by Ivy Wild
She groaned and I knew I was getting to her. Driving her to a point of no return. A point where she would finally admit what I needed to hear.
Her tongue continued to work around my fingers. “That’s right. Swirl that tongue of yours around my finger just like you imagined swirling it around my cock all these years.”
She reached down, trying to free me from my trousers. I let her, the feel of her hands working against my stiff erection too good to say no to. But, just as she was about to free me, I had to pull back. I couldn’t let her win this encounter.
“I told you, I want you begging for my cock, Skyler.”
She looked at me, breathing heavily. “Silas.”
My name sounded so good coming from those fucking swollen lips of hers.
“Say it, Skyler.”
Please.
She shook her head and I grit my teeth.
“Then finish your show alone.”
Why couldn’t she understand that I needed this—we needed this? She ran away from me. I’d been here, all this time, waiting. It was her that needed to choose to come back.
“Why do you need me to say it?”
I could see it in her eyes. She genuinely didn’t understand how much I needed this, how much it mattered. That this wasn’t just some game to me.
“Because I need to hear you say it, Skyler. I need to hear you say you’re mine. I won’t take you any other way. I can’t take you any other way. I need you to choose to be mine, do you understand me?”
She stood there, drinking in my words. Her eyes widened in what I hoped was realization and then what I’d waited an entire fucking decade to hear dropped from her mouth.
“Yes, Silas. I’m yours. I always have been.”
I broke. I fucking broke at her words and I didn’t care. I moved forward and captured her lips, freed my cock and pushed into her. I’d waited a decade—no—my whole fucking life, to be inside of Skyler, to have her, to make her mine, and I couldn’t wait another fucking second.
As soon as I pressed into her, I knew she’d been waiting for this to happen, too. She came with a cry of my name, her walls pulsing against my stiff cock. I snapped my hips into her, joining myself with her over and over again. She felt warm, she felt good, she felt right.
I came and declared what I knew was true from the moment I first saw her. “You’re mine and I love you.”
She was crying against me and I tried to pull back to make sure she was okay, but she held onto me tightly.
“No, don’t,” she whispered against my shirt and I moved back into our embrace, squeezing her the way I’d wanted to for ten years. I hated knowing that anyone else had touched her. Her firsts were supposed to be for me.
I didn’t deserve them, but I’d wanted them.
And I’d fucked up and lost out to some seriously pathetic people.
But, starting now, that was going to change. I wanted to be a man Skyler could be proud of. Someone she wanted to introduce as hers.
And I knew that meant I had to show her I cared.
About her.
About stuff.
About life.
And, for the first time since my mother died, I think I did care.
I cared a lot about her.
I cared a lot about making sure she was happy.
And I cared about creating a life where I could see her smile every fucking day.
“He didn’t—we didn’t,” she started to say and I tried to hush her, but she shook her head. “No, Silas. I lied to you. He never touched me.”
Her words had me wanting to clutch my chest, because something deep inside of me beat and it shocked the hell out of me. But she was sobbing into my shirt and there was nothing I could do but hold her as she let her emotions flow out of her.
We stood that way, still connected, her warmth wrapped around my coldness, until she had finally cried out all of her tears. I pulled her off the counter and she wrapped her legs around my waist as I carried her into the bedroom. I set her down on the vanity and captured her lips softly. I could feel her smile slightly against my mouth and I wrapped my arms around her firmly before pulling back to whisper, “Stay right here.”
I left her briefly to run the bathtub. I could feel her watching me the entire time and I let her. I wanted her to see me trying to care for her. I wanted her to see me trying to make things right.
When the tub filled, I turned off the water and shed my clothes before making my way over to her. The only thing left on her body was her skirt, pushed up around her waist. I tugged the stretchy material up and over her body and I stood back to look at her. It was the first time she’d ever been bare to me and I was about to outlaw all clothes.
She was beautiful. Even if she hadn’t gotten all of that ink, I’d still have thought so. Her skin was pale against the colorful flowers she’d pressed into it. Her breasts were perfect and perky and her eyes and lips were red from my abuse.
“Don’t,” she said, starting to curl in on herself, but I stepped forward and wrapped myself around her.
“I can’t help it. You’re beautiful. You’re more than I could have ever dreamed of.”
“You’re just saying that,” she replied, but her words were wistful, almost as if she were begging me to disagree with her.
And I did. And would. Every fucking time she tried to put herself down. “I don’t just say things, Skyler Jackson. You’re mine and I love you. All of you. As you are.”
I pressed a gentle kiss to her lips and a tear slipped down her cheek to mingle between our lips. It was salty, like the ocean. They say sink or swim, but I knew I’d already willingly let myself drown in Skyler’s depths.
“Come on,” I said, lifting her up and carrying her over to the tub. “I’ve wanted to take a bath with you since we were seventeen.”
She giggled, despite her tears and nodded her head.
The heart I thought was dead fucking skipped a beat.
* * *
I sat opposite him in the large soaking tub. Soft Lo-Fi music spilled out of the ceiling’s inset speakers and our legs tangled together as we met each other’s gaze. I’d never felt like an equal to Silas. Never.
He was richer.
He was more attractive.
He was more confident.
He was more of everything and I always felt less than him.
But, sitting across from him, staring into his intense, dark brown gaze, having experienced his jealousy, his lust, his love first-hand, I finally felt like I measured up.
I wasn’t just a little girl, tucking herself close to the walls, hoping people wouldn’t notice me.
Silas had never let me be that girl, anyways. He criticized me for hiding and slathered my locker with white paint and feathers, just to make sure everyone knew who I was.
I never realized it before, but he wanted me to be his equal. But he wasn’t going to do it for me. He wanted me to be the one to realize it and stand tall.
Silas walked people right up to the edge, but always let them take the last steps over that cliff face. I just hadn’t realized he’d do it to me, and that he was waiting for me at the bottom.
His toes brushed against my thigh, bringing me back to the present. The way he was looking at me, drinking me in, had my body heating up in nervous anticipation.
I knew I needed to tell him everything that had happened to me during college and after. And that made me nervous.
Would he judge me?
Would he think what I’d done was dumb?
Would he even appreciate it?
I had so many questions swirling in my mind. I never thought I would have to face what happened.
“Talk, Sky,” he said in a voice that made me shiver, despite the heat of the bath. He reached over to grab his pants off the vanity behind him and I watched as he fished something out of his pocket. He produced a joint and a lighter and my eyes widened.
“Really, Si?” I was laughing, actually. Leave it to Silas to pull a joint out in the mi
ddle of a moment like this. He was just like he always was, and it put me instantly at ease.
He shrugged and lit up. “By the looks of it, you could use a drag, too. Now talk. I’d like to hear more about the part where he never touched you.”
I shook my head, but couldn’t stop the smile that crept up on my lips. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”
“Why did you?” he asked, letting a ring of smoke escape his mouth.
I twisted my lips, too embarrassed to tell him the truth.
“Talk, Sky.”
I sighed. “I didn’t think it mattered, considering how easily you told him you’d never speak to me again.”
“Obviously bullshitting, but continue.”
His words made my heart clench. I’d hoped he’d been lying when he said what he’d said to Vartan, but Silas’ mask was so well-rehearsed, not even I could always tell what was a lie and what was the truth.
“I just wanted to experience you,” I finally admitted. “The real you. I wanted you as broken as I felt. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right, but,” I shrugged, “it’s how I felt.”
I watched him, waiting for him to give me any indication of what he was thinking. The smallest of smirks rested on his lips, but this one looked real. He sat up, the water moving around me and handed me the joint.
He laid back down and closed his eyes. “Why’d you do it, Skyler? Of all the people to get fucking engaged to, why’d it have to be him?”
I took a drag on the joint. Whenever I thought of Silas, in the rare instances where I thought about how I would tell him what I’d done for him, it never played out in my mind like this.
I’d imagined myself screaming it to him.
I’d imagined myself crying it to him.
I’d never imagined myself sitting across from him, calm, in control, and on equal ground. The song February by Jay-Lounge started playing, giving me the perfect soundtrack to my sad story.
“It was after I dropped out of acting school. I had to move back to the city because I had nowhere else to go. I stayed with my mom for a bit before I could get myself my own place. It was a little over a month in to moving back that I ran into Vartan after getting off a shift at the Pancake.”
Silas stayed quiet, his head back, his eyes closed as he drank in my words.
“He was nice and charming and it took me completely off guard. He asked to take me on a date and I said yes.”
I waited for his reaction, but still nothing, so I continued.
“It was a lovely evening and I was just happy to be around somebody. You probably don’t know what it’s like, Silas, because you’ve always had your looks. People have always wanted to be around you. But people like me crave friendship and human companionship. You don’t know how lonely it is until it’s taken from you. It’s even lonelier when you never had it in the first place.”
I sighed heavily, knowing how painful it would be to relive the next part.
“So, I invited him upstairs to my loft. He shut the door behind us, cornered me. Told me he had information on you that could get you put away for life and ruin your name. Told me that if I didn’t agree to marry him, he’d make sure he saw you behind bars.”
I took a drag on the joint, waiting for the tears to come, but they didn’t. Silas sat up and looked at me, his eyes wide with disbelief.
“He—you—,” he stumbled over his words. “Why?”
I smiled sadly. “He said that you loved me. That you still loved me. And that he wanted to take something from you that would hurt you, and that thing was me. So, I had a choice to make. See you go to prison for the rest of your life, or break your heart. I chose the latter.” I swallowed heavily before I said the next words. “I never realized just how much I loved you until the thought of losing you—really losing you—became real. I loved you, even when you gave me a million reasons not to.”
Silas’ eyes were moist with unshed tears. I’d only ever seen him like this once before.
“He never—you never—I never knew,” he finally managed to say.
I took another drag on the joint before handing it back to him. He doused it in the tub and let it fall to the floor.
“He dragged it out for a year, until I finally broke. He wasn’t doing anything, which made me think that he’d been bluffing. I went to tell him as much, that I couldn’t be part of his game anymore, that I didn’t believe him and that even if I did, that you were smarter—you’d never let something like that happen to you.” I shrugged. “He let me go, but he told me I’d regret it.”
“Is that why you stayed away from me?” Silas asked.
I shook my head. “Maybe? I never meant to ignore you, but it just sort of happened. I guess I always thought that, even with the bridge gone, you’d find a way to cross the water and come get me.” I looked down, a sad smile on my lips. “Why didn’t you?”
I felt him reach for me. His legs wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him until I was flush against him. He held me tightly in his arms and I sighed at the feeling of him.
“I wanted to. I always wanted to, but I knew I didn’t deserve you. I never meant to burn down that bridge, Sky. I knew you loved that place. I may be missing a heart, but even I’m not that heartless. I never chased you because, deep down, I thought you were better off without me. That you’d find someone who loved you, who deserved you, someone who would care for you.
“I watched you run away that day and then I sat there and watched that bridge burn and I knew that if I went after you, if you stayed with me, I’d only end up hurting you again.
“I made a vow that day on those ashes that I wouldn’t chase you, that I’d only have you if you wanted it. It’s the only way I’d ever be able to live with myself. And it’s what kept me away for as long as it did. I buried that vow so deep that it became a part of me. I was never supposed to see you again.”
He pulled back and his dark eyes swam with tears. “You say you’re the victim of a series of accidents, Skyler, but I didn’t want to just be your accident. I wanted to be your choice.”
I brushed gentle fingers across his cheek and he leaned into my touch. “I don’t feel like a victim anymore,” I said softly. “That day at the party, I’d ducked into the library after seeing you for the first time. I thought maybe I could see you better from the window, before I’d gotten distracted by all the books. I’d agreed to your homework arrangement because I wanted to be around you. You were never an accident, Si. You were always my choice.”
She said it and I thought I was having a heart attack. My chest ached and I clutched at it as I panted. She pulled back from me in concern as I tried to catch my breath.
“Silas, oh my god, what is it?” she exclaimed.
“Just my heart, angel,” I whispered back, still pressing my palm into my beating chest.
She tugged at me and I let her lift my head so I was staring into her perfectly pale purple eyes. “Are you okay?”
I smiled.
And it was a real fucking smile.
I felt it, all the way to my core. An invisible energy filled me and I knew I looked like a pussy, but tears spilled out of my eyes as I looked at her.
My heart beat fast.
So fucking fast.
For her.
For us.
“Nah,” I said. “I’m so far past ‘okay.’”
She shook her head. Worry and confusion were written on her features and I drank her in before I couldn’t stop myself. I moved forward, capturing her lips and she let me.
She gave herself to me.
No—
—she chose to be with me.
I didn’t deserve her.
She knew it, too.
But shit like that doesn’t matter when you love somebody.
I felt like the deer her and her mom almost hit that night. Life had hit me in the ass and hard. For this last decade, I’d hobbled around.
In pain.
In fear.
In despair.
Anyon
e else would have shot me.
Maybe they would have even said they were putting me out of my misery.
Who knows, maybe they would have been right.
But, Skyler could see past the pain, the fear, the despair.
I knew she still thought about that deer every night.
She loved it the way she loved me.
She was so obviously better, but she didn’t think so.
She was the only person in this world who could love something so broken.
“So High” by Ghost Loft started playing and fuck if it wasn’t just perfect.
I managed to get us from the tub to the bed without slipping on the wet tile floor. Our bodies were still drenched in water as I laid her down on the sheets, but neither one of us seemed to care.
After a decade of fire and ash, the water was what we needed.
I climbed on top of her as she reached up for me. Our bodies were slick against one another and she just felt right.
“I’m going to explore every inch of you,” I whispered against her ear, tugging on her lobe gently. “Every curve, every mark, every bit of ink that’s a part of you now. I want to know all of it, all of you.”
Our tears mingled with the wetness of our bodies as I kissed a line down her jaw. She was perfect and she was mine.
Flowers that burst with colors cascaded down the sides of her body and I followed their path with my tongue. Every crease, every crevice, every line, I explored, ghosting over them first with my fingers, then with my tongue.
Her nipples were pale and perfect and I sucked each in turn, nipping at the sensitive skin, spurred on by her gasps of pleasure. My hands roamed her thighs, her stomach, her breasts. I wasn’t going to leave any bit of skin untouched. I wanted it all.
She was moaning my name and I was so fucking rock hard for her.
I moved down and my breath hovered over the apex to her thighs. The first time I’d plunged my fingers into her heat, I knew I’d do anything in my power to keep her mine and mine alone. Her lips were pale and beautiful like the rest of her and she looked down at me with a mix of nervous anticipation.
