Most nights I would slink off to my room, berating myself for not making a move after spending an evening being hyper aware of how close he was. How fucking awesome he smelt, and how much I wanted to slide over and just take control myself. It wasn’t that easy though. This was Jackson Caine, and even though I felt safe with him, there was still a part of me that was wary about moving on. He was a formidable guy, commanding and elusive. I didn’t think my brittle heart could withstand another knockback. So I waited, and hoped that one day it’d happen naturally for us; that he’d be the one to snap, and eventually take what he wanted. What I hoped he wanted. Me.
I woke to a pitch black bedroom, with dancing shadows and delicate piano tones drifting and swirling around me. I lay back on the bed, straining to listen to the music, and I recognised it as Ravel’s Pavane pour une infant defunte. Another one of my dad’s favourite pieces to play, and one that always calmed me after I’d had an argument with my brothers, or after a tough day. Dad called it his pied piper tune, because whenever he played it, I stopped whatever I was doing to come and find him.
I hadn’t changed much from the wayward little girl that was so easily summoned by her dad. Without thought or reason, I found myself subconsciously rising from the bed, then wandering out into the living area to hear the beautiful notes more clearly. The slow, haunting melody was hypnotic to me; it always had been.
I stood in the shadows of the dusky room watching him play. He was totally absorbed in the music and lost in a trance. He played so beautifully it made tears well up and emotion cascade inside me. How could someone who proclaimed to be so cruel and harsh, play with such poise and beauty? He wasn’t the devil he liked to portray; no devil would take the time to perfect their musical art like he did. His demon persona was all smoke and mirrors, I was sure of it. Behind the mask, he had a grace and refinement that he kept hidden from the world. I didn’t want him to keep it hidden any longer though, not from me, anyway.
I took a tentative step forward into the moonlight that bathed the centre of the living room. When he saw me, his fingers came to an abrupt halt over the piano keys, and he turned his head to look straight at me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He looked embarrassed, as if he’d been caught doing something shameful.
“You didn’t,” I replied. “I love the piano, and you play so well.” I padded over to the piano and gestured to the lack of sheet music. “Do you always play by ear?”
He sighed and rested his hands in his lap. “I’m self-taught. I can’t read music. I’ve learnt all the pieces I play by ear.”
“That must’ve taken years of practise.” Not to mention the dedication and resilience to perfect. He really was an enigma.
“I didn’t have a piano growing up, but a friend of mine, his dad was a brilliant pianist. He introduced me to classical music, gave me a few lessons, but then we lost contact. It took me a few years after that to pick it back up again, but when I did, it gave me the drive I needed to be better. A better man, if you like.” He smiled and stroked the keys he’d just been playing like they were precious jewels. “Playing the piano helps to focus my mind. It keeps the guilt and revenge from eating me up. When I play, it’s all I think about.”
I loved how he was opening up to me, showing me the hidden layers beneath the façade he was so expert at keeping in place.
“I could listen to you play all day. Why don’t you play in the day? I’ve never heard you play in the daytime.”
He sat back and closed the lid on the piano. It made my stomach drop slightly to think he didn’t want to carry on playing in my presence.
“I like to keep it private, something for me.” He didn’t look at me as he spoke, and I wondered if I should leave. Walk away and let him immerse himself back into his dream world.
“Why don’t you want people to see this side of you? Why hide how beautifully you play?” I stood my ground, willing those layers of his to peel back some more.
“Why should they see anything other than what I want to show them? This is me. Me in all my raw, uninhibited state. But when you show people who you truly are, they only take advantage. Most people are out for themselves, Ryley. Out for what they can get. I keep the real me for nights like this. I don’t want to share that with anyone else.”
“But I like the real you. I like this version better than the steel-walled one you show everyone else.” I willed him to look at me, and he did.
“Maybe I’ll save this version of me just for you then.”
My heart splintered into tiny pieces as he spoke, infusing my body with waves of love and affection for this broken, guarded, beautiful man. I wanted to reach down and touch him, kiss him. Have him take me in his arms and never let me go.
He stood up, towering over me, cloaking me with his sensual aura. I looked up at him through my lashes, holding my breath, waiting to see where this conversation was taking us.
He leant down and kissed my forehead. “Goodnight, angel.”
Then he walked away, leaving me breathless and totally flustered.
The next day I heard voices coming from the kitchen, and I wandered over to the door, absent-mindedly pushing my way through, expecting to find Jackson and Sylvie having their daily chat. What I didn’t expect to see was some stunning blonde babe sitting on one of the stools at the island, sipping a coffee with her perfectly plump red lips and batting her incredibly long eyelashes over at Jackson. He sat opposite her, smiling like a love sick loser and laughing at something she’d said. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude,” I snapped, and turned to leave the sickening scene, almost tripping over my own feet in my rush to get away.
“Ryley wait.” Jackson chased after me into the living area and jogged ahead, grabbing my arm to stop me in my tracks.
“That wasn’t what you think.” He nodded over to the kitchen, then looked at me with pain etched into the furrow of his brow.
“It’s none of my business. You can have who you want here. Really, I don’t care,” I lied.
He sighed, looking both tired and conflicted, like he was at odds with himself. I didn’t want to be the reason he couldn’t move on with whoever he wanted. I didn’t want this silly infatuation I seemed to have developed to become something ugly between us. I was big enough and strong enough to let it go. At least I thought I was, but having him standing in front of me, looking so handsomely delicious and contrite, I just couldn’t stop myself from wishing he could be mine. What if I had read this all wrong? What if this could be something?
“I should’ve told you.” He looked guilty now, but he still held my gaze. “Chloe and Luca told me about Amanda. I thought I’d reach out to her.”
I really didn’t want to know the details, but he wasn’t letting go of my arm anytime soon.
“She’s a therapist. I thought I’d invite her round, see if she could help you. That’s all this is, Ryley. She’s a counsellor. Nothing else. She helped Chloe after the whole kidnapping bullshit from last year, and I think she can help you too. I should’ve told you. I shouldn’t have sprung this on you.”
I could hear what he was saying, but a part of me was still questioning what other role he hoped this woman would play in his life.
“You looked pretty cosy in there.” I studied his face as I said this, trying to find a tell-tale flinch or flash of anything that would hint at his having feelings for this woman.
“She’s a counsellor I contacted for you. That’s all this is.”
At that moment Amanda came out of the kitchen, with her impeccable hair cascading down her back, and her model thin figure sashaying as she walked toward us. She placed her perfectly manicured hand on Jackson’s forearm, and I felt my shoulders tighten. I didn’t like her touching him. It took everything I had in me not to bat her hand away.
“I’ll go, let you two talk it over. You have my number, Jackson,” she purred, and I wanted to drag her out of the apartm
ent myself, but then she reached over and touched my arm. “Ryley, I know things are tough for you right now. Just know, I’m here if you need to talk. I can come here to your apartment if that’s easier for you, or you can come and see me at my offices. Bring Jackson along if you need him there too. It’s hard to trust anyone after what you’ve been through, but talk to Chloe. You know you can trust her, right? She has all my credentials, and hopefully she can put your mind at ease about my intentions.”
I nodded like the dumbass I felt. Maybe I was wrong about this girl. Chloe wasn’t a fool, and she wasn’t a backstabber either. I’d always thought I was a good judge of character, but lately I couldn’t trust my own instincts. Maybe it was time I started taking the advice of those around me.
“Thanks,” I managed to gasp out of my dried, closed-up throat. “I’ll have a think about it and give you a call.”
She smiled and squeezed my arm before turning to leave.
“I’m so sorry.” I hung my head, expecting some kind of reprimand for how I’d behaved.
“You don’t have to apologise, angel. I fucked up. I should never have invited a stranger into our home.”
His use of ‘our’ wasn’t lost on me. I looked up to see him biting his lip. Instantly, I wanted to launch myself on him. I wanted to bite his lip too, and suck it. God, I’d got it bad for this man.
“Do you like her?” I couldn’t stop it rolling off my tongue.
“Fuck no. I’m not interested in her, Ryley. I swear.” He was being sincere; at least I hoped he was.
“And what about me?” My heart started to pound against my chest, my whole body flooding with adrenaline as I willingly put myself on the line. I couldn’t stand another day of this torture.
“Ryley, I don’t think you’re ready for us to have this conversation. It’s only been a few weeks.” He took a step away from me, but I wasn’t letting him wriggle his way out of this. I needed to know where I stood.
“You don’t want me, do you? Is it because I’m damaged goods? Is that why you keep pulling me in then pushing me away? Why, Jackson? Why don’t you want me?”
He grabbed my shoulders in a death-like grip, his jaw clenched so tight he could’ve cracked his teeth with the pressure. Then he pierced me with that sparkling grey stare of his.
“Is that what you think? That I don’t want you? Fuck, Ryley. You don’t think I spend every night watching you, lost in you. Thinking about what it’d be like to just forget all the shit in our way, and do what I’ve always wanted to do. Bury myself so deep inside you, you’ll never want or need another man again, only me. You think I don’t go to sleep wishing you were lying in my arms, that I could make you mine? I think about nothing else. It’s driving me insane. But I can’t. You need time to heal. You don’t need a man like me.” I watched as he swallowed, realisation of what he’d said out loud registering for both of us.
“But I want that too,” I urged him, begging him to take control. I wanted him to be in control.
“I can’t be gentle with you, Ryley, and that’s what you need. Someone to treat you gently. But I’ve spent months watching you, wanting you so badly it’s fucking up any rational thought I’ve got in my head. I can’t be gentle. I want you too badly.”
“How do you know what I need? I don’t want gentle. Fuck gentle. I want you, Jackson. Every rough edge and hard line. I want you. Not a version of you that you think I can handle, but you. Don’t hold back on me. I need this.”
I grasped his face in my hands, pulling him down toward me, and something behind those steel eyes shattered. My heart leapt out of my chest as he pushed his lips hard onto mine. His tongue darted out, tasting me, devouring me. He moaned and his throat vibrated, sending wickedly sinful pulses into my very soul. This man tasted heavenly, like the sweetest sin and my saviour all wrapped up in one deadly hot package. The desperation in his kiss showed how much he’d held back these past few weeks. We both had, and we were insanely lost in our want for each other. The rest of the world had ceased to exist. We became animals, attacking each other in a frenzy of need and lust.
“I wanna do so many dirty things to you,” he groaned.
He reached down to pick me up, lifting me under both of my thighs, and I wrapped my legs around him.
“Then do them,” I gasped back, clinging to him as we kissed, and moulded our bodies to get as close as we could to each other.
I could feel the hardness in his trousers, and I wantonly rubbed myself against him, needing the friction, wanting the release with him.
He walked me backward towards his bedroom, and once we’d stumbled inside, he kicked the door closed and threw me down on his bed.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this, angel?”
I nodded.
“You know this is going to change everything,” he growled, pulling his t-shirt over his head to reveal golden, flawless skin over rippling muscles. Muscles that made me lick my lips with the need to taste him.
“It’s already changed,” I sighed, looking through my lashes at this Adonis looming over me. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching forward to pull him onto the bed by the belt of his trousers. “And I’m more than ready for you.”
He gave a low moan and crawled over me, kissing me hard, fucking my mouth with his tongue before moving to my neck.
“So fucking sweet,” he whispered, peppering desperate kisses along my jaw and down to my shoulders. “I always knew you would be.”
His greedy mouth licked and sucked its way down to my chest, making me gasp with desire for him. His hips were placed in the perfect position in between my legs, and from the way he was grinding into me, I could feel the pretty impressive erection in his trousers. I couldn’t wait much longer; I needed to feel him inside me. I wanted to feel that first thrust of his thick cock stretching me, making me cry out. He was driving me crazy and I couldn’t hold back.
“I need you,” I whispered as I snaked my hands between our two bodies to undo his belt and rid him of his trousers.
He pulled away from me, his eyes hooded with pure lust, and pulled himself up off the bed. Then he pulled his trousers and boxers down to reveal himself in all his glory. Damn, this man was a fucking god. He was perfect. All tanned skin and tight ass, and the thick, long, hard cock that stood to attention for me had me salivating, imagining all the things I wanted to do to him, wanted him to do to me.
“You need this, don’t you, angel,” he said with a gruff voice as he grasped his cock. “Take off your dress,” he ordered, stroking himself with long slow pulls, making me pulse and pant with need. I wanted to be the one stroking him, but damn if it wasn’t the hottest thing I’d ever seen, watching him pleasure himself in front of me.
I sat up and pulled the sun dress over my head, my cream lacy bra and panties were all that stood in our way now.
“You are fucking perfect,” he growled as he climbed back onto the bed. He ran his hand from my neck, down over my breasts and then to my tummy.
“My angel,” he sighed, then hooked his fingers into my panties and pulled them clean off, throwing them to the floor but never taking his greedy eyes off my body. “I need to see you.” He yanked my legs open with a greedy urgency, and then slid one finger slowly along my folds, finding my clit and circling it in the sweetest torture. The way his eyes burned with desire as he touched me made me horny as hell, and I squirmed under his expert caresses, all the time needing harder, more.
He dragged his finger back along my wetness, up and down. It was the purest agony, and I moaned. “I need more. I need you.”
I reached down to take hold of him, guiding him to where I needed him to be, but he knocked my hand away.
“All in good time, angel. Let me enjoy watching you while I make you come.”
“Please, Jackson,” I begged, lifting my hips up, angling myself in the hope he’d rub me, massage me where I needed him so badly. I gasped as he pushed his fingers inside me, biting my lip as he curled them forward to push against my sweet
spot.
“God, yes. That feels so good,” I whimpered as I ground myself onto his hand.
He used his thumb to circle my clit, his fingers rubbing and teasing me into sensual oblivion.
“Please don’t stop.” I closed my eyes, revelling in the build-up of my orgasm. My inner walls were burning, itching to reach that explosion of ecstasy. He knew exactly how to coax it out of me, and before long I was grabbing onto the bedsheets, fisting the material as if it was my lifeline, as the blood rushed to my ears and my cries of pleasure filled the air. Then I was there, contracting and pulsating on his fingers, my whole body shaking with the intensity of the orgasm that was rippling out of my body.
“That’s it, baby, just let go,” he moaned, as my clit throbbed and pulsated madly, and my inner muscles held him hostage in a vice-like grip.
“Fuck, Ryley. Watching you come… it’s just so… fuck, it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
I reached for his cock, taking his silky hard shaft into my hands and stroking him, wanting to give him what he’d given me only moments ago. He was only too happy to oblige this time, and he thrust his hips into my hand, but it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more too.
“I need to be inside you.” He yanked and snapped off my bra and sucked a nipple into his mouth before biting down then using his warm tongue to soothe the ache.
He nudged in between my legs with his knee and I felt his cock graze against my entrance. I was swollen and over-sensitive, but I needed to feel him so desperately. He leant back on his heels and grabbed my hips, pulling me forward towards him and angling me so he could slide into me easier and watch as his cock penetrated me over and over again. The look of lust on his face made me desperate to please him. To take him inside me and squeeze the same insanely intense orgasm out of him as he gave me.
This Cruel Love (A Dark Hearts Stand-Alone Novel Book 2) Page 19
