Heroes of Last Resort (The Other Guys Book 1)

by JK Galioto

  Name: Potion of Health Restoration. Effect: Instantly heals 3-12 health.

  It was strange, the many correlations between Rigara and the Earth mythology and fantasy settings: red healing potions, bags of holding, halflings, and goblins. If he didn’t know better, he would’ve thought Gary Gygax or J.R.R. Tolkien had somehow spent time here, or Earth had been visited by someone from Rigara.

  He dropped the potion and coins into his adventurer’s backpack, unable to hide disappointment at not finding a pearl. Pulling out the lodestone, he watched it move toward the back of the cave wall. After searching the floor near the wall, Jack still didn’t see a pearl. An idea occurred to him, and he began searching the wall itself. Within a few moments, he spotted the slight outline of a door. Pulling and prodding on every rock, indent, and irregularity that he could find, he finally came upon an oblong rock about three feet off the ground that gave a little when pressed. Pushing harder, he heard a soft click, and the door swung open to reveal a dark passageway. His health was at thirteen and steadily climbing, so he decided to scout the passageway a bit. If he saw anything he couldn’t take in a fight, he would make a tactical retreat, aka run like hell.

  The tunnel was not made for someone of his height and girth. Five feet tall and three feet wide, it forced him to crouch low to avoid hitting his head on the rough-hewn ceiling and to walk at an angle so his large . . . muscled stomach wouldn’t scrape the wall. He felt whisper quiet as he moved, his new boots adding significantly to his stealth skill. He detected a slight downhill angle to the tunnel, sending him deeper underground. After a few minutes of creeping silently down the winding corridor, he heard a familiar sound that made his heart ache with loss, like a missing limb suddenly restored. Continuing forward, he saw flickering lights coming from around the next bend, accompanied by the random plucking of guitar strings. Dropping to his hands and knees, he crept closer to the bend before peeking carefully around the corner.

  A couple of goblins sat around a flickering fire, their backs to him. Their skin looked green in the faint light, and one of the goblins was playing something like a guitar. The instrument featured a pear-shaped body, vaulted back, eight strings splayed tightly across fretted fingerboards, and tuning pegs angled backward from the neck. It looked a little different from his Martin, but comparable. The goblin awkwardly held down strings with its left hand, its large claw-like nails getting in the way, while its right hand strummed. The sounds coming from the device were more noise than music, but it was still enough to take Jack’s breath away. He could live without his iPhone, but he hadn’t realized how much he would miss his guitar, and the memories of his parents that it gave him.

  Like the other gear Jack had found, he surmised that the medieval guitar formerly belonged to a hapless adventurer that ran afoul of the strange goblinoid creatures. Still, in his book, anyone that tried to play music couldn’t be that bad. Maybe he was being too harsh on these guys? Or maybe they weren’t all evil? But then he remembered the gruesome scene above, halfling bits covering the floor, and he firmed his resolve. Moving closer to the goblins unnoticed was easy; their backs were to him as they stared at the fire.

  Once Jack closed to a few feet away, he pulled his weapons out, activated his Dual Attack perk, and stabbed the blades down into the spine of the musician goblin’s number one fan. The creature collapsed instantly under the brutal assault, backstab and critical damage multiplying for an instant kill, his new weapons proving their worth. The other goblin threw down the guitar and pulled a dagger from a belt on its waist, but its trembling, nerveless fingers dropped the weapon. Throwing itself prostrate at Jack’s feet, it cried out in its guttural, foreign language. He studied the pitiful creature kneeling beneath him, unsure of how to proceed.

  The creature had dark hair shaved close to its scalp, long pointed ears, and scars crisscrossing its back. It wore a stained loincloth that barely covered the family jewels. Jack’s need to avenge the halflings’ murders burned hotly in his blood, but this pitiful creature had been trying to play the guitar. It was also clearly begging for mercy, and he wasn’t sure he could kill the poor creature in cold blood. Was he certain this goblin was as evil as his brethren, who had perpetrated the atrocities above? How many times had people looked at Jack and made a snap decision, calling him white trash? He desperately wanted this world to be different, and that started with him.

  He pulled the creature into a sitting position and squatted in front of it so they were nearly eye level. The creature continued begging for its life in a high-pitched whine. He used his hand to cover the goblin’s mouth, putting his index finger to his own lips, mimicking the world-spanning symbol of “shhhh.” The trembling goblin slowly reduced its screams and Jack pulled his hand away.

  He pointed at himself and said in a clear voice, “Jack.” Then he pointed at the goblin and waited.

  After a while, the creature brought a clawed hand to its own chest and said, “Dobberzalthrakinaten.”

  There was no way he would be able to recreate that garbled mess of sounds, so Jack put his hand on the creature’s chest and said, “Dobby.” The name seemed fitting, since he did sort of look like the house elf from Harry Potter. Then he put his hand on his own chest and stated again, “Jack.” He did this a couple more times until the creature repeated the gesture and names.

  Wishing he had the Linguistics perk, he wasn’t sure what to do next. Could he trust this goblin? It would be easier to just kill the creature and move on, but Jack didn’t have that in him. Hunting with a purpose was one thing, but dealing out meaningless death was another. He took the dagger from the dead goblin as well as Dobby’s dagger and dropped them into his backpack. Not seeing any other weapons, he sat on the ground next to the creature and picked up the guitar.

  It had eight strings versus the six he was used to, and the body was larger and more pear-shaped, but otherwise the instrument wasn’t that different from his Martin Dreadnought back home. He plucked each string in order from top to bottom. Jack had a good ear for music, as he’d played guitar his entire life—one of his few persistent interests. The first string was F or F#, then B, then the typical notes he was familiar with; E, A, D, G, B, and E. Turning the tuning pegs slightly, he adjusted until he was sure he had each string tuned properly.

  He plucked at the strings, using only the bottom six he was familiar with. Looking at the goblin and thinking of the strange events of the last few days, he began playing the first song that came to him and singing softly, losing himself to the music. “Somewhere, over the rainbow . . . way up high. And the dreams that you dream of, once in a lullaby . . .”

  Finishing the song, he looked up to see Dobby staring at him, a tear rolling down his dirt-smudged cheek. To Jack, that solidified more than anything that something was different about this goblin, and he inwardly rejoiced in his decision to spare him. Maybe Dobby was the goblin version of Drizzt Do’Urden. It made him wonder how many potential Drizzt’s had been killed because of their race before people got to know them.

  Reluctantly, he stopped playing and put the guitar in his backpack. He looked around the room and saw three exits—the one that led back up to the surface and two others that most likely continued farther down. The lack of sleep was catching up to him; it was time to find somewhere to rest for the night other than a cavern full of goblins. There was no need to add lack of sleep to the list of things working against him, so searching for the pearl could wait a while. He pointed to Dobby and then pointed back the way he had come, motioning for Dobby to follow. Dobby nodded and began following Jack out of the room like a dutiful puppy, humming the song he had played, a mixture of awe and curiosity showing on his strange, flat-nosed face.

  They made it out of the cavern and back to the relative safety of the trees. Jack did his best to cover any tracks they left behind, eventually finding a clearing about fifteen minutes southwest from the cavern. He pulled out his deer and mountain lion hides, which were usable but far from perfect, his inept attem
pt at drying them out only somewhat successful, and laid them on the ground next to each other, motioning for Dobby to rest on the mountain lion hide while he lay on the deer hide. He waited until the small creature’s breathing was slow and even before he allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

  Chapter 13

  Jack woke to find Dobby still sleeping, his small form curled up next to him. The sun seemed to be well above the horizon, making it close to mid-morning by his estimation. He felt fully refreshed and after finding what looked like soft leaves and grass, Jack took care of some business, which was about as fun as it sounded. Apparently, he needed to add some fiber to his diet. During that process, he read through his notifications.

  You killed a level 3 goblin. You receive 87 experience points.

  Congratulations, you have attained level 3 in the Rogue class. You gain 6 hit points, 6 stamina, and 1 spell point. You have 2 attribute points to assign and 2 skill points to assign.

  Interesting, why no class perk? With only two level-ups under his belt, it was hard to discern any long-term progression, so he would have to see what future levels would bring. He went back to reviewing his notifications.

  You have gained 2 points in Analyze. You have gained 2 points in perception and 1 point in stealth. You have attained apprentice rank in the perception skill and may choose one of the following perks:

  See What is Hidden 2: Your ability to spot secret doors, traps, and hidden caches will be improved by an additional 75%, for a total of 100%.

  Improved Senses 1: Choose one of your five senses and improve it. Every time you choose this perk, you can pick a different sense.

  Jack didn’t think twice about this; while See What is Hidden had helped him find a secret door, he had lamented multiple times about not having better hearing or a better sense of smell. He chose to improve his hearing, hoping that would give him an edge when scouting the rest of the tunnels. Also, he really didn’t want to improve his ability to smell his own body odor, at least not until he discovered soap or some magic cleaning spell.

  As soon as he chose the perk, everything seemed louder. He could hear the scuffling of jittery squirrels as they darted from branch to branch high above him on a large oak tree, the twitter of birds far out of view as they danced around each other, and the slow hiss of Dobby’s breathing like he was right next to him. He would need to work on tuning out the ambient noise or risk going slightly bonkers. He opened his next notification.

  You have learned the performance: lute, singing skill. You gain a +43 bonus to this skill based on prior experience. You have attained the expert rank in the performance skill and may choose four of the following perks:

  Improvised Instrument 1: You can play a less-than-ideal instrument properly. Examples include lutes with broken strings or using pots and kettles for drums. Each rank in this perk will significantly improve your ability to improvise with a different instrument.

  Improve Performance 1: You can tailor your performance to that of your audience, giving you a 25% bonus on your performance check. Having a good performance results in more affection from the audience, which could lead to tangible gifts such as free drinks or money, in addition to increasing your fame points. Each rank in this perk increases the bonus to your performance. The first rank provides a 25% bonus.

  “Fame points?” Jack asked Alexa. Although it was on his character sheet, this was the first time that category had actually come into play.

  Alexa was quick to respond. “Fame points measure your renown. Someone with high fame may be granted an audience with a king or gain access to secret quests. Of course, having a higher renown makes you an easier target for your enemies as well.”

  Like every wannabe rock star, Jack had once maintained dreams of becoming famous, though they had long ago faded, along with his dreams of getting money for nothing and chicks for free. Maybe here, in this place, he could make his dreams a reality. He purchased one rank of Improvised Instrument and two ranks of Improve Performance. The second rank of Improve Performance awarded an additional 50% increase to his performance check. He was about to choose another rank of Improve Performance when he saw a new perk appear.

  Calm or Incite Emotions 1: With a successful performance check, you may calm or incite the emotions of nearby creatures, moving the relationship rank either closer to friendly or to hostile, depending on your intent. Before you ask, the attitude ranks consist of the following: enemy, hostile, unfriendly, neutral, friendly, ally, and beloved. This perk can be chosen multiple times, increasing the chance of achieving your desired outcome. Prerequisite: Two ranks in Improve Performance.

  He chose the new perk, seeing the benefits of being able to gently shift the emotions and attitudes of people and creatures he met. This was the first time he was able to choose something farther down in a skill tree, and if this was any indication, perks grew in power the deeper you went into a skill tree.

  Before finishing with his notifications, he decided to pull up his combat log from his fight with the goblin that had been next to Dobby to see how the new weapons had performed.

  You hit Yaezenkrink with your shortsword for 48 damage. Base damage 6 (5-9) +2 agility bonus, times backstab multiplier of 3, times critical strike multiplier of 2.

  You hit Yaezenkrink with your dagger for 12 damage. Base damage 2 (2-6) +2 agility bonus, times backstab multiplier of 3.

  Jinkies! Forty-eight damage in one strike! Between stealth and his improved weapons, he was becoming a force to be reckoned with. No wonder that goblin had dropped so easily. While far from powerful, Jack began feeling more confident in his ability to stand against lowly goblins, especially when he got the jump on them.

  Jack, finished with his notifications as well as his other business, hid the evidence by burying it just as Grandpa had taught him. Truth be told, with his new mostly-meat diet, he just felt bad for whatever forest creature happened upon the small biological disaster. With his guilt sated, he headed back to the camp with his stomach growling.

  He created a small fire, then heated up two mountain lion steaks and opened another ration: more hardtack bread. Who knew one could grow tired of eating steak? While the meat warmed up, Jack brought up his attributes in his interface and reviewed them, wondering where to place his two unassigned points from hitting level three.

  All his stats were now at least at average, with strength, vitality, and wisdom being his lowest. Did he want to try and even out his stats, or was he okay with the large disparity between them? When gaming, he often played with people that had multiple dump stats. Once such build was the classic barbarian, with uber-high strength and constitution but nonexistent intelligence and charisma. But those were one-trick ponies. In his few days on Rigara, he had primarily relied on his physical attributes, although luck seemed to be playing a hefty role as well. However, that could change when he attained level five and chose a new class.

  He was curious how the attribute numbers tied to the ranks and asked Alexa. Another table filled his vision.

  He was close to the “very high” rank in charisma but decided to put his points into agility for now, which would help his stealth skill and weapon damage and allow him to be more agile in battle.

  From his last two levels, he had four skill points to assign as well. He pulled up his list of skills and reviewed where four points could make the most difference. The skill ranks went up every ten points until you achieved the epic rank. Four points would give him a rank increase in dual wield, open locks, survival, blunt weapons, or acrobatics. So far, the skills Jack had used the most were stealth, hiking, survival, and then his combat-related skills. He chose to put all four of his points into stealth, bringing it up to nineteen and close to a new rank. Stealth was a critical component of his Rogue playstyle, and he didn’t see that changing anytime soon. He closed the character sheet interface and turned back to his meal.

  Chapter 14

  The scent of grilling meat finally woke Dobby, who sat up and stared hungrily at the ro
asting steaks. Jack nodded, and the goblin immediately skewered the largest one with his claws and tore into it. Jack wondered when Dobby was last given something to eat. From the whip scars on his back, he assumed Dobby hadn’t been treated well by the other goblins. Maybe he was delusional, but Jack needed to believe that Dobby was different from the other murdering bastards he’d killed. The little guy offered no indications to the contrary.

  After he and Dobby ate, Dobby pointed at his guitar, eager for a song, dancing back and forth on each clawed foot excitedly. Jack thought it would be good to try his Calm Emotions perk out, so he pulled out the guitar—well, technically a lute—and spent a minute fussing with the tuning pegs. Finally satisfied, he began to play Jack White’s “We’re Going to Be Friends.”

  Like before, Jack and Dobby both got lost in the music. Now that he formally had the performance skill and its perks, he instinctively knew how to use the additional two strings to add a nuanced counterpoint to his singing melody. As he plucked the tune, he focused on Dobby and did his best to radiate an aura of friendship, using his music to tug at Dobby’s heartstrings. As the song ended, he noticed Dobby coming closer to him until he was resting his head on Jack’s knee in quiet peace. Unsure what to make of this, he rubbed the little guy on the top of his head until he heard a slight cooing sound escape the creature’s beastly lips. Ahh, okay, this is getting weird. He received another notification, which he read, mercifully distracting him from the awkwardness.

  You have completed a secret quest, “Befriending an Enemy 1.” You have successfully changed the attitude of Dobberzalthrakinaten (Dobby) from hostile to friendly. Reward: Reputation with Dobby moves one step, from friendly to ally. Reward: 100 experience.

  Secret quests? Hmmm, just when he thought he was figuring this place out.