by Ember Pierce
* * *
And it was only one job. Maybe two. But probably no more.
* * *
Then he would spend his life with Bonny, teaching her to ride and, more importantly, making her laugh, helping her to enjoy life.
* * *
And telling their children about his honorable brother John, whose life had influenced the drunken brother when the older brother was in his grave.
* * *
That would be a tribute to John. He had planned to live his life for John, and that seemed like an honorable way to do it.
* * *
This might be a way out. It was dangerous. But it might be a way out. A legal way out.
* * *
And a way to a new and better life…
16
Restless from a long evening of being left alone—again—Bonny paced around the small cabin, trying to think of something to occupy her.
* * *
She had tried so hard to be understanding when Kristian had told her that he was taking a second job at the livery.
* * *
His explanation had been quite noble—to build them a bigger, better house so that there would be room for their future children.
* * *
That was all well and good, but since they hadn’t even kissed yet, minus some small pecks here and there; the future children were still in concept only.
* * *
Night fell hard out here on the ranch, and Bonny was still getting used to it. Now, she slipped out the front door, closing it gently behind her.
* * *
Darkness enveloped her in a velvety softness that stirred things in her that she had never felt back in Philadelphia.
* * *
Bonny tipped her head back to look up at the sky, which was filled with an endless skyway of stars.
* * *
She had tried to describe the effect on her soul in letters she had written back to her parents. Yet she found no actual words to describe the way she felt like she might fall into the vastness or get sucked out of herself into something bigger than herself.
* * *
Every night she crept out to look for shooting stars. This was one thing she hadn’t been able to bring up with Kristian.
* * *
She wondered how he felt about the stars, the sky, the land all around them.
* * *
Since Kristian had grown up here, Bonny didn’t know if he saw things the way she did. Being new to a place had advantages and disadvantages.
* * *
She could see things differently than she had seen them at home. She suspected that she could see things differently than Kristian saw them here, as well.
* * *
Thinking about Kristian, Bonny looked back toward the road. Still no Kristian. Bonny wrapped her arms around herself as she shivered, though the night was not cold.
* * *
She wasn’t sure why she felt so lost right now, but she did. Tears burned the back of her eyes. They were not going to fall. She wouldn’t let them.
* * *
With a sigh, she went back into the house. Surveying the small space, she had to admit that she couldn’t think of a single thing to do.
* * *
She had done all her chores, done her mending, and done some crocheting. Now, she just wanted Kristian to come home so they could talk.
* * *
It was at times like this that she missed the busyness of her life back in Philadelphia. Her siblings had kept her from ever being bored.
* * *
Bonny felt it was ironic that she’d had to leave one place and come to another to appreciate the life she had once had.
* * *
She decided to work on a loaf of bread for the morning. As she pulled on an apron, she changed her mind.
* * *
She would make a batch of popovers, like she had on special occasions back in Philadelphia. Surely Kristian would like them just as much as her brothers and sisters had.
* * *
She measured out the flour and other ingredients. As she added the water and mixed the dry ingredients in, she started to feel an irritating doubt pulling at her.
* * *
Kristian was a lot later tonight than he had been the other nights he’d been working at the livery. Had something happened? Was he hurt and lying on the side of the road?
* * *
Or perhaps he had been tempted to stop in at the saloon in town… to drink and to gamble the night away, surrounded by a bunch of floozy barmaids.
* * *
Bonny could feel her blood start to boil. She should have known that this marriage going well was too good to be true.
* * *
How many times had things started to look up in her old life, only to have it all come crashing down around her?
* * *
She began to pound the dough with both fists. Kneading dough proved to be a very good therapy for the anger that was building inside of her.
* * *
He wouldn’t tell her the truth, because what man did? She had asked him point blank if he was a drinker, and he had said that he wasn’t. But how could she really know?
* * *
True, he hadn’t ever come home smelling of alcohol, and he faithfully did his work around the ranch. Bonny knew she was starting to act a bit crazy.
* * *
To calm herself down, Bonny dumped the dough onto the floured table and began to knead it in a slow, purposeful motion. Even though her anger still simmered under the surface, her heart rate began to slow as she focused on the task at hand.
* * *
That was a trick she had figured out when she felt like she was going to lose her mind while taking care of her brothers and sisters.
* * *
By the time she had gotten the dough into a perfect ball, Bonny felt calmer. She still had her doubts about why Kristian was late, and she was going to ask him to be honest with her.
* * *
She knew that she deserved at least that much. A calm tone and a reasonable attitude were essential for such a talk, but she knew she could do this.
* * *
She covered the bowl of dough with a damp tea towel and wiped her hands on her apron before removing it and hanging it up. Then, she sat down by the fire and picked up her crocheting.
* * *
Despite the summer heat, she had decided to start making hats and mittens for the upcoming winter. A little pre-planning would save a lot of hassle and aggravation later on.
* * *
Besides, Erica had warned her that winter came early in these parts, and often with little or no warning.
* * *
She was just finishing Kristian’s hat when she heard a noise outside. Her heart fluttered in her chest in anticipation of seeing her husband.
* * *
Even when she was mad at him, which admittedly wasn’t often, she still couldn’t wait to see him. He just made her feel… special.
* * *
The front door opened and Kristian stepped in. He hung his hat on the peg by the door.
* * *
When he caught her gaze, the smile that spread across his face made her feel like she was going to melt into a puddle on the floor.
* * *
For a moment, she forgot that she was mad at him. Only for a moment, though. By the time he got to his rocking chair, she had remembered.
* * *
When Kristian sat down, he was greeted with a frosty smile. He seemed surprised by the reception.
* * *
His eyebrows knit together, and the corners of his mouth tugged down. “What’s the matter?” he asked.
* * *
“Where have you been? Why were you late tonight?” Bonny hated that her voice had come out shrill and desperate.
* * *
She didn’t want to be a nagging, complaining wife, but if she didn’t ask the questions that were bottling up inside o
f her, she didn’t know if she would survive.
* * *
She might explode, and that would be messy and weird.
* * *
Kristian gave an awkward laugh, which didn’t make her feel any better. Either he was making fun of her, or he was trying to figure out how to hide something from her.
* * *
She had seen that look on Katie’s face more often than she would like to remember—right before her younger sister lied to her about one thing or another.
* * *
“I’m not that late, am I?” he asked.
* * *
“You’re definitely later than normal,” Bonny said, trying to keep the accusatory tone out of her voice. She didn’t succeed.
* * *
When Kristian’s eyes narrowed slightly, she looked away so she could keep herself from saying something she would regret later.
* * *
“I ran into an old friend after I got off my shift at the livery,” he said, his voice quieter than it had been before.
* * *
Bonny felt a twinge of guilt for making him feel bad. Her anger waffled between red-hot and simmering, but she didn’t want to take it out on him.
* * *
“Oh, yeah?” Bonny said. “Who?”
* * *
“Who?” Kristian repeated. “Oh, my friend. My friend, Jock Miller. We grew up together and we haven’t seen each other in a long time.”
* * *
Bonny considered that explanation for a long moment. There was a hint of truth to it, but having Katie as a sister had made her skeptical of anything that sounded too good to be true.
* * *
“Why haven’t you seen him for a long time?” she asked.
* * *
Kristian shrugged. “Life happening. We’re just in different places in our lives. Jock lives the single life, and I’ve got you.
* * *
“He kind of bounces around between jobs, too. I’m here now, so we just haven’t had the chance to see each other.”
* * *
“Oh,” Bonny said, feeling bad about doubting him, but she still had questions. “Where did you used to hang out with him?”
* * *
“Just wherever,” Kristian said.
* * *
That was the statement she had been waiting for—not specifically, of course, but the vagueness of it. Bonny felt a frown tugging the corners of her mouth down.
* * *
“Kristian, what are you keeping from me?”
* * *
Kristian barked out a laugh, but Bonny could tell there was no mirth in it. He was upset, but he was trying to hold it in so she didn’t see him get mad.
* * *
She wanted him to get mad so that he would tell her the truth.
* * *
“I’m not keeping anything from you,” he said, but she thought he squirmed as he said it.
* * *
Bonny didn’t want to explode or yell at him, so she clasped her hands together in front of her. She decided to try a different tactic.
* * *
“We’re supposed to be partners, aren’t we?”
* * *
“Of course we are,” Kristian said without a second thought or moment of hesitation.
* * *
Tilting her head to one side, Bonny regarded her husband. It was good that he was in agreement on this fact.
* * *
She knew there was something that he wasn’t telling her, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. He needed to be honest with her. She didn’t like this at all.
* * *
“I can tell that you aren’t sharing something important with me,” Bonny said. “I don’t like it. And I don’t think that I deserve to be lied to.
* * *
“You were late tonight, and all I’m asking is for you to tell me why. You say that you were catching up with an old friend, but you won’t tell me anything specific about him, so how am I supposed to believe anything you’ve said?”
* * *
A range of emotions washed over Kristian’s face, and Bonny couldn’t tell what he had settled on. Anger? Disappointment? Regret? Something else entirely?
* * *
It wasn’t a comfortable feeling to sit across from him, wondering if he was truly upset with her for asking for the truth.
* * *
She felt righteous in the moment, but the longer he stared at her, the more she wondered if she had just bought herself a one-way ticket back to Philadelphia.
* * *
Luckily, she managed to hold that question inside while he stared at her. Then, his whole demeanor changed and he sagged back in his chair.
* * *
He leaned his head against the back of his rocking chair and closed his eyes. “It’s nothing,” he said.
* * *
“Jock just isn’t the kind of person that you would want to be associated with. He’s a nice enough guy, but he spends a lot of time at the saloon, and I know how you feel about drinking.”
* * *
“Were you at the saloon with him?” Bonny felt herself go cold. She had been honest with him from the beginning. How could he be so callous?
* * *
She gripped the armrests on either side of her so hard that she worried she’d make the wood splinter. What was she going to do?
* * *
Kristian opened his eyes and sat up a bit straighter. “No! I was not at the saloon. I can honestly promise you that.”
* * *
Something about the way he said it, the vehemence in his voice, made her believe him. Still, he wasn’t directly answering her original questions.
* * *
Why would he want to hide anything from her? If he hadn’t wanted someone to share this life with, why would he have answered her ad and sent for her?
* * *
Before she could say anything else, Kristian stood up and said, “I’m tired. I worked a full day on the ranch and then I worked a full shift at the livery.
* * *
“I shoed two horses, mucked the stalls, and did all the odd jobs on Duke’s list. On top of that I had to catch up with an old friend because I felt obligated.
* * *
“All I wanted to do was come home. Now, all I want to do is go to bed. Can I please do that now? Go to bed?”
* * *
Bonny was stunned by the harshness in his voice. She lowered her eyes and stared at the floor.
* * *
She had pushed him and she had gotten the response that she’d wanted, and yet she still didn’t have the truth.
* * *
Swallowing hard against a sudden lump of tears balling up in her throat, she said, “Of course, you should go to bed. You’ve had a long day.”
* * *
There was a long, tense silence, and then Kristian said, “Aren’t you going to come to bed, too?”
* * *
“I will in a bit,” she said, refusing to look at him. “I have some things that I need to finish up.”
* * *
Kristian stood beside his rocking chair for a long moment, and then he turned and walked to the small room at the back of the house that served as their bedroom.
* * *
Bonny stayed still for as long as she could stand it before getting to her feet. She crossed the room and picked up the bowl containing her dough.
* * *
After draping the tea towel over a nearby chair, she stalked to the front door and opened it. Stepping out into the night, she turned the bowl over, sending her perfectly prepared dough rolling into the dirt.
