‘Pain is a part of life. You cannot let it rule you.’
I gritted my teeth and shook my head. “I’m not some damned Qharr! I haven’t been trained to keep pain at bay! I’ve lived with pain all my life! It doesn’t mean I enjoy it!”
Khala didn’t answer and I didn’t waste any more time with her. I raced out the door and back to the room where Kaya and the others were waiting. While I was away, Kaya and the doctor had moved Jaysen from the floor to one of the bunks. I moved nervously toward where Jaysen’s inert form was resting then I took a deep breath and…
“Lexa!” Kaya said suddenly her hand latching down on my shoulder. “You’re not going to put one of those things inside of him. Are you?”
I shuddered and reached up to touch her hand, “It’s the only way.”
“Most fascinating, Vakrexid would not believe it possible for a K’teth symbiote to mature so quickly.”
I shook my head, “It… isn’t mature. Khala hasn’t exactly clued me in on all the details, but I think she’s got it figured out somehow.”
“God, Lexa I don’t know. Are you sure about this?!” Kaya asked.
I turned to grip her shoulders in either of my hands. “Hell no. The symbiote may not even be able to heal her, but there’s a chance. I just can’t let her die. I… I just can’t. ”
Kaya pursed her lips, nodded then took a step back. “Do whatever you have to do.”
‘Give me control. It will be much simpler that way,’ Khala urged through our bond.
I hesitated, a thousand reasons why what I was about to do was a bad idea sprung to mind all at once, but all my misgiving fled before one inescapable truth if I didn’t do it Jaysen would most likely die. I barely knew Jaysen, but I lost so much in my life that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing another person that I cared about. It was selfish act one born out of desperation and my own guilt at not stopping Strave, but at that point in time all I cared about was making sure Jaysen didn’t die. I swallow hard, closed my eyes and gave over control to my symbiote.
I could feel the energy pulsating into my hands as Khala placed them on Jaysen’s chest. It started out as a trickle at first, but the thick goo soon came gushing out from my pores at an alarming rate. It didn’t hurt at all, but I suspected Khala may have taken my protestations against my earlier pain to heart and was numbing the pain. Finally, the pulsating subsided and Khala withdrew my hands.
I got my first good look at a symbiote and I actually pretty underwhelmed at the sight of the creature. It looked to have the consistency of a thick pudding, but was a semi-transparent milky white and devoid of color. It was hard to believe that such an unremarkable looking fluid could actually be a living thinking being. Then, the fluid suddenly moved seeming to slink its way across Jaysen’s skin before seeping into the phaseshot wound in his chest.
I stumbled backward and fell down flat on my ass realizing, too late, that Khala had returned control. “I-It’s finished.” I whispered then felt tears cascade down my face. “My God! What have I done?!”
Chapter Four
Hours passed by and nothing seemed to happen. I worried that Jaysen’s body had somehow rejected the K’teth, or else the symbiote had been too premature to do any good, but I didn’t voice my concerns not even to Khala. Instead I sat there beside Jaysen’s bed and I waited. The doctor bandaged Jaysen’s wounds and retrieved equipment from the ship’s medical bay so that he could monitor her condition, but made no attempts to move her.
The whole thing had left me drained and feeling weak. I could hardly keep my eyes open, but when Kaya and the doctor suggested I get some rest I steadfastly refused. I had to watch over Jaysen she’d been shot trying to save me. It seemed like the very least I could do.
“You know, even you need sleep, you’re not invincible,” Kaya said placing a hand on my shoulder.
“I need to look after her; it’s my fault she was shot…”
“Is that what’s this about? Lexa, trust me there’s nothing you could have done,” she said wrapping her arms around me in a hug.
“I let him touch me!” I shuddered. “God! I remember thinking there must have been more to him than he was letting on. I even thought I caught a glimmer of the real him, but good God! Whatever I thought I saw when we slept together it wasn’t really him!”
Kaya sighed and shook her head. “That wasn’t the real Strave we saw today. Whatever those bastards did to him, they killed the real Strave. He’s been dead for months. That thing was just an empty shell, a shadow of the Strave I knew. He was a selfish two-timing womanizing bastard, but even he didn’t deserve that fate. He hated the Qharr as much as the rest of us. They must have really twisted his mind to make him think those things.”
I nodded and put my head on her shoulder weeping silently. “The only reason I slept with him was because of what happened between the two of us when you told me you were pregnant. I just wanted to be close to someone.”
“Oh Jellfree,” she whispered quietly muttering my male name. “I never wanted to hurt you. It’s just… God I feel like such an ass even saying this, but I want to be with you. The mind is willing, but the body isn’t. I’m just not attracted to women.”
“I know,” I replied. “I’ve accepted that now, but when you ran off on me it forced me to finally come to grips with the fact that we could never be together and it was like my whole world came crashing down around me. After what Strave and I did I thought I might have found someone else, but I realize now how stupid that was…”
“It wasn’t stupid… Strave had a way about him. I don’t know many women who were immune to his charms at least once he set his eyes on them.”
“I don’t know, you seemed to have had his number…”
“He fooled me at first too,” she shook her head. “I even got involved with him for a while before I caught him in bed with another woman.”
“That explains some things…”
“Lexa, I think it’s about time you get some rest… don’t you?”
“What about Jaysen?”
Kaya rolled her eyes. “You’re not the only one around here who can sit around in a chair and wait for him… her,” she corrected after glancing at me. “To wake up.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but felt a wave of dizziness wash over me. Blackness creeped around the edges of my vision, but gritted my teeth and fought against it. Whatever Khala had done sure had taken a toll out of me I just hadn’t realized the full extent of it until that moment.
“Lexa!” Kaya yelled gripping my shoulders and shaking me. “You alright?”
“Yeah, I just… I think you’re right I think it’s time I got some rest…”
“Damn, I feel like shit,” I stretched my arms with a loud yawn just before I sat up with a slight groan. I looked around the room blankly trying to remember how I’d gotten there when it all came back to me in a rush of memories. Everything from confronting and killing Strave to feeling dizzy while talking to Khala and collapsing in an exhausted heap on one of the nearby bunks.
‘What the hell happened? What did you do to make me so freaking tired?’ I thought at Khala.
‘I gave too much energy over to my daughter. I was concerned that the strain of the bonding process would be too much for her,’ she muttered back her voice almost seemed muffled in my mind. ‘Since our systems are irrevocably entwined anytime I am low on energy it affects you as well.’
“A little warning would have been nice,” I said aloud and nearly jumped out of my skin as an unfamiliar face seemed to materialize right there in front of me.
I furrowed my brows and stared at the blue-haired girl with a gorgeous face and magenta eyes standing in front of me before it finally dawned on me who she was. “Jaysen?”
“The one and only,” she beamed at me grinning from ear to ear. Her lighter and very feminine voice was quite different from the soft tenor I’d grown accustomed to.
“You haven’t finished changing?�
�� I asked look down at her still flat chest and decidedly male body.
“No, but I’m sure at this rate it won’t take more than a few days.”
‘Why so long?’ I asked Khala. ‘Shouldn’t it be faster with the amount of energy we gave the other symbiote?’
‘Remember my daughter was not fully mature when she entered your friend. The process of transforming Jaysen will be all the more difficult for her because of it and she’ll need to assume some of the hosts mass in order to reach her proper size.’
“Lexa!” Jaysen cried frantically shaking at my shoulder. “You all right?!”
“Fine,” I shook my head. “I was just talking to Khala.”
“Sorry, Kaya said you had a dizzy spell or something. The doctor ran some tests and said you were suffering from simple exhaustion. Which was probably caused by well… this,” she said holding her hands up to her face.
I winced shaking my head as tears started to gush from my eyes. “Shit… I’m so sorry. You’ve got to believe me if there had been any other way.”
“Lexa… stop!” she said planting her index finger on my lips. “I was a little freaked out, no scat that, I was really freaked out when Kaya first told me, but I don’t blame you. She said that if you hadn’t put that thing in me I’d probably be dead. You saved my life there’s no reason for you to apologize.”
I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands around my eyes. “The only reason you were injured in the first place was because of me and now you’re stuck with a K’teth for the rest of your life!”
Jaysen reached out forcing my hands away from my face then she did something I wasn’t prepared for at all. She kissed me. “God, I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time now!” she smiled shyly. “Do you know why I attacked Strave? You! God, I can’t get you out my head! Before I was so afraid to say anything because I was thought you would reject me, but I could have died and you never would have known how I felt!”
“I-I really don’t know what to say,” I muttered pushing myself away from her. “I mean I never thought of you that way.”
Jaysen bowed her head and looked at me with a crestfallen expression, “I’m sorry. I… that was stupid I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“No it wasn’t stupid,” I shook my head then reached out and did something that, I think, surprised us both: I kissed her back. It was impulsive act one which came with a sudden and simple revelation, I had developed feelings for Jaysen. It had been why I’d been so desperate to save her… Oh hell, why hadn’t I seen it before?
“Oh wow, I honestly didn’t see that coming!” Jaysen breathed a slow smile creeping onto her face.
“Yeah, neither did I,” I smiled back reaching up to cup her face.
“What are you two grinning about?” Kaya suddenly pronounced and we both turned to see her leaning against the door frame, her arms folded across her chest and her lips spread out in a smirk.
“N-nothing,” Jaysen blushed scratching at the back of her neck. “I was, uh, I was just thanking Lexa for saving me.”
Kaya pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes glancing at us suspiciously. “Whatever you say.”
“You know the doctor would be too happy if he found you out of bed,” Kaya added moving across the room and frowned as she placed a hand on Jaysen’s shoulder.
Jaysen shrugged and looked up at her with a guilty expression on her face. “I feel fine. You can’t seriously expect me to stay cooped up in this room until this thing in me is finished do you? Besides you guys didn’t keep Lexa locked up when she changed.”
“Jaysen, you almost died!” She protested throwing her arms up in the air.
‘It’s actually a good idea if your friend took it easy. The transformation process is going to be much harder than it was for you,’ Khala’s voice rang through my head.
“Kaya’s right,” I agreed. “The symbiote isn’t mature. Khala said that it’s going to be harder for you because of it.”
Jaysen sighed and shook her head. “Damn, not you too. Well, I guess I can handle sitting still for a little while, but If I’m going to be stuck here so are you.”
I bit my lip. “I wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon. I still feel like crap.”
“Alright, you two get some rest. I’ll probably be back to check on you in a few hours and I’m sure the doctor will be in once he wakes from his beauty rest,” Kaya pronounced and disappeared back through the doorway.
Jaysen watched Kaya go then turned to me with a very slight smile. “I guess I am sort of tired, but its kind of chilly in here and there isn’t much in the way of blankets. I don’t know how you guys expect me to get any sleep.”
“Duvak, my old master, used to say ‘One must endure the cold to of the night in order to endure the challenges of the day'” I shrugged. “Personally, I think it was a load of shit, but he always said he was quoting some Qharr proverb.”
“Typical Qharr attitude,” Jaysen shook her head. “Of course, I think they must have been engineered to handle a much broader range of temperatures than us, but…”
“I was thinking,” she muttered her cheeks turning bright-red as she spoke. “I mean if you didn’t mind, we could share a bed. These Qharr bunks are more than big enough for the two of us and we could keep each other warm.”
I felt my own cheeks burn at the thought of it, but it wouldn’t be the first time I’d ever shared my bed for the purpose of staying warm. It was a bit chilly in the ship and knowing the gray-skins I doubted there was any way to adjust the temperature, but I suspected Jaysen might have other reasons for wishing to bunk up and I don’t really think it took a genius to figure out what those reasons were.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
She bit her lip and nodded as tears started to stream down her face, “Yeah, you’re probably right… it’s just that this thing, what it’s doing to me. It’s like a dream come true, but at the same time it scares me. Having one of those things always there inside my mind… Will it influence me? Will it change me? I-I’m terrified, and I just want to be held.”
I swallowed hard and tried to give her an encouraging smile. I understood perfectly where she was coming from because I’d been there myself. I guess, I’d misjudged her reasons for wanting to share a bed.
“It’s scary, I know, and Khala can be frustrating to the point that I want to tear all my hair out, but you know what? At the end of the day I’m still me. Is she influencing me? Yeah, she offers her opinions and provides me with information, and that influences the decisions I make, but the things I care about, my goals, what makes me, me, my heart, the core of being it doesn’t change. I’m the one in control not her!”
She nodded between sobs. “I-I hope you’re right.”
“Come here,” I whispered holding my hand out to her.
She looked down at it, bit her lip then without a word took my hand and climbed into bed with me. She didn’t say a word and I reached across to put my arm around her. She put her head on my shoulder and I could feel her tears stream down my back as she continued to weep. The warmth of her body against mine felt nice, and I reached out to stroke her hair. We stayed like that for quite a while until her tears dried up and eventually we both drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Five
“SUCCULENCE!” the doctor proclaimed his voice whistling through the room just before he sucked liquid up his center face tube from a small coffee cup with the words, ‘How about a nice big cup of shut the fuck up?’ emblazoned across its front. Where the doctor had found the thing was beyond me, and I never really got a chance to ask.
“Vakrexid is most pleased!” he added setting his drink down. “You seem to have recovered from your temporary stint of fatigue.”
“Just needed some rest I guess,” I shook my head, “but enough about me. What about Jaysen?”
“I am most unsure. As you well know, Vakrexid has little knowledge of K’teth physiology. I cannot say how long the transformation process will take in th
is particular instance as it is a most unparalleled and befuddling predicament.”
Jaysen gritted her teeth and pounded her fist against the bed. “It’s almost unbearable waiting! To go so many years in the wrong body and to finally be so close… I just want it to be finished so I can finally be me!”
Vakrexid cocked his head back and forth seemingly perplexed as he studied her. The doctor had been nothing if not courteous, but I got the impression that Jaysen’s gender dysphoria was a completely foreign concept to him. I guess it wasn’t so surprising, considering he came from a race of hermaphrodites with both male and female reproductive organs. “Vakrexid wishes there was something I could do to accelerate the changes, but without Vakrexid’s implements I can only observe.”
“If I had something to do I don’t think it would be so bad. Being cooped up in this room all day is driving me mad!” she pronounced throwing her hands up in the air in frustration. “For years I found my escape by building and tinkering with machines. Just please give me something to play with so I can keep my mind off things.”
“Vakrexid has been thinking that perhaps I should have not been so quick to confine you to bed. It is true that the process of joining with the K’teth symbiote has left you weakened, but I believe if you consume enough organic matter and refrain from activity that is much too strenuous then Vakrexid sees no harm in giving you free reign of this vessel,” the doctor said sliding his hand up and down his face tubes.
“Oh, thank god!” Jaysen said letting out a sigh of relief as she climbed out of bed. “Maybe we can get this ship moving again!”
The doctor blinked. “Of course, Vakrexid thinks participating in extraordinary laborious activities, most especially those of a more violent nature would be most inadvisable.”
“I think I can handle that,” she smiled then grinned at me before grabbing me by the collar and kissing me on the lips.
“Come, on Lex,” she beamed up at me as we broke for air before grabbing my hand and tugging at it. “Let’s get out of here!”
Battle For Earth Page 19
