I tried to judge what I was looking at. It was as though they were drawn to him, but he didn’t know what to do with them. As though their presence caused him pain instead of joy. They wanted him, probably could already sense the Alpha in him, but didn’t know it yet. The way Preston described Rainer when he was young, it was as though the charisma was always there. He was meant to lead them. They could feel it in their cells.
But he didn’t feel it.
The scene changed, and I cringed against the pain. I didn’t know how he did the mind control he managed. This fucking hurt. I squeezed his arms tighter. No matter the discomfort, I wasn’t going to let him go.
He was older now, sitting in a room. People were talking to him. I made out bits and pieces of their conversations. Little things they said. Words. They were asking for advice and help. His eyes were dead.
I couldn’t scent him. I didn’t have that power in this weird memory zone, but I’d lived as a human lived for a long time. I could tell from his gaze a lot about him. He was lost and not present in the moment. The look changed. He wasn’t removed anymore. No, he was angry. If I’d really been there, I’d have backed off. Why didn’t the people around him know what was happening? They couldn’t tell from his gaze? And even if that was the case, why didn’t they know from his scent? It had to reek in there of hatred. I’d only scented it once on Preston when he’d been under the control of this monster.
Why didn’t they know?
They couldn’t smell it. Neither could I.
I couldn’t see the face to go with the voice of the Omega who spoke to me. But Ross must have both heard and recognized it. He shook like he recognized it. Wow. That was a big change.
On the dock, while he waited for me to do my job, Rainer called out my name. “MacKenzie?”
“Kenzie?” Jarret must have been with him.
They were comfort, but not what I needed right then. I had to hold on.
The scene changed, but Ross was the same age as he’d been in the last memory. A woman stood in front of him, her hands on her hips. “Mate? I’m not your mate. I doubt you have one. There is something wrong with you, and since you won’t let me fix you, I can’t tell what it is. Ross, you’re not fit to be anyone’s mate.”
Inside, I gasped. Okay. So some things were starting to make sense. He had wanted to mate an Omega, and she had rejected him. Like that?
Oh, hell.
Yes, it wasn’t my finest moment, but I couldn’t have known.
Her voice in my head. That woman hadn’t just rejected him, she’d humiliated him. Okay. To be fair, no one could have foreseen what would happen. Not a single one of us had a crystal ball. We were all making this up as we went along, and she didn’t have what I had—the benefit of all those who came before me.
Still, couldn’t she have done better than that?
I didn’t need to see anymore. I could see the path as it had gone. Quasi lost from an early age, brought to the edge by an Omega who didn’t love him, didn’t want to mate. He wasn’t her one. He’d turned the corner, never to see the light of day again. Unled. No one helped him, and he blamed the Omegas, so he killed them.
I might feel bad for him under different circumstances.
I was sorry he’d had his heart broken, but tons of people did every day, and they didn’t turn around and destroy everyone around them for having done so. If the guys had rejected me, I wouldn’t have burned down the world. I’d have hurt, but somehow, I’d have come through the pain without ruining other people’s entire existences. There were wolves who had died without ever getting to shift again because of the Accords.
He’d hated his life? Well, I was sorry to see that had happened to him. But sorry only went so far.
I’d pushed and pushed my energy into him, until he was almost healed. That wasn’t going to be what happened here today. He just needed to un-Loup enough that Rainer could take out the Alpha in him. I let go, practically stumbling backwards. Strong hands grabbed me before I’d have fallen off the dock into the mud pit that was the lake.
But I wasn’t quite done. “Hold on.”
I swung my hand out, letting my claws take care of the last bit of tether he had on anyone. I’d gotten most of it earlier, but the little grasp he had left was gone. Swish.
“Rainer, he’s all yours.”
My Alpha mate tilted his head. He pointed at Ross who panted, his eyes clear as he glared at Rainer. Then Rainer pointed at him. “I’m sure there are some official words that should be spoken here. But since you took that upbringing from us, forced us in hiding, and killed my father, who might have told me what to do, I’m just going to have to tell you that I’m going to kill you, and I don’t even feel bad about it. Consider yourself Alpha challenged.”
Preston pulled me out of the way as Rainer shifted mid-stride into his wolf form. Ross did the same. He didn’t look like a Loup. No, I’d cleared that madness, but he still smelled wrong. Maybe some people were born that way, maybe someone else could have helped him. A better Omega, or someone who hadn’t taken so much pain from him.
I would somehow have to live without being the Mother Theresa of Omegas. Maybe the ones who came after me could afford to be selfless. I had to rid the world of this menace just so they could exist.
The two male wolves lunged at each other, growling. Blood sprayed, and I winced, hoping it wasn’t Rainer’s. Or at least, that not too much of it was Rainer’s.
“He’ll be fine.” Preston tugged me back again. The whole band of wolves that we’d brought with us were there watching. What had happened to all those Loups? I didn’t care right then. I’d deal with fallout if fallout came.
“That was a pretty good speech for him not knowing it,” Miranda shook her head. “Pretty close.”
Anton rocked back on his feet and shot her a look that said her commentary wasn’t really wanted at that moment. I wondered if she understood him. Alpha or no Alpha, I wouldn’t put it past Anton to shove her in the water if she got too distracting while his brother was fighting.
“I need to shift.” I didn’t think the words before I spoke them. I just suddenly knew them to be true.
Anton shook his head as Jarret spoke. “No. Only the Alphas are shifted during the challenge. That much I remember from hearing Gus and Cristian reminisce. We stand as humans. They’re the only wolves that matter here right now.” Jarret nuzzled my neck. “But we get it. We all want to shift, too. If you do, you might interfere, you might not be able to control yourself.”
It was hard enough like this. I craved blood like I could practically taste it on my tongue.
Rainer lunged at Ross, a piece of fur missing on my mate’s coat. That must have been the initial blood. But Ross was bloodied, too. And more so than Rainer. Next to me, Preston growled. He wasn’t shifted, but he might as well have been. His eyes were wolf. Growls started everywhere. Isaac. Miranda. Gus. My mother. We were all wolves right then, even if we couldn’t be on four legs.
Every snap, tear, and hit was all consuming to watch. Rainer lifted his gaze for a split second and caught my own. I smelled the cinnamon of his focus but something else was in there, too. Joy, it was like a spring day. I startled. I couldn’t be reading that right.
“Is he…”
Jarret sighed. “Happy. Yes, he’s happy.”
I almost laughed, but that would have been inappropriate. They really were perfect for me, we were all seriously sick in the head. Anton rolled his eyes. Rainer was toying with Ross. I should win an award for resisting the urge to yell out that he should finish it already.
“There he goes,” Preston whispered in my ear.
How did he know? It must be all the years of experience they had with one another when they’d been allowed to shift. Rainer pinned Ross to the ground before he tore out his throat. A howl sounded, odd from human mouths but effective just the same. I smiled. Yes, death. We’d defeated an enemy, and it was time for this man to be dead.
“You can shift now.”
Rainer walked toward me, slowly. He shifted as he came in front of me. The change quickly healed him, and when he stood in front of me, he was as healthy looking as I’d ever seen him.
“You did it.”
He nodded. “I did. Whoever belonged to him belongs to me now. If they choose to stay.”
They would. Who wouldn’t pick Rainer? I kissed him hard. Blood splattered against us, and I smiled. This was what life was supposed to be like. We were wolves. There was blood and gore sometimes. It was as natural as breathing.
That was when it hit me.
The voices. Ross had controlled the Loups and the female versions, who didn’t make the physical change but lost their minds just the same. They were all freed, but they weren’t okay. Killing Ross didn’t make them better.
Only I could do that, and they were…everywhere.
Rainer grasped me against him. “I can feel your pain. It’s bad.”
“So nice not to be alone in it.” I pressed my head against his chest. “Thank you for doing what you did.”
“Well, you made him nice and easy to bring down. Like you tenderized the meat first.”
I groaned, sort of loving and hating his description at the same time. “You’re welcome.”
“Now what do we do about what’s happening to you?”
I knew the answer to that. “We take me home to the swamp, and we see if our new pack will help us make things right.”
“They will. If they want to stay with me.”
For a man who had once thought he wasn’t an Alpha and had just taken out a sick Alpha, he was fitting into the role of leader quite easily. Like he’d just put on a coat he’d forgotten he had, but was tailored just for him.
My other three mates surrounded me. Anton stroked his finger down my face and throat, leaving a trail of blood there. I understood what he was doing. We all took place in this, and we needed to share the blood. My wolf approved.
Chapter 10
My body ached like someone had beaten me, but I’d spent the last week like that and I was getting surprisingly used to it. Amazing how I could learn to endure certain things by just being given enough time. I might even feel weird when I wasn’t in pain anymore.
I swung back and forth on the porch swing Jarret installed for me the day before and watched the sun set over the swamp. It was so darn quiet. That was what I was noticing the most when I could think. People had left. Miranda took her pack, including my brother Agustin, and went back home. Others had stayed. They were going to buy up and renovate the broken houses that lined the swamp. Come back home and revitalize this place. That had been the dream. That was what I’d imagined could happen.
They were Rainer’s now.
Others had left us to go help me. My brother Isaac. Their father Gus. My mother. I needed the broken brought to me. I couldn’t go to everyone, so I had to have them brought to me. I dreamed of them, and then I woke up and gave instructions. When I’d been on my own, that had been so painful. Now, it was just one of those things I was used to. The daughters of the Omega I had met in New Orleans had warned me there would be pain.
But I was managing. And Rainer thought it would get better incrementally, until I was able to endure it.
The Omegas in my head were being quiet on the subject. They might even be gone entirely, sent to me for one purpose and floated off now that Ross had been dealt with. Ross…
Maybe the Omegas had left because I wasn’t selfless enough. I doubted that. Not one of them had been selfless, and the one who’d rejected him had caused this whole mess. If there was a tallying taking place somewhere in the universe, I had to imagine I was doing better than that. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the crickets. They loved to show up at sunset.
Anton was coming to me. I knew it without opening my eyes. I could feel him in my whole body. Opening my lids, I waited for a few seconds before he rounded the corner. I wasn’t sure what he’d been doing all day, but he’d been missing. Usually, he was very close by, which I loved. But they’d been giving me lots of space today. Maybe they thought I needed some alone time, which I did, but I could be alone around them, too. It was a weird dynamic. Things were just better when they were there.
He touched my hand to his heart when he got close enough, and I smiled at him. “Where have you been all day?”
As an answer, he scooped me up. I yelped, and he grinned. Okay. We were going somewhere. I was going to pretend I felt fine. We’d gotten rid of Ross. I didn’t want everything to be dour. Once we got the numbers down in terms of people who needed my help, I’d feel better altogether. It was just wait and see. No one had come back with a Loup yet.
We rounded the corner from the house and walked a distance away, until we came to a dock I wasn’t sure I’d been to before. The trees hung low, the moss dipping down until it seemed like it created a shade around us. He’d laid out a blanket.
I grinned at him, giving it my best fake Southern accent. The guys had great ones, and if Anton could speak aloud, he would, too. I was sure of it. Mine was horrific, so I made it even more so just for fun. “Why, Mr. Harper, I think you want to have your wicked way with me out on this dock.”
He nodded, setting me down on the blanket. The blanket made it pretty comfortable, but I would make love to Anton in the dirt if that was our only choice. This was downright romantic. And there was the littlest amount of danger because we could be spotted. I didn’t mind if he didn’t. It was funny, everyone’s individual comfort zone with sex. Anton did not want to have sex with me at the same time as anyone else, but this he desired. For now, I desired what they desired, their hearts were my own.
I stroked my hand down the side of his beloved face. “I love you.”
He kissed me, and I could taste the passion on his tongue, feel his adoration on his breath. Every touch of his hand on any piece of exposed skin spoke of his feelings for me, and I wanted to rub against it and never let the feeling go. The good news was that I didn’t have to, ever. I could have it for the rest of my life. Maybe after, considering all of the things that I had seen lately.
He placed my hand over his heart, nuzzling down on my shoulder like he had from one of the first moments I’d known him. This was our thing. I closed my eyes and let myself feel it. Life had been a constant battle since I’d woken up in Gus’ truck, but I’d still had moments like the one with Anton that had arguably changed my life. Something had woken up inside of me and said yes…this is right…when he’d put his head right there on that spot on my shoulder.
Anton raised his gaze, and we shared that moment. He could feel it too, remember what had been between us almost immediately. How did I know? I’d never be able to explain it. We could read each other. He didn’t need my words either. Just my soul, and I was beyond happy to share it with him.
I reached for his shirt just as he did my own. We undressed each other draped in the touches of sunlight that managed to reach us through the overgrown trees covering the swamp and our dock. Even though this might soon belong to someone else, it would always be in my mind, now thought of as our dock.
Pressing my tongue into his mouth, I sighed and held on to him tighter so that he might not slip into oblivion where such perfect moments were bound to disappear to. He gripped me tighter, rubbing his hand down my back between where I arched slightly over the dock. But he didn’t keep his hands there very long.
Anton wasted no time, he slipped a finger inside of me where I was sure he’d find me wet and wanting him. Any pain I’d felt earlier was forgotten. Anton was the cure to anything that was currently wrong with me, at least for now. My breasts felt heavy, and my nipples begged for attention. The same way that he could always know what I was thinking, he
understood what I needed too. With one hand continuing to stroke my clit in easy circles, like he knew just how much pressure to give me to build this explosion ever so slowly, he bit down on my nipple.
Eventually, my need to touch him was more than I could handle. I had to. Right that second. I reached between us and stroked his cock, feeling it grow in my hand until it pressed hard against my leg. He was warm, wet, and wanting me. With my other hand grasped on his back, I started to pant. I needed more, so much more, and yet I didn’t want to stop what I was doing. Even knowing the next moment would be as equally perfect as this one, I was desperate to never let it go.
Anton made the choice for me. He stilled my hand, but just to reposition himself so that he could be closer to me, push inside of me when he wanted. I might beg him to hurry up, I might plead, but he gave me no reason to do those things. Anton would always feel what I did, he’d know my desperation.
He shook his head before he flipped me over. I yelped, not ready or even expecting him to do that. Anticipation made me shake. He was up on his knees as he pulled me against his chest, moving my legs to straddle him before he pushed me down on his hard, waiting cock. I cried out at the invasion and loved it at the same time.
This was Anton, dominating me in the most pleasure-filled way. My chest rose and fell as I tried to catch my breath. But there was no way to think through this or breathe my way into toning this down. My need for control had no place here. I moved when he took my hips and made me. Over and over, he did that. In those minutes, I was entirely his. I existed just for him. And there was so much joy and ease to this. It couldn’t last forever, I wouldn’t want it to, but for now, I would be happy to do this forever.
How Anton wanted me, he could have me, because what I needed, he always understood. We’d never been so fully connected, so completely one with another. I might even be feeling his pleasure wrapped up with my own. What did it matter whose it was? We were together, body and soul in this moment, and all I knew was that it was both too much and not enough. There was no amount of Anton that would ever be enough, that would ever satisfy how much I needed him.
Caught: A Paranormal Romance (The Swamp Book 3) Page 11
