by Terry Keys
“It’s just a song, Doc.”
“Well artists typically use songs to express their thoughts and feelings. Those lyrics suggest that whoever wrote that song is going through a really tough time.”
Blaze grinned. “Uh yeah, I am – remember? That’s why I’m here.”
“There’s a super thin line between art and reality. And sometimes that line gets all blurred and fuzzy. I just need to be sure you stay on this side of it – okay?”
“Like I said, Doc – it’s just a song.” Tuesday, Aug 27th
Chapter 18
The sun was just about to come up and Blaze sat watching it from his bed. Most people don’t simply sit back and watch the sunrise. They don’t recognize how truly wonderful of an event it was. But today he watched.
The doctor had told him to find something, even in nature and just to watch how truly magnificent it was. And to learn to try and appreciate it for how amazing it was. She’d been right. It was relaxing. There was so much more to life than his parents, Nikki, or Tre and his bullshit. So much more that he could appreciate.
Losing Nikki the way he had hurt. This wasn’t going to change that. But he needed to focus on other things and let time heal his wounds.
And if she was the type to be unfaithful he guessed it was better now rather than two or three kids down the road.
His cell phone chimed and he reached over to check it. Nikki. What the hell did she want now?
Blaze, I am so sorry for the way things ended. I’d been feeling strange about where our relationship had been heading for a long time. And honestly, I was too much of a coward to tell you. It’s no excuse for what I did. And I hope maybe one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Over the past few weeks I’d Snapped back and forth with Tre a few times. Nothing serious but obviously it led up to what happened. I’m only telling you this now because it’s all been weighing heavily on me. I didn’t like being dishonest – you don’t deserve that. One day some girl is going to be really lucky to have you. For a long time and even now, I wished that it could be me. You’re a really great guy and you always knew how to make me laugh. Take care of yourself Blaze – love Nikki.
Blaze read her text three or four times to digest it all. He could feel himself getting angry all over again. He tried to think of a happy memory. Something to take his mind off the negative. He closed the text message, tossed the phone and started to get dressed for school.
Fifteen minutes later he opened the door to his room and went downstairs.
“Good morning, mom,” he said.
She looked up at him shocked. “It’s twenty minutes earlier than I’ve ever seen you on a school day.”
“Yup and I’m all ready to go.”
He gave her a kiss on the cheek and grabbed his car keys.
As he drove, he took out his E-cig, looked at it and then put it back in his glove box. He was going to try to make it through the day without it. He was going to see if the doctor was right – that he was stronger than he gave himself credit for.
Blaze sat down in class and smiled at Tre as he walked by him. Tre frowned not really understanding what the hell Blaze was smiling at.
He sure as hell wouldn’t be smiling when he found out that Nikki had come over the night before. And he’d be smiling even less when he sent out the little video that he’d stolen off her phone.
After everyone was seated and the bell rang, the teacher started the lesson. Blaze listened attentively like he used to.
As the teacher pressed on while writing notes onto the blackboard, the students started clamoring. Blaze noticed that everyone was watching something on their phones. A few kids snickered – someone even pointed at him.
At first Blaze tried to ignore them but now he was wondering what the hell they were watching.
Finally, his phone buzzed. It was a text from Mark.
Let me know what you want to do to him and I’ll help. You know I always got your back, bro. I’m sick of this shit too.
What the hell are you talking about? Blaze replied.
Check Snapchat.
Tre sat with his hands covering his face, trying to hold himself back from erupting with laughter. This felt even better than he imagined it would.
Blaze opened his Snapchat app and clicked on the video he’d received from Mark. He watched the video once and then replayed it again. He knew immediately this meant two things. One, Nikki had been to see Tre and two, she’d left her phone unlocked where he could access it.
Everything he’d spent the last twenty-four hours trying to bury – all of the pain, hurt, anger and betrayal by so many, was over.
He felt his face reddening. Now he understood why everyone had been so glued to their phones. He didn’t want to cry. He wanted to hurt someone. He wanted to hurt all of them. Someone needed to teach them what it felt like to be the ass of their jokes.
Why would someone want to keep being tortured like this? And the only way he could make it stop was to show them that they’d better not mess with him. No longer would he come to school every day and be their punching bag.
He felt a tear forming in his left eye and then one in his right. The video was never supposed to be shared. Nikki had said she’d deleted it. Obviously, that had been another lie. How many more lies had she told him? How many more secrets had she kept? She needed to pay too.
They were both virgins when they’d met. And Blaze had only kissed one girl – really kissed one girl. He’d never touched a girl’s breast or even seen a pair in real life. Stupidly, they’d set up a phone to record their first time. They were both nervous – as expected. Blaze lay in the bed ready and waiting for Nikki to climb in. They made out for a few minutes and then Nikki pushed his face away from hers and asked him if he was ready. She was on birth control so they agreed that he wouldn’t use a condom. Nikki climbed on top of him and reached down to guide him inside of her. She held him in her hand and started to inch onto him, but it was too late. In less than three or four seconds of her touching him he’d orgasmed in her hand. Blaze was mortified. He’d heard stories of guys not being able to please their woman. Guys who were no good in bed. Losers. And now he was one of them. He’d already been nervous enough about the whole thing. Nikki told him that it was okay and that it happened to a lot of guys, especially the first time. But he didn’t care. His first time wasn’t supposed to be like this. Nikki climbed down off him and laid beside Blaze while he cried. She told him that they could try again, but it would be a month before he garnered the courage to. Finally, he realized that the phone was still recording on the desk – Nikki’s phone. She’d told him that she deleted the video.
Now everyone had seen it. What was supposed to be a special and private moment had been broadcast around the school. Things like this didn’t just stay in oneschool. By day’s end, thousands would have watched it and saved it on their phones. Crying memes would be made from it. The video would probably have a million views within a few weeks. The internet, for all of its grandeur, could also be a cruel, dark place. A place where otherwise cowards could hide behind a keyboard and ruin someone else’s life.
And now, just like in the video here, he was in the middle of class crying again. He sprang to his feet, grabbed his backpack and phone and ran out of the classroom.
The teacher called for him, but it was too late.
“Someone care to tell me what’s going on?” She asked sternly.
No one spoke up.
Blaze’s phone buzzed. This time a text from Nikki and shortly after another from Mark.
Nikki’s text read, Blaze, I can’t believe Tre did that. I should have deleted it like I told you. I never meant for this to happen. And for what it’s worth whatever this was with Tre is over. He’s nothing and less than nothing for doing this to you. I’m soo sorry, Blaze. You have to know I had nothing to do with it. Please text me back.
Mark’s text read, we’re going to get that SOB. They all walk around here like they are kings. We need to get
some payback. Let’s meet up after school, bro.
Blaze didn’t respond back to either of them.
“Blaze,” he heard someone call his name. It wasn’t a student’s voice. It sounded like Mr. Hunter – the principal.
He stopped and turned to see. They made eye contact and Blaze tried to wipe his eyes as Hunter approached him.
Hunter reached out and put a hand on Blaze’s shoulders. “We’re going to take care of this. My office, now.”
Hesitantly Blaze followed Hunter to his office.
They sat down and Blaze buried his face in his hands.
“Look at me, Blaze. This stops now. The bullying, the fighting. I apologize for not listening hard enough before. I’m trying to run a school here not a fight club. Nikki stopped by and she showed me the video and told me who spread it around the school. What Tre did is a felony, Blaze; distribution of child pornography. He’s gotten himself in more trouble than he knows. He thought this was funny, but I can assure you that he won’t find in funny in a few minutes. And I’m going to see to it – trust me on that.”
Blaze shook his head. “So, you’ve seen the loser Blaze video too, huh?”
Was that really all he’d heard? Hunter wondered.
“Listen, I know this can’t be easy at all but is that all you heard me say? I told you I’m going to bring down hell on Tre for this. His football for this season is done.”
Blaze wiped his face a little and managed a half smile. “You’re kidding yourself. This is Kilwade. This is football town. He’ll be out there Friday night like nothing ever happened – we both know that. You can’t sell me your Girl Scout Cookies.”
“Okay. Believe what you want, Blaze. You just watch. I’m going to make an example out of this. It happens far too often. Bullying on social media is going to carry the same weight as any another kind of bullying. You’re probably going to be called as a witness when he has his day in court. And I’ll expect that the police eventually will want a statement from you.”
Blaze shrugged. “Okay. Whatever. I appreciate what you’re doing here but I know how to handle this. I don’t need your help.”
“This isn’t about revenge, Blaze. You’re a good kid. You do something back and you will have your own consequences to deal with. I know you’re hurting and pissed but you’d better think about that.”
“I don’t think you understand. It doesn’t matter if he gets ten felonies and spends five years in prison. That video is going to spread like wildfire. It’ll be all over the United States by the end of the day. My life is ruined.”
“And every kid that shares it also commits the same crime as Tre did. I will go after every one of them. Like I said Blaze, this ends at Kilwade today.”
“Mr. Hunter have you ever been this humiliated?”
He thought for a moment. “Honestly Blaze, probably not.”
Blaze smiled at Hunter and stood up. “I didn’t think so. Good luck with your prosecutions. I’m going home for the day. I don’t want to be here. I’m not going to learn anything anyway – not today. You saw how the kids were looking at me when we walked to your office. Like I said, my life is ruined. I’ve never been more embarrassed about anything. Tomorrow I’ll drop in and let you know how many views the video has.”
Hunter hadn’t talked to Steph since he’d made her angry and she’d sped off. He really liked Steph and his marriage was in the dumps and probably over. But he wasn’t sure if he could handle dealing with Blaze on a more personal level. Or if Blaze would be open to the idea at all.
Blaze reached for the door. Before he could open it, Hunter said, “For what it’s worth, Nikki is pretty shook up about this. Her mother took her home too. She filled me in on… let’s just say enough. She’s sorrier than you’ll ever know. I just wanted you to know that since I’m sure… well I just wanted you to know.”
He shrugged. Was he supposed to feel sorry for her now? Because she was hurting? This was her fault too.
“Thanks,” Blaze said as he pushed out of the door.
Chapter 19
The sun beamed brightly off the lake. There was hardly any wind making the reflection look almost as smooth as glass. Blaze skipped another rock on top of the water and counted how many times it skipped.
He used to come here and shoot skeet with his dad. For whatever reason not many people, if anyone, ever came out here in these woods. Or to this lake. It wasn’t a bad little fishing spot either.
Blaze picked up another rock. “Betcha can’t get it to skip eight times?” Mark called out behind him.
He threw the rock and they both counted the jumps out loud. “Six,” they both said after it finished.
The two boys hugged a bit longer than usual. “We’re going to get that bastard back. All of them – Wayne too,” Mark said.
Blaze pushed away from him. “Correction, I’m going to get them back. You are going to stay out of this. Only one of us needs to get in trouble here. You got your whole life ahead of you, bro. College, a wife, shit maybe a few kids. Can you imagine us with kids?”
What the hell was he talking about? Didn’t he have his whole life ahead of him too?
Mark pushed Blaze. “We are in this together – we’re boys. We both got our lives ahead of us. Don’t start talking crazy.”
Blaze had said enough already. Actually, he’d said too much. But he couldn’t help himself.
“My life’s over man. That video…”
“Shut the hell up, talking like that. I’m serious, Blaze. Don’t make me kick your ass. It’s one stupid video. Knock that shit off.”
Tears started rolling down Blaze’s face.
“It’s not just the video,” he sobbed. “Things with my parents at home are shit, my dad’s a cheating bastard. He just left us behind like we were trash, man.”
His heart was beating fast. He knew there was more but before now he’d told no one.
“Screw him. You don’t need him, bro.”
“I wish I felt that way. I may not need him, but I wanted him. Now this shit with Nikki. My heart doesn’t even feel whole anymore. Feels like it exploded into a million pieces. I can feel it beating all over my body. I can’t stop shaking. Why couldn’t she love me the way I loved her?”
“Man, screw her too. Somewhere the right girl is out there.”
“Nah, she was the right girl, man. And she couldn’t even be loyal. Tre played her. I’m tired of being laughed at. I’m tired of not being enough for anyone.”
“What, I don’t count?”
Blaze forced a smile. “No, you don’t. You’ll always love me, or I’ll haunt you.”
They laughed.
“There’s a lot of stuff happening at once. But I’m here. And two months – hell two weeks from now - this will all be old news. Don’t do nothing stupid now while you’re hurting.”
“Honestly man, I can’t see two hours ahead right now, bro. This shit hurts.”
“You listen to me. You’re going to be the best man in my wedding you hear me? And I’m going to be the best man in yours. And next year were going to Hawaii just like we talked about. The next year we’ll do our U.S road trip – none of this stupid high school shit changes any of that. You hear me?”
Blaze held his head down. He shook as he cried. Mark put his arms around him and fought back tears himself.
“You promise me that you’re not leaving me with these assholes, Blaze. I been watching Dr. Phil I know how this shit works.”
He smiled a little at the Dr. Phil joke but still said nothing. He just cried harder.
“I said, promise me.”
Blaze nodded in agreement.
“One hour at a time, one day at a time. All this is temporary. The only thing permanent is me and you, bro,” Mark said.
His heart was beating even faster now. “There’s one more thing - I need to tell someone.”
“What?” Mark said with a confused look on his face.
“Here goes. The day my mom left my dad, she needed help mo
ving all of our stuff out-“
Mark touched him on the shoulder, “it’s okay man, let er’ rip.”
Tears formed in his eyes again. He angrily flung them away.
“I didn’t know it but my mother had called her brother, my uncle – Tommy to come and help us –“
“Yeah I know him. Met him a few times. So what about him?”
“Well at the end of the day when we finished moving everything, we sat down at the kitchen table. My mom and Kevin had gone to pick up food. We started talking and then he put his hand on my knee and said everything will be okay. And in that instant a bunch of memories that I’d I don’t know suppressed, poured through me. I froze. Then he smiled at me. I’ll never forget that look again. The way he looked at me – I’d seen it before. Later that night I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes another memory flooded my brain. Vivid memories, detailed memories, painful memories. For the next few weeks I had nightmares – these flashbacks of times when he’d…”
“That sick motherfu- I’m sorry bro. Shit man. And before that moment you’d never had a clue or remembered any of it?”
Blaze shook his head. “Nothing. Not even a hint. I’d blocked it all out. And maybe if my parents hadn’t gotten divorced –“
“So deep down that’s why you blame your mother for all of this? It’s why you’re so mad at her?”
“What, you my Doctor now?” He smiled.
“It’s okay man. You don’t have to be funny with me. This is some messed up shit. Cry if you need to, yell, curse – whatever. So I’m guessing you didn’t tell your mom either?”
He shook his head. “No. And it just seems like I can’t catch a break. I remembered back to some of those days. I felt so weak and hopeless and now all this shit at school – I’m really starting to feel that way again. I can’t do it anymore bro.”
Blaze sat up and wiped his eyes. Then he started laughing.
“You go from crying to laughing?” Mark asked laughing too.
“Laughing at myself. I probably sound like a little girl right now.”
