“I’m sure she’s going to love you.” Shelby put aside her misgivings and infused her tone with as much reassurance as possible. “How could she not? You’re fantastic.”
“You have to say that. You’re my mom.”
“I don’t have to say anything. But I’m the first one to tell you when your attitude needs adjustment. If I don’t hesitate to tell you the bad stuff, you can believe me about the good things. Right?”
“But she doesn’t know me.”
Apparently Shelby wasn’t the only one who was nervous. She and Luke didn’t hide anything from Emma. They’d given her the facts: he went into the army and didn’t know Shelby was going to have a baby. He agreed with her that their daughter only needed basic details because she was too young to really understand the emotions. If Emma had questions they tried to answer honestly.
“She knows you’re her granddaughter,” Shelby said. “You know how much Grammy loves you. Your dad’s mother will, too. Grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren.”
“Maybe she’ll buy me a scooter.” This was the first spark of excitement since they’d left home.
“Don’t you dare ask her for anything. Especially not the first time you meet her.”
Emma grinned. “I was teasing you, Mom.”
“Very funny.” Shelby tried not to smile but couldn’t help herself.
“But it could happen. Dad bought me stuff,” the little girl pointed out.
“He did and I talked to him about that. It’s emotionally complicated. What you need to know is that you are not allowed to hold your affections hostage from your grandmother in return for a scooter.”
“I’m not sure what that means.”
“Like I said, you’re a little young to understand. Just don’t mention that you want a scooter and everything will be fine.”
“I can do that,” Emma agreed.
“I thought so.”
She hugged the little girl close for a moment, then noticed Luke coming toward them. His mother looked a little older and her brown hair was cut short. There was no mistaking the frown on her face and the way it made her dark eyes glitter with disapproval. Shelby was about to get what was coming to her and this had been nine years in the making.
The two of them stopped at the end of the booth and Shelby’s heart started to hammer. She wondered if she should stand but it wasn’t as if the woman was going to hug her. As the three adults stared awkwardly at each other, Emma broke the silence first.
“Hi, Dad. Is this my other grandmother?”
“Yes. My mother, Donna.” He looked at the woman. “Mom, you remember Shelby and this is our daughter, Emma.”
“Emma—” Her voice caught as she looked at the little girl. “You’re beautiful. I’m very happy to meet you.”
“Please sit down, Mrs. McCoy,” Shelby said. “We’ve been waiting until you arrived to order.”
“I’m hungry,” Emma told them.
The older woman slid into the booth across from Emma and Luke sat beside her on the bench seat. His expression was hard to read. Shelby would like to know what he and his mom had said, then figured it didn’t matter. The woman couldn’t have been happy. No doubt she was looking for a target to vent her displeasure on and she was very grateful for Luke’s presence.
“What kind of pizza do you like, Emma?” Donna was staring at her granddaughter with very much the same expression her son had the first time he’d seen Emma. Looking for a family resemblance and seeing it immediately. “Your father used to like sausage and black olives.”
“That’s my favorite, too,” the little girl said. “Mommy, can I have a soda?”
Shelby didn’t usually let her and knew Emma was taking advantage of the situation. But it’s not like she asked for a scooter. “Just this once. Because it’s a special occasion. But let’s get a lemon-lime, something without caffeine, okay?”
“Thank you, Mommy.”
Donna nodded slightly and there was grudging approval in her eyes. She smiled at her granddaughter. “Your father had trouble going to sleep if he had too much sugar at bedtime. Sometimes he would try to sneak it.”
“Did you catch him?” Emma wanted to know.
“Not every time,” she admitted. “But I always knew.”
“My mom always knows, too,” Emma said. “I don’t know how.”
“It’s a secret,” Donna told her.
Shelby noticed then that the woman wouldn’t even look at her. She glanced at Luke and saw sympathy in his eyes.
“Let’s get that pizza ordered.” He signaled for one of the servers and gave her a list of what drinks and food they wanted. Then they were alone again, with another awkward silence that was setting a pattern.
“So, Mrs. McCoy,” Shelby said, “how do you like your new home in Phoenix?”
The woman smiled at Emma but when she shifted her gaze to Shelby her expression hardened. “It’s a very nice adult community. The weather so far is wonderful, but I know it’s going to get hot. The house is smaller, easier to maintain but the distance between there and Huntington Hills seems very far now.”
Meaning not right next door where she would have been closer to this child. And her sharp gaze said she was acutely aware that she could have known her granddaughter and established a bond but had been deliberately deprived.
“At least you can drive here for visits, Mom. And Emma and I can come to see you at your place. Right?”
He was looking at Shelby for a response but Emma said, “Cool!”
If this had come up before Luke admitted he didn’t just miss the highs of parenting but had also escaped the lows, Shelby might have resisted the idea. It had hit her more intensely how much precious time Luke and his mom had lost. How every experience, good and bad, makes a relationship. Agreeing to visits with her grandmother was the least Shelby could do.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” she said. “Emma has never been to Arizona. You could show her the Grand Canyon.”
“Can we, Dad?” Emma looked excited.
“I don’t see why not. That’s a great idea, Shelby. What do you think, Mom?”
“Wish I’d thought of it.” The words were sort of a compliment but her expression said she’d rather eat cardboard than admit to that.
They made small talk about things to see in Phoenix until the food arrived. All of them took slices of pizza but only Emma ate. She wolfed hers down and then asked to go play the games. Luke gave her money and she knew how to buy tokens to put in the machines. Thank goodness she seemed oblivious to the adult undercurrents. As soon as she was out of earshot the real conversation started.
Donna lasered her with a judgmental look. “I have to be honest—”
“Of course.” Shelby knew she owed this woman the chance to vent without interruption.
“I don’t know how it’s possible to be so angry and so thankful at the same time.”
Half of that statement was a shocking surprise and considering the stunned expression on Luke’s face he felt the same way. “Thankful, Mom?”
“Yes. Emma is absolutely adorable.” Donna glanced sideways. “I’d given up on you giving me any grandchildren because I suspected it was something you knew I wanted so badly. And she’s completely wonderful. At the same time I’m furious that she was growing up here in Huntington Hills, in the house next door to where you grew up and I never knew. That’s not on you, son.” She glared at Shelby. “How could you do such a thing?”
Shelby thought she’d been prepared for this, for his mother to take her best shot. But she recognized how very wrong she was when tears burned her eyes. “I’m sorry—”
Something flashed across Luke’s face when he glanced at his mother. “Mom, I told you what happened. She was young and felt there was nowhere to turn.”
Donna gave him an exasperated look. “You’
re not upset?”
“Of course. At least I was.” Past tense was noteworthy. “But I’ve come to terms with the fact that there’s nothing to be done except move on.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
“Actually it’s not, Mom. It took a while, but the first time Emma called me dad—” He shook his head. “I can’t describe the feeling.”
“I can’t describe my emotions either,” she said angrily. “I’m alternately indignant and ecstatic. She’s so sweet and smart and beautiful.”
“Shelby is a great mom,” he said.
And she almost cried again, this time from gratitude that Luke had her back. The McCoys could have piled on the insults and outrage and she would have deserved every bit of it. But he was not only protective, he was complimentary.
Emma came running back then and the conversation stopped. “Can I go in the ball pit?”
Shelby and Donna said together, “It’s full of germs.”
The little girl sighed and gave her father a look that said “Help me out here.”
“It’s probably time we head home,” he said instead. “You have school tomorrow.”
“Okay.” She looked disappointed for a moment then said to Donna, “Will you be here tomorrow?”
“Yes. I’m staying for a few days.”
“Then I can come over and visit after school tomorrow?”
“Of course you can. I would love that,” Donna said.
“That’s a great idea, peanut.” Shelby made sure the woman knew she wouldn’t stand in the way of her seeing her grandchild.
Luke took care of the bill and they all filed out of the restaurant to the parking lot. Emma insisted on riding with her dad and Donna. Even if Shelby wanted to say no, she couldn’t. Besides, in ten minutes they’d be home. Neighbors.
Shelby realized that was a double-edged sword when they pulled into their respective driveways side by side. Her mother came out of the house, a sign Pam had been watching for them. She’d been less than thrilled about being left out tonight and clearly intended to change that now.
“How did it go?” She walked closer as Shelby exited the car and glanced into the empty back seat. “Where’s Emma?”
“Here I am, Grammy.” She had Donna’s hand and was pulling the other woman over to them. “This is my other grandmother.”
“Hi, Pam.” She looked down at Emma. “We met a long time ago.”
Her mother looked stern and steely, but her voice was neutral when she said, “Hello, Donna.”
Emma looked up at her “new” grandmother. “I don’t know what to call you.”
“Grammy is taken,” Pam said.
Donna’s eyes narrowed. “That’s the one I wanted.”
“I could call you Grandma,” the little girl suggested. “Or Gran.”
“I love Gran.” She smiled down at her granddaughter.
“Me, too.” Emma hugged her. “Good night. See you tomorrow, Gran.”
“I can’t wait.” Donna looked at the woman who’d once been her neighbor. “I hope you don’t have a problem with me spending time with her.”
“No.” Pam started to say more but looked at Shelby and sighed. “Of course you should get to know her.”
Shelby was surprised that her mother had backed down. The woman was so stubborn she’d expected resistance. Maybe it was a sign that she shouldn’t sell hope short.
* * *
After watching Emma and Shelby go inside, Luke and his mom went home. They hadn’t had much chance to talk since she’d arrived from Phoenix not too long before the arranged meeting time with Shelby and Emma. He was dreading the conversation he was about to have with her, but there was no way to avoid it.
He put his mother’s suitcase in Emma’s room then walked into the kitchen where he found Donna staring out the window into the backyard. After all these years it was weird being under the same roof again, where they’d butted heads so often. She would never admit it but he knew she blamed him for his father’s death.
“I put your things upstairs.”
She jumped and turned around. “You startled me. I’m not used to hearing your voice here. Everything feels different. Empty. It’s been a long time since we lived in this house.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.” And he didn’t want to talk about it because a fight was the last thing he wanted. All he had to do was get through a couple of days and she would leave. “Can I get you something? Water, soda, wine?”
“Since when do you have wine? I thought you were a beer guy.”
He didn’t want to admit the real reason he had it. “I keep some for guests.”
“You consider Shelby a guest?” She walked over to the island and there was a gleam in her eyes. “It’s for her, right?”
“What does it matter?”
“Because I saw the way you looked at her.” She sat on one of the bar stools.
“It would have been rude not to look at her during dinner tonight. The way you did.” He’d noticed and knew Shelby did, too. Damned if he didn’t feel sorry for her. What was up with that?
“Luke, she kept Emma a secret from us. Am I not allowed to have a reaction to that?”
“And wine it is,” he said. “I don’t have any fancy glasses.”
“I don’t care.”
He opened the bottle and poured a lot into a tumbler, then set it in front of her. “Of course you’re allowed to have feelings, Mom. I understand you’re still processing.”
“It took you quite a while to tell me about all this. Why?”
“I wanted to get to know Emma and deal with being her father before sharing the news.”
She took a sip of wine, then held the glass between her hands. “I can understand that.”
“Really?” In his experience, understanding wasn’t the way she rolled.
“Don’t sound so surprised. You found out you’re a father to a nine-year-old girl and wanted to feel in control of the situation.”
He was standing across from her with the island between them. Who was this woman and what had she done with his mother? “How did you know that?”
“It’s what you do, what you’ve always done since you were a little boy.” She smiled. “I can tell by the look on your face that I surprised you again.”
“Yes.”
“I’m your mother. It’s my job to know you better than anyone.”
“I’ve changed since the army. We haven’t spent enough time together for you to know me much better than you did before.”
She looked thoughtful for a few moments. “You’re more mature, disciplined and conscientious. But you’re the same sensitive boy trying to pretend nothing bothers you. You’re a lot like your dad.”
“I don’t want to talk about him—”
“Tough.” She gave him a look, daring him to push back. “It’s way past time we talked about what happened.”
Here we go, he thought. The part he had not been looking forward to. He’d make it quick. “He died in a car accident.”
“I know that, but—”
“But nothing.” She was right. This part needed to be said. It had been burning a hole in his gut since the day he’d lost his father. “I was arguing with dad. I don’t even remember what I wanted but he said no. I wouldn’t accept that and he was distracted. If he hadn’t been, he would have avoided the car that ran the stop sign. The truth is it was my fault and you blame me. You never forgave me for surviving when he didn’t.”
“Oh, Luke—” She couldn’t have looked more shocked if he’d slapped her. “You’re wrong. So very wrong.”
“You changed after dad was killed.”
“Of course. I lost the love of my life, my husband and best friend. The other driver was proven to be at fault. I never blamed you. My heart was broken but full of gratitude at t
he same time because I still had you.”
“You treated me differently.” The emotions suddenly stirred up inside him made his words an indictment. “All we did was fight.”
“I treated you differently because I’m your mother and I had to. You started acting differently. Rebelling. Taking chances. Your grades suffered and you gravitated to a group of kids who made it their mission in life to break the rules. It would have killed me to lose you, too.” She sighed. “I was the only one standing between you and disaster.”
“Murph was there.”
“Because I reached out to him, asked him to keep an eye on you,” she said.
“He was the one who floated the plan to join the army.”
She nodded. “It was my idea.”
“Because you wanted me gone,” he accused.
“No.” She took a shuddering breath and tears filled her eyes. “I wanted you to have structure, stability, discipline that you wouldn’t accept from me. You were all I had left of your father. If letting you go was the only way to keep you safe, then so be it.”
He stared at her as the truth sank in. “Enlisting was your suggestion?”
She nodded. “But you wouldn’t have listened to me so I asked Murph to bring it up.”
“I thought you hated me, that I was a reminder of dad. So, you didn’t want me out of the house?”
“No,” she said simply. “I love you, Luke.”
He had never once thought about what his belligerent attitude and bad behavior was doing to his mother. Maybe now that he had a child it was sinking in. Or he’d simply grown up enough to stop being an ass. He moved around the island and leaned over to hug her. “I’m sorry, Mom. For everything. I love you, too.”
She held on for several moments, then gave his shoulder a quick pat before letting him go. After brushing the tears from her cheeks, she said, “Now you’re a father.”
“Yeah.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “I’ve never missed dad more. I sure would like to talk to him now.”
“He’s still here. I see it in how you interact with Emma. And she’s terrific, by the way.” Then the tender look faded and her mouth twisted with disapproval. “Shelby should have told you she was pregnant. It’s wrong that she didn’t.”
Daughter on His Doorstep Page 12
