by R. J. Groves
‘I don’t have a—’ He broke off, pulling back just enough to kiss her forehead.
‘Oh.’ She shifted a hand to cup his face, kissing him gently. ‘It’s okay.’
‘I’m sorry, Jenny,’ he said, resting his forehead against hers.
‘Why?’ Her eyes widened as she processed what he was saying. ‘Oh, no, Shan, I mean it’s okay. I’m on birth control.’ She looked into his eyes, a smile pulling at her lips. He throbbed against her, still waiting. ‘And I trust you. Always.’
He cradled her face in his hands, kissing her nose, her cheek. ‘You sure, Jenny?’
‘Make me yours, Shannon,’ she said, repeating her earlier words.
His eyes darkened again, and he didn’t need a second invitation. He dove home, filling her all the way and distributing sweet sensations all through her body with every thrust pushing her closer and closer to the edge. Something shifted inside her, but she wasn’t ready to give it a name. They may have already broken most of their rules, but only one would really keep her from getting hurt.
No falling in love.
Too bad she’d broken that one, too.
Chapter 15
Jannette would be Shannon’s undoing. No doubt about it. The looks she shot his way. Her smile. The blush that crept onto her cheeks whenever she caught him looking at her. Her touch. The way she’d loved him on their wedding night …
And quite a few times after …
What they had wasn’t just sex. It was so much more. When he was with her like that, it felt like a perfect match. Like watching the most beautiful sunset he’d ever seen. And seeing the look on her face as he made love to her and hearing his name on her lips …
He was too far gone, and there’d be no saving him when she left.
They’d been married almost a month now and he’d never been happier in his life. She’d spent the nights they’d been together in his bed, and he’d woken up with her in his arms. He couldn’t think of anything better. Except maybe her spending every night in his bed. But he understood that what they were was a little unorthodox and she’d need her space. Clearly she wasn’t yet at the same point as he was, but he’d give her the space she needed. She’d get there. He hoped.
She hadn’t received any more mail from her stalker since the one about her leaving. He tried to forget about the fact that she’d stopped getting her mail redirected to the farm after changing her address for all the bills. Just because she hadn’t received anything more from her stalker didn’t mean it didn’t exist.
He glanced out at the horizon, scanning as far as the farm stretched—their farm, since they’d now officially bought it off Robbie. The paperwork was all signed, the first instalment of his inheritance had made its way into the bank, and the legalities were final. Tanner Station was theirs. Even if Jannette had insisted it be put solely in his name to make their separation easier, he still couldn’t bring himself to call it his. This farm belonged to Jannette as much as it did him. And the very idea of a separation was possibly the one thing he regretted the most. That, and not telling Jannette he had feelings for her before he’d left so many years ago. If he’d known then that it would be seventeen years before he’d see her again …
But they were just kids. He was eighteen, and she was fifteen. Too young to know true love. And young enough to think he had the whole world at his feet. He’d been foolish to think she’d still be at the farm when he got back. He should have known she’d want to leave as soon as she could. And perhaps the fact that he hadn’t told her he’d had feelings for her then was the best thing for her.
As he rode his horse along the fence line, checking for anything that needed fixing, he thought of the Jannette he’d married—now seventeen years older and still just as likely to want to leave as soon as she could. As soon as she was safe to do so. He pushed aside the thought that she belonged here. That she looked happier and more comfortable in the country where she could breathe. It was all just wishful thinking. Like he’d done so many years ago.
He caught a glimpse of his neighbour Kenny, who’d helped out a bit at the farm in one way or another since Robbie’s accident, and waved him over to the fence, catching a glimpse of a light blue wagon passing the end of the driveway. He frowned. Cars usually travelled faster along that road than it was going. It occurred to him that the car might have been parked behind the trees blocking his view from the road.
‘G’day, Shannon,’ Kenny said as he reached the fence line, pulling his horse to a stop. Shannon did the same.
Kenny was in his late sixties, his hair already greyed and his skin wrinkled and weather-worn. He’d been a farmer his whole life and had been a close friend of the Tanners. He was also old school enough to choose riding his old, just-as-weathered horse over getting a quad bike. That was just one of the reasons Shannon got along with him, he supposed.
‘Afternoon.’
Kenny nodded towards where Shannon had just seen the car. ‘Was wondering about that car, myself. Saw it sitting there behind the trees and thought they must have been lost. You know how it is.’ Shannon did. The road to Bridgetown was longer than most seemed to think, and they occasionally did come across someone who thought they were lost. ‘Started heading down there to check it out, then they took off.’
Shannon frowned, a weight settling in his stomach. ‘Did you get a look at the driver?’
Kenny shook his head. ‘Nah, mate. They took off before I could get close enough to see.’
Shannon let out a breath. He couldn’t tell why, but there was something unsettling about that car. Perhaps he was just paranoid. Jannette was his wife now, and he wanted to protect her. There was still so much unknown about her stalker situation, and she still had no idea who it could be. From what he’d told her, she’d found out that the banker she’d had a bad split with had since gotten together with someone else and seemed happy enough. It was unlikely to be him, which only left them with a bigger unknown.
Would they ever know?
What if their plan had worked and her being married had thrown off her stalker? Her stalker was hardly going to leave a note saying they were moving on and were glad she was happily married, were they? And what if …
What if they heard no more from her stalker and she left to go back to the city after a year, thinking she was safe, and it started up again? What then? How could Shannon protect her if she was there and he was here?
‘How’s married life treating you?’
Kenny’s question brought him back to the present just as Jannette pulled up at the house after ducking into town. She hadn’t said what she’d gone for, but he’d heard her mention something about making her mum’s chicken soup for dinner. His stomach rumbled in anticipation.
‘Like living in paradise.’ Or it would be, if it were a real marriage. ‘Looks like my beautiful wife is home, so I better head down.’ He tilted his hat towards Kenny. ‘Are you still okay to keep an eye on the farm on the weekend? We should be back from Sylvie’s in time for the evening work, but the calves will need a feed before then.’
‘Sure thing,’ Kenny said. ‘I’m happy to do it.’
‘Thanks, man,’ Shannon said, starting his ride back to the house before turning back to his neighbour. ‘Kenny, if you see that car again or anyone acting suspicious, can you let me know please?’
Kenny frowned at him, his request obviously confusing him. They were, after all, half an hour outside of the small town of Bridgetown. Any kind of suspicious activity was highly unlikely. Still. That car had Shannon unsettled, and it wasn’t a feeling he was hoping to grow accustomed to.
‘Sure, I’ll let you know,’ Kenny said slowly. ‘Enjoy your wife.’ Kenny shot him a wink and turned his horse away, heading back the way he’d come from.
Oh, he planned to. And maybe one day he could figure out a way to make her his wife for real.
***
Jannette stared down at the assortment she’d spread on her desk. Her diary where dates were clearly marked t
hat didn’t add up. The sheet of pills that she’d somehow lost her way on and had ended up on a different day. The three white sticks, each with two pink lines on it.
Shit.
She pressed her forehead into her palms, her elbows propped on the desk. How could she be pregnant? She pressed a finger to the inside of her upper arm and felt nothing but flesh and the small scar the incision had left. This was why she’d opted for that little birth-control bar the doctors inserted into her arm that meant she didn’t have to worry about taking pills or anything else for three years. Of course, she’d still made sure a condom was used any time she had slept with anyone—which wasn’t all that much. Except for Shannon.
She’d had the bar removed a couple months before coming back to the farm. Since she was looking at IVF anyway, she’d figured it would be better to be on the pill instead. Too bad she was terrible at remembering to take the bloody thing. She scanned the sheet of pills again, as if it might tell her at what stage she’d started forgetting to take them. She was up to a new sheet, which meant she’d had a week of the placebos—which she usually didn’t bother taking—and hadn’t started up again. A couple of weeks before the wedding.
Damn it.
She covered her mouth with her hands. She’d told Shannon she was on birth control—she’d honestly thought she had been. And if their wedding night hadn’t done it, any one of the many times they’d been together since could have.
She considered ducking back into town to get another packet of pregnancy tests—surely this was a faulty packet and were showing positives instead of negatives. But it would be pointless. Her forgetfulness with the pill and the fact that she was already a few weeks late were enough to show the tests were right.
She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. What was she going to do? Sure, Shannon had briefly mentioned about if she wanted a baby, he’d give one to her. But he’d meant—and clarified—that it would be through either IVF or adoption. He had at no stage said that he would be the biological father, or that he’d even want to be the father. Why would he, if they’d agreed to separate after being married for a year? Shannon would make a good father. She had no doubt about that. She’d seen how he acted around Sylvie’s kids. The twins. Jarrod. But whether he wanted to be one was a different matter.
And whether or not he wanted to have kids with her.
Her breaths quickened and she wiped her brow, beads of sweat forming despite the chill settling over her body. She could lie. She could say she’d gone ahead with IVF—he wouldn’t need to know that it was a much longer process than what she’d had time for. He wouldn’t need to know the child was his. And that might just give her enough time to figure out what to do.
But what if she ever came clean? Would he ever forgive her?
She placed a hand protectively over her stomach. She had to decide what was best for this child. And if she had to lie to Shannon, she’d have to lie to the child. But maybe lying about where the child came from was better than her child feeling like his father had abandoned him.
Him?
Was her child a boy? A mini-Shannon with his captivating green eyes and his country twang? Or would it be a girl who looked more like her, but maybe still with his green eyes and dark hair?
It didn’t matter which. A boy or a girl, Jannette would love that child with her whole being and do everything in her power to give him or her the life her child deserved. And it would mean that she’d always have a little piece of Shannon with her. And maybe that might make their separation easier.
She heard the front door open and Shannon call out for her. Panicking, she shoved all evidence into her desk drawer so he wouldn’t see. She’d dispose of it all later, but for now, she needed more time to figure out whether or not to tell him. There would still be a couple of months before she started to show. She didn’t have to tell him anything until then. But maybe he might notice some changes. Her breasts were already feeling tender and heavier and she was sure her stomach felt a little softer. She couldn’t risk him noticing her body changing before she’d decided what to do. What to say.
There was only one thing for it, she decided.
She had to put distance between them. She had to stop sleeping with him, avoid him touching her where she could. It might hurt since she’d already grown accustomed to his touch, his kisses. But she couldn’t risk it. She met him in the kitchen, the supplies already set up for her to start making her mum’s chicken soup—something she’d been craving a lot of the last few weeks. Now she knew why. He smiled at her, and while her heart melted, her stomach felt sick. How could she live with herself if she never told him he was going to be a father?
And what if she did, and he rejected both her and the child?
Either way, it seemed she was screwed.
Chapter 16
‘Xander! Jack, get that sword off him before he pokes someone’s eye out,’ Sylvie yelled over the noise, her husband nodding and yanking the hardened plastic from Xander’s hand and replacing it with a foam sword. She turned her focus back onto plating the party pies while Jannette made fairy bread. ‘Seriously, the whole pirate idea was all fun and games until Jack’s cousin decided to bring his collectables—and gave them to the twins to play with, too!’
Jannette smiled and let out a chuckle in agreeance. But inside, she was terrified. It seemed like every mother in town was here with their kids—thankfully Sylvie and Jack had a huge backyard—along with Jack’s extended family, who had a lot of kids among them too. Shannon and Jannette were the only ones on Sylvie’s side of the family who were there, but she didn’t seem bothered by it. Jannette supposed Sylvie and Jack had a huge support network—the largeness of the gathering for a four-year-old birthday party for the twin boys was evidence of that.
She bit into her lip, stopping herself before her hand landed on her belly, and reached for another slice of bread to butter and sprinkle it with hundreds and thousands instead. Jannette didn’t have a big family. Only Robbie. And she wasn’t sure how he would take the news of her being pregnant, even if she did go along with the IVF story. She’d always thought he might support her with her decision, but now she wasn’t so sure. Now, with Shannon in the picture, regardless of if she told people the child was his or not, she had a feeling Robbie might not be as supportive as she’d hoped.
Of course, she had Andie and Harley, but she didn’t want to rely on them when they already had so much on their plates. Andie and Tay were figuring out how to be married, for starters, and would probably one day have kids of their own, and Harley and Joey had their own wedding to plan. Jannette didn’t know anyone else. Not really. Sylvie was the only mother she knew who would know what to do in any situation where she’d need a mother’s point of view. She wondered if she’d still be able to ring Sylvie after she and Shannon separated. A heaviness settled within her. Probably not. She’d really made a mess of things, hadn’t she?
‘My suggestion,’ Sylvie continued, oblivious to the turmoil going on in Jannette’s head, ‘is to hold off on having kids. They’re great, yes, total blessings. But they will totally flip your life, Jannette. Enjoy your time with Shannon for a while before getting stuck into it.’ Sylvie nudged against Jannette’s shoulder, and Jannette pressed her lips into a thin line. ‘Our body clocks last a lot longer than they’re made out to, trust me.’
Now would probably be a good time to tell Sylvie her advice was irrelevant, but considering she hadn’t even breathed a word of it to Shannon, she could hardly tell his sister. ‘Good to know,’ she said instead, lifting the full plate of fairy bread and dodging kids as she made her way to the table outside.
She put the plate on the table and scanned the crowd around her. She recognised a few people she’d grown up with, though she’d never been the popular kid in school. The chances they’d remember her now were probably slim. She continued looking around and her gaze landed on a tall, strong cowboy on the jumping castle that looked like a pirate ship, his four-year-old nephews and their f
riends cornering him with their foam swords. Her heart expanded in her chest as she watched him interact with the children.
As if sensing that she was watching, he looked up, his gaze connecting with hers across the crowd. And he smiled that gorgeous dimpled smile that undid her. She felt the sharp intake of breath, the ache in her chest. The wanting. And she absentmindedly placed a hand on her belly. How the hell could she survive the next year knowing her heart would only be broken at the end of it?
***
Shannon felt his gaze on her before he saw her, but he knew exactly where to look. There she stood in her white floral loose-fitting sundress, her hair pinned to one side, looking sexy as hell. His wife. He couldn’t help but smile as he pushed aside the reminder that she’d turned down each of his advances that week. She’d claimed it was that time of the month, but he couldn’t help but feel like she was pushing him away.
Maybe he needed to give her space again.
After all, the addition of sex into their fake relationship only made things complicated. But he couldn’t help but want more of her. She was an attractive woman, and he felt things for her he’d never felt with anyone else before. He noticed her hand drift to her stomach and the look on her face grew pained. Was she having cramps? Growing up with Sylvie meant he wasn’t entirely ignorant of a woman’s body, and Sylvie had been one who got really bad cramps. He made a mental note to ask Jannette what he could do to help ease her pain. What was it Sylvie had used? A hot-water bottle? Chocolate? Maybe she’d rather just be left alone.
A handful of foam swords swatted at his side and he refocused on the situation at hand as a small army of little people came at him. He clutched his chest, putting on his best performance in the hope that it might make Jannette smile, groaned, and threw himself into the middle of the jumping castle, each of the kids losing their balance as he did and climbing on top of him triumphantly. Their laughter triggered his own as he caught his nephews and wrestled them. By the time he fought off the kids and pulled himself up enough to look over at the table again, she was gone.
