After considering all the features and television shows covered in this chapter, you can begin to see the power of strong emotional stakes in your story and clearly establish what is the worst that could happen if your central character does not achieve his or her goal. Emotional stakes are how you connect your audience. Going into moments of your secrets and past indiscretions and showing how this makes your characters feel is how you are going to find your gold and fictionalize your truth into your writing.
EXERCISE
When you go to the movies or watch television, think about the emotional stakes. What is the worst that can happen if the central character does not achieve his/her goal? How does the writer go into exploring these emotional stakes? Write down when you feel strong emotions at certain points in the story lines. Why did you respond emotionally? What did you connect with? Think about how you can bring this same quality to your writing.
Reflect on your life moments when you felt backed into a corner or when you made a tremendous mistake. How did you feel? How did your mistake affect others? How do you think it made them feel?
How many times in your life have you failed? What was at stake as a result of your failure?
Chapter Sixteen
WHAT ARE RECURRING SYMBOLS/THEMES IN YOUR OWN LIFE?
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.
~ Og Mandino
Theme is an organic energy or feeling that, when we’re lucky, graces our life and our writing. In writing, themes are when you take one word, which is often an emotion or idea, and you use it to integrate the beauty of your story. It pulls all the pieces together and adds an element of fluidity to your story and helps build toward your message. In your life, begin to look for themes that recur. Themes are often this invisible energy by which messages arrive and pass through us. A theme is a statement that reveals something the universe wants us to see about the way that we live and the choices that we make.
Themes throughout our lives are shaded in both dark and light. We often fear going into the darkness. Yet, it is going through the darkness that brings us to the light. It is the balance of both that fills our life. Miners have to dig beneath rock to find gold. Likewise, our caves harbor some of our richest story. You have to go through the murkiness and the cloudiest moments in order to gain clarity and find your gold. It is in this exploration of self that you come up with the gifts in your story and discover some of the themes in your life. Are you willing to go inside the caves?
It is interesting how our minds protect. I have moments in my life that are shrouded in darkness, literally gone from my memory. I remember certain stories and incidents in my life up to a point and then there is nothing. There is absolutely no memory of what happens next. I wonder if it is secretly imbedded deep inside and, if so, I wonder about how to access it. Do we want to unlock certain things? Many of us prefer to live in a comfortable sense of denial, staying in the light and losing the beauty that can ripen us by going through our darkness.
When I see a theme well woven into story lines, it takes me to new heights of emotion. It helps me get inside the mind and heart of the writer and understand what he or she is trying to communicate. It deepens their story and adds new dimensions of possibility. If well woven, it brings you into the actual moment of emotion. This is a strong goal. It is not an easy goal. I think what really adds icing to the cake is when I see writers who are advanced and fearless enough to utilize theme and symbolism in their telling of story.
Some popular themes are loyalty, betrayal, redemption, fear of the unknown, sacrifice, protection, honor, brokenness, deception, love, commitment, mortality, spirituality, wealth, poverty, addiction, and co-dependency. The list goes on into eternity. Really, a theme is anything that you can attach emotion to and bring meaning to by having it surface in your story. When thinking about theme, one way to explore is to think of two polar opposite words and have your character journey from one to the other. An example of this is going from detachment to attachment. Think about the moments in your life when you were totally detached. You didn’t feel connected anymore and suddenly, in a moment, or a series of moments, things change. You are awakened. It is like you were going through life in a walking sleep and suddenly, there was reason and purpose to move forward. There was the right situation and the right moment and maybe the right person to make you move past the fear of being totally detached and move back into the world of healthy attachment.
I am sure that many of us have stories that fit into this scenario. When it comes to being loyal, I wonder why some of us are and some of us are not. If we are loyal through and through, what is the one thing that can break us? Disloyalty. So, once we are broken, how do we put the pieces back together? In story, I find that when you start your central character in a place of being broken or shattered by a piece of news, the gift is the universal journey and ride that you’re going to take us on. How do we go from being broken to being put back together? Are some of our cracks unfixable? Is there a glue that will help us make sense of it all again? This is the gift of story. You take one extreme and you build your character up by filling in the events that bring them back to a place of completeness and fullness. However, the completeness and fullness will have a new light underneath it. The light of knowing that the goal was achieved.
What makes sacrifice a part of your journey? I have no doubt that each of you has a number of stories in your own life that involve sacrifice. Have you ever sacrificed what you wanted to make someone else happy? What did this story look like? How did it make you feel? Parents sacrifice so much for their children. They give up life as they know it and become attached to the hope that there is something greater out there for them to feel in this experience. Is it worth the sacrifice? I am sure that in moments it is. I have no doubt that in many moments, it does not feel worth the sacrifice. This is just being honest. I recently met a young woman who had two kids and a career. I asked her, “How do you like being a mother?” Her first answer was, “I don’t like it so much.” It was raw. She didn’t know me and she wasn’t from here so she felt it was okay to reveal this. Then, she quickly justified it by saying that she loved her kids but just didn’t recognize the tremendous sacrifice involved in being a mother and what she’d have to give up in the process. This struck a chord. Our parents often sacrifice or put some of their dreams on hold in order to raise us. Sacrifice in the familial experience is an excellent theme to explore, because we all connect with it.
Conversely, there are many people who would like to have kids but have to sacrifice the life experience. I recall being at a popular place in West Hollywood called Urth Caffe. I looked around and saw so many single people eating dinner alone. I knew that they, like myself, have sacrificed things to get where they are. Often, at the root of this sacrifice is a strong career. Are we more committed to our careers than to love? For many of us, there is not a choice. We have to put everything into our career in order to maybe someday attain the picture that we all thought we would grow to know. Somewhere in the experience of career, we grow addicted to the sense of accomplishment, achievement, and validation. We are often in control in this situation. The emotional side of our life is a whole different experience. We have no control there. We can be hurt to the depths of our soul. If we’ve been burned, which most of us have in our lives at one point or another, we cling to the safety of work. I think the statistics showing such a high number of single people now at all ages is a fascinating theme to explore.
Solitude is a great theme. How do you feel about being alone? Have you ever lived alone? Do you befriend your solitude or do you do anything to avoid it? Do you fill your life with constant distractions as a way not to feel what is really going on inside? Many of us do. I remember after hearing the news that my contract was not being renewed at the company I had worked at for 15 years, I went through a long state of numbness. I had to look into this. Had my corporate experience filled my life t
o the point that somewhere along the way I lost my connection with self? I had to really think about what made me love the work in the first place. In my solitude, I had to learn to reconnect with my core. I had to look the fear of the unknown in the face and be okay with it. I had to embrace this new part of my being. It got buried in the endless things I had to do in order to shine in my job. As I was climbing higher, I was losing parts of me along the way without even realizing it. From the outside, many people who know me consider me to be incredibly social, which a part of me is. There is another side of me that is growing so close to my solitude. I think part of this is a protection mechanism. When I see so many older people who are alone, I wonder if they are content with this state. I wonder if they’ve known true love. I hope that they have. Then, solitude can be a gift because you can sit and replay the beautiful memories that led you up to where you are. Since we all don’t know if being alone is a part of our destiny, getting comfortable with the idea of it is a journey.
A recurring theme in my life, and I am sure in many of your lives, is making ill informed choices when it comes to matters of the heart. I went through a number of photo albums recently and I could not believe the amount of bad choices that I made. It does not mean that they were bad people, although some of them were not so nice; it means that they were not strong choices for me. Together, we did not make a strong unit. I often wonder what has happened in my life that has made me so strong in one area yet so weak in another. I see this so much. People who climb the ladder often give up on love in the process, while others are fortunate enough to find it all and be able to balance it. Now, I have to admit, I do know at this point in my life that I’d rather be alone than be with the wrong person. I’ve actually grown to love being with me. I hope through all the themes and lessons along the way, I’ve learned that it is okay to be alone until the right person comes along and we are able to see each other for who we are and grow within this acceptance.
As I mentioned earlier, it is in my photo albums that I find many of the recurring themes in my life. I feel like there is a story behind every single picture. What was going on in that moment? How was I feeling? Is my smile covering something? The camera doesn’t lie. It’s our perceptions that do. We make up stories in our mind rather than revealing the truth behind the picture. Sometimes, our stories are just a happier world to be in. This is why our imagination is a gift. Also, it is where our resilience comes into play. If we learn or choose to see the world in a brighter way, our hope is that our story will follow.
I remember seeing American Beauty (Dreamworks SKG, 1999) and feeling a connection with the idea of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. I think that healthy denial is a way that we protect ourselves. I definitely have had people in my life who view the world in this way. I know that I often choose to see the world through the color of rose. It somehow adds a tint of hope to everything. It makes things brighter. Do you live in a healthy state of denial? Go into these moments. What are some of the stories behind why you now use this as a mechanism to keep you in a happy state?
I think we fear confronting our darkness because some of the scars that caused it run so deep. When I do my seminars, I ask people to reveal universal life moments. Some of the stories that come out during these seminars really shed a light on the human experience and how loss is such a huge part of our life. In one story, a writer revealed that she had lost a brother and a fiancé in 9/11. I had done yoga and spinning next to this woman for months and I had never known that this was part of her story. My heart bled at the idea of having to deal with the enormity of that kind of loss. Yet, the way that she was embracing it and the courage it took to reveal it to a room full of strangers at the moment, inspired me. It made me see the power of story. I do feel as artists that our responsibility is to experience life and then pass our story forward. It is the way we leave tracks behind on a life well lived.
I remember Andrean Quinn, a life coach, saying to me, “everything ends badly.” She actually put a positive twist on it. She said when we fall in love it’s going to end badly no matter what. We could wind up getting divorced, being cheated on or we could stay together but eventually, one day, lose our love to death. It does not end well. This really affected me. She was right. She spoke the truth but I had never viewed it this way. It was after this that I began to learn to be blissful in what is without worrying about its eventual end. The beauty behind most endings is that it means there’s room for a new beginning.
Redemption is a very popular theme. It is human to make mistakes. It builds spirits to see someone come back from a fall, especially one that was self-inflicted. When I think of all of the politicians and sports heroes that have fallen from grace along the way, I wonder what it is to wake up and know that you have so much to clean up in order to get back on track. With Tiger Woods, there is a part of me that knows there is a PR firm or person that is going to twist this monumental fall into a tale of redemption. Recognizing what Tiger Woods is worth or was worth to the world of golf, there is very clearly too much on the line not to try to redeem him. My hope is that it’s not smoke and mirrors and that he truly does go on a journey within and heal and find out what made him make the choices that he did. Why is it when many people are blazing a path of success, they often wind up sabotaging everything they built? Is there a feeling that we don’t deserve to be where we are and we’re afraid that if others knew our truth, they’d abandon us? The truth is, we all have it in us to get back up after a fall. It is whether we choose to do so that forms our character.
Addiction is a theme that I believe is in most, if not all, of our lives. It’s just a matter of what you’re addicted to that makes the difference. Are you addicted to drugs or alcohol? If so, have you ever explored what you are escaping from? Why do you need it as a crutch? There is a lot to explore here. Other addictions include love, the fairy tale, sex, shopping, working out, food, money, work, validation, accomplishment, people, solitude. What is your escape? Do you love to be in love and are willing to go after this feeling at any cost? Are you stuck in the illusion of the fairy tale and the movie as a guideline to what you expect love to bring to your life? Is sex something that gets you high? Is it a recurring theme in your life? Do you shop for true satisfaction, or is it in hope that others see your value through the clothes that you wear, the car that you drive, and the home that you own? Is food a recurring theme in your life? Do you eat only when you’re hungry? Or, is food an emotional outlet to right all the wrongs that are going on in your life? How do you feel after you’ve binged or eaten when it wasn’t about your hunger and instead it was about filling a void? Money is a recurring theme in everyone’s life. What is your story behind money? Was there ever enough of it? Was there too much? Was there too little? How does money affect the way that you view the world? Is it the motivation behind your desire? Is this motivated by the need for security or the desire for validation? Or, maybe a little of both? Go into all of these moments and pull out your story. Do you have any recollection of how your parents viewed money when you were a child? Did you carry their stress? What was this like? How does accomplishment fit into your life? Do you accomplish a lot? Are you addicted to what comes as a result of your accomplishment? What is behind your drive of being a multitasker? Is it to cover up the pain? Is it to numb yourself to your own reality? What about working out? Do you have an addiction to this? Do you work out to be healthy? Do you work out because you equate being thin with being loved? Do you work out as an escape because you’re addicted to the high of working out and the attention you get from the results that it brings? How does work play in your life? Where is it on your list of priorities? Do you escape to it to get away from feeling your emotions? Do you use it as an excuse to not have to participate in certain life experiences? Does it make you happy?
EXERCISE
Look deeply into the preceding questions. Do not judge yourself. We all have afflictions. It’s just a matter of where we go to escape and how our pain rev
eals itself. It is in these experiences that you will find truth behind the emotions. It is in your truth that you will find the light for your story. I encourage you to go into your caves without fear. Enter them with the idea that you’re going to find your gold and bring it to the surface. If you do this, we will all benefit from the stories that you have to tell because we will connect with you.
What do you feel are some of your addictions? What led you to them? How do they make you feel?
How have the addictions of loved ones affected your life? How did they make you feel? The feelings you draw from are universal.
With your own addictions, what are you escaping from? What is the worst that could happen if you confront your fear?
Chapter Seventeen
WHAT IS THE THEME OF YOUR STORY? HOW DO YOU USE SYMBOLISM?
There is more pleasure to building castles in the air than on the ground.
~ Edward Gibbon
In your writing, theme is the icing on the cake. It is the thread that pulls everything in your mosaic tapestry together. It is an idea that resonates in all your storylines. Theme expresses how your central character goes about achieving his/her goal. It gives us insight into who your character is and helps us understand what drives him. It is the spirit beneath your story that reveals itself very softly throughout but, by the end, is totally clear. In a way, it is the brand of your story. If done well, it will have a universal emotional effect on your audience. If you couple it with symbolism, a visual symbol, or an action symbol, you will empower your story and have a stronger chance of affecting your audience.
Story Line Page 16
