‘She is but a child.’
‘Please John, let me finish. And I repeat what your mama said earlier, she’s on seventeen; moreover, she is old for her years. The school did very good work on her: she is equipped for life, more so than many young girls of her age. Now, I come to the point. Mr Harpcore has been very kind over these past months in sending me hampers. As you know their content has lent flavour to our diet, not, believe me, John, that I ever thought our way of eating was anything but good and wholesome.’ She paused now and drew two deep breaths before going on, ‘Those hampers weren’t really meant for me; they were a means of gaining entry, so to speak, into our home, and my illness has given him the excuse to call. No matter how kindly his thoughts were concerning me, his main intention was to see Nancy Ann. Please, don’t bow your head like that, John. I know what you think of him. He is a man of the world, and not our world; he has been known to be a womaniser and a gambler, a man of high living, but, have you noticed for the past four months—no, indeed, five months—he has remained at the House? This is the longest he has stayed at home for many years. The man is changing, if he has not already changed. One thing I feel sure of with regard to his character, he is of kindly heart, and, John, sooner or later, in fact I think sooner, he is coming to ask for her hand.’
John lifted his head and looked at this woman who to him was a dear creature, one to whom at times he put the name pious; in fact, there were times when her righteousness had grated on him, for she had been adamant in adhering to the letter of the Good Book while he himself might have looked at it with a wider view. Yet, here she was willing to let her daughter marry a man like Harpcore, a roué, a man old enough to be her father. He couldn’t really believe that she was the same person with whom he had spent almost thirty years. Could the approach of death alter a person so much? He would like to think that her mind had become affected; but no, her thinking was as clear as ever, yet not, to his mind, clean. Dear God, he mustn’t put the term unclean to her thoughts. She was doing what she thought best for their child. And she voiced this with her next words.
‘He is a man of substance. Undoubtedly he will take her into another world, but, and I am firmly convinced of this, she will eventually lead him into her world. Apart from such a marriage securing her future, it could, in a way, John’—she now moved her head slowly as she looked at her husband—‘be the means of saving a soul. Think on that, John. Think on that.’
He couldn’t think on that. He gently withdrew his hand from hers and got to his feet, and he stood with his back to her when he said, ‘I cannot help but say it, Rebecca: I am amazed that you should wish for this match.’
‘I knew it would affect you, John, but it is my one wish before I go to see her settled. I’ll…I’ll die happy then. The boys, they can fend for themselves, but…but I have seen the result so often in the parishes where you have served of good women left in a lonely existence after having done their duty by their parents. I have never brought the subject up with you before, John, but it has pained me. Most women are made for marriage, I think the same applies to men. Look at poor Mr Mercer. What a waste there, not only of his own life, but that of some good woman who could have shared it by now. John, I dread that kind of fate for my Nancy Ann, our Nancy Ann. All I ask is that you think on it, and when he comes to speak to you, as he will, deal with him as you would any man who is seeking a better way of life.’
She watched him bow his head, then slowly turn down the lamp until the wick was a mere glimmer before undressing himself.
Three
Rebecca gazed at her daughter wearing what had been her own wedding dress. Miss Waters from the village had finished it only this morning, and even after three fittings there were still some adjustments to be made by the little dressmaker: for with the three petticoats underneath, the skirt still didn’t look really full enough, especially over the hips. There had been the letting out of tucks here, the pulling in of tucks there and, very important, the heightening of the neckline in order to cover the breastbone.
The material looked as new as it had been when the dress was first made, because, of course, it had been turned inside out and so the pattern of the silver thread showed up much more. The only new thing on the dress was the broad blue ribbon that formed the sash, the original one had been too faded. And then there were the satin slippers, a present from Peter.
But the most surprising thing Rebecca noted about her child was the fact that she no longer looked a child or a young girl, but a young woman, for the hairstyle had transformed her daughter.
For the first time Nancy Ann had put her hair up, at least her grandmama and Peggy had put it up for her. Her ringlets were arranged on the top of her head and a white silk flower set in the midst of them, and when she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she couldn’t believe what she saw.
For some years now she had told herself that she didn’t want pretty clothes, that she didn’t like frilly dresses, that she wasn’t made for that kind of attire, but she also knew this way of thinking was because there was no money for pretty clothes, and, too, that her mother didn’t approve of frills and furbelows. Yet here she was holding her hands out to her, tears in her eyes, and saying, ‘Oh! My dear, my dear, you look so lovely, beautiful.’
‘Oh, Mama, it’s…it’s your dress.’
She watched her mother shake her head slowly and look towards her husband who was standing at the foot of the bed, and she said one word, ‘John,’ and he nodded at her, saying, ‘Yes, my dear. Vanity of vanities, all is vanity, but you have a beautiful daughter, and so have I.’
And now with a gallant gesture he held out his hand to Nancy Ann and said, ‘Your carriage is waiting, madam.’ There was a smile on his face that wasn’t really a smile because it was the kind of smile she had seen on his countenance for some days now. There was a sadness in it, and acquiescence to something that puzzled her. As she took her father’s hand, her grandmama appeared at the open door saying, ‘The horses are prancing, they’ll be frozen stiff if you don’t come this minute.’
‘Goodbye, Mama.’
‘Goodbye, my dear. Enjoy yourself.’
‘I will, Mama. I will.’
She went to put her arms around her grandmother, but Jessica pushed her off, saying, ‘Stop it. You’ll crush your ruche.’ And she pointed to the frill of lace hanging between the small breasts, then added, ‘Go on, get your cloak on.’
Peter was holding out her hooded cloak; and the three maids were standing to the side, their faces expressing their admiration.
The sight of the young girl, who almost looked like a bride, was too much for Jane, and she blubbered, ‘Eeh, miss, I’ve never seen anything so beautiful! I can’t believe it’s you.’
‘Shut your mouth, you goat!’ She had received a dig in the ribs from Peggy, who now said, ‘Enjoy yourself, miss.’
Nancy Ann said again, ‘I will. I will.’
‘That’s it,’ Hilda put in, ‘do that, miss. ’Tis your first ball an’ you’ll never forget it.’ Her voice had broken, and her words suggested that she was acquainted with balls and was recalling her own adventures.
Peter was the only one who had made no comment. Gently lifting the hood over the piled hair, he smiled softly at her, but as they made for the door, he turned and looked towards his father, saying quietly, ‘Don’t wait up, Father, everything will be all right.’ And he inclined his head forward as if to emphasise his statement.
They were at the open door now; in fact, Nancy Ann was on the top step when suddenly she turned about, rushed back into the room, and, pushing her cape wide, she reached up her arms and put them around her father’s neck and kissed him; then, turning as swiftly, she rejoined Peter, who now said, ‘That’ll do your dress a lot of good.’
The coachman was holding a lantern. He held it high with one hand, while with the other he kept the door of the carriage open. Peter helped her up the steep steps; then he followed her; the door closed on them, and the next minute t
hey were off, and seemingly thrown into total darkness when the light from the vicarage door disappeared.
When she sought Peter’s hand, he squeezed it and said, ‘Stop trembling. You’ll enjoy it, you’ll see.’
‘Yes, everyone keeps saying that, and it’s all very well for you, you are used to these things.’
‘Oh no, I’m not, not affairs like this. A dance, yes. Believe me, I’m as nervous as you are.’
‘I don’t believe you. Anyway, I’m so glad you’re with me; I couldn’t have come on my own. Oh’—she moved closer to him—‘it’s lovely to have you at home, Peter.’
‘Oops-a-daisy!’ They were rocking from side to side as the wheels of the carriage hit a pothole, and he, assuming a lordly manner, said, ‘Disgraceful, holes in the road, I shall have them filled in tomorrow.’
She giggled, then became quiet for a moment before she said, ‘Wouldn’t it have been nice if James had come home for Christmas. I wrote to him and said we could put the babies in a special room and I would see that there was a fire on all the time. I…I told him how ill Mother was. Yet, what does he do? Writes a stiff letter back saying that Nicolette has a cold. That made me angry. Nicolette is not dying.’
‘Now, now. Oh, for goodness sake! Nancy Ann, don’t start and weep. Remember where you’re going. And listen. Listen; I’ll tell you something. James and I met for a few hours before I came home. I didn’t say anything to Father or Mother about this. Well, the fact is, James is not happy.’
‘That doesn’t surprise me.’
‘No, it may not, but what might surprise you is, he is very unhappy. He doesn’t think he can stand living with Nicolette much longer.’
‘What?’
‘’Tis true. He doesn’t see his own children; and her mother has practically taken over the house. As you know, they all live together in the schoolhouse. He works ten hours a day. He’s in charge of the boarders. And…and there is something else which I can’t explain, but which is making life impossible for him. You think Mama is strictly religious; well, by the sound of it, she can’t hold a candle to Nicolette.’
‘But…but why? What do you mean? Explain yourself.’
‘I…I can’t. It is a very delicate matter. I can only say that Nicolette considers marriage mainly for…Oh dear me!’ She felt him move restlessly on the seat, then he finished off with the word, ‘Procreation.’
Procreation. Something to do with babies. Dear, dear. Her eyelids blinked rapidly.
‘He badly wanted to come home and see Mother. You know what he said to me? Believe it or not, he said he was sorry he had scorned Eva McKeowan, for at least there would have been love on one side and perhaps on both sides, because love cannot but beget love. Then he contradicted that by saying, “That’s not right or I wouldn’t be in the state I’m in now.”‘
‘Poor James.’
‘Oops! Here we go again.’ They fell against each other now and laughed. Then presently Peter said, ‘I’ll tell you something. I may come home. Oh, I don’t mean, really home, but near Durham. You see, I’m another one who isn’t very happy, at least in my work. Testing ingredients for food colouring isn’t exactly an exciting occupation, and Graham Mercer has put a proposal to me. You know, or perhaps you don’t, that his father endowed the Halton Grammar School outside Durham, and he is one of the governors and, as you can imagine, has some say in matters concerning the school. For some years he didn’t bother with outside affairs, but now he’s getting back to public life and taking an interest in the school once again. Apparently they are needing a man who can teach natural philosophy and a little mathematics and geography. I could manage a little mathematics, but the geography, oh, dear me! That’s like asking me to find my way around Durham blindfold. Still, I think the post could be mine if I decide on it.’
‘Oh Peter, do, do. Mother would be overjoyed. She misses you both, and I think she worries about James. You know, she didn’t like his choice, no more than I did. I’m sorry he’s unhappy. Oh, but’—she squeezed his hand—‘it would be lovely if you could be near.’ She paused a moment, then said, ‘It was so thoughtful of Mr Mercer to offer you the post. He too has been so kind of late.’
‘He’s a good man, and he thinks a lot of you, you know.’
‘Me?’
‘Yes, you. He often speaks of you. He calls you a charming little girl, but if he was to see you now, he would drop the little girl.’
‘Oh, Peter.’ She shook his hand up and down. ‘You are always making up compliments. Whom do you take after? Not Papa or Mama, and certainly not Grandmama.’
‘I’m a special specimen, a throwback. But that was no compliment; at least what I mean is, I was recounting Graham’s exact words. Oops!’
They were again jolted; but following this, they sat silent and Nancy Ann would have been surprised if she could have read her brother’s thoughts, because he was asking himself: How did one suggest to another man, who had always been a benevolent friend, that he should propose marriage to his young sister before someone else got in. It might have been easy had he been otherwise than highly sensitive and not embittered by one rejection already. Likely the first thing he would say would be, I’m old enough to be her father. Well, so was this other person old enough to be her father. Of a sudden, he regretted he was taking this journey; it was like leading a lamb to the slaughter. Yet, Nancy Ann was no lamb. When it came to the push she would decide for herself. Or would she be influenced by their mama’s wish, a dying wish? He knew his sister was a highly impressionable girl, she was all feelings. Oh, yes, there was no doubt about that, but she was also clear-headed and intelligent. Yet would her head rule her heart when she knew her mama’s wishes? He doubted it.
‘Oh, look!’
The coach was bowling between the iron gates now and onto the gravel drive which was lit by lanterns hanging from the trees, and showing here and there carriages, their shafts pointing to the ground, which meant their horses had been taken into the stables; then two or three times they were pulled to the side of the drive to allow other carriages to pass on their way out, these likely to return later. Suddenly the drive widened out into a huge forecourt brilliantly lit by lights from all the windows in the house.
The carriage stopped, the door was opened by a footman, and Peter descended, then helped her down. They were walking towards the broad steps that led to a stone terrace with a pillared portico…and there, coming through the wide open doors towards them, was their host. His hands outstretched, he said, ‘Welcome. I hope you’ve not had a rough ride. Everyone’s complaining of the potholes and asking why I don’t see to the road. I’ve told them that my stretch is perfectly flat, the potholes are fronting Mercer’s land. Come away in.’
He was walking by her side now, and when she entered the hall she stood blinking for a moment; she had never seen any place so brilliantly lit. Her eyes lifted to the glass chandeliers that looked to her like a galaxy of stars. Her cloak was taken from her by one of the liveried servants, who seemed to be all over the place. There was the sound of music in the distance and the buzz of voices; then a woman was standing in front of her. She was tall and was wearing a high goffered cap. Her dress was of black alpaca with a small white embroidered apron at the waist, around which was a belt supporting a chatelaine of keys.
‘Mrs Conway will show you to the ladies’ room, my dear.’ He bowed slightly towards her and indicated that she should go with the tall person.
‘This way, miss.’ The woman went on ahead, across the large hall, down a corridor, past numerous doors; then pushing one open, she allowed Nancy Ann to go before her, then closed it after her.
Nancy Ann stood for a moment, her back to the door, wondering what was expected of her. To the right of her, placed in a row, were a number of velvet-backed chairs, each facing a small dressing table. Two of them were occupied, and the ladies who were powdering their faces turned and looked at her. It was a long inquisitive glance. Then they turned away again and proceeded with their toil
et. She noticed immediately that one dress was blue and the other green and apparently made of silk taffeta; the skirts looked enormous.
Opposite her at the far end of the room, a huge fire was burning in a basket grate. To the left of her she saw a number of doors lining this wall. Then she felt the heat go to her face as one of the doors opened and a lady edged her way out while adjusting her skirt, and she continued to adjust it while making her way towards a table on which were two ewers and two basins, and to the side of it, a towel rack, each rail holding a number of towels.
The woman, after washing her hands, stood back and looked in the long mirror to the side of the table, then turned her gaze in the direction of the door. Her eyebrows were raised, the expression on her face saying plainly, What is the matter with you standing there?
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