That is kind of girl Connor wants.
Simple, easy, open, sweet.
The kind of girl you will never be.
The next morning Samantha was poring over the financial reports Jessica had submitted. She had never spent so much time reviewing these reports. Today she was determined to find an error. The only problem was there didn’t seem to be any. She was walking back to Jessica’s desk to return the reports with her begrudging approval when she saw Connor. He was leaning against her desk in his casual way and Jessica was giggling at something he said. When she reached out and stroked his forearm, Samantha lost it. She stormed over to Jessica’s desk and slammed the report down in between them, physically breaking up the two, and almost crushing Jessica’s hand.
“These are completely wrong!” Samantha was towering over Jessica, nearly shouting in her face. Jessica was too stunned to respond. “What were you thinking?”
“What is the problem, Samantha?” Connor’s voice was sterner than usual, but still steady as he tried to intervene.
“The problem, Connor, is it seems Jessie is too busy laughing at your jokes to do her job,” Samantha spat out, her voice laced with venom. She hadn’t intended on making a scene, but at this point she was unable to control her words and was too enraged to realize how far her voice was carrying.
“I completed the weekly reports the same way I always do,” Jessica meekly replied trying to defend herself.
“Exactly. Are we doing business the same as we always do? No. We are in the middle of a merger,” Samantha was aware she wasn’t entirely making sense. Her brain was trying to work out where she could go with this to avoid looking foolish. She hated every word that was coming out of her mouth. She hated who she had become, the catty, jealous office bitch. How did she get here? How could she get back to who she was? Why couldn't she control how she felt about Connor?
“I am sure Jessica is more than capable of making the changes you need. In the meantime, can I speak with you Samantha?” Connor gave a reassuring look to Jessica while grabbing Samantha’s elbow and leading her back to her office forcefully. Samantha pulled away from Connor’s touch, blaming him as much as herself for her outburst. She practically jogged back to the safety of her office, running from the sound of Connor’s quick steps behind her and the humiliation she felt growing in the pit of her stomach. A wave of nauseous passed over her as she braced herself against her desk. She had overstepped her bounds and the entire office had seen it.
Connor stepped into Samantha’s office behind her, closing the door. She faced away from him, her hands on her desk with her head down in defeat.
“What the hell was that?” Connor’s voice rang out in the empty space between them. “You looked like a crazy person out there!”
“I know,” Samantha’s reply was so soft Connor almost didn’t hear it.
“I’m trying to build a team here and in five minutes you manage to ruin all the progress we’ve made,” Connor kept on with his admonishment. Every word cut Samantha deep, not only because they were true, but because they were coming from Connor.
“I know,” Samantha’s voice was a little louder now. Connor could hear the remorse in her words.
“You know these people are terrified of you! Scenes like that don’t help.”
“I know. I know! I KNOW!” Samantha turned around to face him. The passion and sadness in her eyes shoved aside every thought in his head other than the desire to hold her. He checked it quickly, not letting himself cross that imaginary line. Connor suddenly realized for the first time they were alone in her office again. Less than two days ago he had promised himself he wouldn’t put himself at risk and here he was, alone with Samantha Cane.
“You think I’m not painfully aware of how hated I am and how loved you are? You win okay. Now can you stop rubbing my face in it!”
“What are you talking about?” Connor knew exactly what she meant, but he wasn’t going to admit it. He suddenly felt immensely guilty. He shoved his hands in his pockets to push down the urge to touch her and tell her he was sorry.
“Don’t play innocent. It’s bad enough you’re taking over my entire office, but to be flirting with Jessie, right in front of me,” Samantha used a mocking girlie tone when she said Jessica’s name.
“And why shouldn’t I? We are both single consenting adults. Just because you’ve made it very clear that you don’t want to date co-workers doesn’t mean I won’t.” Connor was defensive. They both knew there was something between them, whether she admitted it or not. She didn't get to deny it and throw it in his face at the same time.
“Because you are driving me crazy!” Samantha confessed with an exasperated sigh. She didn’t mean to say the words out loud. She hadn’t been able to admit them yet to herself, but they were said now. And they were true. It was making her crazy seeing him with someone else, even if it was just a simple office flirtation. Connor was taken aback by her sudden confession and didn’t respond. “Can you please just stop?” Samantha whimpered in defeat.
“Why should I?” Connor asked childishly, always wanting to push her.
“Because I’m asking you to,” Samantha’s eyes were pleading.
“Why does it bother you so much? You made it clear you aren't interested,” he knew exactly why. But, he wanted her to admit it. She wouldn't. She just glared at him with a look that accused him of knowing exactly what he had been doing.
“Samantha, I have the right to date whoever I want. You are not my boss and you sure as hell aren’t my girlfriend. You have no right to tell me who I can flirt with. Who I can date. Who I can kiss. Who I can fuck...” Samantha cringed with each word until she couldn't take it.
“Then I need you off this project,” Samantha snapped. Her mind was swimming with images of Connor with someone else. They felt like jagged shards of glass rattling around, slicing through her ability to think rationally.
“That’s not going to happen,” Connor retorted with anger rising back in his voice, overtaking the sympathy he’d had for her just a minute ago. She wasn't chasing him away again. This was his job and she would just have to deal with it.
“Connor, I can’t work like this.”
“Well, you don’t have a choice. Neither of us does. Believe me when I say that I did everything I could to avoid seeing you again. I didn’t want to do this job to begin with and you certainly haven’t made it any more pleasant,” Connor’s words were pointed, but honest.
Samantha’s only response was to cradle her face in her hands and let out a muffled scream. She looked up and her eyes met Connor’s again. In that brief moment they both silently acknowledged they were trapped together and it was painful for them both.
“Fine,” Samantha said with resignation taking a step toward him. There was still half an office between them, but that single step felt like the beginning of something, like the ground was shifting under them. “Go to dinner with me,” she was left with no other choice. She didn’t want to date Connor, but she couldn’t get away from him and she refused to watch him with someone else. She was out of options.
“Excuse me?” he said with a cautious smirk in his voice.
“You heard me, Connor.” Her voice was a warning not to push. He didn't listen.
“Are you asking me out on a date?” he was painfully playful now. Samantha refused to smile in her defeat.
“Yes,” she walked around to her side of the desk trying to regain at least the perception of control. “Pick me up tomorrow night at seven. I’ll make dinner reservations,” again she was trying to order him around. He might be forcing her into this, but she would at least control what she could.
“Tomorrow is Friday.”
“Yes. I am aware of that Connor. That is what usually happens after a Thursday,” sarcasm dripped from her words as she stared at him. Her hands were on her desk and she was leaning in. A power pose.
“You’re assuming I don’t have plans,” Connor crossed his arms, bathing in her frustration.
“Connor, can’t you please be graceful in victory?” Samantha was equal parts defeated and defiant. She was faking the confidence, trying hard to make sure Connor didn’t see her trepidation.
“Victory? I haven’t said yes yet,” he continued to tease her. He had no intention of letting her back out of the invitation, but he loved seeing her squirm.
“Well, I’m sure Jessica is still at her desk if you’d rather. Well?” Samantha was at the end of her rope. Connor let silence fill the room until he felt the anxiety radiating off of her.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at seven,” he finally retorted. “Wear something sexy,” were his parting words before strutting out of her office. Samantha was sure he intentionally said it loud enough Tammy could hear.
Maybe Thursdays weren’t so bad after all.
Chapter Nine - The First Date
Wear something sexy. His words rang in her ears as Samantha stared at her closet Friday night. What do you wear on a first date with the boy who took your virginity and was now a stunningly beautiful man who makes you come unhinged? Samantha couldn’t decide what she wanted from this date. Or, more importantly, what she wanted from Connor. Her plan to never be alone with him had failed. Twice. The first time she had gotten to feel the touch of his hands on her skin again. She had missed that feeling every day they had been apart, but it had ended in a flaming mess. The second time, she had let herself get trapped into this date. Both were categorical failures. She needed a new strategy, but first she had to figure out what she wanted. Could she keep Connor at arm’s length until the end of the merger? If she didn’t, could she indulge in his touch and keep herself from falling for him? Was it possible to be in Connor’s arms and not want to spend the rest of her life there?
She had asked him out after being cornered, pushed to the edge of reason. She had wanted to cancel at least a hundred times since he left her office, working herself into a near panic. She knew she couldn’t back out, that he would push his relationship with Jessica even further if she did. Now that Connor knew her weakness he would be merciless. She knew he could be viciously determined and singularly focused. It was part of why he was an amazing lover. When he was with her, he was only with her. The rest of the world didn’t exist. It was hard enough to focus just knowing Connor was in the office. If he was flirting with Jessica every day, in every meeting, Samantha knew she would snap again. She hated herself for it, for that primal jealousy that took over from some barbarian part of her brain, but she knew it was true. When it came to Connor she was never in control. She always acted on instinct, without the ability to be rational. So much for distant and professional.
Samantha was still staring at her closet, time ticking away until Connor was going to be knocking on her door. Conflicted didn’t even begin to describe how confused she was. She wouldn’t admit to herself how badly she wanted to have Connor’s naked body pressed up against hers again. She kept telling herself she had to be careful to make sure he didn’t fall in love with her. Again. She would have to try to be friends with Connor. Not even a friend, a work colleague. No emotional attachment. She couldn’t let it get physical or one of them would get hurt. Still, the idea of being with him, but not being with him felt impossible.
She thought about wearing her office clothes and pretending this was a work dinner, professional as possible, nothing but a firm handshake at the end of the evening. Her traitorous fantasies responded by picturing Connor’s face as she answered the door in nothing but a sexy lace bra and panties. She unconsciously smiled at the thought of never even making it out of her apartment. She glanced at the clock and chased the fantasies away with her ensuing panic. Connor was going to be at her door in an hour and she was still standing around in nothing but her underwear. Finally at a total loss and nearing hysteria, she broke down and called Monica for some much needed girly advice.
Monica had been Samantha’s best friend since their senior year. They went to different colleges and lived in different cities, but they always kept in touch over the years. Everyone else from both high school and college seemed to just fade away quickly after graduation. Monica was the last woman standing, the only person to ever put up with Samantha’s bullshit. Even before her father died, Samantha was never a barrel full of laughs, always a bit prickly. After, she added being emotionally distant to the list of her finer qualities. She was hardly a prize. Being her friend was always difficult and often unrewarding.
She never tried very hard to keep friends and put zero effort into making them. It took too much energy to be someone she wasn’t and no one stuck around long with the real her. Plus, the more people she let in, the more she had to lose. You can’t miss what you’ve never had. Samantha was happy with the distance she kept from the rest of the world. Through both college and law school, Monica had been the only person she really talked to. They didn’t talk regularly, but any time Samantha called it was as if no time had passed at all. Monica didn’t get mad when Samantha went radio silent for months on end. She gave her space, content to know they were friends and always would be, regardless of how often they talked or how deep their conversations went. Samantha set the phone on her dresser and listened to the rings on speaker, still pulling items out of her closet and tossing them aside in disappointed disgust.
“Hey bitch! To what do I owe the honor?” Monica was irreverent, one of her most endearing qualities in Samantha’s opinion. It was impossible to hurt Monica’s feelings, probably the main reason she was still friends with Samantha.
“Nice to hear your voice too, wench. Don’t freak out alright, but I need your advice,” mocking banter was part of their status quo.
“Holy shit! You’re knocked up!” Monica screeched into the phone.
“No! Jesus…”
“Right, you’d have to knock boots to get knocked up.” Monica couldn’t control her laughter, thinking she was just too clever. It flooded through the phone and filled Samantha’s bedroom.
“Fuck you.”
“You wish.”
“Urgh. Why do I even bother?” They were both laughing now. A little bit of the stress that racked Samantha’s body all day eased out of her shoulders.
“Fine. What profound wisdom can I bestow on you tonight then?” Samantha took a deep breath, steeling herself for the confession she knew was going to earn her some vulgar teasing.
“I have a date,” other than an exaggerated gasp, Monica was completely silent. “With Connor Grayson.” Samantha braced herself against her closet door, preparing for the questions she didn’t want to answer.
“Well, fuck me sideways.”
“Such a lady.”
“Not all of us have that fancy courtroom etiquette training. Tell me, is he as sexy as I remember? As built as he is in my wet dreams?”
“Scorching. I have no idea what to wear tonight. Ergo, the phone call.”
“Nothing. Wear. Absolutely. Nothing. Let him ruin you. You need it.” The thought of being ruined by Connor Grayson made Samantha’s thighs clench involuntarily.
“I can’t! It’s complicated,” Samantha didn’t know how to explain. Monica didn’t know about her history with Connor. No one did. “We are working together.”
“So? What does that matter?”
“I hate mixing work and pleasure! You never cross streams.” Samantha let out an exasperated sigh and covered her face with her hands. Monica wasn’t helping and time was still ticking off. She had been friends with Samantha long enough to know there was something more going on. But, she also knew when not to push. There was no way she could force Samantha to confide in her if she didn’t want to. Some best friend.
“Fine. So, what is the look you are going for then? What do you want him to think when he sees you?” Samantha took a minute to think. She had been asking herself the same thing all day and couldn’t quite put her finger on it.
“Sexy, but classy, I guess.”
“That’s easy, the LBD,” Monica declared as if Samantha was a complete id
iot for not thinking of it herself.
“LBD?”
“Little black dress. I swear you live under a rock.”
“Just trapped behind a desk. Plus, people our age usually don’t speak in acronyms! What are you twelve?”
“These calls are so rewarding. I love being able to help you out…” Monica was teasing, but Samantha still heard the warning in her tone. She was close to hanging up and letting Samantha figure it out on her own. She grabbed a black cocktail dress from the back of her closet.
“Fine. I’m a dick. Sue me. What else? Make-up? Hair? Up-do or down and free?” It was as close to an apology as she ever gave Monica, but it was enough.
“Keep the make-up natural, nude lipstick, small bit of blush, understated smoky eye shadow, but LOTS of mascara. Make sure he sees when you are batting those bad boys at him. Hair definitely down. Curl the ends just a bit and then run your fingers through it so it looks like you aren’t even trying.”
“Brilliant. Accessories?” Samantha plugged in her curling iron and dug out her mascara.
“Simple studs for earrings, but something long and dangly that will hang between the girls all night making him stare. I’m winking, but you can’t see it…” Samantha giggled as she dug through her jewelry box, pulling out a long chain necklace.
“Shoes?”
“Hmmm. That’s a tough call. You want to be work friends, simple black flats. You want him to fuck you so hard you can’t walk tomorrow? Red stilettos.”
“Got it. I’ve gotta get ready. Thanks, you little minx. You’re a lifesaver!” Samantha’s gratitude was sincere.
“Anything for you, hussy. Send me a picture when you are done so I can admire my handy work!”
Samantha was dressed and applauding Monica’s fashion tips as her eyes turned to her still bare feet. She had pulled out both the ballet flats and heals while she was getting ready, trying to decide as she got ready. She still didn’t know which she wanted to wear when Connor arrived. He was a few minutes early, but he didn’t come to the door. Instead Samantha’s phone buzzed with a text.
Lucky Charm Page 7
