by Karen Pepin
A moment later, everything I dreamed for ended.
9
The next thing I knew I was flying, falling off the edge and into the gully. A scream tore its way out of my chest. Dimly above me, I heard Lasa yelling my name. I hit the ground hard and heard a loud crack, like a stick splintering. Agonizing pain from my leg tore upwards through my center and made everything around me go white. I collapsed then, trying to absorb some of the blow of the fall. That was a mistake. My head struck a rock. Everything went from white to black.
I don't think I was out for more than a few moments. My hearing came back first with Davin screaming my name. My eyes fluttered open. Burning pain battled between my head and my right leg. Oh Blessed Wanderer, I prayed. Please don't let me have broken it. I didn't dare move yet. Nausea rose and I choked it back down. Throwing up would hurt my aching ribs and back even more so. I blinked up at the top of the gully to see figures there. It must have been a long blink. I could hear arguing as many others roamed the edge, trying to find a way down to me. I tried to call out, to let them know I was all right, but only a soft moan escaped my lips. The rushing water of the stream near me drowned out the sound. This was very bad. Stand up, I told myself sharply. Move. Do something. They'll leave me if they think I'm dead or too injured to travel.
For a long time, I lay there in agony, staring up at the gully ledge several man heights above me, but not really seeing anything in my daze. After a time, I realized that all around me was silence. No one stood at the edge any more, peering down at me.
"No, no, no," I whispered. Surely, they will come back. Please come back, I thought. This couldn't be happening. I would rather have died in the fall than be left to suffer alone the night I was meant to be joined with Davin.
My eyes spotted a dim figure standing far above me on the ledge. I squinted, struggling to make out who it was. Pero? How could Pero be here? I blinked and he vanished like a ghost. A tremor went through me. Pero died many eclipse cycles ago. But, it was him. Had the Wanderer sent Pero to guide me? If so, why did he leave so fast?
Choking tears poured out. I hurt so much. Was this what Pero had faced when we left him? Then, anger surged through me. I didn't choose life. I just hadn't died. Is that why he left? I wasn't dead yet? Come back, Pero! My voice failed when I tried to call out. Don't leave me here alone.
It hurt too much to cry, but the tears kept coming. Over and over, my mind kept replaying the utter fear and horror in Davin's scream and Lasa's hoarse yell of my name as I fell. Please come back, I prayed. I only just found Davin. We were going to be mated. Please don't take this joy from me. If the Wanderer heard my prayer, He did not answer. I lay still, waiting for Pero to return, waiting for my pain to end. But, it never did.
I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when the light started to dim. Was this it? Was I finally dying? I expected to feel relief at the thought, but all I felt was throbbing pain from my leg and head, and a deeper, sharper pain in my heart. Losing Davin hurt more than any of my physical injuries. Minutes passed, nothing happened. As I waited, I began to notice the sharp rocks that poked into my back and buttocks. I wanted to shift off of them, but soon it wouldn't matter, I decided.
The light grew dimmer and dimmer. After a time, I realized that I wasn't dying. Night was coming. My heart sped up. I couldn't stay out here alone and defenseless in the dark. I couldn't just lay here and die. I lived. Was that what Pero had been trying to show me? It wasn't my time yet? Perhaps the Wanderer had heard my prayers. Hope kindled anew in me. I had to escape this ravine and get back to Davin.
Slowly and carefully, I levered myself up to sitting. Star bursts flashed before my eyes. The world spun and my stomach lurched from the sickening whirl. I managed not to throw up, but my head felt like a fragile egg precariously balanced on a rock. Any move and it would fall off and crack open.
I focused on slowing my breathing, in and out, using that to push back my panic so I could think. My leg was swollen, but no blood or bone was showing. I tried to move it, but a sharp, sickening pain stopped me at once. I didn't know how severe my injury was, a sprain or a break, but I knew I wouldn't be able to walk on my leg. If it was broken, I would need to immobilize it somehow. I looked around. There were many branches and dead fall in the gully.
Glancing up at the sky, I knew had to move faster. I wasn't sure I could, but with night coming, I needed to start a fire and gather all available, reachable wood before trying to deal with my leg.
I carefully began pulling in all the sticks, twigs, and branches in my immediate reach. There wasn't enough to make a fire and even moving that little bit made the grinding pain in my leg flash through me again. My vision bordered on white once more and sweat beaded my forehead. I felt a nauseating pain pulse in time with my heartbeat. My limbs were shaky and weak. None of that matters, I told myself. I closed my eyes and pictured Davin’s laughing green eyes and warm body. I used his image like a talisman to keep going and fight off fear.
If I wanted to reach more wood, I would have to splint my leg first. I had seen arms splinted before, but not legs. There was no point in splinting a broken leg. Anyone who could not travel was left behind. All my life, I understood and accepted the need to leave behind those who couldn't travel. I never questioned it. But then, I never imagined it could happen to me.
Anger flashed through me. They left me like dead fall, broken and useless. They didn't even check to see if I was alive. The betrayal of being abandoned by everyone, including Davin, ripped at me. They didn't try to help me, I raged silently. If it had been Davin who fell, I would have found a way. Even for Lasa. I wouldn't just walk off without knowing for sure that there was no hope.
With difficulty, I shoved my anger and grief down deep. In my mind, I imagined my clan mates forcing Davin to leave as he struggled to find a way to reach me. Now, I had to find a way to return to him. Now was not the time to dwell. I needed to survive.
I chose three straight, short sticks and tried to realign my right leg to its proper position. The awkward angle made it tricky. I pulled my left leg in and removed my foot leather. I slipped the leather under my leg. Then, I used it to bind the sticks to me.
Broken, I thought, exhausted and trembling from the pain. I would not be able to walk on it. I crawled over the dirt and small rocks to gather more kindling and firewood dragging my injured leg behind me. I hoped I had enough to last the night. Darkness was falling quickly and I could barely see my hand in front of my face. I could not seem to light my fire while stuck at this angle. I wanted to pound my fists into the ground as I failed again.
Tears slipped down my cheeks, making it doubly hard to see. Finally, I saw a faint spark of fire and puff of smoke. Blowing gently, I encouraged the small flame to grow, begged it to grow. To my relief, it did and I fed it more sticks. Something in my chest loosened with the fire light. I brushed the small, loose stones away from me, trying to create a bare spot on which to lay. I didn't have my sleeping fur. Laying on the ground without that would leech all my warmth. With the suns down, the air was already cooler.
I took stock of my situation. In my belt pouch, I only had a large handful of katerri jerky and some roots. My sling was wrapped about my waist and I had my hotar claw blade. I had my water bag. Plus, there was fresh water in the stream where we had trapped the katerri, so I didn’t need to worry about going thirsty. Somewhere close by was my spear. It was probably broken, but I could use its tip and make another.
As I huddled by my fire, feeding it sticks, I tried to clear my aching, fuzzy head. The Wanderer had given me the chance to live. Determination filled me. I would find a way out. I would find a way to walk with only one good leg. I would find food. I would reach Davin and the clans before they crossed south. I would do these things, I told myself, forcing myself to believe.
I could not imagine my mother's grief. I ached to return to her and tell her I was all right. What about Davin, my beloved? To lose me on the day we were to be mate
d. The cruelty of it all cut me deeply. I prayed the clans would help him, keep him from grieving too much, until I could find my way back.
I searched my memory for every detail. We had fought off the bollar. And then? Then I was falling. Could the ledge have given way beneath me? I would have been covered in a cascade of rocks if it had, but there were none. I remember keeping an eye the edge of the gully, as we were all trained to do from the moment we could walk away from our mothers. I thought I had been a good long step from it. No matter how hard I tried, I simply could not figure out what happened. I was standing there and then I was falling. Lasa had been next to me during the bollar fight. She might know what happened. I would ask her upon my return.
I adjusted my stretched out right leg. Despite the fire, the ground was growing cold and leaching my warmth, as I had feared it would. I carefully bent my left leg and rested my head on my knee. I knew I needed rest. My body felt weak from the shocks it had endured.
Throughout that long night, I dozed and fed just the right amount of sticks to the fire. I had to take care with the limited supply—I didn't dare run out. On the other hand, I didn't dare let the fire go out. I needed its light and warmth.
As careful as I was, I still ran out of usable wood before dawn. When the suns finally rose, I was chilled to the core. The continuous pain exhausted me as I studied the near vertical, gray walls of my prison. No wonder my clan mates had not climbed down to check and see if I lived. Right after the fall, I’d been furious that nobody had tried, but now I could see clearly there was no way down. If I were to live, I had to find a way up. I sucked on a piece of katerri jerky because chewing hurt too much. I surveyed the wall closest to me. There were hand holds, but I wasn't sure I could manage the climb with only one good leg. I feared what would happen if I fell while trying. Two broken legs would spell my death. One leg still might.
Turning my head toward the far side of the gully, I saw that it wasn't very wide. A jumble of rocks and the stream filled the space between me and the other wall. It looked equally impossible to climb. Crossing the stream would be problematic with me only being able to crawl. I looked upstream. In the distance, two small waterfalls spilled into the gully. Too steep and rocky. I hoped I might see a path to climb, but the walls appeared even taller upstream. That left downstream. It was possible, that the gully would open up. There was also a chance that it would end up at another impossible waterfall. Traveling in any direction would not be easy. I sipped some water and made a decision. Downstream was my best chance. I gritted my teeth in preparation for the long crawl ahead.
The trek was as awful as I feared it would be. Pointy rocks found their way under my knees and hands, bruising them and bringing tears to my eyes. When I paused to take a break, panting and sweating from pain, I realized I had to find a way to walk, something which could take my weight instead of my injured leg. I considered my options as I began to crawl again. stopping every few minutes to rest. I went on this way for a long time, moving and resting while the suns slipped across the sky. I scanned the walls of the gully, looking for some place, any place, where I could climb out.
Finally, when I was beginning to think I should make a camp and gather wood, I spotted a climbable section of terrain on the far side of the stream. A slope of loose stones and dirt led up to a rock chimney with step-like rocks that led to the top. I sat, resting for a moment, my back propped up against a conveniently flat rock. I desperately wanted to climb out. Every day that I waited, the further away my clan would be. But with my leg, it would be dark by the time I reached the top. Once out of the gully, I would be alone, with no time or light to gather wood or kindling for a fire. I chewed slowly on a piece of jerky.
Meeting up with roaming bollar packs or a hotar concerned me. At least down here I was relatively safe from them. What helped me to decide to camp in the gully for the night was the stream. Not knowing how fast or slow I would be able to travel once I got out, starting my journey with a full water bag was critical to surviving. I began the painful process of collecting what wood I could reach. There was a good supply here. There were even some longer sticks that I might be able to fashion into a spear.
By the time dark had fallen, I was safe and warm by my fire. I propped myself back up against the rock and fed sticks to my fire. Exhaustion and pain tugged at me. I couldn't remember ever having been this tired.
I awoke slumped over sideways on the ground, injured leg outstretched. A cool breeze raced down the gully, brushing my skin and leaving goose bumps. My teeth chattered from the chill. I pushed myself upright and started placing more branches on my dying fire. I thanked the Wanderer it had not gone out. I built it up fairly well, warmed, and fell asleep again.
Cold drops of rain woke me. Grey clouds hid Ahuna and Anari, turning the day as gloomy and dim as predawn. Despite the odd light, I suspected that the suns had crested some time ago. The pain in my head had subsided to a dull ache, but the grinding of the bones in my leg from every little movement was a nauseating constant. I worried about the injury, but if I was to survive, I couldn't let it stop me from doing what I needed to do. I crawled to the stream and levered myself down to sitting to fill my water bag. Once full, I took a moment to examine the path up I had chosen. Rain would make the rocks slick, but I refused to remain down here another day. I could almost feel Davin moving further and further from me. I had to keep on, as close to him, and to my clan, as possible.
I sorted through the remaining pieces of wood and saved one particularly long stick. It had a branch leading off at the top. I used my blade to shorten that piece and then gave my idea a try. Tucking that part of the branch under my right arm, I tried to use it to hold my weight so that I could move forward. It was a little short for my height, making my stride awkward, but it worked. The slow drops of rain increased into a steady drizzle, soaking me. Well, I was going to get wet anyway. I studied the stream. It had grown wider and deeper overnight. Rain upstream could be causing it to rise. I shivered. If that was true, I had little time to waste. A flash flood could pour through this gully with little warning.
I struggled across the running water. It was definitely higher, rising past my knees. The current tugged at me and tried to push me over. The water numbed my good leg and my bad one. I stumbled over hidden rocks with my walking stick slipping and catching, and I felt as clumsy as when I was a child.
But I made it.
"At least the cold water made my leg feel better," I muttered. I sat for a few minutes of rest, figuring the numbness would wear off soon. I looked up. I would have to be careful not to bang my injured leg during the climb.
Hobbling over to the wall, I was able to take a better look at a dirt slide that cut a narrow path part way up. Above that was a series of step-like rocks tucked into a crack in the rock wall. The crack appeared big enough for me to fit inside. I would be able to use my back to help me climb.
I clawed and crawled my way up the wet dirt. The rain beat down harder as if trying to stop me. I panicked, and then fortified my resolve by thinking of Davin. I had to get back to him. My fingers scrambled for purchase as I pulled myself into the rock chimney. I had to abandon my walking stick. There was no way to bring it up: I needed both my hands for this climb.
I began pulling myself up, hopping from step to step, letting my arms do most of the work. Partway up, my newfound clumsiness struck again: My hand slipped. I jarred my injured leg and almost fell. The pain was too great to even scream. White star bursts filled my vision and a gasp stuck in my throat. All I could do was cling desperately to the rocks, tears rolling down my face, and wait for the pain to subside.
Long moments passed. Finally, whimpering, I began to climb again. I pulled myself out of the gully and rolled onto the wet grass at the top. My arms and left leg shook with the strain of the climb. Rain poured down, pounding me and the ground. It rinsed away the mud coating my body from the climb. I rolled to my belly and dragged myself to the closest trees, trying to escape t
he deluge, re-coating myself with new mud. I huddled there, shivering, smearing more filth on my skin as I tried to wipe myself clean. I choked on a laugh, remembering how Lasa always picked on me to bathe. Well, I was really dirty now. Get moving, I told myself.
Our clans had only been a few days from the Crossing point before I fell. This rain was a blessing and a curse. Water was life and rain meant I would have an abundance. But it also meant that autumn was arriving. The clans would hurry to reach the Great Divide and would cross as soon as they got a clear day. This was only the first rain. I had some time. But still, I had to hurry. I scanned the ground for another branch that I could use as a walking stick.
None of the branches on the ground were the size I needed, nor did they have a branching I could tuck under my armpit. I spotted a tree branch that could work just within my reach and crawled to it. I began sawing off the branch with my hotar blade. When my arms cramped, I had to stop and shake them out, but I finally broke the branch loose using my own weight. I trimmed and shaped it. By the time I finished, the rain had subsided. I checked the sky. I could not go farther. I needed to make camp with a good fire tonight. No longer protected by the gully walls, I also needed to make a spear. Hotar and bollar would be hunting.
The thought of being alone against either predator filled me with terror. How could I guard myself? I had to sleep. I would be defenseless. They should stay away from my camp fire. But what if they didn't.
"Stop," I said. The sound of my own voice helped me derail my rising panic. "Wood first."
As if my spoken words were an order from Ven'Ta, I got busy collecting as much as I could. My walking stick rubbed the underside of my arm raw, but it was better than crawling. As I gathered wood, I found some carrow plants. I dug out their roots to roast in my fire. While they cooked, I checked my travel pouch. It held only a few more dried jerky strips. I would need to forage more of these small gleanings if I hoped to survive.
