“Thanks for clarifying.”
“Fact number two—you declined breakfast this morning.” He held up his hand when she started to protest. “Don’t tell me you ate. I didn’t even have to see your face to know it was a brush-off.”
“That was your time with Emma.”
“And I was willing to share.” That’s what parents did. He tried to judge what she was feeling but her face was carefully neutral. Normally she was an open book and he hated that she wasn’t now. “And we were supposed to go to her game together. A family. What’s going on?”
Shelby looked away for a moment. “Her game is starting soon. We should—”
“Nope. Not going anywhere until you level with me about this.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “I saw a lawyer this week. The one handling Em’s birth certificate and putting your name on it. She asked if we had a parenting plan.”
“A what now?”
“A plan for sharing custody. You know—” She thought for a moment. “An agreement about her spending every other week with you. Where she goes on holidays. Alternating them. Time to take her to your mom’s which the attorney reminded me is out of state.” She shrugged. “Legal stuff to be considered.”
“It’s been working fine so far.” Annoyance trickled through him. “We don’t need anything in writing. We already share. She comes over whenever she wants.”
“But you’re almost finished fixing up the house. It’s nearly ready to go on the market and you won’t be conveniently next door.” Shelby tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “For the record, you were right about me living with my mom. It’s about time for me to—”
“Look,” he interrupted. “I was out of line. It’s not my place to judge. Your mom doesn’t like me. She’s entitled to think what she wants and I’ll do my best to earn her good opinion. I didn’t walk in her shoes and have no right to decide whether or not her way was right.” He blew out a breath. “What I do know is that she raised you and you’re pretty terrific. Emma, too. That was all under her roof so her contribution is there.”
“Nice of you to say so.” But Shelby didn’t look at him. “Being neighbors has been good to ease us all into this new kind of normal but living arrangements will change. I’m just making sure your parental rights are protected.”
“Because you think I don’t trust you.”
“Yes. And why should you? After what I did—”
“Let it go, Shelby. I have.”
“Really? I don’t know how you can.” She turned away to lift a bag out of the trunk. “And I would never expect you to forgive me. That’s perfectly understandable. I believe a parenting plan would put your mind at ease. It’s the least I can do.”
Luke could see she wasn’t lying but there was something she was holding back. “Don’t make this about me—”
“Even if it is?”
Before she turned away he was almost certain that a tear rolled down her cheek. He planned to find out what that was about but then she started to lift the heavy ice chest out of her trunk.
“I’ll get that.”
“Thanks. It’s about time for the game to start.” She took two bags filled with treats, napkins, cups and other things then headed for the field where the two teams squared off with a referee who was ready to blow the start whistle.
He would bet everything he owned that this was a deliberate attempt to detach herself from him. Why? And did the reason really matter? Luke had started to believe he and Shelby could be something again. Those two questions proved he had given it more consideration than he should have and that just pissed him off.
* * *
After school Shelby drove home and noticed the for sale sign in Luke’s front yard. It had been almost two weeks since she’d seen him at Emma’s soccer game and now she knew her comment about him being almost finished fixing up the house was spot-on. The sudden tightness in her chest proved that she wasn’t as disconnected from that reality as she would have hoped.
His truck was gone which probably meant he was still working and she wondered whether or not he was having a good day. When he left ten years ago she’d forced herself not to think about him and it became a habit. Since moving back, he was on her mind day and night. If he knew she was having these romantic thoughts, any goodwill she’d earned with him would be cancelled out. Therefore, she was doing her best to stay in the neutral zone.
She parked beside her mother’s car in the driveway, then got out and pulled her purse and big tote bag from the rear seat. She walked into the house and set her things on the floor at the foot of the stairs, then slid out the bottle of wine she’d bought on the way home. There was something she had to tell her mom and hoped the lovely chardonnay, Pam’s favorite, would mellow the mood.
The atmosphere had been tense and awkward around here since that early morning when her mom discovered her coming home from Luke’s. There was a very good chance the conversation she was about to have was going to make things worse.
“Mom, I’m home.”
“In the kitchen, honey.”
She sounded chipper, Shelby thought. That boded well for a positive start anyway. As she walked closer, the delicious aroma of oven-fried chicken surrounded her. Her heart squeezed for a moment because this was probably her favorite meal. It was the smell of détente in the air. If she didn’t miss her guess, there would also be mashed potatoes and asparagus, too.
“Hi,” she said, putting aside the guilt for what she was about to do. “You’ve been busy. Something smells good.”
“It’s your favorite.” Pam smiled, then looked past her. “Where’s Emma? With Luke?”
“No.” Just hearing his name made her heart stutter. “He’s working a shift I think.”
“You don’t know?” The woman’s expression was faux innocence. Definitely détente.
“No. It’s a need-to-know basis and I don’t need to know. He’s always available by cell if there’s anything about Emma we need to discuss.”
Now she was the one pretending innocence. Their communication consisted of completely unemotional texts. That should have been a relief to her because it guaranteed that she wouldn’t give away her feelings. But not hearing his voice was its own kind of torture.
“Okay.” Her mother strained the water from the potatoes she was preparing to mash. “So, where’s Emma?”
“She went home with Karen after school and is staying for dinner.” Shelby saw no reason to share that she’d arranged this so they could be alone. “She’s getting dropped off later.”
“Then I made too much.”
“It will be good left over.” She knew her mom was simply stating a fact, not deliberately trying to make her feel guilty. Still, that was her go-to response and confirmed Luke’s observation that Shelby had pledged her life in the service of redemption for an unplanned teenage pregnancy. But, thanks to him, liberation was at hand. She held up the bottle of wine. “Would you like a glass? This is your favorite.”
“Hmm. There seems to be a lot of that going around.” Her mother smiled. “Yes. I’d love some.”
“Me, too.” Shelby got two wineglasses from the cupboard, poured chardonnay into each of them, then handed one to her mom. “There you go.”
“Thank you, honey. What a treat. We don’t do this very often.”
Two could play the détente game. She touched her glass to her mother’s. “To unexpected special occasions.”
“Well said.”
They each took a sip then a long silence stretched between them. Apparently it was going to take more than a little wine to ease the tension.
Pam cleared her throat. “So, how’s Luke?”
“Fine I guess.”
“You haven’t seen him?”
“Not since Emma’s soccer game. There was no game last weekend,” she added.
“I thou
ght the two of you were getting close.” Again innocence and interest gleamed in her mother’s eyes, a skill she used with a lot of success to extract information.
Absently, Shelby wondered if Luke used this interrogation technique on suspects he arrested.
“We share a child.” She didn’t want to discuss her feelings about him. “And speaking of that, I’ve consulted an attorney about putting his name on Emma’s birth certificate and devising a parenting plan. We will share joint custody and all the terms will be agreed on and spelled out.”
“That must make him happy.”
Shelby had assumed it would, but he hadn’t looked very pleased when she told him. Then he disappeared. The only information she had about him was from Emma who saw him almost every day. She told herself that he was maximizing his time, doing a big push to finish fixing up the house. The fact that the for sale sign was up meant that he’d been successful and would be gone soon. She wouldn’t have to go out of her way to avoid seeing him. Oddly, that didn’t make her happy either.
“It’s the best thing to do,” Shelby continued. “I don’t ever want there to be a question about his parental rights.”
“Emma certainly is fond of him,” her mother commented. There was no nuance in her words, no way to tell what she was thinking.
“That should tell you a lot about the kind of man he is. Kids aren’t easily fooled. They see through all the baloney and call you out for it.”
“True enough.” Her mom sipped from her wine then set the glass on the counter beside her.
“The fact that Emma has taken to him so completely is a sign that he’s not that mixed-up rebel anymore. He’s a cop, one of the good guys. And a devoted father.”
“For Emma’s sake, I’m glad.”
But she wasn’t glad for Shelby and they’d already disagreed over this. Since Luke would never trust her, there was nothing more to say. And she couldn’t believe how much just thinking that hurt her heart.
Not wanting her mother to see, Shelby turned away and pulled two plates from the cupboard and set them on the table. “There’s something I want to talk to you about, Mom.”
“Oh?”
She braced herself before facing her mother again and said, “I’m going to move out as soon as I find a place for Emma and me.”
“What?”
“I’m going to look for a rental—condo, apartment or small house. We’re going to get a place of our own.”
Her mother blinked. She hadn’t looked this shocked since hearing about the pregnancy. Clearly she didn’t see this coming. “This is pretty sudden, isn’t it? Why?”
Shelby decided to cut through the twenty questions and get straight to the point. “This has nothing to do with Luke.”
“I didn’t say that—” Pam’s hand was shaking when she picked up her wineglass.
“But I know you’re thinking it.”
“If you want to spend the night with him...” Pam shrugged. “You’re an adult.”
“Mom, that’s not what this is about.” Shelby moved closer. “This is something I should have done a long time ago. And in the spirit of full disclosure, he did point it out to me, but he’s not wrong.”
“You saw that he listed the house for sale.”
Shelby nodded. “But that was always going to happen. He’s not leaving town. He’ll still see Emma. My decision isn’t about that.”
“But this arrangement is working, honey. Emma is thriving. Is it really wise to make such a drastic change?”
“Change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There will be an adjustment, sure, but shaking things up can be good. Besides, it’s not like we’re moving to the other side of the world. I’ll limit my search to rentals close by so she can stay in the same school. Give it time. The change will be good for all of us.”
“How will it be good for me?”
“You need your own life, Mom. You’re still young. Isn’t it possible that Emma and I are a crutch, a reason for you not to put yourself out there? That you’re afraid of being hurt again, the way Dad hurt you?”
Her mother didn’t answer, but asked a question of her own. “Is this because I called you out on coming home in the middle of the night?”
“You said I was taking advantage,” Shelby reminded her, “but—”
“I didn’t mean it.”
“Sure you did. And you were right. You’ve made it very easy for me to stay here. Very comfortable. But I realized—with an astute observation from Luke—that my constant resting state is guilt. I got pregnant at seventeen and turned your life upside down. I’ve been trying to make that up to you ever since.”
“There’s nothing to make up for,” her mother protested. “I love having you here. And Emma is the light of my life.”
“You’ll still get to spend time with her.” Shelby gentled her voice as much as possible. “And part of me knows that you don’t mind us living with you. But another part of me is still that scared kid wondering what she’s going to do. Feeling horrible for hurting and disappointing you. I have to go out on my own and be independent. I’m Emma’s primary role model. How can she learn to stand on her own two feet when I’m not doing that?”
Unshed tears glistened in her mother’s eyes. “But, Shelby, you’re probably the strongest woman I know.”
“If I am, it’s because I learned how to be from a strong woman. And I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. The best way I can think of to honor that is to show you I’ve watched and learned. I can do this.” She smiled and forced enthusiasm into her voice as tears blurred her vision. “Just think, you’ll have the house to yourself. You can do whatever you want. Think only about yourself. You should date.”
“How am I going to meet anyone?”
“One of the volunteer math tutors is a friend of Brett’s, the math department supervisor. His name is Gabriel Blackburne. In his regular career he turns around struggling businesses. His aunt owns Make Me a Match, a local dating service company. You could fill out a profile. Meet someone. Date.”
Her mom gave her a speculative look. “Do as I say not as I do? Because you should date, too.” The statement wasn’t an angry reply. It was said with tenderness and love. “If your goal is really to move out and make a life for yourself, you should go all the way.”
Shelby shook her head. “I don’t want to.”
“Because you’re in love with Luke.”
There it was again. But she didn’t hear judgment in her mom’s voice and was surprised. Still, admitting out loud to the universe that Pam was right wouldn’t happen. Somehow that would give the strong emotions more weight and therefore power to make the pain of lost love hurt even more than it already did.
“Moving out will be enough change for Emma. I’m not going to start dating and really confuse her life.”
“Hers? Or yours?”
“Of course I’m talking about her. Emma is my top priority.”
Her mother nodded. “And you are mine. If you’re okay then she will be, too.”
“I’m fine, Mom,” she lied. “Very excited about a new chapter in my life.”
The chapter where she put Luke McCoy firmly behind her. That thought broke her heart as surely as it had shattered once before. When she was seventeen, pregnant with his baby, and told him goodbye before watching him walk away.
Chapter Fifteen
Damn it, he missed Shelby.
Luke had come home from work and changed into jeans and a T-shirt. Often this was when Emma would come skipping over. The equivalent of “Daddy’s home.” And, sometimes, Shelby would come, too, all in the spirit of giving their daughter a sense of family. Occasionally she brought him leftovers and he would ask her to stay while he ate. He loved that time with the three of them together and didn’t realize just how much until it was gone.
It st
opped right after the night they slept together. The next morning she was spooked about facing her mother who hated his guts. So he told her what he thought and she’d gone radio silent. Except for those damned unsatisfying text messages filled with perky, unsatisfying emojis that made his teeth hurt.
Now there were no late-night visits or sneaking through that loose board in the fence. No wine at the kitchen island while talking things over. No trips to the hardware store to look at paint chips. Come to think of it, Shelby’s absence took a lot of color out of his world. If not for Emma...
Now it was parenting plans that spelled everything out and eliminated spontaneity.
Luke grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and glared at the opened bottle of wine that had mocked him ever since Shelby’s last visit. It was way past time to pour that down the drain and he could make a metaphor out of that image. Instead he twisted the cap off his bottle and wandered over to the glass slider, then glanced at the house next door.
Lights were on in the kitchen but Shelby’s bedroom was dark. Were the three of them eating dinner together? Laughing and talking about their day? He tried not to be envious but that was a bust.
For a while he’d felt part of a threesome—him and Emma and Shelby. Now he was on the outside looking in, just like when he’d loved her before.
After deciding not to torture himself, he turned away to wander and pace somewhere else. The house without much furniture screamed temporary and was its own kind of torture. Everywhere he looked were memories of Shelby. Her cheerful smile when she’d approved his paint job. Her sunny disposition when she refereed his first fight with Emma. The scent of her skin seemed to be everywhere and he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone.
He drifted into the living room. There hadn’t been a single change but it felt more empty than it had two weeks ago. Outside the streetlight illuminated the for sale sign in the yard. The real estate agent had called to let him know she had several very motivated and interested buyers and wanted to bring them by to take a look. Soon this limbo would be over. No more surprise visits or unexpected sex. Everything would be planned by the book.
Daughter on His Doorstep Page 19
