by Ruby Scott
good. She thought she was giving up her free will, giving up her own
choices when she elected cardio… but nothing was further from the truth.
Because in this moment… Izzy chose cardio. She chose cardio and
she would choose it a thousand times over for more moments like this. She
stole a few more seconds of this moment with the O’Leary family before
she turned and walked back through the door and into the hallway.
Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, but these weren’t tears of
sorrow, these were tears of happiness. Was this what it was like to just stop?
Izzy stopped in her tracks and looked up towards the ceiling. She stopped
herself from crying, pushing it all inside before starting to continue her trek.
Izzy was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn’t hear the door
behind her swing open. Her attention was only caught when she heard
someone softly say, “Hey, Izzy,”
She turned around to see Cara standing there, still in her work clothes
although her work shirt had been unbuttoned, revealing the white t-shirt
underneath. She swallowed, looking back at her. “Hey Cara,”
“I just… I wanted to say thank you. I know it’s your job and I know
you’d do it for anyone, but I wanted to—I needed to. You deserve it. My
family and I will never be able to explain how grateful we are for you. I
know I said some awful things to you before and I’m sorry. I do regret
them. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, no matter what happened.
Thank you for putting those behind you and being professional… not that I
think you would be petty or anything.” Cara paused to run a hand through
her hair. “Sorry, I think I’m rambling a bit.”
The entire time that Cara was talking, Izzy was just staring at her. It
was the most contact they had had in weeks. Standing before her, she
realized just how much she missed her. She had pushed it down for the past
few weeks, throwing herself into her work. She had done her best to ignore
the feelings that she had still felt, but seeing Cara right now made that really
hard.
Izzy knew that she still loved Cara. She hated the way things ended
between the two of them; she hated that she had ruined it all. But there was
no time to focus on the past because Izzy was on a high. For the first time,
she knew exactly what she wanted.
This newfound confidence was urging her to do another thing for
herself.
“It’s fine. I don’t need a thank you, but it’s appreciated. And please
don’t apologize… I messed up… I know that, but…” She paused, trying to
find her words. She wanted to say the right thing, do the right thing. “I
messed up, Cara. I know I’ve said that a thousand times at this point, but I
regret everything that happened that night. I could stand here and tell you
what really happened, what I think happened that night, how you didn’t see
the whole picture. But that doesn’t change anything.”
It was a painful truth that Izzy had learned over the past few weeks.
Even though Cara didn’t understand exactly what happened with Sara, it
didn’t change the fact she saw Izzy kissing somebody that wasn’t her. In her
mind, Izzy tossed away the relationship. Izzy felt like she did. “But… I
would be stupid if I stood here and didn’t say I love you. I still love you.
I’ve always loved you. I messed up; I know that. I know you’re probably
going through a roller coaster of emotions right now, but you need to know
it. I love you, Cara.”
Cara didn’t quite know what to say, it was clear on her face. Of
course, she still loved Izzy. She loved her so damn much, that was why it
had hurt so much, that was why she was so angry at her for what had
happened. She could have sworn they had had a good thing going before it
all got thrown away.
Maybe she didn’t know the entire story of what happened that night.
“I love you too.” Cara glanced upwards trying to get a reign on her
emotions. “I love you a lot, Izzy. I wanted this to work between us. I think a
part of me still does… but I don’t think we can. We’re so different.”
“I know.” Izzy said. “But… I can prove to you that I’m a better
person than you think I am. I was so… so weighed down by all these
decisions, by everyone expecting something from me. I was confused and
scared to make the wrong decision. Tonight, I realized that I made the right
decision all along, just for the wrong reason. I’m doing the right thing. I’m
in the right place. I just want to be with the right person and for me—that’s
you.” She looked directly into Cara’s eyes as she spoke. “Cara. I’m not
scared of what my parents think or if we move too quickly. I’m not scared
at all. All I want is for us to be better than we used to be. I want us to be
together.”
Expressing these feelings felt… so damn good. Izzy didn’t expect
anything out of Cara, and that was what made it all the much better. If she
walked away from this moment without repairing at least a small part of
them, it would hurt. It would break her heart all over again. But keeping this
all inside would hurt more, passing up this chance to tell her exactly how
she felt… Izzy would never forgive herself for it.
Cara looked at her, lips pressed into a thin line. Izzy could only hope
she was saying everything Cara had wanted to hear. She could only hope
she could move past what she thought she saw that night. As Cara stood
looking at her, it felt like every second was an hour. Izzy felt vulnerable,
exposed and exhilarated.
“I love you, Izzy. I’ve never stopped. I can’t forget about you. I
can’t stop thinking about you. You’re still the first thing I think about when
I wake up. Christ, I can’t even have a coffee without thinking about you.”
Cara shook her head. A single tear rolled down her cheek. “We could try
again? Have something better than before?”
Izzy felt her heart soar. Without thinking about where she was or
what she was doing, she closed the distance between them and took Cara in
her arms, kissing her with abandon. Everything in the world was right
again. For both of them.
EPILOGUE
“Your mother is such a lovely woman, Izzy.” Ann was beaming as she slid
in between Cara and Izzy, looping her arms through theirs and drawing
them closer. “She’s invited me down for the weekend to New York to take
in a show. We’ve just had a wonderful chat about musicals and it’s been a
while since I’ve been to broadway.” She squeezed her arms together in glee,
pulling them all closer. “Now that Russ is back on his feet and Pat is
managing the business they can look after themselves for a few days. I am
so glad your parents came along.”
Izzy glanced over to her dad who was sitting chatting to Russ. They
were deep in a conversation about heart tissue and harvesting veins.
Catching Izzy’s eye, Cara nodded her head towards them. “All he talks
about now is hearts and medication. You’d think he was the only person to
have survived heart surgery.” She laughed and roll
ed her eyes.
“He’s doing great though, and he looks so much better.” Izzy looked
from Cara to Ann, who were both beaming with pride. He had stopped
drinking and had lost three stone since his operation and he looked the
picture of health sitting chatting with her dad. “My dad will talk to him for
hours about it. They’ll bore each other to death.”
“Well, at least they’re boring each other and not us! I’m away to make
sure that Sean has got enough salmon and cauliflower steaks for the grill.
God forbid a burger appears in this house now your father has turned
pescatarian!” Ann slipped out from between the girls and made her way to
the barbecue which Vinnie and Sean were manning, leaving them on their
own for the first time all day.
“I told you not to worry. Everyone is getting on great.” Cara slid her
arms around Izzy’s waist. It was strange being held by the woman she loved
in front of everyone, in front of her parents. She gave a quick glance around
almost nervously, but nobody was giving them a second glance. They
accepted them for who they were, individually and as a couple.
She had never quite believed that it could all be so easy. In her head she
had built it up to be such a major obstacle. That she couldn’t free herself
because of the worry about what her parents would think. But the reality
was that being honest was exactly what she needed to do to live more
freely. Ironically, her mum had guessed years ago but had wanted Izzy to
find her own way. They were proud of who she was, and that didn’t matter
what she did or who she was with.
Izzy was so relieved as she looked around. She would have married
Cara regardless, but watching how all the pieces had fitted together well
that was the icing on the cake. Her friends had been a different matter. They
couldn’t understand what Izzy saw in Cara and that had hurt, but she had
talked about it with both Cara and her mum before finally realizing there
was no great loss in moving on with her life without them in it.
Terri, Cara’s partner, had been delighted to step in as bridesmaid,
although she flatly refused to wear a dress. That was the thing about Cara’s
friends, they were so much easier to be around and she liked that. There
was a whole group of them, most of who were gay or queer or 100%
lesbian as they liked to remind her, and all were coming to the wedding. It
was going to be a riot.
In six months she would be Mrs ? she had no idea. They couldn’t decide
on what the name would be should they double barrel, O’Leary-Frost?
Should one take the others? Or perhaps they could combine names and have
some sort of weird anagram, although Fear or Lost couldn’t be further
removed from what she was feeling just now.
“Do you think they’d miss us if we nipped up to your old bedroom for
half an hour?” a mischievous smile spread across Izzy’s face, followed by
an eyebrow raise that strongly suggested it would be to Cara’s benefit to say
yes.
“Only if you promise not to scream!”
Document Outline
Title Page
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Epilogue
