Lilly narrowed her eyes. “Have you been pumping her for information?”
“No.” He smiled. “Perhaps a little. You’re a closed book sometimes.”
She didn’t know what to make of this. Was David interested in knowing more about her because he was assigned to protect her or was it something more? Either way, it was clear that Astrid had been spilling the beans.
“I guess I don’t mind Astrid telling you things about me if it means the two of you can find a way to be friends,” she said. “I don’t think I can face any more arguments. I’m exhausted with it.”
“I understand. I’m planning on having a long chat with Astrid and giving her a copy of the code of conduct that I talked about. I need to respect her boundaries and she needs to respect mine. How do you think she’ll react?”
“I think she’ll roll her eyes, say whatever and flounce into her bedroom.”
“I don’t mind that,” he said. “As long as she takes a copy of our code of conduct with her.”
Lilly turned serious, sensing that David was genuinely trying hard here.
“I know you’re putting a lot of effort into building a better relationship with Astrid,” she said. “Other men would simply walk away and write her off, but you’re prepared to go the distance because you know how to be a good father.” She saw the flare of his nostrils, the way he always pushed back against a fatherhood compliment. “Stop with the modesty. You have to learn to take the praise.”
He released her hand and clasped both of his together, sighing deeply, shoulders sagging. He finally seemed ready to reveal his most guarded secret.
“My youngest daughter, Chloe, was always the brightest in her class,” he said. “And she was determined to be a doctor, especially after her big sister graduated law school and passed the bar. Chloe wanted to work at Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh, the place where her mother was treated with love and dignity in the days before she died of cancer. Chloe was so smart and caring, and I couldn’t have been prouder.”
Lilly noticed him brush away a tear. “What happened?”
“She met an older boy called Eric who was rebellious and cool and dangerous, and he managed to convince her that it was more important to party than study. She started staying out late, being rude, refusing to go to church, answering back whenever I challenged her.”
Lilly could see the parallels. “A little like Astrid, huh?”
“Exactly. Except Chloe was worse, because she would lie to me all the time. Astrid may be badly behaved, but she seems to be pretty open and honest.”
“Yeah,” Lilly agreed. “I think she is.”
“When I close my eyes at night, I still hear the knock at the door. I think police officers have a way of knocking that somehow lets you know it’s bad news. I knew instantly that Chloe was in trouble.” He rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. “And I was right. On that particular night, Eric had gotten drunk and hit a tree at seventy miles an hour with Chloe as a passenger. He hadn’t been wearing a seat belt but thankfully Chloe was. It saved her life.”
“Eric didn’t make it?”
“He died instantly and Chloe suffered a massive head injury when a branch came through the windshield. She was placed in a medically induced coma for three months.”
“Oh, David, that’s awful. You must’ve been out of your mind with worry.” Lilly couldn’t imagine how she would feel if something like that happened to Astrid. “But she pulled through.”
“She eventually began breathing on her own, so the doctors brought her out of the coma and conducted some tests.” He swallowed away what sounded like a sob. “And it quickly became apparent that she wasn’t the same person as before. She suffered severe brain damage that left her unable to take care of herself. It took two years of rehabilitation to get her walking and talking, feeding herself and living normally.”
“But that’s good news, right, because she overcame the injuries?”
“She’ll never recover her intelligence,” he said. “That’s gone. Instead of training to be a doctor right now, she’s working at a grocery store, stocking shelves. She’s happy enough and seems to love the job but it’s not what I wanted for her. That one decision to get in a car with her drunk boyfriend cost her everything. Her life is ruined because she didn’t take my advice when I asked her to stop seeing Eric and knuckle down to her studies.”
In that moment, everything became clear to Lilly—David’s frustration with Astrid, his insistence on following rules, his dogged determination to bring Astrid under control. He was trying to stop history repeating itself, hoping to prevent another promising young life from being ruined.
“It’s not your fault, David,” she said. “Chloe sounds like a strong-willed young woman and you did everything you could to show her the way.”
“I didn’t do enough,” he said through gritted teeth. “I should’ve taken a firmer hand.”
“You have to forgive yourself.” Lilly placed a hand on his cheek. It felt natural to hold it there, cupping his face, the bristles of his beard rubbing her palm. “Chloe’s life isn’t over. It’s simply taken a different path and she’s still the daughter you always loved. You shouldn’t let that one incident define either of you. Your daughter made a bad choice, but you are still a good, kind and decent father, who raised his girls to be strong and smart. I’m sure they’re proud of you.”
He looked intensely at her, his dark brown eyes glistening slightly in the early morning light from the window.
“It’s hard to believe they’re proud of me when I can’t be proud of myself.”
She rubbed a thumb across the cleft of his chin. “I’m proud of you. Perhaps that can be enough for now.”
He smiled. “Really?”
“Really.”
“It’s been a long time since a woman has made me feel ten feet tall, but you just reminded me what it’s like.” He cupped her face, mirroring her position. “Thank you.”
Lilly knew it was inevitable that their lips would gravitate together, drawn by the heady atmosphere in the room. All the arguments were suddenly forgotten and replaced with a mutual respect, a shared desire to know one another more intimately.
Lilly barely had more than five seconds to enjoy the soft warmth of David’s mouth on hers when a creak on the floorboard in the hallway alerted her to a snooper. She snapped her head sharply toward the slightly open door just in time to see Astrid’s long legs hightailing it down the stairs.
Putting her head in her hands, she said, “Astrid was in the hall, and I think she saw us kiss.”
This would complicate David and Astrid’s relationship more than Lilly cared to imagine.
* * *
Goldie helped David clear away the breakfast dishes and load the dishwasher. A padded dressing covered the cut on her forehead and Goldie occasionally pressed it with her fingers, securing the surgical tape firmly to the skin.
“Are you sure you’re okay to continue working?” David asked. “Your health is more important than completing this assignment.”
Goldie waved away his concern, as he knew she would. “It’s nothing. Just a scratch.” She glanced over her shoulder to where Lilly and Astrid were sitting in the living room, playing a card game and laughing together. “Besides, I’ve grown really fond of the kid. She’s all right when you break through the hard shell.”
“I think I might know what you mean,” he said. “I’m still not totally through the hard shell, but I’m making progress.”
Goldie shot him a coy look. “It looks like you made much more progress with the mom. What’s going on with you two?”
“What do you mean?”
“There were a lot of long, lingering gazes over breakfast and Lilly touched your hand way more times than she needed.” Goldie smiled. “You like each other. A lot.”
David decided that honesty was the be
st policy here. “Yes, we like each other, but it’s complicated and I’m working their case, so I should take a step back.”
“If anyone deserves to find love again, David, it’s you. When this is all over, I hope your relationship with Lilly works out for you, because she’s exactly the type of woman you need to make you happy.”
He smiled, unused to his FBI partner showing this level of emotion. She always said she didn’t believe in love.
“Are you being slushy, Goldie? This is totally unlike you.”
She laughed. “Don’t get used to it. It’s just temporary insanity.”
“Listen,” he said, his laughter now replaced with seriousness. “We need to find out how we’re being found and who might be responsible. I want you to compile a list of agents who’ve had opportunities to access our safe house information. You’ll need to dig deep, turn over every stone. We’ve tightened our security but it might not be enough to stop our mole.”
Goldie shook her head sadly. “I’ve been working the bureau for ten years, and this is the first time I’ve ever had to investigate a corrupt agent. I can’t believe someone would betray us.”
“Let’s not forget that Henderson had an accomplice once before, and he’s stolen millions of dollars over the years, so he’s able to offer big rewards for information. Find out if any agents have been offered a bribe, but tread carefully. Don’t let them know we’re on to them.”
“This is my favorite part of the job,” she said, heading for the door. “I love to find the needles in haystacks. You need to get some sleep. I’ll take the morning shift and wake you this afternoon.”
She left the kitchen, passing Astrid, who was balancing two empty cups in one hand and holding a deck of cards in the other. Wearing a pastel pink sweater, she was uncharacteristically colorful today.
“Hi,” David said, taking the cups to stack them in the dishwasher. “You look nice. What do you call it? A norm?”
Astrid sat on a stool at the kitchen counter and began to play Patience on the flat surface. “It’s Mom’s sweater. I like it because it smells of her perfume. But, yeah, I look like a norm.”
He motioned over Astrid’s shoulder to the couch in the living room, where Lilly was reclined. “How’s your mom?”
“She fell asleep.” Astrid yawned and stretched. “I’ll turn in soon too.”
He slid across a piece of paper sitting on the counter, being careful to avoid disturbing her cards.
“I’d like you to take a look at this,” he said. “It’s a code of conduct that I drew up, which should help us be more respectful to one other.”
She took the paper, folded it four times and slid it into her jeans pocket. “I’ll read it later.”
Then she resumed her card game, falling silent, and David wondered if she wanted to broach the subject of the kiss she had witnessed between him and Lilly. She was continuing to turn the cards and place them on the counter, but she glanced his way every few seconds, as if working her way up to speaking.
Finally, he broke the ice. “Did you see me talking to your mom earlier? She says you were standing in the hallway.”
Astrid put down the deck of cards. “Yeah, I saw and heard everything.”
“And how do you feel about it?”
He braced himself for the unavoidable you-can’t-replace-my-dad speech that she was entitled to make, but she totally surprised him with something else entirely.
“I think that Chloe sounds awesome,” she said. “She fought really hard to recover after the car accident and you don’t seem to give her any credit for it. All you feel is disappointment because she’s not a doctor.”
He was blindsided by the criticism and stood in silence for a few seconds.
“I agree that Chloe is awesome,” he said. “And I also admit that I’m disappointed. She had a lot of potential before the accident and it’s been wasted. She could’ve had a successful life.”
“What exactly is success?” she asked. “Does it mean having a great job with lots of money and a big house?”
“Sometimes,” David replied. “It depends.”
“It seems to me that Chloe is already successful,” Astrid said. “She loves her job and she’s happy with her life. I’m guessing that after all the rehabilitation she takes nothing for granted. She appreciates being able to walk and talk and laugh and stock shelves. It makes me angry that you’re disappointed in her for not living up to your expectations of being a high-flying doctor.”
“Now hang on, Astrid.” He was beginning to become defensive. “It was Chloe herself who had high expectations. She was planning on going to medical school.”
Astrid stood up. “But did she really, truly want to become a doctor, or did you put pressure on her?”
He tried to think back to the time before the accident. Chloe had made her own choice to become a doctor. Hadn’t she? He had perhaps steered her toward that career but not too heavily.
“I helped her make the decision to apply for medical school,” he said. “But it was her choice in the end.”
“Are you sure about that? Have you asked her?”
“No, I haven’t asked her. I don’t want to upset her.”
Astrid began walking to the door. “I think you just don’t want to hear the truth. I don’t think Chloe ever wanted to become a doctor. She sounds like a free spirit who always wanted to live a simple life. But you wanted her to be someone different, and that’s why she rebelled.”
He had heard enough. “You’re being presumptuous, young lady,” he said. “Chloe chose to be a doctor because she was smart and wanted to help people.”
“Smart people also work in grocery stores,” she said feistily. “And they help people too. Maybe Chloe is living the life she always wanted, but you’re too disappointed in her to see it.”
“This conversation is done,” he said, fighting to keep his cool. “Why don’t you go to bed and get some rest? We’re both tired and emotional this morning.”
Astrid eyeballed him for a moment, as if weighing her options of challenging him or walking away. She thankfully decided on the latter.
“I also saw you kiss my mom,” she muttered as she disappeared through the door. “Don’t go thinking you’ll be replacing my dad anytime soon.”
* * *
David waited anxiously for Chloe to pick up, practicing the words in his head, wondering if he was doing the right thing. Was it best to leave this particular can of worms unopened?
“Hey, Dad,” his daughter said brightly upon answering her cell. “I just got off work and I’m on my way home to get changed. I decided to go to the church youth group with Paul tonight.”
“That’s great news, honey. I’m really pleased.” He took a deep breath. “I just wondered if I could ask you a couple of questions. Tell me if you don’t want to talk about it and I’ll stop. It’s up to you, okay?”
“You can ask me anything, Dad. You know that.”
He decided to come right out with it. “Did you always want to be a doctor? I mean before the accident.”
She took a long time to respond. “No. You wanted me to become a doctor, but I didn’t know what I wanted to be. I sort of still don’t know.”
A dull pain throbbed in his chest. How had he not seen this? “Did I put pressure on you to apply to medical school?”
Again, she waited before replying. “Yes, you did, but please don’t feel bad about it. You wanted me to save people’s lives and get a job at the same hospital where Mom died so I could be close to her memory. You thought you were doing the right thing.”
This was hard to hear. “Is that why you rebelled? Was it because you didn’t want to be pushed into a career you didn’t choose?”
“Kind of.” He could hear her breathing with the rhythm of her gait, slightly lopsided due to the leg weakness that had resulted from the brain injury.
“I can’t bear the sight of blood, Dad, and I had no idea how I’d cope in medical school. I didn’t know how to tell you, so I decided I’d show you that I wasn’t such a good kid after all. It was easier to disappoint you than to fail at being a doctor.”
“Oh, Chloe.” He fought back the tears. “I’m sorry. I had no idea I was putting so much pressure on you. Can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Dad. I was a total nightmare and you did everything you could to help me, but I wouldn’t open up to you. I’m the one who messed up. Anyways, things worked out great for me in the end, because I think I’m living the life I was meant to lead.”
“You do?”
“You used to say that God gives us what we need but not always what we want. Do you remember?”
“Yes.” Somewhere along the line, he had forgotten this important detail. “And it’s still true.”
“Of course it’s true. I have everything I need. It’s not much but it’s plenty enough.”
“Did I ever tell you how proud I am of the woman you’ve become?”
“Only a million times over, Dad. Don’t worry so much about me. You taught me enough to know that life is meant to be enjoyed, and I’m loving every minute.”
He closed his eyes, steadied himself. “Thank you for this chat.”
“It’s kind of come out of the blue,” she said. “What prompted it?”
“A teenage girl who thinks I’m old and boring,” he said with a laugh. “But she’s clearly a lot smarter than I give her credit for.”
“She sounds like an interesting character. I see my bus coming around the corner so I gotta run. I love you, Dad.”
“Love you too. Say hi to Paul for me.”
He hung up the phone, placed it in his pocket and clasped his hands together to say a prayer of thanks, of repentance, of acceptance and grace. Chloe had shown him that fatherhood was a continuous learning process, a position of constant growth. And he was humbled by her forgiveness.
Safe House Under Fire Page 10
