He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he’d always loved her, but the words got stuck in his throat. He was scared. Most people thought he was fearless, but there was still one thing in this world that terrified him: being rejected by Harper.
“You want me?” His voice was gruff, buried by all the words he was trying to hold back.
She nodded, biting her lip, as her gaze travelled down his body. “So much.”
“Show me.” He wanted to hear it. Feel it. Know, without a doubt, how much she wanted him.
She reached between them, guiding him to her entrance as her gaze trapped his. “I want you so much, Deke. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
His heart swelled, knowing she was speaking the truth, sharing her heart with him. Claiming her body was amazing, but stealing her heart was his end goal. “Then take me, sweetheart. Make me yours.”
He’d been hers long before she came back to town. He’d been hers every time he slept with another woman and bailed in the middle of the night. He’d been hers every time she crept into his fantasies and got him off. He’d been hers every time he thought about her, and felt that crushing sense of loss that made it difficult to breathe. Hers. Always hers.
She watched as he sank into her, mouthing the word, “Mine.”
His heart clenched at the same time she clenched him. There were only three words he wanted to hear Harper whisper more than mine and his gut told him they were dancing on tip of her tongue, waiting for him to draw them out.
His thrusts were deep and purposeful, locking her down a little tighter with every stroke. He hadn’t forgotten what his girl liked. It was burned in his memory and now he used that knowledge to hit just the right spot to make her moan and whisper his name.
His name on her sweet lips while her body enveloped him, was the most erotic experience of his life, especially since they weren’t kids anymore. They’d both had other lovers. Too many for his liking but they’d found their way back to this moment, to each other, and she was reviving the part of him that died the night he told her it was over. She was making him feel whole again, like maybe the biggest mistake of his life didn’t have to cost him everything.
“This isn’t just sex,” she whispered, hooking him with a gaze so intense he could have lost himself in it.
He shook his head as he plunged deeper, imprinting his body on hers. “Never. It’s never just sex with you, baby.” I love you too damn much. He had to bite the words back, knowing it may be too soon. He just got her back. He wasn’t going to risk losing her again by pushing too far, too fast.
She tipped her hips back, taking him deeper. “Gimme me more, Deke. I want all of you.”
He was holding back, trying to make this last, but her quiet command unleashed something in him, making it impossible to restrain himself any longer. “You want all of me?” he demanded, clenching his teeth as he picked up his pace. “You sure about that? You don’t want me to hold back?”
“I want to feel you with every step I take tomorrow.”
“Jesus,” he groaned, dropping his head. His girl was killing him. Taking him places even she never had before, and he would have guessed that impossible.
His body took over when his brain shut down, but thankfully he still had the awareness to stroke her to completion one last time before he let go.
His conscience got the best of him before it was too late. He demanded on a ragged gasp, “If you need me to pull out—”
“No! Don’t. Please.”
He flooded her, his whole body jerking with pleasure, drowning in satisfaction and a release so forceful he thought he’d pass out. His heart was beating the hell out of his chest by the time he collapsed on top of her, trying not to crush her. “Jesus.”
Her laugh was shaky as her hands skimmed his back while she kissed his shoulder. “Um, yeah. That was crazy.”
Crazy. That was one word for it. Crazy-good. Crazy-intense. Crazy-hot.
I love you. It was killing him not to say it, especially as he withdrew and kissed her lips one last time.
She curled against him and he closed his eyes as he pressed his lips against her temple. He couldn’t remember ever being this happy. When they’d been together before there’d always been the cloud of poverty and abuse hanging over his head. Knowing he had serious baggage and could never take care of her the way he wanted to. But everything was different this time. He could give her anything she wanted and she gave him everything he needed. It was the perfect pairing of forever.
He looked into her emerald eyes and saw his future. Their beautiful babies. The home he wanted to build for her with the big backyard and pool. Holidays around a big tree. Exotic vacations on her school breaks. So many more nights just like this one. A life that surpassed anything he could have given her back when she was in college and he was still trying to make a place for himself in the world.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” she whispered, brushing her fingertip over his thick stubble.
He wanted to tell her everything, but tonight he was just going to enjoy the present, this moment, and how good it felt to finally be back in her arms.
He closed his arms around her and sighed, letting the contentment wash away all the bad feelings from the past. The guilt and regret. Sadness and defeat. There was no room for those emotions in this new relationship he was building with Harper.
“Just feels good, baby. Being with you like this again.” It didn’t begin to describe how he was feeling, and he wished he didn’t have to hold back, but the day would come when he would spill his secrets. Soon.
“It does.” She let her hand skim his chest before dipping lower, making his abs clench. “But I should let you get back to your place. I’m sure you have a busy day tomorrow. An early morning?”
It was hard to think about real life when his fantasy was naked, wrapped up in his arms, looking at him like he was making her dreams come true.
“Uh, yeah. I do.” He sighed. “Damn, I wish you could spend the night with me.” He kissed her shoulder. “I want to wake up with you in my arms.”
She smiled. “Not with little eyes watching.” Her smile spread. “He’d have a lot of questions, don’t you think?”
He’d never brought girls home when his nephew was staying with him, but then he hadn’t wanted to spend the night with anyone in years. Not since Harper. “Yeah, I know you’re right.” But that didn’t mean he had to like it. He’d lay down his life for his nephew, but building a future with Harper was edging out everything else, making it hard to think straight.
“Have you ever, uh, had a woman spend the night with Drew there?”
“No, never.” It felt so wrong, thinking about other women when he was with her. “Never even been tempted to have a sleepover, but with you I’m more than tempted.”
She smiled. “How do you want to handle this with Drew?”
“What do you mean?” Drew was his nephew, not his son, and the kid already loved Harper. He didn’t see any reason to keep their relationship a secret from him.
“Well, I don’t know what this is and I don’t want to confuse him.” She tugged her lower lip between her teeth. “If I’m going to be watching him for the rest of the summer and—”
He ran his thumb over her lip before kissing her. “You’re not sure what this is?” He didn’t want any confusion about what he thought this was. This was the first day of the future he’d forfeited their first go ‘round. “I think it’s just the beginning for us, beautiful. I want Drew, and everyone else, to know how I feel about you.”
Her lips curved into a satisfied smile. “Good, then we’re on the same page.”
“I don’t want to leave you tonight.” He knew he had to, for Drew’s sake, but that didn’t make it any easier.
“We can still have breakfast together in the morning,” she whispered, tipping her mouth up to invite his kiss. “Providing you can haul that sexy ass out of bed in time to join us.”
He chuckled, thinking about
how good it would feel to know she was making breakfast just a few feet away. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”
Chapter Eleven
Harper was making bacon and scrambled eggs while Drew ran in to make sure his uncle was out of the shower. She was nervous about what to expect this morning. She knew Deke wouldn’t have any regrets about last night, and she certainly didn’t, but she still wasn’t sure what his expectations were about their relationship.
“He says he’ll be out in five, Harper,” Drew said, jumping up on the stool at the breakfast bar.
“Cool,” she said, pouring juice in a glass for her little charge. “I’ll just keep his warm until he comes out then.”
“You excited about going to the zoo today?” she asked, like she didn’t know. As a kid the zoo had been one of her favorite places, and it was still one of her favorite class field trips every year.
“I sure am!”
Drew was a sweetheart. In spite of his mother leaving him and his dad’s deployment, he was a remarkably happy, well-adjusted kid. She knew Deke played a big part in that. He’d be an incredible dad someday, if his relationship with his nephew was any indication.
“You know what else I’m excited about?” he asked, taking a bite of bacon as soon as she set his plate down in front of him.
“What’s that, honey?”
“My daddy comes home in sixty-three days! And this time he says he’s never gonna leave me again!”
Deke hadn’t mentioned his brother’s return, or the fact that he didn’t intend to re-up after this tour. Harper could tell how much it would mean to his little boy to have him home. “Really? That’s awesome! You must be so excited.”
His head bobbed up and down and he took a bite of his toast. “It’s gonna be awesome!”
Deke stepped out of his room and his eyes locked on Harper. “What’s gonna be awesome?”
Her throat went dry as her eyes travelled up and down his powerful body. He was wearing faded ripped jeans, a white Henley with the sleeves pushed back to reveal his dark ink, and biker boots. Lord have mercy. He was the sexiest man she’d ever—
His wink snapped her out of her perusal and she released she was practically drooling while innocent eyes sized her up. “Oh, hey, good morning, Deke.” She cleared her throat. “Drew was just telling me how excited he is that his daddy’s coming home soon.”
Deke curled his arm around his nephew’s neck before dropping a smacking kiss on his cheek, making Drew giggle and Harper smile. “He sure is. This little guy’s been counting down.”
“I don’t blame him,” Harper said, handing Deke a cup of coffee, just the way he liked it. “And he’s not going to re-enlist?”
“Thanks.” His lips quirked, as though he was remembering all the reasons she’d given him to thank her last night. “Uh, no, looks like he’ll be able to get a job in law enforcement here. He’s had enough. Being away from Drew hasn’t been easy.”
“I can imagine.” If she had a son like Drew she wouldn’t be able to tear herself away from him. She piled a plate high with food and handed it to Deke. “I hope you’re hungry.”
He chuckled, making her blush. “Yeah, I am. Must’ve worked up an appetite.”
“How?” Drew asked. “Sleeping doesn’t make you hungry.” He giggled. “Well, sometimes it does. Like this morning, I woke up with a rumble in my tummy and I couldn’t wait for Harper’s eggs and bacon.”
“Is that right?” Deke asked, poking him in the stomach, before he claimed the stool beside him. “Harper’s spoiling you, huh? Don’t count on this when your old man gets back though. He can’t cook for sh—” He caught himself just in time when Harper shot him a warning glance. “Uh, he can’t cook at all. Would probably burn the toast. Am I right, buddy?”
Drew laughed, nodding his head vigorously.
“You guys are bad,” Harper said, trying to hide her smile as she filled her own plate. “Well, anytime you want a home-cooked meal, you know where to find me. I love cooking.” She smiled at Drew. “Especially for you, kiddo.”
“You’re the best.” He continued munching on bacon before he said, “I wish you could be my teacher. I bet you’re cool.”
Deke and Harper shared a smile before he said, “I bet she is too.”
Harper had forced her job dilemma to the back of her mind, since Deke was paying her salary for the summer, but she knew she couldn’t afford to do that forever. There was no way she could afford rent on the apartment next door without a job, and she refused to take charity, especially from the man she was sleeping with.
“So, what do you two have planned for today?” Deke asked, eyeing Harper curiously. It was like he could sense her internal struggle and was trying to read her mind.
“We’re going to the zoo!” Drew said, curling his little hand around Deke’s wrist. “And Harper said she’d take lots of pictures, so I can practice drawing all the animals when I get home.”
“That sounds like fun,” Deke said, smiling at her.
“It should be.”
Her job status aside, she was determined to have fun with Drew today. She’d save her problems for another day. At least she had a paycheck… thanks to Deke. Ugh. She’d promised herself she’d never be financially dependent on anyone, for anything, yet if it wasn’t for Deke’s generous offer, she’d be screwed. And that didn’t sit well when she considered what would happen when Drew’s dad returned and she was out of a job.
“Uh, buddy,” Deke said, side-eyeing her. “Why don’t you run in and finish getting ready? Make sure you brush your teeth, comb your hair—”
“I know,” he said, with a heavy sigh as he jumped off the stool. “Be right back.”
Deke pushed off the stool and came around the island to meet her. “What’s that look about, beautiful?” His eyes were filled with concern when he tipped her head back so she was forced to look at him. “And don’t tell me nothing. I can tell something’s weighing on you this morning.” When she sighed, he said, “If this is about last night—”
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s not that, I promise. I was just thinking about what I’m going to do about a job. I love spending time with Drew, but this is just a short-term gig, until your brother comes back.” She planted her hands on his chest. “And I really love being a teacher, Deke. I can’t imagine doing anything else, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get a job here.” Theirs was a one stoplight kind of town, perfect for retirees, but not much to offer their kids.
His eyes narrowed and she could feel his heart rate kick up a notch. “What are you saying? You’re going to start looking elsewhere for a job? What about us?”
Therein lied her dilemma. She’d never intended to return to their small hometown permanently. Before she’d left her last job, she submitted dozens of resumes, and knew she’d probably be getting a few call-backs any day now. Carlton was supposed to be a mini vacay, a chance to catch up with her bestie, and their old friends. She sure as hell hadn’t expected to re-connect with Deke.
Before she could respond, Drew was back, and she stepped away from his uncle.
Drew gave them a curious look. “Uncle Deke, is Harper your girlfriend?”
Deke didn’t hesitate before he said, “I’d like her to be, but that’s up to her.”
Harper’s heart sank. He was upset with her for not being able to offer him a commitment, but this was her life, her career, they were talking about. She’d gone to school for years to become a teacher and loved every second she spent in the classroom. How was she supposed to give that up? And what would she do if she did? Wait tables? Answer phones at her friend’s salon? Options were seriously limited in Carlton.
“You should be his girlfriend, Harper,” Drew said, grinning. “He’d spoil you, just like he spoils me.”
That’s what Harper was afraid of. She didn’t want to be spoiled. She worked for everything she had, which wasn’t much, but at least it was hers. She and her ex split all the expenses down the middle,
which she’d insisted on. Life with Deke wouldn’t be like that. He’d want to take care of her, because he could, and she couldn’t have that.
Harper forced a smile, trying to avoid the curious look Deke was giving her. “Just let me finish cleaning up here, hon. Then we can be on our way.”
Deke cleared his throat and grabbed his keys, wallet, and cell phone off the counter. “Guess I should get to work.” He bent to give Drew a hug when he ran around the counter and launched himself into his arms. “You be good for Harper today, and have fun, okay?”
Drew pulled back to look him in the eye. “What’s wrong Uncle Deke? You look sad.”
This kid was too mature, too intuitive, Harper thought, trying not to react.
“I’m okay, buddy.” He stood and turned to face Harper. Gripping her chin, he looked her in the eyes, mouthing, “I’m crazy about you. Don’t forget that.”
How could she forget? Deke’s feelings for her, hers for him, were the reason she felt both happy and sad, excited and anxious, all at the same time.
***
Deke was trying like hell to focus on his work. It wasn’t hard when he was working on a piece, but it was the down time in between that was killing him. He didn’t book his appointments back to back since that would be too draining. But today he wished he had. Every free minute had him torturing himself with thoughts of what Harper was too afraid to tell him.
Was she leaving? Going elsewhere to look for a teaching job? How could she not? She loved teaching. It was more than a job, it was a big part of her life. He got that. If someone told him tomorrow he couldn’t tattoo anymore, he’d lose his mind, so how could he begrudge her the chance to do what she loved? But how the hell could he let her go, after they’d finally re-connected?
One of Deke’s tattoo artists and close friends, Vlad, slapped him on the back. “How’s it goin’ boss man? That floral garland you were workin’ on earlier was pretty sic.” He raised an eyebrow. “Rough job, you lucky bastard.”
Game Over (On the Wild Side #1) Page 9
