by R. J. Groves
‘It’s common practice, kid,’ he said as though that made everything okay. ‘Cows have to breed to give milk. Almost every other dairy farmer would do the same.’
‘Almost?’ she repeated, removing her foot from under Shannon’s. She could feel herself getting more frustrated by the second, and the whole kid business was starting to get on her nerves. ‘So not every dairy farmer has to sentence their calves to a short life?’
‘Well, I wouldn’t know,’ Robbie said, his tone sounding a little bored. ‘I’d imagine every dairy farmer would do it, but I’m sure there are some who don’t.’
‘Well, I think it’s cruel,’ she said determinedly. She thought of little Clarabelle—the sweet, gentle character she’d already become in such a short time. The poor thing didn’t know what was coming her way. ‘And no way am I going to let you do that to a calf that I helped bring into this world. I didn’t shove my whole arm into a cow for nothing.’
Okay, she had to admit, the topic was really no longer dinner-appropriate, but she couldn’t just ignore it.
‘You don’t get a choice in the matter, kid,’ Robbie said sternly. ‘It’s what we’ve always done, and it’s what will continue to happen. There’s nothing you can do about it.’
She heard herself stuttering, sounds coming from her mouth without forming a word. How? Why? There were already cattle that were bred specifically for meat. Why send ones that could potentially become good milkers or good breeders off to the slaughterhouse? And so young …
‘Shannon?’ she said, looking across the table. ‘Surely you don’t think that’s the only way, do you?’
His mouth opened, and he gave her a look that made her hope a little that maybe he’d side with her. But then he let out a sigh and closed his eyes, and she was pretty sure she knew her answer. A sadness filled her. Was there really no hope for those little calves? Those gorgeous calves she’d loved and cared for since she’d helped bring Clarabelle into the world?
‘I can’t—’ she started, lowering her fork to her plate. ‘I can’t believe this. This is—’
She snapped her mouth shut. It was what? Inhumane? Cruel? As far as she knew, it may not actually have been either of those things. But she couldn’t ignore that feeling she felt inside her that it just didn’t seem right for her little calves, regardless of whether or not it was common practice. So before she said anything she might regret, she rose to her feet and left.
Chapter 6
It didn’t take Shannon long to find her. Not when he already knew where she’d likely be. He walked the path down towards the bobby calves’ pen and saw her leaning against the fence of the enclosure watching the calves. The sun was setting, making it look as though her golden hair was glowing. Hell, she wouldn’t need a sunset to make her glow.
Shannon was beginning to realise the kind of person Jannette was, and it did nothing to ebb the growing feelings inside him. He’d always known she was special, that she could put her hand to absolutely anything—and probably succeed at it, too. She was always meant for a successful life, and she’d chosen to do that in Perth. If he could get his body to remember that, it would be for the best.
But seeing how she got over the bobby calves …
Well, she’d always had a fiery side, and she’d always been caring. He smiled as he neared her, remembering how she’d loved the calves even when she was a kid. What kid wouldn’t? But he was now starting to suspect that no one had ever told her where those calves were headed, and she’d only just discovered it now.
He’d never understood the whole point of bobby calves. Sure, they were an unfortunate practice of dairy farming, and Robbie was right—there were probably a lot more farmers who did it than those who didn’t. But he’d always thought differently. He’d thought that, if he had the opportunity to have his own farm, bobby calves would be one of the first things to go. It had been the one thing he’d never agreed with about the way Mr Tanner had run the place. Instead, the female calves he’d bred would grow to be milkers like their mothers or sold to be milkers if he didn’t need more, and the male calves would be sold for breeding. If he had cows like the ones at Tanner Station, they would be good breeders.
But it wasn’t his farm.
And it wasn’t his choice.
Even if he had a share agreement with Robbie. And although he’d long ago tried to talk Robbie around to alternatives, Robbie had been dead set on the fact that he wanted the farm to be run exactly as his father had run it.
Maybe Jannette’s outburst might make Robbie rethink, but Shannon doubted it. Jannette would be gone soon and her opinion wouldn’t matter in Robbie’s eyes. But in Shannon’s eyes …
While he knew that her life was in Perth, a part of him still thought that she belonged here and that, if she stayed, perhaps the two of them together could change Robbie’s mind. But the reality of it was that she wouldn’t stay, and he would go on doing things Robbie’s way. That’s how it had always been—Robbie made the decisions, and Shannon did his half of the work and got his share in the profits. The little part of him that he’d tried to suppress over the years perked up, reminding him that he could buy his own farm, but he pushed the thought aside, just as he’d been doing a lot lately.
‘What do you want, Shannon?’ Jannette said as he rested his arms on the fence next to her. She didn’t look at him, and he had to admit the tone in her voice stung a little.
‘I guess I deserve that,’ he said simply. He spotted the breech calf—Clarabelle, as Jannette had called her—who seemed to be looking after the newest calf he and Jarrod had brought down. He could see why Jannette would have a soft spot for that calf. He turned to study her profile. Without her hat on, he could see the light sandy colour of her natural hair coming through at the roots. While the golden colour she’d obviously dyed it did suit her, he’d always thought her natural hair had been perfect.
Jannette scoffed, dropping her gaze to stare at her hands in front of her. ‘You really don’t agree with him, do you? I mean, look at them. Clarabelle’s already a natural mother, and none of the other calves look like they’d even give quality meat. But they would give quality milk—’
‘You don’t need to convince me, Jenny,’ he said. She shot her gaze towards him, her brow creased. Once again, he found himself fighting the urge to smooth it out. ‘I’ve never agreed with the idea of bobby calves. It seems a waste of good resources to me.’
Her expression changed to somewhere between fiery and relieved. ‘Well, why don’t you talk him out of it?’
He let out a little laugh and her brow creased again. ‘He won’t hear any of it.’
‘But it’s your choice too, isn’t it? Robbie told me about the arrangement you two have.’ He could hear the hope in her voice, and he hated that he’d only just be crushing it.
‘We may share the profits, but it’s still Robbie’s farm. He makes all the decisions. I have no choice but to go along with them. In fact, if anyone could talk him out of it, it would probably be you. But he’d only entertain the idea while you’re here and go back to his ways when you leave.’
He saw something flicker through her eyes, but it was gone before he could pinpoint what it was. She sighed, returning her gaze to her hands again. ‘You’re right. He’s such a stubborn goat.’ She glanced up at the calves and sighed. ‘It’s unfair.’
‘It is.’
They stood in silence for a few moments, watching the calves settling themselves down. ‘What would you do if it was your choice?’ she said, bringing her gaze to meet his. The weight settled in his stomach again—the weight he’d grown used to since she’d come to the farm.
‘I’d keep some and sell the rest for either breeding or milk. Clarabelle would be a keeper. You’re right. She’d make a good mum. And with her breeding, she’d be a good milker.’ He nudged against her arm and regretted it almost instantly. A pulse of electricity shot through him and his body responded. He tried to put the pink tinge in her cheeks as she smiled down to the gl
ow of the sunset. Surely she hadn’t felt the same, had she?
‘Thanks for trying to make me feel better,’ she said, biting into her lip and making him want to kiss her again.
He tore his gaze away, aware that although their last almost-kiss was interrupted, it might not happen again. And they shouldn’t kiss. She’d be gone soon, and he wasn’t sure his heart could take it if he gave her that part of him. He cleared his throat.
‘Are you looking forward to your friend’s wedding? I think the calves are gonna miss you, but I’m sure Jarrod and I can handle them.’
She let out a laugh, staring down at her hands again. ‘I am,’ she said, ‘but I’m also … not. If that makes sense.’ She sighed. ‘It’s hard to explain.’
‘I’ve got time,’ he said. ‘Well, assuming Robbie and Jarrod save our food for us.’ She laughed again and he couldn’t help but notice it sounded lighter as it rippled through him, his body responding once again. He really needed to get another person around them as soon as possible. He wasn’t sure he could ever be trusted alone with this stunning woman. ‘Shall we?’
‘Yes, let’s walk and talk,’ she said, pushing off the fence.
She started walking, but not on the quickest path to the house. He hesitated for a second, then fell into step beside her, making sure there was enough distance between them to prevent any accidental bumps. The sun dipped behind the hills and the yellows and golds turned to greys. But it didn’t stop Jannette from shining. Swallowing, he looked away from her and focused on the path ahead of them.
Eventually, she let out an audible breath. ‘I don’t even know how to explain it,’ she started. ‘I mean, I’ve spent my entire career catering to weddings and happily ever afters, and considering it’s Andie who’s getting married …’ She broke off for a second and looked at him. He intended on only a simple glance towards her to acknowledge what she’d said, but found he couldn’t look away once their eyes had locked. ‘I mean, she deserves a beautiful wedding, and I know it will be. She’s always dreamed of one, and she’d gone through a breakup a few months before she was supposed to get married, but then she met Tay and they’re just … perfect … for each other. Does that make sense?’
He nodded. Oddly enough, though he’d never felt that way for anyone else before, it did make sense.
‘I’m happy for them, I am, I just—’ She tore her gaze away and sighed again, staring at the ground as they walked. ‘I wanted that, too. I wanted a beautiful wedding and someone to share my life with, and no matter who I’ve met or who I’ve dated, I’ve never found anyone who has that forever factor for me.’
He sensed some unspoken words at the end of her sentence, but didn’t want to look too far into it. ‘I know the feeling,’ he said.
‘So, once again,’ she continued, ‘I’ll be attending yet another wedding by myself, watching another of my friends getting their happily ever after—’
‘And wondering when you’ll get yours,’ he finished. Oh, he knew the feeling all too well. Aside from himself and Robbie, everyone else he knew seemed to be married with kids by now.
‘Exactly! God, I didn’t think you’d understand, but you just keep surprising me, don’t you?’ Her lips curved into a smile as she looked at him again and his chest tightened as he tried to keep a hold of himself.
‘I could come with you,’ he found himself saying, ‘as your plus one to the wedding. If you don’t want to go alone.’
Something flickered in her eyes again, and if he could just get his mind and his body on the same page and find a way to think clearly, he might be able to figure it out. But a part of him told him he wasn’t ready to know. Which only gave it away.
What the hell was he thinking, offering to go with her to a wedding two and a half hours away?
She tilted her head to the side, her mouth opening and closing. For a moment, he thought she was seriously considering it, but then she tore her gaze away. ‘I can’t ask you to do that,’ she said. ‘You’ve got so much you need to do here, and besides, the RSVPs had to be in a couple weeks ago since there hasn’t been much notice for the wedding.’
It was the right answer. He shouldn’t go to the wedding with her. He shouldn’t even want to go with her. But he couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.
‘Thank you for offering though,’ she added, clearly oblivious to the way his feet felt like lead. ‘It means a lot to me.’
‘No problem,’ he said.
They walked in silence for a moment and he tried his best not to get too lost in his thoughts. What if she’d said yes? What if she had wanted his company at the wedding? Well, Robbie wouldn’t have been happy about it, for starters. And Shannon had a feeling it wouldn’t just be because he would be left with most of the day’s work to do with a fourteen-year-old kid.
‘I don’t think I ever knew what you studied when you left,’ Jannette said, bringing him back to the present. It seemed the topic of weddings and happily ever afters was long gone.
‘Agriculture and animal husbandry.’ When he glanced back her way, she looked surprised. He tilted his head to one side. ‘You know I’ve always loved farming.’
‘Well, yeah,’ she said, a slight stammer in her voice. ‘But I didn’t know that’s what you actually wanted to do. I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s not even what Robbie wants to do forever.’
‘I guess being around here as a kid gave me a passion for it.’
He wondered how much of that was true. At first he’d started coming out to the farm to avoid his uncle. The fact that his best friend’s family owned the farm was just a bonus. He glanced over at the stunning woman walking beside him, her face seeming to glow in the dimming light. Was it just a passion for farming that had kept him here that long? Or was there something else, something he’d kept so deep down that he didn’t even know about it?
‘So when are you going to get your own farm?’
‘What?’ Sure, he’d been thinking about it for years, but the fact that she’d asked the question aloud had put him on the spot. He’d dreamed about owning his own farm, but he’d never spoken about it to anyone.
‘You know, go out on your own, do your own thing’—she nudged against him, and his heart pounded in his chest from the contact—‘with your rules. You’d be good at it.’
The look in her eyes showed excitement at the prospect, a kind of sincerity he hadn’t expected. Of course it was something she would get. She had run her own business for the past ten-or-so years. But to have someone believe in a dream he’d always thought was a long way in the distance—if it ever happened—well, he wasn’t used to anyone believing in him. His heart expanded in his chest and he did his best to squish it back to its normal size. She must have taken his stunned look as confusion rather than him trying his darndest to not wrap his arms around her and pull her close, because her brow furrowed.
‘Surely you don’t want to keep with this farm-share arrangement thing forever, do you?’
When he didn’t say anything, she grasped onto his arm, sending another pulse through his body. Of course he didn’t want the farm-share thing forever, but there was something about speaking it out loud that made him feel … he wasn’t really sure. Like he was betraying Robbie or something.
‘Shannon, no, you can’t. You’re so much better than that.’ Better than her brother? She halted and pulled him to a stop. He turned to face her. ‘You’re smart. You’re switched on with all this farm stuff. You learned all the ins and outs of this place and then you studied to learn more before coming back again. You could do all of this and be the one to make the final decisions.’ He had a feeling she wasn’t just talking about the bobby calves. A lump formed in his throat. ‘Don’t you want your own farm? To look out at what’s yours and feel that pride?’
‘I have that here,’ he found himself saying, though he realised it was only half-hearted. She gave him a look that said she didn’t believe him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I do, I just—’ He turned his
gaze towards the house, and realisation flashed across her face.
‘Shannon, you don’t owe anything to Robbie. You know that, right? If anything, he owes you for helping him out over the years.’
‘It’s not just that.’ He brought his gaze back to meet hers and felt his chest tighten again. ‘Your parents took me in and gave me a family when I didn’t have one. Your dad taught me how to be a farmer when he didn’t have to. I know this place isn’t my childhood home or anything, but to me, it’s better. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave.’
She placed a soft hand against his cheek and gave him that look he couldn’t figure out. Damn it, why couldn’t he? ‘You don’t owe anything to my parents either. We can’t keep living in the past. We have to keep moving forward.’
He wasn’t living in the past, was he? He’d been content with his life—happy with it, even. Sure, there were still things he wanted to achieve, owning a farm being one of them. But he still had many years ahead of him to do all that. He reminded himself that it had been seventeen years since he’d even seen Jannette, and a fair crack of that had been in this arrangement with Robbie. Maybe time was going a lot quicker than he’d first thought.
She dropped her hand and started walking again. She’d got a few steps ahead of him before he spoke again. ‘What’s forward look like for you, Jenny?’
She turned back to face him, her mouth opening and closing a few times, and she folded her arms across her chest. ‘I thought we’d already talked about that.’
He shook his head and took a few slow steps towards her. ‘We’d talked about what you had planned to do before the break-in, before coming here.’
His thoughts drifted to that moment they’d shared on the hill when she’d said she’d wanted to start a family. That she wished more men were like him. He still hadn’t been able to forget that, to stop wondering what she’d meant by it. He stopped in front of her and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She looked up at him, part curious, and part something else.
