They’d look at their body, not like I looked at mine. In my awareness, I looked at my body as an old clunker to get me from birth to death with the least number of overhauls. I got a ’33 Dodge Caravan, and if you and I went out to eat, I would eat a salad in front of you, but up in my room I’ve got Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and M&M’s. I’m a closet eater; there’s no question about it.
I thought life was a race to come in first, and I’m darn near there already. I’ve got some self-awareness about my body. Try it sometime.
Once, I walked into my room. I locked the door, I thought. I listened for footsteps; there weren’t any. I locked my bedroom door, took off all my clothes, put a grocery bag over my head, and cut eye holes right in it. I slipped it over my head and looked at myself in front of a full-length mirror for the first time in my life. I didn’t see an old friend. I looked full length at a stranger with a bag over his head, and I saw the Incredible Hulk. I gave myself a side view, and I started laughing. I gave myself a rear view, and I said, “I don’t know who you are, but get dressed and get out.”
Just then my wife walked in, and she said, “Ha, ha, ha!”
And I said, quickly recovering, “Trick or treat, dear.”
And she said, “I’ll take the trick.”
She said, “Be kind to yourself. If you’re going to go into a self-awareness nude-cult movement, go ahead and be nude, but don’t cut eye holes in the bag. You’ll like yourself better that way.” But now, I know what’s happening (and what was happening then): self-awareness. I’ve been selling myself short. The environment is a candy store. My body is a Ferrari. You’re supposed to tweak and tune it to win at the Grand Prix at LeMans. It’s an Apollo spacecraft. You can’t fly the environment unless you feel good. You cannot do good unless you feel good.
I’m lazy. I know 500 songs but only the first four notes. If you think I know anything special, no, I don’t; it’s garbage in, garbage out. I’m lazy. What am I afraid of? I’m afraid to win. Why? Winning is heavy. You have to act responsibly and set an example. People try to knock you off. I’m not afraid to fail. I do it every day. I’m afraid to win because winning is heavy. Self-awareness. Abundance. Moment of truth. Step back.
ENTREPRENEUR TIP
Take five minutes to do a quick self-assessment of your own self-awareness. Focus on one area of your life whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional, and jot down a quick bulleted list of what you notice. You can take these mini self-awareness inventories as frequently as you like. Chart them in your journal so you can see how they change over time.
SELF-ESTEEM
Aside from self-awareness, self-esteem is the single most important human quality. I realize I could have been Paul Newman instead of looking like Alfred E. Neuman. I realize I’m 46. I weigh about 190 with “gusts” to 210. I realize I coulda-woulda-shoulda-mighta-oughta and if only Ida, and, someday, I’ll. But now I know where the action is. If the spiritual love comes through and you feel it, then you give it away.
Why? You wouldn’t know it if you didn’t feel it. How could you love anyone else unless you love yourself? You couldn’t. So then, self-love isn’t narcissism or hedonism. Self-esteem is the single most important quality because skyjackers have none, assassins have none, criminals have none. The winners have it. Why? They want to give it away. They realize happiness is the by-product of a good life, with nothing to be sought. They’re happy in building the best self in order to give it away.
I’ve been able to spot self-esteem early in children. Why? I raised mine the wrong way. I’ve got six children, all boys—except four girls. I want my children to be winners, so I’ve raised them every way I can. I’ve given them all the great “encouragement” a parent can. Big boys don’t cry. Don’t you get angry with me. I’ll give you something to cry about. Don’t take the biggest piece of cake, either. That’s not the way to draw a cow. Cows have bags with fingers on them. Stay inside the lines. Here, let Dad show you how to do it.
My daughters crawled all over me at night when I was watching Walter Cronkite. I said, “Don’t coddle me.” How did I know it was a rejection of affection?
My daughter said, “Why don’t you come out and see our store?”
I said, “I will as soon as I watch Monday Night Football.” It was the last quarter. They had to go to bed. Too bad. I didn’t see what they’d done. Pretty soon, I got the message [intended for me, and not for them]. I needed to grow up. Quick.
I grew up to be humble and sometimes humiliated. Why? I don’t like to indulge myself in praise or feel it. On my birthday, I like to barbecue. I don’t like to open my presents because I don’t want people to feel so special. I’ve been able to spot self-esteem now growing up in two ways. People with high self-esteem never lead with their chin; they always lead with their best self, and people with high self-esteem can accept a compliment with a simple “thank you.”
Here’s an example. My wife and I ate out in Atlanta, Georgia, on our anniversary. Here’s how you can spot self-esteem quickly. People need to understand that your little inner R2-D2 from Star Wars (self-image) is listening every day, making blips on the tape; it doesn’t care what’s right or wrong. We went the full anniversary route: waterfalls, candlelight, violins, my wife and I dressed up for each other. She looked at the waiter and stared at him. He was 28 years old; looked good, good self-esteem, good smile. He walked up and gave me his self-worth smile, which prequalified himself in advance right away in the negative. He came up and said, “What’ll it be?”
I said, “Veal Diane flambé prepared at the table.”
He said, “You want Veal Diane flambé’?”
I said, “That’s right.”
He said, “It’s my first week on the job. I’ve never prepared anything like that. I might splatter grease all over your wife, maybe set her on fire.” He said, “Why don’t you order something simple from the menu? I can’t do it.”
I said, “What? You don’t want to play the anniversary waltz for us? Is that what you said?”
He said, “No, I said don’t order that stuff. I can’t do it. Maybe I can get my buddy to help us. Smoke will fill the room.”
I said, “I’ll forget you said it, because my wife and I are easy. We wouldn’t have known had you not mentioned it, and besides we just want to have a good time. Go ahead and try. You’ll have to experiment someday, and we’re easy.”
ENTREPRENEUR TIP
Need to boost your self-esteem? Talk yourself into it! Take a few moments each morning to do a little positive self-talk. Think of three things you really like about yourself, then try to notice those in action as you move through your day.
He said, “What a weirdo.”
He went ahead and struggled with it. I gave him the self-esteem afterward. I gave him $30 as a tip. He backed away from his self-esteem and said, “It wasn’t worth that much.” I took $25 right back off the tray.
He said, “It was worth more than that.”
I said, “If it wasn’t worth it to you, how could it be worth it to me?” He said, “Well, I just didn’t think I did that good a job.”
I said, “Well, but it was worth it, wasn’t it?” I laid $10 on the table, on his tip tray.
He said, “Thank you. It hurts.”
I said, “It’s like a gold medal that goes around your neck, isn’t it?” And your shoulders go forward, and you pull them back and say thank you, and your little R2-D2 from Star Wars inside your head goes, Huh! I didn’t think he was worth it, either, but he said thanks. I guess he accepted it.
I laid another $10 on it, and he said, “Thank you very much.”
I laid down the other $5. He said, “Thank you.”
I said, “By the way, winners never prequalify in advance, in the negative, and always say thank you to accept the value paid every day.”
ENTREPRENEUR ACTION ITEM
Know the Eight Habits of Highly Effective Entrepreneurs
Dr. Waitley’s approach to winning with self-awareness and sel
f-esteem puts an exclamation point on the idea that most often success comes from within. Let’s explore that further and link it to entrepreneurship. One measure of entrepreneurial success is your efficacy as a leader. Effectiveness comes down to producing desired results. The most successful entrepreneurs have mastered being effective because it makes them work smarter, eliminating unnecessary effort and wasted time. Success cannot happen with any consistency when approached in a lazy, haphazard, hit-or-miss fashion. Effectiveness is rooted in discipline and routine, not talent or genius. Successful entrepreneurs make sure to be detailed, organized, and fully prepared before executing any goal or plan. Self-awareness and self-esteem are the programs running in the background of your mind (like the R2-D2 Waitley mentions) that help make it all happen.
So what does that look like in practice? Here are eight characteristics of effective entrepreneurs that are connected to Waitley’s winning mindset:
Visionary Mindset
Successful entrepreneurs spend a significant amount of time thinking, creating, and visioning. Being innovative comes naturally to all of us if we can discipline ourselves to enjoy the process of being in constant discovery. A successful entrepreneur’s most powerful asset is their imagination. The most effective entrepreneurs dare to dream, act, and turn their dreams into a reality. This visionary quality sets them apart from those who do not dare to dream as big. Standout entrepreneurs do not see a limit to their creativity, success, or ability to make money. They also have a positive and lasting impact on others and involve themselves in new ventures.
Embrace the Day Early
The most effective entrepreneurs are early risers. They support the belief that the early bird gets the worm. They start their day visualizing what they want to achieve and speak affirmations of success over their mindset. Many also start their day with some form of physical activity. It’s the method they use to wake themselves up, and get their blood pumping and their mind alert and active. Getting up early and getting a jump on their day allows them to get into the office before others arrive. This gives them some time to settle themselves, collect their thoughts, and generate lists of priorities to most efficiently organize and tackle their day.
Scheduled
One of the easiest ways successful entrepreneurs increase effectiveness is by being scheduled. They live a schedule based on putting their responsibilities first and leisure activities second. Socializing is important and life-giving. Successful entrepreneurs recognize the value in getting out to be around people, not just for the human interaction and feelings of interconnectedness, but because being around others reduces stress and increases innovation. The most effective entrepreneurs schedule social time at the end of their day when work pressures are off. When responsibilities are put first, this type of discipline helps successful entrepreneurs enjoy their free time unencumbered by nagging responsibilities that were not met during the day.
Honor the Power of Sleep
To be effective, successful entrepreneurs appreciate the importance of sleep. The more sleep they get, the sharper, more emotionally available, and mentally on point they tend to be. A lack of sleep creates an increase in emotional reactivity and a decrease in frustration tolerance, which contributes to another night of poor sleep. It’s a horrible cycle. If poor sleeping patterns are left unmanaged, effectiveness and success become impossible.
Simplicity
Simplicity is the secret weapon successful entrepreneurs swear by to increase their effectiveness. They live nearly obsessively by simple yet practical routines. Creating simple routines helps them avoid taking on workloads that are beyond what they can reasonably handle. They are the most productive when they are not too overwhelmed with stress. So they set protective and firm limits around themselves and their time, understanding even superheroes need a day off.
Prioritize Journaling
One of the easiest ways to increase effectiveness is to develop the habit of journaling. The most effective entrepreneurs put pen to paper and write down what is important to them, the things that were good and bad during their day, and ideas on how they can improve. They write lists and goals, express their gratitude, and sometimes write simply to vent their frustrations. Journaling calms the emotions caused by stress or conflict. It provides a much-needed disconnect from the daily grind of consistent talking, emailing, and other distractions resulting from electronic devices that never allow us to fully unplug. Successful entrepreneurs value participating in an active dialogue with their inner critic as it helps them to transmute this negative voice into a positive coaching voice that is all about overcoming odds. Entrepreneurs are the most effective when they’re strategizing ways to beat a challenge.
Flexible
As important as routine is, successful entrepreneurs also understand how imperative it is that they are flexible enough to pivot on demand in response to unforeseen or changing circumstances. Being flexible enough to change direction greatly increases their chances at success, and it also enhances their own learning, growth, and education. The routines they live by are simple by design because this simplicity makes it easy for them to maintain their life and career no matter their circumstances. Effective entrepreneurs make it a habit to only need the bare essentials. This increases their productivity because their setup to work and communicate doesn’t require anything special from them to be effective, whether they are at the beach or in the office.
Curious
The most effective entrepreneurs view boredom as the great success killer, which is why they make sure never to be bored. They happily spend endless hours working and doing what they love. They have made it a habit to be open and curious about everything in life and in their field of work. This curiosity keeps them asking questions and generating ideas for what their next steps are going to be. Because they choose to remain open and curious, it is impossible to drain their creative reservoirs. Curiosity is just another aspect that contributes to their effectiveness.
Do you have any of these characteristics? How does your self-awareness help you identify what you have inside you as an entrepreneur and what you can work on to level up your winning game?
CHAPTER TWO
Every Problem Has a Solution
Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
Dr. Norman Vincent Peale was a minister who spent many years at the Marble Collegiate Church in New York City until his death in 1993 at age 95. Dr. Peale was also a bestselling author, whose themes radiated around the power of positive thinking.
One of Peale’s books, The Power of Positive Thinking, was first published in 1960 and is still popular today. It has sold over 7 million copies and has been published in 15 different languages. This book has been credited with restoring the faith of millions of people.
Peale also gave a speech titled “Every Problem has a Solution” to a live audience of thousands, which focused on the principle of having a positive attitude. In this selection from that speech, Peale’s background in storytelling and is evident as he makes his case for the power of positivity.
THE SOLUTION IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU
The street crowds in an English Cathedral town were going about their ordinary activities. Suddenly, someone spotted a woman who’d crawled out on a narrow ledge near the top of the central tower of the cathedral. Policemen quickly climbed the tower and attempted to bring her back. A minister came and prayed with her, pleading with her to let him talk with her about whatever was on her mind that inspired this last, desperate act. A great crowd gathered below, hushed and horrified. After some 30 minutes of indecision, she flung herself from the tower down onto the street. Now nobody knows what problem the woman had that drove her to this desperation. But there was one thing she apparently didn’t know or to which she gave no concern. It’s a great, powerful truth, and had she known it, she wouldn’t have thrown herself off the tower. She didn’t know that every problem contains its own solution.
One of the wisest statements I have heard in many a day is one that
I have quoted before, I’m quite sure. It deserves to be and is a classic. This quote comes from Stanley Arnold, one of the top idea men in the country. He services a number of the great industries of the United States with sales and merchandising ideas, and his services come very highly recommended. Why? Because he’s a thinker. He thinks up ideas, and he knows how to praise them.
Now this one is worth its weight in gold if he could sell it. Every problem, he says, contains the seeds of its own solution, not the seeds of its dissolution, but the seeds of its solution. I’ve quoted that before and perhaps it ought to be repeated from time to time until at last the thought, the truth, really grabs us. That whenever you have a problem, buried right at the heart of this problem, however difficult it may seem to be, is the solution thereof.
When you’re talking about thinking and ideas and truth, you’re in the right place right here in this church because the Bible is quite a book. Every smart thing that exists is right here in these pages. It is full of ideas that are as modern as tomorrow morning’s newspaper. The 119th Psalm, the 18th verse, is one of them. It goes something like this: Open my eyes that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law. What law? Why the basic law of the universe, not the law of aerodynamics, not the law of mechanics—the law of the spirit of the mentality. Open my eyes that I may see wondrous things out of thy law.
One of these wondrous things is (and it is truly a wondrous thing) that every problem that you or I can have contains the seeds of its own solution. Right up here in your head is to be found the answer to everything. Epictetus, the ancient thinker [a Greek Stoic philosopher] said, “When you shut your door and darken your room, always remember you are not alone. God is in you and, therefore, genius is within you.” What a truth. So what’s your problem? Hold it out there in front of you. Give it a good look over. Rip it apart. Break it up. Get to the center of it. Dissect it. Analyze it. Right at the center of it, buried like a gem, is its solution.
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