by Tee, Marian
And this time, Tilly really did blush, unable to help it.
"I would like to see more of you while I am here," Raj pressed. "Does being a nanny mean working for my friend 24/7?"
She shook her head. "I get off at five. Plenty enough time for me to ready myself before you take me out for dinner."
Again, she waited for Logan to speak.
But he did not.
Raj laughed. "Your candidness is very becoming."
"I'm glad you think so," Tilly managed to say.
"What time shall I pick you up?"
She turned to the billionaire, willing him to put an end to this.
Forget about the timeline. Tell him he's wrong. Say I'm yours.
Anything was fine, just as long as it was enough to keep her heart from breaking.
But the billionaire did nothing at all, and Tilly finally realized that she had gotten a lucky break, not having given in to the urge to ask him her question.
Can I believe you love me?
Because now she had her answer.
Chapter 20
The billionaire watched Tilly carefully apply her makeup before changing into a dress he had never seen her wear before. White silk and sleeveless, with a swirly skirt that was sure to draw any man's attention to her shapely legs, especially when paired with the nude pumps she was now sliding her feet into.
The last touch was her perfume, delicate and floral, the kind that gradually beguiled the senses, and by the time a man realized what was happening, it was too fucking late, and he was already under her spell.
Just like how he had been, from the first moment he saw her.
"Well?" Tilly made a little twirl in front of him. "What do you think?" Her smile was expectant, her tone bright and hopeful.
"Beautiful," he said flatly. Too goddamn beautiful, considering that she was about to have dinner with another man.
"Thank you." Tilly picked her purse. "I guess I better go then. I've made him wait long enough."
Him, which was the prince formerly known as his fucking colleague, and now the man that Logan was severely tempted to kill.
Working hard to keep her voice from wobbling, Tilly mustered a smile for Logan, saying, "I know how important his cooperation is. I promise I won't...disappoint you."
Because I love you.
And loving him meant never standing in the way of his dreams.
The two of them descended the steps in silence, but when it was time for her to walk past the front doors and join the other man, Logan inexplicably found himself reaching for her, fingers cupping her elbow to turn her around.
She smiled up at him, and something about it didn't feel right.
"What is it?" Tilly prompted.
"It's just dinner," Logan heard himself say.
"I know."
"Raj is a gentleman," he felt the need to point out, but for whose benefit, he could no longer fucking tell. "He won't...disrespect you."
"I know." She was smiling even more brightly now. "Stop worrying about me, okay? It's going to be fine."
And then she was gone.
Time moved ever so slowly, minutes turning into hours, and Logan just couldn't get her fucking smile out of his mind. He tried to distract himself by spending more time than usual playing with Liam, but eventually even the toddler gave up on him. When the little boy fell asleep while watching some show on Nickelodeon, Logan had no choice but to turn him over to the night nurse.
On his way down to the study, a small voice hesitantly called out to the billionaire, and Logan turned to see Billie standing by her bedroom door. Walking back to her, he asked, "You know it's way past your bedtime, don't you?"
This would normally have the girl dish out some smart comeback, but instead her eyes, which were so damn like Tilly's, only looked up at him. "Logan?" Her voice was troubled.
"What is it?"
"Why did you let Tilly date another guy?"
"It was her choice," Logan heard himself say even as he could feel an invisible noose slowly tightening around his neck.
Something was wrong.
Something was goddamn wrong.
"But it doesn't make sense," Billie whispered. "She loves you."
Logan nearly flinched but managed to keep his tone level as he tried to ease the girl's fears. "It's just a date, Billie."
She loves you.
"Nothing's going to change. You'll see." And before Logan knew what he was doing, he was bending down to press a kiss on the top of Billie's head.
Something was wrong.
Just as he straightened up, Tilly's younger sister suddenly threw her arms around his waist, whispering, "I'm scared."
She loves you.
"But I don't know why I'm scared."
Something was wrong.
He tried to push the thought away as he kept Billie company in her room and read the first few pages of Farmers Weekly in a deliberately slow monotone. In ten minutes flat, the latest livestock report had knocked Billie out for the night, and Logan carefully tucked her in before switching the lights off.
She loves you.
And that was when it finally hit him.
Just when it might be too late, he realized what felt so fucking wrong.
Her smile, her too-bright smile, that goddamn smile...
She had been smiling at him...like she had been afraid to lose it, afraid that if she had stopped smiling for even a single second, she would have shattered completely.
Fuck.
How could he have been so fucking blind? She had been expecting him to stop her from leaving, and instead he had practically shoved her out of the door, and for what? A fucking business deal?
I can't lose her.
Just the mere idea of losing Tilly had him going berserk, and as soon as he was out of Billie's room, Logan dug his phone out of his pocket in clumsy haste and made a call to his pilot. "I need the chopper at my rooftop. Now."
Fifteen fucking minutes passed, with each one feeling longer than the last, when the billionaire heard the loud, jarring noise of the chopper landing at his private helipad. After leaving precise instructions on what the staff was to do if Tilly were to come back before him, he started for the stairs, intending to head straight to the rooftop, when he heard the doors open behind him, and Logan swung back.
Tilly.
She looked strangely frail, her brown eyes not meeting his even as her lips formed a strained smile. "Hey. I didn't expect---" Her brows furrowed. "What's that noise?" She absently brushed locks of hair away from her face as she spoke, and that was when Logan noticed the piece of paper in her hands.
Tilly saw what he was staring at. "It's from Raj."
He saw her lips curve into a smile that never reached her eyes, and he couldn't remember feeling so low and dirty in his life. I'm going to lose her. He could feel it in his blood, could see it in the way she was smiling at him, and he swallowed hard. "Tilly---"
There was something in his voice, something that threatened the very last bit of control Tilly had left, and even though her jaw was beginning to ache, she forced herself to smile harder as she cut him off, saying, "I know you want all the details, so here." She moved up the steps to meet him halfway and did her best to keep her hand from shaking as she handed him the document Raj entrusted her with.
The billionaire took the piece of paper from her hands but didn't even spare it a glance.
"It's all there," she told him. "So if you'll excuse me, it's really late, and I'm feeling more than a little sleepy and tired..." She feigned a yawn. "Let's talk more tomorrow." Or never at all. "Good night." Tilly made sure not to meet his eyes as she turned away to race up the stairs.
Memories haunted her every step, and her heart felt so, so funny as she realized just how stupid she had been.
No wonder he had been able to make her wait for so long outside his bedroom.
Because he didn't love her.
That whole thing about Claudette could be a lie.
Because he di
dn't love her.
And the billionaire simply stepping aside when another man showed interest in her---
Because he didn't love her.
A sob nearly escaped her, and her legs began to shake. She tried - oh God, how she had tried to make it, but her knees gave out halfway down the corridor, and she crashed to the floor.
He didn't love her. Had never loved her. Might never ever love her.
Her smile slipped.
The tears fell.
And she shattered.
Chapter 21
Logan slowly tore the document into pieces and watched numbly as the scraps fell in a scattered pile around his feet. He took his phone out, his fingers clumsily moving over the screen as he typed a message to the prince.
The deal's off.
And as soon as the text pushed through, the nerves in his fingers seemed to stop functioning, and the phone slipped out of his hold. Pain and self-loathing had caged him into immobility and his throat was locked so damn tight he could barely drag oxygen into his lungs.
Tilly.
She was all he could see. All he could think of. All that made his heart keep beating.
And he loved her.
The truth was suddenly all too clear, and everything that used to confuse him now made perfect sense. His need to be with her and his inability to let her go. The way she could make him laugh when he had always felt cold and dead inside with everyone else. The way life had so much more meaning ever since she became his mail-order bride...
He loved her.
He goddamn loved her, and now it might be too late.
Fear and panic gripped him, and the billionaire bounded up the steps in twos.
Fuck giving her time, fuck giving her space.
He saw her as soon as he reached the landing on the second floor, and the sight of her on the floor, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs, struck him like a fucking axe to his chest.
Tilly sensed him coming even before she saw him slowly kneeling down in front of her.
"Tilly."
The tears rushed down. That voice. Her name on his lips. Those things used to be...beautiful.
"I'm sorry, Tilly."
And now, she couldn't feel a thing. Hurt had her all emptied out, and her heart...there was nothing of it left to feel funny. She saw him reach for her, and she panicked in her need to get away, to never feel his touch---
"No. Don't. Please."
Tilly clumsily fell back, and her gaze collided with his.
His face was pale under his tan, his gaze haunted. He looked sick to his soul, and her own soul cried out.
"It's not..." It hurt to speak, her voice coming out broken and tremulous, but still she forced the words out. "It's n-not what you think."
Because she loved him, and she could never - would never ever be able to bear seeing him in pain.
"You've already given me so much, you know. So much more than I could ever dream for Billie and me. That's why I p-promised myself. I would n-never...I would never stand in the way of your dreams---"
"God, Tilly---" He was gutted to the core, realizing why she had insisted on joining Raj for dinner and why she had never made any demands on him.
And it should all have been fucking obvious, the billionaire thought sickly, if he hadn't stubbornly remained blinded by the past.
"I'm n-not mad---"
"You should be," he gritted out.
"You didn't force me to do anything. I was the one who chose to go---"
"But I should've stopped you from the very start," Logan said savagely. "And I fucking didn't. I let the past turn me into a coward, and by the time I realized I was wrong - it was all too late. When the chopper got here---"
So that was what was making the weird, loud rumbling noise she heard, Tilly realized dazedly.
"You were here, too, and I had already broken your heart."
He saw Tilly's lips start to tremble in her effort to keep herself from crying, but when he tried to reach for her again, she shook her head, and his arms slowly fell back. She could no longer bear his touch, he realized numbly, and he couldn't even blame her for it.
Tilly saw the way the billionaire whiten at her instinctive rejection, and her despair grew. "I'm sorry, Logan. I don't mean to...I would never..." Want to hurt you. But then she remembered - oh, she remembered.
The billionaire simply stepping aside to let another man take her away--
And this time, she could no longer hold anything back.
"I love you," she choked out.
Logan jerked.
"I love you so much that I literally go down on my knees every night, thanking God because He gave me you. I love you so much that there are times I can't help crying, just thinking of how perfect you are. I love how kind you are to Billie, and how you never made me feel I was cheap or sordid for marrying you for money, and I just...I just wanted to do anything and everything I could to help you. But when you just let me go---" Her voice broke. "And I couldn't even make myself hate you for it---"
He saw Tilly gulp hard in an effort to control her tears, but violent sobs still ended up racking her body, and the sight made Logan want to carve his own heart out. God. He had never known he had hurt her like this.
"I'm sorry," he said rawly. "I'd sell everything I have just to turn back time and do right by you---" His voice became hollow. "But I can't. All I can do is make it up to you and hope to God you'll find it in your heart to forgive me...and keep loving me back."
Tilly's lips parted in silent shock.
Love him...back?
Was he saying---
Logan's fierce gaze captured hers. "I love you." She started shaking her head, and desperation to make her believe him turned his voice harsh and forceful. "I love you."
"You don't---"
"I texted Raj," he cut in tautly. "I told him the deal's off." But instead of finding the words reassuring, Tilly became visibly distressed, and he couldn't fucking understand it until he heard her speak---
"I don't want to ever stand in the way of your dreams, and that was your dream---"
God. That she thought that, that he had made her think that---
"You're my dream," Logan insisted fiercely. "I was too stupid to figure out what's been under my nose all this time, but it will be different now."
"I don't want you to hate me---"
"I don't. I won't. I never will. Because I mean what I said, baby. I love you." He kept his gaze locked with hers, willing Tilly to see the truth in his eyes. "I wish there's something else I could do, tear my fucking chest open to show you what's inside my heart. But I've got nothing, and you don't know how much that goddamn terrifies me."
Logan breathed hard, the thought of what he was about to say next making him feel sick to his stomach. For almost his entire life, he had lived by his father's rules, believing that it had been the right thing to do.
But now...
"I worshipped my dad," the billionaire heard himself say, "and it made me blind to his faults. He could've picked up the pieces of his life, but he let his fears and bitterness ruin him. He still had the chance to start fresh when she left. He might have lost his wife, but he still had me, dammit. He could've chosen to live for me, to take another risk at life for me. But instead, he chose to drank himself to an early grave."
Dark eyes filled with agony turned to her, and Tilly had to fight against the urge to pull the billionaire into his arms.
"Seeing how much my father suffered made me believe I had to choose between love and ambition, but living with you...being with you...loving you...it made me realize there doesn't have to be a choice. When you have the right person with you...the bad things aren't as fucking bad and the good things are twice as good...because I have you to share them with. Raising Liam used to scare the hell out of me, but the moment I saw you with him - hearing him laugh and call you Mama - the future stopped looking bleak, and I---" The billionaire swallowed hard. "Will you believe me if I tell you I actually dreamt of the future
, and it was you, me, Liam, and Billie, and our own child?"
Tilly just stared at him, tears falling down her cheeks, and not a single word slipping past her still-trembling lips. But the look in her eyes was enough, and his chest tightened at what he saw.
His hand shook as he slowly reached for her hand.
Please God.
His fingers started to twine with hers---
Don't make her turn me away.
Her own fingers started to move---
Please.
In order to twine back with his.
Relief slammed into him, and his gaze started to sting.
Tilly saw the sheen in the billionaire's dark eyes, and her heart...oh, her heart...it started feeling funny again, but it was a good, sweet kind of funny, the kind that promised forever.
Logan tightened his grip on her hand, and emotions turned his voice into a rasp as he uttered the words that he knew he would be vowing to her every damn day of the rest of their lives.
"I love you."
And the words that he used to scorn and fear---
They completed him this time, as his wife smiled tearily up at him, her answer shining in eyes that were once again vividly brimming with life.
I love you, too.
Epilogue
Hello again, my secretive gossipy little lambs!
You are all going to so love the latest news to share with you, and as always you'll hear this FIRST on my website. Are you ready?
Logan Hardwall, the last billionaire bachelor standing of San Antonio's Finest Eligibles (SAFE) is officially off the market!
And for those who have been avidly following the romantic escapades of the Texan oil baron, many of you may not be surprised that the lucky lady is none other than Mathilda Wakefield.
Yes, it really is that Mathilda, the nanny who had been photographed enjoying the billionaire's, err, devoted attention in various occasions (i.e. doing the deed at the daycare, passion at the park, love at the library).
Our ever-reliable source further revealed that the couple's marriage was a lavish but intimate ceremony held over the weekend at Mariposa House, the picturesque B&B owned by Mrs. Acheron Simonides, who coincidentally shares a similar uniform-to-wedding-gown love story by starting out as the Greek billionaire's secretary before eventually being promoted to becoming the boss' wife.
