by Camilla Lee
As she struggled to find what was missing, Royce's lips opened slightly, his tongue sliding across her mouth. Elis opened her own, and when his tongue sought entrance, she slightly met it with hers. The feeling was to weep for, she thought, as her body's strength left her, and she collapsed on Royce, never breaking contact. Her hands went to his neck of their own accord, and she let him deepen the kiss. She was vaguely aware of his hands coming up and tracing the contours of her body through her nightgown. His right hand held her steady to his chest while his left hand started for the hem of her gown, brushing her bare skin. The touch was so electrifying that Elis could do nothing but gasp and mold herself more to him. He was so strong, she realized as she was feeling her way down his chest. She wanted to feel his bare skin too. With hurried movements, she went for the opening of his shirt and brushed her hand over the exposed skin. Royce jolted and raised his eyes to hers. She wanted to protest; there were just too many feelings accumulating in her body. She just knew she had to get closer to him.
Royce took the hand resting on his chest and brought it to his lips.
"Elis, we shouldn't do this." He whispered, but his eyes were betraying his words. Elis took that as encouragement and went for his lips again, only to be stopped by him.
"Stop, Elis. You should go to your room," Royce said and tried to move her off him. But Elis couldn't listen to what he was saying. It felt like she was thirsty for something, she didn't know what, but it was something only Royce could offer. She didn't know if she was drunk on alcohol or...something else.
Royce rose up from the chair and brought Elis to her feet. Elis, however, was past caring. She didn't want him to stop, didn't want him to send her to her room. She did the very first thing that came to her mind. She jumped Royce and wrapped her legs around him.
"No..." she whispered, and she kept placing small kisses across his face.
"Oh, Good Grace," Royce muttered and found her lips once more.
Elis felt something hard touching her center, and every time she rocked slightly, tiny bits of fire would rush through her veins. She vaguely felt Royce placing her on the bed, moving on top of her. She didn't even know when her gown together with Royce's clothes disappeared. She just felt the slightly chilly air brushing her skin, and Royce's hot flesh surrounding her. Suddenly he was kissing her everywhere, her neck, her breast, and even lower. Her breath felt ragged as he did something to her that she could never imagine. It didn't take long for heaven to envelop her. Oh Lord, she thought to herself, this is marvelous. And she wanted more. Her hands went out and brought Royce's mouth on her own once more, all the while trying to get as close to his body as possible. As through a haze, she felt a prick of pain, and then she felt him exactly where she was aching for him. They both moaned at the feel, her legs wrapping around his torso to keep him there, deeply lodged within herself. But then he started moving with slow, measured thrusts. She couldn't recognize her own voice as she was urging him for more, clawing at his back and kissing his neck just as he had done before. Every time he dove forward and withdrew, it was like something clicked. It wasn't long before she felt another wave of pleasure. Just as she was riding that feeling, she felt Royce's own breath quicken, and with a groan, he collapsed on top of her. A few seconds later, they were both lost to sleep.
Elis woke up a few hours after. At first, she was disoriented when she realized it wasn't her own room. The sound of breathing next to her alerted her to another being. She slowly glanced around to find Royce sleeping face down. And he was naked.
"Lord," she whispered as she took in her naked body too. Suddenly she remembered everything that had occurred. Royce's mouth on her, the pleasure he had given her. When her mind was clear of both alcohol and desire, she realized just how wrong this was. And it was her fault, as she recalled Royce trying to stop it...trying to send her to her room. But she'd been too greedy, too enveloped in the feeling of the moment to care about anything. She carefully extricated herself from the bed and slipped her gown over her head. She had to leave before anyone found them. Opening the door and making sure no one was around, she tiptoed around the hallway until she reached her room. She quickly went inside.
"What have I done?"
CHAPTER 12
It wasn't until late afternoon that she saw Royce again. She had dreaded the moment, thinking of all sorts of scenarios. Even worse, he greeted her by telling her he had something to talk to her. Trembling, she just nodded, and he led her to the patio.
"What was it you wanted to talk about?" She asked, her voice not quite sounding right. She tried to mask the underlying trembling, but she only managed to sound slightly flushed.
"Did you have any problems going back to your room last night?" Royce finally asked. He wasn't meeting her eyes, looking anywhere but at her. Last night? Elis frowned. She'd only left in the morning.
"What do you mean, last night?" She asked, measuring her words carefully.
"After the champagne." Royce started, his hand scratching the back of his head. "I'm sorry I was such a bad company. I must have drunk too much. I don't even know when I fell asleep."
Elis's eyes widened at the implication. He did not remember, did he?
"Royce..." She started carefully. "What do you remember?"
Red stained his cheeks. He turned his head. "We had a few glasses of champagne and I... I was too forward with you. I am so sorry, Elis. It was the alcohol; you must believe me. I would have never acted in such a manner towards you had I been sober."
"I see..." Elis's face tightened into a forced smile. "Don't worry about it, Royce. We're friends, aren't we?"
"Of course." He agreed, and he seemed relieved at her reaction.
"I should go. Mother must be looking for me." Elis excused herself. She didn't know if her mother was looking for her or not. She could just go back to their home on their own, right? And that was exactly what she did. She left a note to her parents that she was not feeling well, and taking a maid with her, she returned home. It was only a short distance away anyway.
She couldn't bear to stay there anymore. Not when she'd done something unforgivable. And it was her fault, as she'd continued despite Royce's protests. Even he admitted he'd imbibed too much. She'd taken advantage of her dear friend. And the worst thing was that she wasn't as upset about that, as she was of his reaction. He'd told her he would have never behaved that way towards her if he had not had spirits beforehand.
Once inside her room, she took to her bed. She brought her hand to her chest, trying to regulate her heartbeats.
This was indeed the worst scenario possible. She'd lost her virtue, and she'd also realized the extent of her feelings for Royce. He was her best friend, and yet he was also... more. He was like her perfect half, and if she hadn't been so stubborn before, she'd have realized it sooner. Now she'd all but encouraged Francis - fact which Royce was very much aware of. Elis sighed deeply. She'd muddled everything, and now she could only hope to pretend nothing happened. After all, if Royce did not remember, then it didn't actually happen.
Yes, Elis resolved. She would go on as before. But as she decided that, she could not help but feel an emptiness in her heart. She'd felt Royce's skin against her own... he'd possessed her in a manner that she'd not thought possible. How did one go on pretending that that had not happened?
The following week, Francis called on her two times. He took her out riding each time. Since Francis was officially courting her now, her mother had insisted she always bring a maid with her to act as chaperone.
Royce, however, did not contact her. She kept on hoping he'd show up one morning to go riding as was their custom. Elis even woke up at dawn every day to be ready for him - just in case. But he never came.
She wanted to go to him, had to force herself not to reach out first. Not when her feelings were too overwhelming even for her.
And so a month passed, and then another month.
Francis called on her weekly, and they spent some time together. He'd tried t
o kiss her only once in that time, a kiss which she'd avoided by pretending her attention was captivated by something nearby. Francis hadn't seemed to mind it too much.
But she'd also found out the reason for Royce's absence. He'd relocated to his new seat, an hour outside of London, and two hours away from the Crawfield house. He'd been gone this whole time, and he hadn't told her anything.
No, she'd had to find everything out from her mother, who'd been told by Royce's mother. Elis couldn't help but feel slighted. They were still friends, weren't they?
But probably the worst news came to her sometime two months after the Crawfield house party. She was having tea in the gardens with Francis when he'd suddenly brought up a topic that she'd tried to put out of her mind.
"The last few weeks have been wonderful," Francis commented, his voice far from excited.
"Indeed." Elis plastered a smile on her face and agreed.
"I believe we've had enough time to get more intimately acquainted and to confirm our compatibility." Why did this sound like a rehearsed speech?
Francis kept talking, and Elis finally started paying attention when she heard the word marriage from his lips.
"Dearest Elis, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Francis suddenly went on one knee, his fingers holding a ring and pointing it towards her.
She had to blink twice to focus on what was happening in front of her.
"Me?" She barely whispered. Her face paled. She should have known it was coming. They'd been regularly spending time together. But now, with recent news, her decision was even more cemented.
Francis was still smiling at her, urging her to reply.
"I'm sorry, Francis, I really am," Elis said. Francis frowned at her words.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't marry you."
"What? Why? Of course, you can marry me. You love me." He said with so much conviction that Elis was stunned for a second.
"I'm sorry, Francis." She repeated, not knowing exactly what she was supposed to reply to that. She made to leave the garden, but a hand stopped her.
"No. I don't believe it." Francis took her arm and brought her in front of him. His hands went to her shoulders, and he was trying to get her to look him in the eyes.
"Why? Tell me why." He continued.
"I'm pregnant..." Elis whispered.
"What?"
"I'm pregnant. I can't marry you, Francis. I'm pregnant with someone else's baby." Elis finally got the words out. She dreaded the look that Francis gave her. There was so much contempt in his gaze.
"Who? Royce? Fuck! I should have known it." He spat, his hands slightly shoving her away.
"No, no. You have it all wrong. It's not Royce's." She quickly responded, trying to defend Royce to the best of her abilities.
"Then, who?"
"A gentleman I met at my come-out ball." Elis lied through her teeth. But Francis believed her. His expression told her as much.
"Fuck!" He cursed again, his eyes burning a hole through her. "All this time... why did you even agree to a courtship?" He asked her.
"I... it was a good excuse. The gentleman in question is not someone my parents would have approved of." Elis could not believe how the words were flowing out of her mouth. She was inventing a whole narrative, and Francis seemed to believe her.
"Fuck!" He turned his back and left, leaving her alone in the garden. Tears threatened to make their way down her cheek.
She did well, Elis told herself. So many people were getting hurt because of her selfish choices. She needed to figure something out. But she'd do it on her own. Yes, she wouldn't let anyone pay for her mistakes.
CHAPTER 13
Royce was not happy. He was currently working on getting sloshed in his new house. Just as he'd been doing for the past month, after Francis had taken him aside to let him know that he'd be proposing marriage to Elis very soon. Royce had tried to keep his feelings to himself and had congratulated his friend. But inside... he had been dying.
Interesting how the moment he'd been awarded a title for his services to the Crown, all of the debutantes that had otherwise scoffed their noses at his meager position as a third son had suddenly flooded his gates. He'd had so many calls to his new residence in the past month, that he'd taken to pretending to be away. All so he would not come face to face with the marriage mart mamas. And besides, it's not like he'd ever want any other woman but Elis. He'd tried. He'd made himself look at other women, try to see something in them. But it was futile. Royce knew that he'd never be able to feel what he felt for Elis for another woman. What was even more depressing was the fact that he'd just stopped trying altogether. If only he were more selfish... Then, he could confess his feelings to Elis, maybe even compromise her into marrying him. But he couldn't... Not when it meant she could end up hating him. Not when he would become the reason for her unhappiness. His mother had been right about one thing. His love for Elis should not blind him to her own needs and wants as a person, and he should respect them all the more.
Which was why he'd developed a routine of imbibing maybe too much wine. Even the few servants he'd taken on had noticed that their new master was a drunk. Of course, they would excuse his behavior by blaming it on the horrors of the war.
Royce sighed, his hand on the bottle, ready to pour himself another glass when his footman announced a visitor. He frowned, knowing he wasn't expecting anyone, especially this late at night.
"It's Lord Francis Callaway, my lord." The footman announced.
"See him in, please."
A few moments later, Francis staggered in, his alcohol levels similar to his own.
"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Royce poured another glass and nudged it towards Francis. He lifted the glass and downed its contents.
Francis plopped himself in the chair adjacent to Royce's and received the drink.
"Rough night," Francis mumbled before taking a full swig from his glass.
"She said no. She fucking said no." He put the drink down and cradled his head in his hands.
"What?" Royce asked, confused at Francis's words.
"I'm screwed, Royce. My father's done away with all the money. I thought she'd say yes... that I'd be able to use her dowry... I took a big loan and now..." He wasn't making much sense, but clearly, something was troubling him.
"Francis, from the beginning, please."
Francis took a deep breath and started recounting how his father had not taken proper care of the estates, and Francis had inherited them in a state of disrepair. On top of that, there were also a lot of debts that needed to be paid. He'd resolved to marry Elis since he'd always known she'd loved him, and he wanted to use her dowry to pay off everything. But due to the urgency of the matter, he'd first taken a loan with the agreement being that he'd pay it off in a few months. Francis had been sure he would be married to Elis and in control of her dowry by the elapse of the loan term.
"Damn it!" Francis knocked into the table with his fist. "I banked on her saying yes. I don't know what to do... I need to get the money somehow."
"What do you mean she said no? She's in love with you." Royce added, seeking to understand why Elis would refuse Francis when marrying him had always been her dream.
"She's pregnant, can you believe that?" Francis replied dryly.
Royce could only freeze, stunned at Francis's words.
"Pregnant?" He whispered, but Francis continued.
"I can't believe it. Here I was thinking she couldn't wait to marry me, and she was getting it on with who knows what bloke at her come-out ball."
"Who?" Royce did his best to mask the disbelief in his tone. Elis. Pregnant.... how?
"She told me it was some man her parents don't approve of. Damn her! I never realized she was using me as a shield while she was meeting with that other man." Francis continued to complain, all the while drowning himself in more alcohol.
Royce couldn't hear any of that anymore. He was still shocked by what Francis had revealed.
Pregnant. His beautiful Elis was pregnant with another man. A man that had no intention to marry her. What was she going to do? Her parents will not be kind to her when they find out. Will they throw her out? He couldn't think.
She hadn't told him. She had never mentioned to him that there was another man in her life. By Jove, did she really think so little of him?
At some point, Francis passed out. Royce left him there and went for a ride; sleep being the furthest thing from his mind.
Elis was pregnant, likely alone and scared. He couldn't just do nothing.
So lost in his thoughts, he was that he didn't realize how far from his house he'd ridden. And yet, he couldn't stop. He steered his horse and continued to ride until he came across a remarkably familiar clearing.
Even in the darkness of the night, he could recognize the fields he'd played in as a child, with Francis and Elis.
Soon, he was tying his horse to a tree and making his way towards the Marquis's house. Only when he stopped in front of Elis's window did he realize how foolish he was being.
What did he expect? To ride all the way here, barge into her room, and demand who her unborn baby's father was?
