’s not like I would have gone over to Ben’s house to return his phone and then sat and had cocktails with his dad or anything. That night is still a complete mystery.
Mom took me to a doctor in the next town over and he said I had evidence of having had sex, but couldn’t prove it was rape. He also said I had no obvious drugs in my system. It had been eighteen hours by that time, well past the eight hours that Liquid X is still detectable.
Afterwards, my mom went back to thinking her daughter is a liar and a whore. Not only that, but she openly blames me, just like everyone else, for Coach getting fired. It’s insane.
They’re insane.
My family doesn’t even know Coach Penn. But just like the rest of the town loonies, all they care about is he was the “winningest high school soccer coach in the nation.” It was because of him and his record that we moved across the country, as my mother keeps reminding me.
The family looks at me like I singlehandedly destroyed all of Rod’s hopes for a professional soccer career.
Yeah, that was my evil plan. Seduce the Coach so I could make a porno of the two of us, humiliate the hell out of myself so I can get him fired, then suffer through all the hatred thrown my way. Just because I’m jealous of my little brother.
Sure.
But that’s the thought process around here. Everyone thinks the same thing. It’s like They all drank the Kool-Aid, poisoning their brains so that they can no longer think logically. They all believe the same ridiculous lie. The ultimate mob mentality.
