by Rachel Dylan
She threw her head back and groaned. “If I were a guy, we would not even be having this conversation.”
He didn’t fully agree with that. “I believe it has less to do with gender and more to do with your experience.”
“You’re a Marine, so you can handle it.”
“Do I sense some sarcasm there? I’m just being honest with you. I saw all manner of things when I was on my two combat tours. Mason is well aware of that, because he was there too. You didn’t go through that, and he just wants to make sure you’re handling everything okay. It has been a lot, and even though we see things on our DEA ops, what has transpired over the past couple weeks has been on a different level.”
“You’re obviously right about our experiences being different, and up until the last attack, I think I was pretty composed. Unfortunately, you’ve seen some of my weaker moments.”
“I would never hold that against you, and I promise I didn’t give Mason any indication that you were weak—just the opposite. You’re strong, Cass, and a great agent.”
She sighed. “Okay. I’ll do it, but only because I don’t want a mandatory order in my files.”
He smiled. “Good. Let’s get out of here and call it a night.”
Layla looked at Hunter as they walked toward the door of the trendy Georgetown hotspot. “Nick will be hanging out at the bar. Please keep your distance. I need to do this alone. If he thinks I’ve brought someone with me, it will be a completely different conversation, and I’m not sure I’m going to get a second shot at this.”
“Absolutely. But if there’s any problem, I’ll be there in a second.”
“There won’t be. I can handle Nick.” Or at least that was the message she wanted to convey to Hunter. She didn’t want him to think Nick was in control.
“If he’s not here, we can wait and see if he shows.”
She looked down at her watch. “Let’s hope he hasn’t changed his routine too much. Let me go in first. Give me a minute before you follow.”
“Roger that.” He looked around, surveying their surroundings.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and walked into the restaurant. This Georgetown hangout was known for its power-player lunches and after-work happy hours with the movers and shakers in town. Nick always got the best tables for dinner, and he basically had his own seat at the bar.
When she’d dated Nick, they’d come here often. She still hated a lot of the decisions she’d made where he was concerned, but she’d tried her best to give those regrets to God and move forward.
When she spotted him at the corner of the bar in his usual seat, a wave of memories started to overtake her—some good and some bad. But right now she was on a mission. There was no time for regrets and recriminations.
As Nick’s eyes met hers, they widened.
“Anyone sitting here?” she asked.
He motioned for her to sit down.
“Thanks.”
“You tracked me down outside of work, so something must be on your mind. Wanna have a drink?”
The bartender stood in front of her. “Club soda with lime, please.” She turned her attention back to Nick.
“I’m guessing this isn’t a social visit.” He lifted his glass to his lips.
“It’s not.” She moved in closer to keep her voice down. “Are you read into the IG’s investigation of me?”
He arched an eyebrow. “You realize it’s probably inappropriate for us to even be having this conversation.”
“Now you’re going to worry about what’s appropriate or not?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
He set down his drink. “Fair enough. Yes, I actually just got briefed today.”
“It’s all lies, and I need your help.” The words gushed out quicker than she had intended.
Nick sighed. “I know things didn’t end great between us. I was a big jerk, but I care about you, Layla.”
“You wouldn’t have done this to me.” She truly felt that in her gut and had decided to take this approach and see how he responded instead of accusing him outright.
“Never. I’m not the enemy here. I want to see you succeed.” He touched her arm gently before moving back. “And I think you know that, or you wouldn’t have come to me.”
“Actually, Bryce suggested you might be behind the whole thing.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “We both know that’s crazy. You fully understand what my job is like and what my aspirations are. I opened up more to you than I have to anyone. I couldn’t handle a scandal like that. Can you imagine? ‘Top-ranking CIA official sets up his ex’? Talk about a career killer.”
She knew Nick wanted to be the CIA director one day.
He looked directly into her eyes. “Have I ever lied to you?”
She thought carefully. “No. Actually, you haven’t.” He’d said a lot of things to her—some not very nice during the breakup—but he had always been open with her.
“In our line of work, there are a lot of lies and deceptions, but I’ve always been honest with you.”
She had to ask him something else. “Were you the one behind the plan to get me into the field? Riley going to Hunter back during my recruitment—was that all you?”
He shook his head. “No. That was all Riley. He was instantly fascinated with you and your background and was going to stop at nothing to make sure you got into the Agency and ultimately into the field. I agreed with his assessment and was on board with everything, but he was the driving force.”
She wasn’t sure if that made her feel better or worse.
“Did Hunter tell you?” Nick asked.
“Yes, but only recently. I believed a lie for all those years. And you knew it too and didn’t say anything to me about it when I confided in you.” That stung. It really did.
“It wasn’t my place. Riley had sworn me to secrecy years ago, and I keep my word. But Riley isn’t your enemy either. If you’re looking that way, you’re barking up the wrong tree. Riley would put it on the line for you, and if he wasn’t out of the country right now on assignment, he’d probably be in the IG’s office, trying to help you even though he shouldn’t be.”
She decided to take another path. “Then, who do you think my enemy could be?”
He inched closer to her. “Have you considered that someone on the outside is pulling the strings here, maybe using internal contacts to make it happen but driving the process externally?”
She had considered that. “It’s an option on the table. I’m sure they briefed you on those crazy pictures of me. You know I would never do that.”
Nick nodded. “I do. But, Layla, given my position, I’m not supposed to interfere with an independent IG investigation.”
“Even if you know they’re wrong? Even if you risk losing your supposed rising star?” She couldn’t help herself at this point.
“If I vouched for you in a more personal sense, don’t you think that would raise a lot more questions? We don’t want people talking about our relationship. That is in the past, and frankly, it’s none of the IG’s business, and I wasn’t about to make it a part of this. That could’ve put even more heat on you.”
“And you.”
He grinned.
“Why are you smiling?” Frustration built within her.
“Because it’s good seeing you fight for yourself. Facing tests like this will make you better, sharper. Especially in the field.”
“But I don’t want to be in the field.” Why did they refuse to accept her wishes on that?
“You’re far too gifted to be stuck behind a desk. I read the reports from the Honduras op. You were a vital part of the team.”
“I think you’re exaggerating.” She’d just been following the lead of much more seasoned field agents.
He shook his head. “Not at all.” He took her hand. “Listen, Layla, I need to stay on the sidelines on this one. You’ll come out stronger for it. I have the utmost confidence in you, and the IG’s offi
ce will get to the truth. I know that’s not the answer you were looking for, but it’s the best I can do.”
“Just promise me one thing.”
“Okay.”
“If I wind up dead, you’ll help clear my good name.”
CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN
Watching that Nick guy fawn all over Layla had been sickening. And when Nick had taken her hand, it was all Hunter could do not to react. But he’d sat quietly at his table, brooding and trying to read lips the best he could without staring. It was the longest twenty minutes of his life.
Now they were in his car so they could speak freely without the prying ears of the Agency. He’d taken extra precautions to make sure there weren’t any surveillance devices in his home or car for that very reason. They already had enough eyes on them.
“You’re keeping me in suspense,” he said. He didn’t want to push her, but he also really wanted to know what had happened.
“Sorry. I’m just replaying the conversation in my head.”
“No need to apologize. I can try to be patient.” Try being the operative word. He glanced over and smiled at her.
She gave him a weak smile in return. “Nick says he wasn’t involved in this, and I believe him.”
“Isn’t that good news?” He knew there was more to the story.
She shifted in her seat. “Yes, but he also said that he can’t interfere in the investigation and then gave me this big pep talk about how this was just going to make me a better agent and I’d be stronger for it.”
“I saw him touching you.” It came out more accusatory than he had intended.
Layla sighed. “Yeah, but it wasn’t a romantic gesture. That is over, and he knows it.”
Hunter had been shocked that Layla had carried on this secret relationship with a top-ranking CIA official, but he certainly didn’t judge her for it, although it seemed like she was judging herself pretty harshly. “I wasn’t trying to insinuate anything except for my dislike for the guy.”
They drove in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again. “Nick also suggested that someone outside the Agency could be behind all of this.”
Hunter nodded. “The cartel has eyes and ears everywhere.”
“I guess it’s possible, but it seems like an elaborate ruse for the cartel to orchestrate. Why not just kill me?”
“True.” He looked in his rearview mirror. “Hey, let’s put that on pause for a second. I think we may have a tail.”
She turned and looked. “I see them. Black Chevy SUV. The question is whether it’s the Agency keeping tabs or someone else.”
“Let’s see. Hold on.” He slammed on the brakes and took a sharp left. Then he floored it before taking a hard right.
“Where did you learn to drive like that?” she asked.
“You’re not the only one who has had training. Mine has just been a bit more informal. Call it on-the-job training.” He gritted his teeth as he watched the rearview mirror.
“I think you lost them.” She let out a sigh.
He wasn’t taking any chances. He accelerated down the road and then headed toward the highway.
“The Agency is probably trying to keep track of my whereabouts. As if the safe house isn’t enough.”
He actually hoped it was the CIA following them. If it was someone from the cartel, they were in grave danger. “The Agency we can handle. What we don’t want is more cartel hit men on our trail. I feel like a sitting duck out here.”
“Yeah. I agree with you.”
There was only a moment for him to regroup before, out of the corner of his eye, he saw another black SUV barreling toward them. It was a different vehicle than before. Without even thinking, he spun the wheel at full speed, and they did a one-eighty. He peeled out the other direction.
“Nice move,” she said. “I don’t think that was the Agency. We shouldn’t go to your place or the safe house. Let’s just keep driving for a while and make sure we’re in the clear.”
“I’m on it.” He glanced at her and saw that she’d pulled her Glock out of her jacket and had it sitting in her lap.
They rode in silence for a few tense minutes as he replayed the sequence of events in his head.
She looked over at him. “That wasn’t a coincidence. It could’ve been a two-man team trying to box us in.”
“Which is why your idea about continuing to evade and escape is a good one.”
She smirked. “They teach us a few things about evasive maneuvers at the CIA.”
“I bet they do.” He paused, wondering if he should broach this topic. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” she said.
“Why are you so against fieldwork? You’re obviously talented at it.”
“It’s hard enough to live the double life I do with my State Department cover as an analyst. Being able to shift personas and work people is not my strongest point. Yes, I’m good tactically, but I don’t think I have what it takes to be cutthroat in the field. And you have to be. People’s lives are literally on the line. The top guys are caught up with how I look on paper—my language skills, my academics—but in the field, executing on all of those things with real people is not easy.”
That made sense to him. “You’re too transparent. You don’t want to work an asset and tell lies and weave up a story, do you?”
She shook her head. “No, and that’s what’s required. I keep telling everyone that, but they just keep pushing it. The Honduras op was a bit different because I wasn’t working any assets. I was just executing a mission and providing intel and analysis.”
“You didn’t even mention the danger element.”
She gave him a smile. “There’s danger in every part of life. I have to rely on God’s protection whether I’m running a field op or driving to the grocery store. It’s all in His hands.”
She’d come back to the faith topic again. He was still struggling with how to verbalize his issues with her.
“I take it from your silence that you disagree with me. What changed, Hunter? I know what strong faith you used to have. I lived it with you for three years.”
“I wish I could make you understand why I feel the way I do. There’s just a big gulf between God and me. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel cold, unwanted. Numb.”
“Did you stop going to church?”
It went much deeper than just church attendance. “Yeah, a while ago. I wasn’t connecting anymore, and it felt a bit hypocritical to keep going, given my feelings.”
“Maybe it’s just time for a change. Try out a different church.”
“That requires effort.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to put forth effort anymore when it comes to God?”
Ouch. “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds awful, but I’m trying to be brutally honest with you. No sugarcoating, just telling you exactly how I feel. What I’ve been struggling with.”
She touched his arm. “I’m not judging you, Hunter. I’m just trying to understand what the root cause of the issue is.”
“I don’t know the answer to that either.”
“You’re not alone. God is still here. Here with us right now, and I’m not going anywhere either.” She paused. “Maybe you don’t think He’s in your life because you don’t want Him there.”
She had just hit the nail on the head. “You might be right,” he said softly. “But I’m tapped out, Layla. I just don’t have it in me right now to have some big come-to-Jesus moment. I just don’t.”
“It doesn’t have to be like that. Hunter, you came to Jesus years ago. You told me about it, remember? We shared those stories together. Once you make that commitment, He’s all in forever.”
He checked his side mirrors, and everything was still clear. “You’re on a roll tonight, preacher.”
“I’m being serious. Don’t believe the lies you hear in your head. You are not too far gone.” She sighed. “I talked to you about the rough time I had after we broke up
, but I also had a really rocky road after I split up with Nick.”
“Questioning your faith?” He had a hard time believing that, given what he knew about her.
“I’d say it was more anger than questioning. I didn’t like the person I’d allowed myself to become with Nick, and for a while I blamed God, thinking I could shift the blame from my own personal decisions and actions to Him. I went into a bit of a tailspin. But after I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I realized that yes, I had made mistakes, but God understood I was flawed. I didn’t have to wallow forever. I could pick myself up and move on, knowing that God’s love was enough. Definitely more important than the love and affection of any man.”
“Nick really did a number on you, huh?”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not fair to lay blame on him. I just allowed myself to be seduced by his power and influence. That isn’t the type of person I am at my core, but at that point in my life, I wasn’t seeing clearly. Nick was just being Nick. He treated me well, and I believe he did care for me a lot. Probably even loved me. But it wasn’t a healthy relationship. Our values didn’t line up, and instead of being strong, I allowed myself to be manipulated and fell into what he wanted instead of sticking to my guns.” She sighed again. “But I learned a lot of important lessons, including what it’s like to fall really far and be able to get up again. It wasn’t on my own strength, though. I thought I could make it on my own, but all of that showed me how much I need the Lord in my life.”
“You’re stronger than you think.”
“Maybe, but it’s also dangerous to think that we’re invincible. That we are in control of everything in our lives.”
“I rarely feel in control of anything.” He swallowed. That was an unexpected admission.
“But you shouldn’t feel uneasy about that. God’s got it. He’s got you.”
Her impassioned words struck a chord with him. Maybe he had been too boneheaded about his relationship with God. Thinking that he could just muddle through. Hearing what she’d been through and seeing how she handled herself made him rethink things.
Movement behind them caught his eye. A car was quickly gaining on them. “They’re back. Another vehicle.”
