She’d seen some nice scenery yesterday, but she still wasn’t convinced the sights were worth the lack of conveniences. She could only look at rocks and trees from the back of a horse for so long. There were plenty of places that offered nice views and even nicer bathrooms. She doubted camping would ever be something she loved, but would that be a dealbreaker for Cash? Madi hoped not, but she felt like the odds were against her when it came to having a long-term relationship with Cash. There were plenty of potential dealbreakers on her end too. The lack of great Wi-Fi in this part of Montana topped the list.
Madi closed her eyes and listened to the sounds outside the tent to see if she could pick up the ones made by Cash. The horses neighed, birds sang, something scurried across the ground. With the thought of rodents outside her tent, she pulled the blankets over her head and wrapped them tight around her. Whatever animal was out there was too small to be a bear, but it was still a wild animal. She missed her bed and the soothing sounds of the ocean she could hear with her windows open.
This place was too unfamiliar. Too untamed.
The muffled hum of the tent flaps being unzipped reached her under the blankets, but she stayed there.
“Coffee’s on.” Cash’s voice did little to soothe her. He was just as wild and untamed as this place—even with his virginity intact. “We’ve gotta get on the trail if we’re going to make it to our next campsite before nightfall.
“We can’t just stay here?” Madi didn’t move from under the blankets. She already knew the answer and didn’t want Cash to see the disappointment on her face.
“This site isn’t pretty enough. I’m taking you to a place that’s almost as pretty as you.”
Of course he’d say something like that. She folded down the blankets below her chin. “You sure? Because this is what I look like in the morning.”
“I don’t see any difference.” He tossed her bag into the tent. “Now get dressed and get out here so I can give you a kiss before everyone else gets up.”
The air was still cold, but Cash’s offer was all the motivation she needed to get out of bed. Kissing Cash was about the only thing that could make up for being saddle sore and without any kind of real bathroom. She didn’t waste her time changing into a fresh pair of jeans that wouldn’t be so fresh by the end of the day.
Her first order of business after crawling out of her tent should have been kissing Cash, but she had more pressing business to attend to first. By the time Madi made it back to camp, everyone else was up breaking down camp, which meant no kiss for her.
“I’ll save it for later,” Cash whispered to her when she gave him a disappointed look for both the missed opportunity and the oatmeal he handed her. She hated waiting almost as much as she hated instant oatmeal.
Madi forced herself to eat the oatmeal because being hungry was worse than eating something she didn’t like. Most of the time, anyway. Plus, if there was one thing she’d learned over the past couple days, it was to load up at breakfast. There was no slowing down enough to eat a real meal for the rest of the day.
“What do I do to help clean up?” she asked Cash when she finished. “I’ve been shirking my duty.”
“I’ll show you.” Cash took her bowl from her then showed her how to wash it out and where to dump the dishwater so it wouldn’t attract animals or run off into a nearby water source. “Make it look like it did when you found it, or else better. Leave no trace,” he explained.
Cash spent the next hour teaching her what that meant as they broke down camp. She helped him scatter the ashes of the fire away from where they’d camped, kick the horse manure so it was out of the way and spread out, and make sure there was no trash left behind. Madi didn’t mind spending the time with Cash, but she also loved the idea of respecting the land.
“Yep, it’s not that different from what you’re trying to do by teaching people to think about what they’re buying and the impact their choices have,” Cash told her when she’d said she liked what they were doing.
“I hadn’t thought about that, but I guess it is.” Madi looked over their camp one more time before climbing onto Brownie.
“Ranchers get a bad rap for using up natural resources, but people who live off the land are pretty invested in keeping it livable.” Cash climbed on his horse and turned him to leave. “You could do worse than Montana for showing people how to consume responsibly.”
Madi’s stomach dropped. That was twice that Cash had implied she should stay in Montana. Or was she reading way too much into what he’d said? She decided to go with the second and make a joke of his suggestion.
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t be in LA anymore.” She smiled brightly while holding her breath for his response.
“Nope.” Cash nudged his horse forward to take his spot as the lead with the pack mule tied behind. Brownie followed along with the other horses and riders, but there was too much distance between Madi and Cash to continue their conversation.
Instead she had to turn it over and over in her head, trying to make sense of it as Brownie followed Cash further up the mountain. It’s not that she didn’t like the idea of living in Montana in theory. How could she not consider it when she was surrounded by mountains and wildlife? And the thought of getting good at living and working on the land was pleasantly romantic…as long as she didn’t let reality slip in.
When it did, Madi couldn’t imagine herself being so isolated and spending dawn ‘til dusk working. Not that she didn’t work those kinds of hours already, but they weren’t as physically tiring as her days on the ranch had been. More emotionally draining, yes, but not physically. But did that make what Cash did more valid? In her job, trying to meet people’s expectations and ignoring their criticisms was a lot of work. Maybe almost as much as driving cattle.
Not that she’d done that yet.
Comparing Cash’s life to her own put things into perspective. They had different methods and challenges, but they both worked hard to make the earth a little better and to keep it beautiful. The biggest difference between them was that he couldn’t do what he did anywhere else. There were only so many places with enough open range to support a big herd of cattle, and LA wasn’t one of them. Other parts of California, maybe, but they’d cost a whole lot more than a place in Montana.
But she could do what she did pretty much anywhere with a little tweaking.
Or a lot.
She watched Cash move up and down in perfect time with his horse, like being on horseback came more naturally to him than being on foot. She’d seen dancers on those reality shows who had less rhythm together than Cash and his horse. Watching them reminded her of pods of dolphins arcing out of the water together over and over.
Cash must have felt her eyes on him because he turned in his saddle and met her eye. His mouth pulled into a grin. “Doing all right?”
She gave him a thumbs up just as Brownie stumbled on a rock and lost her footing for a second. Madi gasped and grabbed onto the saddle horn, but Brownie kept moving forward like nothing had happened. Madi closed her eyes and took deep breaths to settle her beating heart. Every time something happened to remind her she was no Montana girl, it took several minutes to get back her courage to keep going.
“You’re okay.” Cash eyed her carefully. “Lots of shale through here, so sometimes the horses slip a little. About another thirty minutes, and we’ll take a break.”
Madi nodded. Her breath still felt too raspy to speak.
Just when Madi thought her butt couldn’t take one more minute in the saddle, Cash stopped. She followed his lead and climbed off her horse too tired, shaky and hungry to notice the view until Cash pointed it out to her. They were at the top of the mountain with nothing but miles of purple mountain majesty in front of them. A lake surrounded by pine trees in the valley below them stood out like a sapphire encased in a crown of emeralds, and Madi didn’t know if she’d ever seen anything so isolated and beautiful at the same time.
“That’s where we’re headed.�
� Cash stepped right behind Madi and pointed over her shoulder. “The first time I saw your eyes I thought I was looking into that lake,” he whispered, his breath tickling her neck.
“When do I get that kiss?” she whispered back, leaning into him.
Voices coming closer told her it wouldn’t be soon even before Cash said, “Not yet.”
Brownie pawed the ground and neighed, and Madi knew exactly how the horse felt.
After starting on the trail again, Madi had to wait another few hours for her kiss until they’d ridden to the lake and set up camp. She helped this time, mostly to make the process go faster. The sooner camp was set up, the closer she was to getting her kiss. She even volunteered to set up the latrine.
When everything was in place and the rest of the group had spread out to explore, Cash, wearing some kind of nylon overalls and weird vest thing, brought Madi a fishing pole.
“Time to get dinner.” He held the pole out to her, but she had no idea what to do with it.
“Is there a taco stand nearby? Am I supposed to use this pole to trade for tacos?”
He laughed and took her hand, picking up a red box with his other one. “I think you already know the answer to that. You’ve been fishing before, haven’t you?”
She shook her head. “Where would I go fishing?”
He stopped and studied her. “In that huge body of water next to the piles of sand you like so much.”
“Oh, yeah.” Of course she knew that. She’d seen people fish from the pier; she’d just never had a desire to do it herself. “Couldn’t we do something else instead?” Like the kissing he’d promised.
“Trust me. Once you taste this fish, you’ll never want to get it from one of your fancy grocery stores again.”
Madi had never bought fish, but she did like sushi. She especially liked the part where the server brought it to her. But she followed Cash as he led her in the opposite direction from where the others had gone. They meandered through the trees close to the banks of the lake until it narrowed into a river. Cash stopped, set down the box, and opened it. He took out a can full of dirt and handed it to Madi.
“What are these?” she asked as she took it from him, but he didn’t let go.
“Worms. That’s what beginners get to use.”
If he’d expected her to be surprised or to drop the can, he was wrong. Not that the worms weren’t gross—they were—but they couldn’t hurt her, so why should she be afraid of them? If Cash had any doubts about whether she could handle Montana-life, she’d prove him wrong. It didn’t mean she’d be staying, but she could certainly handle it if she did.
“I take it this isn’t what you’ll be using.” She picked a worm out of the dirt and held it up.
He smiled and shook his head. “I’ll be using flies—artificial ones. All my bait’s in here.” He pulled a small, aluminum box from his vest. “Get good with the worms, and I’ll teach you how to fly fish.”
She kept a smile on her face even as the worm wriggled in her fingers. “We put them on the hooks, right? I’ve always wanted to do that.” Actually what she really wanted to do was drop it back in the can.
He smiled, set her fishing pole upright and held up the hook for her. “Thread the hook through a few parts of its body. You want it on tight so the fish don’t just nibble it off instead of biting into it.”
Madi set down the can and took the hook between her thumb and pointer finger. In yoga they were called her peace fingers, but they did not feel so peaceful as she stabbed the hook through the worm. When she didn’t hear a scream—from the worm or herself—she pushed the worm further on the hook and stuck it through the worm again. She wanted to gag. She had to be honest with herself about that, but she didn’t have to be honest with Cash about it.
“What next?” She wiped her fingers on her jeans when she was done, trying not to think about worm guts.
“A kiss.” Cash wrapped his hand behind her head and pulled her close. “You’re amazing.”
Their lips met, spreading warmth throughout her body and making the worm murder all worth it. But as they broke apart and stood on the banks of the river, she had a question for him. A question that had been gnawing at her heart since they’d had their conversation about being lonely.
“Cash, what kind of woman are you waiting for?”
He waited to answer until after he’d put his arms around hers and shown her how to cast the line then reel it back in. “Someone with blue eyes and dimples.”
The line was all the way back in before she answered. “That’s about looks. What about the inside?”
“Nice lungs. Good heart.” He stepped back from her and smiled.
Madi didn’t. She cast the line again, this time on her own.
Cash opened his little box and picked out a fly. He’d tied it to his line before he answered. “Kind. Giving. Likes horses.”
“Is that it?” Madi let her line float, not ready to bring it in.
“At the moment.” He took another step away from her.
“I think you have a better idea.” She reeled in her line, wondering how many times she’d have to cast before catching something. “Thinking I’m amazing isn’t the same as thinking I’m the kind of girl you’re looking for.”
Cash blew out his breath. “What’s that supposed to mean? I want a wife in Montana. That seems pretty straight forward to me.”
He cast his line, making it fly up and down over the water before finally letting it drop with a tiny plunk that shouldn’t have sounded as heavy as it did. His motions were graceful and angry at the same time, and he waded further into the water. Further away from her.
Madi had never been as honest with a man, or herself, as she was being with Cash. But she’d also never fallen so hard for anyone. She knew herself well enough to know that if Cash wanted her to, she’d give up her life in LA and move to Montana just to please him. Just to make him love her.
But she’d regret it. Every time she’d sacrificed a big piece of herself for a man she thought loved her, she’d been hurt, because every time she’d been the one doing all the sacrifice. She finally understood that wasn’t how love worked. But if Cash didn’t even know what kind of woman he was saving himself for, he couldn’t love her.
Madi watched him move further away from her to cast his line again. He still hadn’t said anything. She could have told herself he hadn’t heard her, but she knew that was a lie.
Something tugged at her line, and Madi began reeling it in.
“Take it slow.” Cash moved quickly to help her, but by the time he got to her she had her line all the way in. Nothing dangled from her hook except a pile of grass.
Cash untangled the weeds from Madi’s line and threw them back in the water while she watched, slowly forming her thoughts into words. When he turned toward her, she knew where her hesitation stemmed from.
She cocked her head to the side and said, “If you don’t really know what you’re waiting for, you may like being alone more than you think you do.”
As much as Madi liked Cash—maybe even loved him—she couldn’t upend her life unless he knew what he really wanted. She knew what she wanted, but she was done chasing after any man. Including Cash.
Chapter Seventeen
Why did Madi have to ask relationship questions when he was trying to fish? Hadn’t he shown her how he felt about her? Didn’t she know the thought of her leaving already tore him apart? He couldn’t even think about it without feeling almost as empty as he had when he’d found out his dad had sold the ranch.
He turned the handle on his reel as fast as he could, bringing in his line to check the hook. Half the worm was gone, so he yanked off the rest and tossed it in the water before marching back to the can for more bait. What he really needed more than bait was space to think.
But even space didn’t help him come up with the right thing to say. After taking his time to switch his bait to fish eggs, he went back to the riverbank with still nothing to say. She chewed the i
nside of her cheek, and he didn’t know if that meant she was mad or bored or hungry or what. Whatever it was, he decided to give her some room and cast his line a few feet further from her than he had been.
“How long do we do this?” Madi asked as she reeled in her line way too fast.
“As long as it takes.” He glanced at her. She’d lost interest; if she’d ever had any to begin with. But at least she wasn’t grilling him about what he wanted anymore.
“You’ll get something,” he added in a gentler voice. “Just takes some patience.”
“I only have so much of that, and I’m about at the end of it.” She cast her line again without even checking the bait.
His line jerked, and he slowly began reeling it in. It tugged again, and he knew he had something. “Grab the net,” he ordered without meaning to. When she didn’t move, he added, “Please,” with more than a little frustration. Maybe she was justified in being annoyed with him, but that was no reason to let his catch get away.
She set down her pole and grabbed the net close to her feet. Cash’s line pulled tighter, and he reeled more until the fish was at his feet, flopping back and forth on top of the water. Without any direction from him, Madi scooped the fish into the net.
“Good job.” He smiled at her and grabbed the fish to unhook its mouth. “We make a good team.”
Madi didn’t return his smile.
“I told you we’d get something if we were patient,” he tried again. Catching fish should be fun. Everything about this day was supposed to be more enjoyable than it was turning out to be, and he couldn’t figure out what had changed.
“Well, you got what you wanted anyway.” Madi held the net at arm’s length as the fish slowly stopped flopping. “Do you need me to keep doing this?”
C is for Cowboy (ABCs of Love Sweet Romance Book 3) Page 13
