by Joyce Alec
She regretted terribly what she’d done to hurt him.
“Thought I’d come and tell you about the farm,” Martin began, taking off his hat and holding it loosely by his side. “The men have gone, just like you asked. Except one.”
Frowning, Jessie began to make some fresh coffee, knowing Martin liked it. “You kept someone on?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at him.
Clearing his throat, Martin shuffled his feet for a moment but nodded. “Yes. He seems good at what he does, and that farm is too big for me and Reuben to take care of alone.”
“But you can hire some more men to help, can’t you?” Jessie asked, handing him a cup of coffee and trying not to react to the sudden thrill that raced up her arm as their fingers touched. Her face was warm as she looked up at him, aware of just how dark his eyes were, how mysterious and yet wonderful in equal measure.
“I–” He stopped, rubbing the back of his neck for a moment. “Sure. I mean, I guess I can do that.”
A wave of embarrassment crashed over her, and she shook her head, setting her coffee cup down.
“I-I’m sorry, Martin,” she stammered, feeling as though she’d made a terrible mistake. “When I asked you if you’d help, I never thought about how much it would affect what you’ve already got to do on your ranch. I sure am sorry. You don’t have to worry about it any longer. I’m sure I can manage.”
“No, it’s not that.” He looked over at her and smiled ruefully, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess I’m trying my best to help you, but I want to do things right.”
“But you’ve got your own ranch to look after,” she protested, feeling more awkward than she’d ever felt before. “Your own cattle. I–” A sudden idea hit her, and she reached for him without thinking, her hand on his arm. “You could always bring your cattle over to my farm. Reuben already told me that Adler didn’t make much use of the pastures around the fields, and there’s no one else using it.” She suddenly realized that she’d taken his arm and dropped her hand at once, taking a step back from him.
There was a moment of silence, and Jessie found that she couldn’t even look into Martin’s face. Her cheeks were burning with heat, and she moved to pick up her coffee cup again in an attempt to give herself a moment or two to gather herself.
“That’s awful kind of you, Jessie,” Martin murmured, breaking the silence. “Thank you. If you’re sure, then I’ll do just that.”
“I’d be glad if you would,” she replied, praying that her cheeks had lost some of their color. “Especially after everything you’ve done for me.”
Their eyes met, and their gazes held for a long moment, making Jessie suddenly aware of how loudly her heart was beating. And then, the moment passed, as Martin sighed heavily and took a seat by the stove.
“I need to talk to you about something, Jessie,” he stated, looking a little uncertain. “It’s about what happened the night I found you.”
Slowly, Jessie sank into her chair, her eyes fixed on him. Her stomach began to curl with fright, anxious about what he was going to say.
“You were running away from Adler when I first found you,” he began, looking at her steadily. “You were so afraid that I took the gun from my belt and handed it to you. I told you to throw it out into the sand, so that you’d trust me not to hurt you. Do you remember, Jessie?”
Her lips quivered, but she nodded, seeing the worry in his eyes resonating with the anxiety in her own heart. “I’ve been worried about that,” she admitted. “I don’t want the sheriff finding it and thinking that it had something to do with Adler, not when it’s so close to your ranch. Have you gone to find it yet?”
Martin’s smile was tight, his eyes a little shadowed. “Not yet,” he said softly. “Things have been so busy trying to get this whole thing sorted out, with the sheriff and his deputy out looking and talking to all sorts of folk, that I guess it went to the back of my mind. I know you made your way back to the farm the day after with the sheriff, talking about what had happened. I’m guessing you didn’t find it. I know you didn’t tell the sheriff about it, unless you did just now?”
Shaking her head, Jessie let out a long, shuddering breath, suddenly realizing what Martin meant. “I didn’t. The sheriff asked me if I had anything else to tell him, but I didn’t say a word about it. I reckoned it would be for the best.” The memory of holding the gun in her hand had faded, blurring with all the other events of that night. “I don’t think I even managed to hold onto it properly, did I?”
A wry smile caught his lips. “You still managed to throw it a little ways, if that’s what you mean. But I reckon it might be a good idea if we found it. Not that I’m worried about myself, since there was so much of a ruckus going on, but more for your sake.”
“But why?” she asked, perplexed, her mind trying to work through what he’d said. “Even if someone finds it, they won’t know that it was me who threw it.”
This made Martin pause, his lips twisted as he thought. “No, I guess not,” he replied haltingly. “But all the same, I’d rather get on and find it. After all, it’s not a good idea to be leaving a loaded gun out on the sand, especially if it’s near my ranch.”
“You don’t think it’d be best to just forget about it?” she asked. “It’ll be buried in the sand by now, surely? Even if someone did find it, they wouldn’t be sure that it came from you.”
Martin shook his head fervently. “I can’t leave it out there,” he stated firmly. “We gotta find it, Jessie. It’s too dangerous to be left out there for just anyone to find, dangerous for us both.”
Jessie let his response roll around in her mind, not quite understanding his thinking. One thing he’d said seemed to contradict another. He’d just said he wasn’t worried about himself, but then said he didn’t want the gun found near his ranch. Neither could she understand what was so dangerous about someone else finding the gun, when it wouldn’t be obvious that it was his, or that she’d even touched it. Her stomach twisted itself in knots with the sudden memory of the two shots she’d heard that night as she’d tried to escape from Adler. Martin had already promised that he hadn’t shot Adler, and she had chosen to believe him.
Her mind turned over the events of that night, going through everything she remembered with careful precision. When she’d heard the shots, she’d been so afraid that she’d thought she might collapse right there in a dead faint. Martin had appeared soon after she’d heard them, riding towards his ranch in the dead of night. The more she thought about it, the more her mind scrambled over the sudden, deep fears that began to torment her mind. Martin’s explanation for what he’d been doing out on the plain in the middle of the night didn’t make much sense. He’d told the sheriff he’d been out searching for one of his cows but had gone on to say that he’d found the cow and brought it back to the ranch. At the time, she’d not thought much of it, had let the confusion fade away, only for it to come back to her with a fierceness that took her breath away.
Jessie hadn’t seen the cow. In fact, she was absolutely certain that Martin had only had his horse with him when he’d found her, and they’d still been a little bit away from the ranch.
For the first time, a suspicion began to form in her mind. A suspicion that she didn’t want to have, her breath catching in her chest. Martin had given her the gun in a gesture of trust, telling her to throw it away into the sand so that she wouldn’t have to be afraid, but what if there had been another reason for him to get her to do that? What if he wanted to get rid of the gun? What if he wanted to hide it in the sand, so that no one would ever know he had it, except for her? Of course, after all he’d done for her, she had trusted him. She had not once mentioned the gun to the sheriff because she’d not wanted Martin to be suspected of the shooting—but now, she was beginning to question all that.
“Something the matter?”
Jessie’s head jerked up, realizing that Martin had been watching her closely. For a moment, she felt a fear tug at her heart again, but with a
n effort, she pushed it away. She had to ask him outright; she had to find out the truth.
“Martin,” she began, leaning forward in her chair, “I won’t say I understand why you want to find this gun so bad, especially when, most likely, it’ll be buried under a pile of sand and dirt, but I’ll come to help you find it if you’d like.”
A look of relief etched itself across his face. “I sure would be grateful.”
She nodded, watching him carefully. “What was it you were doing out on the plain that night, Martin? I forgot what you told the sheriff.” She shrugged, putting a wry smile on her face. “Everything seems awful hazy.”
Martin tipped his head to the side, looking at her intently. “You’re not thinking…?” He trailed off, before lifting one shoulder in a half shrug. “Listen, Jessie, what I said was the truth. I was out looking for my cows. They’d been missing from the ranch, and I wanted to bring ‘em home.”
Watching him, Jessie tried to quiet her clamoring thoughts. “Did you find them?”
“I did.”
“Then where were they?” she asked before she could stop herself. “You didn’t have them when you found me.”
Martin’s face slowly lost its color, before turning a deep shade of red. “I put them in the shack a little bit away from the ranch,” he explained, his voice dropping low. “They’re not back in the barn yet. What with everything that’s going on, I thought it best to leave ‘em where they are.”
Jessie didn’t know what to say to this. Her heart was clamoring wildly, her mind scrambling with thoughts. Yet, over and over, she remembered how well he’d treated her, how generous he’d been, and just how much she’d hurt him already.
“There’s more to what I’m saying than that, but it ain’t worth explaining now,” Martin finished, a degree of finality in his voice. “I swear I had nothing to do with Adler’s death, Jessie.”
“Adler wanted to hurt you,” Jessie murmured, her gaze dropping to the floor with the shame of it. “After he’d convinced me to marry him, he wanted to do all he could to show you just what he’d managed to get me to do.” Timidly, she lifted her eyes to Martin’s and saw the pain carved into his expression. “He wanted to ride past your ranch in the hope that you’d see us together.” Shaking her head, she let out her breath in a huff, feeling the embarrassment but accepting it regardless. “I sure am sorry for what I did, Martin, but I can understand why you might want Adler gone. You did come riding up to your ranch after I heard the gunshots. Then you got me to throw your gun away.”
Their gazes held, and Jessie, feeling almost afraid to have spoken so openly to him, saw Martin’s sudden desperation. He leaned forward in his seat, his eyes never lifting from her own. There was no fury in his face, nothing to make her believe that she’d angered him, and yet she immediately felt a deep surge of humiliation at even suggesting his involvement.
“I had nothing to do with his death,” Martin repeated adamantly. “This has gotta be your choice, Jessie. Either you trust me or you don’t. And if you don’t, then you’d best go talk to the sheriff.”
Closing her eyes for a moment, Jessie fought with the decision that ran through her mind. She had to either consider Martin a liar, hiding the truth from her for whatever reason, or she had to accept what it was he was saying without question and without a true explanation. Battling hard, she opened her eyes and gazed directly at him, seeing the earnestness of his expression, the desperation in his eyes.
“Go tell the sheriff about the gun,” he said with a small shrug. “I’ll come with you, too. We’ll tell him everything together. I’m not afraid of that, Jessie. I didn’t shoot Adler.”
That convinced her.
“I don’t understand everything, Martin,” she began, choosing her words carefully. “I get the feeling that there’s something you’re hiding from me, from the sheriff, too, but I know the kind of man you are, and I guess I’m choosing to trust you.” She lifted one shoulder, letting out her breath carefully. “So, when do you want to go looking for that gun?”
He smiled at her and the remaining tension left the room. “How about tomorrow morning?” he asked, getting to his feet. “Only if you think you’re able to, Jessie. I can easily go look for it myself. We can take it to the sheriff straight after, if you’d like.”
“Tomorrow morning’s just fine,” she replied as she rose to her feet. “I’ll ride out to yours when I’m ready.”
Martin’s gaze fixed on her again, sending sparks shooting all through her, her skin prickling with anticipation.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he murmured, putting his hat back on his head and making to take a step towards her. She caught her breath, not quite certain what it was he was going to do, only for him to stop and frown. Shaking his head, he turned away from her, muttering something under his breath.
And then, he was gone.
8
Martin felt his heart lift as he looked at Jessie, seeing the way she was looking intently out across the plain. He hadn’t expected to feel this way about her, and Reuben’s teasing questions still echoed in the back of his mind. To admit that he felt something for her and that she was becoming important to him seemed almost wrong, as though he shouldn’t be allowing himself to even think of her for a moment longer than he had to.
In the weeks since Adler’s death, he’d seen her begin to blossom right before his very eyes. Her green eyes had become more vibrant, her lips curving into a smile more often than he’d ever seen before. The way her red curls bounced around her forehead, even though she’d tried to tie them all back, sent waves of longing through him that he was forced to battle more and more. He didn’t want to have the urge to run his fingers through her hair, to feel her soft curves pressed against him—and yet the desire simply would not leave him. In fact, it was growing stronger by the day.
It was not the right time to be thinking or feeling anything of the sort, though, given that Adler was barely cold in his grave and his death was still something of a mystery. On top of all that, he still hadn’t told Jessie the truth about what he’d been doing out at Adler’s place that night. Not that it mattered, really, but deep within himself, Martin knew he was afraid to tell her in case she began to believe that he was the one who’d taken Adler’s life, that he was nothing more than a liar and a murderer.
Why hadn’t he just told her the truth from the very beginning?
“Are you sure this is where you found me?”
Clearing his throat, Martin looked at Jessie, who was standing now, squinting up at him from under her bonnet. “I’m sure,” he replied, thinking that she looked so very different from when he’d first met her. “I know this part of the land. We were just past that cluster of boulders there.” He pointed to his left, seeing her nod slowly. “When I first saw you, you were nothing more than a shadow moving across the sand.” His smile was tinged with sadness. “You were so afraid, Jessie.”
“I know,” she replied, somehow moving closer to him without appearing to take a single step. “But you were there for me, Martin.”
He didn’t say anything, feeling his heart thumping wildly in his chest.
“Why were you so kind to me?” she asked, one hand lifting to rest lightly on his chest, her eyes a little confused as she looked up at him. “I’d done something terrible to you.”
A rueful grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I wasn’t about to leave any person out here alone, not when there’s all manner of dark things crawling through the night.” He saw her shiver, and before he knew what he was doing, he wrapped one arm about her waist, feeling his whole being burn with a sudden, fierce passion. “I was mad as a hornet when I saw you’d up and left to marry Adler, but that was more because of Adler than because of you.”
Frowning, Jessie’s fingers curled gently in his shirt, her breath brushing against his cheek. “It was foolish of me to listen to him.”
“You wouldn’t be the first to have fallen for Adler’s lies,” he replied, wonderi
ng why his breathing was now becoming a little ragged and trying desperately to remain as calm as he could. “Listen, Jessie, I sure am glad that you’re doing so well after Adler’s death, but I….” He trailed off, not quite sure what he was trying to say and battling with the urge to drop his head and kiss her, knowing that he ought not to, not so soon after Adler’s death.
“You’re the man I ought to have married,” Jessie whispered, her eyes dropping away from his face for a moment, color infusing her cheeks. “I made a foolish mistake with Adler, Martin. I knew how much hurt I’d caused you that day you came yelling outside Adler’s house. I wanted to come out and apologize, but Adler wouldn’t let me. He made me stay in the house; he wouldn’t let me speak to no one except Mrs. Draper on occasion. She knew what things were like for me, but she couldn’t do anything about it.” Sighing heavily, her gaze reached up to his face again. “I feel so free, Martin. I feel so happy, now that he’s gone—and then guilt rips right through me because of what I feel.”
“No one in this town mourns him,” Martin replied with a fierceness that surprised him. “You don’t need to feel that shame, Jessie. You’re able to start your life over again.”
A tiny smile caught her lips, bringing a fresh brightness to her eyes. “I owe you so much, Martin.”
“You don’t owe me nothing,” he stated firmly. “To see you so happy now is more than enough thanks for me.”
There was silence then, falling over them both as they looked into each other’s eyes, both equally surprised by what they saw there. Martin found his hand lifting of its own accord, brushing down over her cheek and letting the red curls run through his fingers. His skin prickled with anticipation, his heart thundering like the cattle running over the plain as he kept his gaze fixed on hers.
