“Of course I do, Prair,” Em purred. “When are you coming home for a visit? It’s been so long. You said you’d—”
“Maybe next month, babe. I don’t know right offhand, honey. I… I’m trying to do whatever is necessary to get myself to The Show, and…”
“The Show? Remind me what that is,” Em said, puzzled.
“The majors. I love the team I’m working with now, but it’s the minors. The Show is the ultimate goal, so…” Prairie wanted to avoid what her plans actually were, knowing Em would be upset when she found out Prairie would not be coming home when she said she would. In fact, Prairie’s plan was to skip going home altogether during the off-season so she could work with athletes privately.
“So?”
“Honey, I don’t want to talk about work right now.” With the tension over Fiona, Prairie thought she’d wait for a better, less volatile time to break the news to Em. “I’m on my lunch break. I want to talk about you, what you’ve been doing, us…” Prairie began to feel sad, truly missing Em. “I miss us.”
“Awww… me, too. It’s so lonely without you, Prair.” Em fought the tears that began to well. “I’m starting to forget…”
Prairie slumped. She knew exactly what Em meant. She was forgetting, too. She missed being with Em, making love with her, listening to her sleep, showering with her, cooking with her… and the longer she was away, the more difficult it became to revive those precious memories.
They talked for nearly an hour, longer than they’d spoken at one time in months. By the time the phone call ended, Em was on fire for Prairie. The longing was so intense, Em could hardly think about anything else but wanting Prairie.
~/~/~/~/~
After a long shower, Em stood outside Fiona’s door in her bathrobe, hoping to hear some proof of life, but still there was nothing. Frustrated, Em went back to her room. Distracted by her phone call with Prairie, and out of habit, Em left her bedroom door slightly ajar. It was nine o’clock. She sighed and laid down on her bed and curled up in a ball on her side, thinking about her phone call with Prairie. She closed her eyes and thought of Prairie’s voice. Em smiled. She loved it when Prairie wooed her. Em started thinking about making love with Prairie, how good it was, how she missed Prairie’s deft touch. A tear slipped off Em’s cheek and onto the bed.
Driven by her intense need for Prairie, Em began to touch herself, imagining it was Prairie who was touching her. It had been weeks since Em had allowed herself to even think of being sexual—it just made her feel even more lonely. She moaned softly as images of Prairie making love to her loomed in her mind.
~/~/~/~/~
Dressed in her silky pajamas, Fiona exited her room quietly, not knowing Em’s schedule and whether or not she was up. She made a stop at the bathroom, where it was obvious by the moisture in the air that Em had recently showered. Fiona padded softly down the hallway out to the living room, expecting to find Em. When saw Em wasn’t there, Fiona sat down, thinking she’d enjoy the beautifully decorated room for a while until Em popped up. Fiona sat down, sinking into the soft cushion on the chair. Taking in the details of the room, she noticed Em’s door was open just slightly.
“Ah!” she said softly. Fiona started to push herself out of the chair with the intent of seeing if Em was awake when a peculiar sound came from Em’s room. Fiona stopped midway out of the chair and cocked her head to listen more carefully. She gasped softly at the sound of Em moaning.
“What the bloody hell,” Fiona mouthed to herself and quietly lowered herself back down into the chair.
Should she go back to her room and wait for Em to finish whatever it was she was doing, Fiona wondered, or should she stay? Before she could decide, the sounds from Em’s room became more excited, which, in turn, quickly began to excite Fiona. It had been a long, long time since she’d been with a woman—since Prairie, in fact—and Em’s moaning was creating some crazy warmth down there. The moaning was rhythmic and becoming more intense. Fiona was about to pass out from holding her breath. She was so afraid if she didn’t hold her breath, she would start moaning right along with Em. She subconsciously began to undulate her hips slightly in the chair, keeping time with Em’s moans.
It became quite obvious Em was about to climax. Close to the edge herself, Fiona did everything she could to wait for Em. It was instinct more than anything to want to reach her impending orgasm when Em reached hers. She didn’t know how long she could hold back, but didn’t have to wonder for long. Em’s muffled cry, signaling a big finish, caused Fiona’s own body to shudder as she gritted her teeth to keep from making a sound. It was explosive, and lasting, sending waves of warmth to every inch of Fiona’s body as she gripped the arms of the chair. Fiona was convinced she saw stars. When it was over, she slumped in the chair.
Amazed at what had just happened, Fiona stifled a laugh, thinking it was the most ridiculously funny thing she’d ever experienced—until she heard the distinct sounds of sobbing coming from Em’s room.
25.4—The Unspeakable
Instinctively, without a second thought, Fiona jumped up and rushed into Em’s room, only to find her on the bed, curled into a fetal position, weeping.
“Oh no, what is it, love?” Fiona asked as she sat on the edge of the bed.
Startled by Fiona’s sudden appearance, Em gasped and recoiled from Fiona.
“Oh god,” Fiona quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, Em. I didn’t mean to… I heard you…”
Em’s eyes opened wide.
“Crying…” Fiona put her hand on Em’s shoulder to comfort her. “I was looking for you…”
“I’m sorry,” Em cried, trying desperately to pull it together. “I just…”
“You’re missing her,” Fiona gently stated more than asked.
“Yes.” Em wept, unable to control the emotions that had been released.
“Of course, you are, love. Come here,” Fiona pulled Em up into her arms. Instinctively, Em clung to her, crying uncontrollably as Fiona rocked her. “There, there. Let it out, it’s okay,” Fiona soothed in her English-ish accent. “You miss your lover. It’s understandable. It’s not normal to be apart from the one you love for so long, is it? It’s quite unnatural I expect.”
“It’s just… we talked this morning and… we haven’t talked like that for so long…” Em felt so comforted by Fiona, rocked in her arms. She hated to admit it, but she was starved for human touch.
“Sometimes I’m not even sure we should be together anymore,” Em continued, “but then…”
“I know. I know, love,” Fiona soothed. “It’s not easy to… navigate the ups and downs of a relationship from so far away. The telephone just doesn’t cut it sometimes.”
“No,” Em agreed, sadly. “It doesn’t.”
Fiona continued to hold Em, stroking her, listening to her, all the while wondering how Prairie could ever leave Em behind, and for so long. What the bloody hell was wrong with Prairie? Mad cow.
Em’s crying began to subside, prompting Fiona to pull back from her slightly. She pushed Em’s hair away from her face. “All right?” Fiona soothed. “There. I always feel loads better after a good howl.”
Somewhat embarrassed, Em nodded her head as she wiped her face on the sleeve of her robe. “A little… I guess. I’m just so… embarrassed…”
“Bollocks!” Fiona interrupted. “We’re mates, right? That’s what mates are for.” Fiona pulled away to look at Em, smiling, quickly regretting the obvious mistake. Their eyes met, but neither looked away. Em’s eyes were a bright and brilliant green, incredibly vibrant, made so by her tears. There was a vulnerability in them that shook Fiona to her core. She tried to pull away, but Em pulled her back. Em was hungry, and at that moment, all she wanted was Fiona.
Fiona cocked her head, momentarily puzzled. She studied Em’s face. It was filled with yearning. At that moment, Fiona experienced something she never had before in her life. Love. She leaned in and softly kissed Em on the lips, somewhat surprised when Em kissed
her back.
“Em…” Fiona whispered, “Prairie…”
“I know,” Em said as she pulled Fiona in to her. “She’s… not here.”
~/~/~/~/~
The entire day, Em and Fiona stayed in bed, making love, talking, sleeping, and making love again. They talked about everything. Everything but Alice and Prairie. Their lovemaking was sweet, slow and poignant as they got to know each other physically. They slept as one enjoined unit until they awoke, hungrily craving each other. Em was happy for the first time since Prairie left. Fiona had never felt so at one with another human being in her entire life, so much so it almost hurt. There was an electric, undeniable undercurrent they both felt, pulling at them, weighing them down, anchoring them to the earth and to each other.
~/~/~/~/~
Em had been watching Fiona sleep for over two hours. Fiona’s hands were tucked under her chin, and her long hair fell gently across her face. The sheet barely covered Fiona’s torso, leaving her beautiful, perfect breasts exposed. Her skin was smooth and pale, but not in an unhealthy way, with small, light orange-ish freckles sprinkled all over her body. There was a subtle voluptuousness about Fiona’s body, and a sensuousness about her generally, that drove Em wild with desire. She wanted Fiona’s body on hers, touching her, kissing her everywhere. She wanted everything Fiona had to give—and more. Whatever Fiona wanted from her, Em willingly gave. Em ached with intense longing that was mixed with a deep, unrelenting, sadness.
As she watched Fiona, who slumbered so peacefully with a slight smile on her lips, Em thought about her life, alone and with Prairie. She knew, without a single doubt, it was over with Prairie. If it wasn’t, what she and Fiona had experienced over the past day would never have happened. Of that, there was no doubt. Em was loyal, and she wasn’t a cheater, but what Prairie asked of her was unnatural. Fiona was right about that. For months, Em had felt abandoned, left alone in Prairie’s house, and kept as some cast aside mistress. The more Em dwelled on it, the more unseemly it all became.
Em knew Prairie had good intentions and felt guilty about leaving her behind, which is why she paid for everything, but Em also knew she should have never allowed herself to be put in such a dead-end and dependent situation. Each and every day, Em felt the slow but steady erosion of her independence, and it was destroying her. In the process, it often caused her to contemplate her life with Prairie. She loved Prairie, she knew that for sure; but in what way, she wasn’t sure at all. The longer Prairie was away, the more Em wondered if Prairie had never been her physical therapist would they ever gotten together as a couple? It was a legitimate question that Em eventually answered with a regretful, maybe… possibly… but probably not.
Em also knew any future with Fiona was doomed from the start. They had tremendous chemistry, incredible chemistry, and had become great friends—soulmates—in the matter of just two days. Em felt certain Fiona was the kind of friend and lover she could easily have for life. But in her heart, she knew they could never be together because of Prairie. In whatever way it was, Em still loved Prairie, and was grateful to Prairie for changing her life, and for bringing her back to life. Em knew, with certainty, it would destroy Prairie if Em left her for Fiona. So she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Em would leave Prairie for herself, and hoped Fiona would accept her decision. More than that, she hoped she herself could survive her own resolve.
~/~/~/~/~
“Good morning,” Em purred, smiling at Fiona who had just opened her eyes. She kissed Fiona on the forehead, letting her lips linger, feeling Fiona’s skin on her mouth.
“Mmmm…” Fiona murmured, half-asleep.
“I’ve been watching you,” Em said sexily.
“You have, have you?”
“Mmmmhmmm. You are incredibly beautiful when you sleep.” Em kissed Fiona on her eyebrows.
“Just when I sleep?” Fiona protested playfully, fully awake.
“No, no. Just precious beautiful while you sleep.” Em continued giving Fiona little kisses on her face.
“Awww… aren’t you lovely. Come here, beauty,” Fiona pulled Em to her, kissing her on the mouth, moaning with pleasure as their tongues met.
Em returned Fiona’s kiss deeply, feeling the warmth immediately ignite her groin. She moaned with resignation. They could talk about Prairie and the future later.
26.5—Good-bye 'Us'
“I’ve never been to the California ocean before,” Fiona admitted. She snapped a photo with her Nikon camera. “It’s quite something, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is,” Em agreed. She stood away from Fiona, watching her photograph the ocean and people along the beach. The ocean breeze blew Fiona’s long hair around her face, though she was oblivious to it, preoccupied with taking photos. As Em observed Fiona doing what she loved most, her heart was breaking. She couldn’t believe she had fallen in love with Fiona so quickly, so completely that she felt herself spinning out of control. She could tell the way Fiona looked at her, touched her, talked to her, that she was in love with Em as well. Em took a deep, aching breath. What had they done?
Fiona turned her camera to Em and took several photos. She stopped momentarily and looked at Em, her own heart breaking. “You know, you’re brilliant. Really,” she said, moved deeply by Em’s beauty and the love she had for Fiona. It was obvious in how Em looked at her. Fiona took a few more shots, weeping inside, thinking it would soon be over and all she’d have were photographs to remind her of the love of her life.
Embarrassed, Em protested, “Stop, Fi. You’re making me…” Color began to rise from Em’s chest. She wanted to disappear whenever people talked about her alleged beauty, especially Fiona. She’d always been self-conscious about how she looked, even before the accident. Her mother was beautiful. Em was just… something else. After the accident and the scars it left on her face and her leg, Em often felt ugly, damaged. To Fiona, though, Em was a whole, undamaged person. At least that’s how she made Em feel. Whenever Fiona looked at her so intently, it was if she blew past the physical and right into Em’s heart and soul, leaving Em with mixed emotions. Normally, she didn’t want to feel so vulnerable, so known, but with Fiona, somehow she almost didn’t mind.
“All right, okay. I’ll stop saying it,” Fiona offered regretfully, “but… I won’t ever stop thinking it,” she said with complete seriousness, then quickly winked at Em, smiling broadly, trying her best not to be sad. “Come on, then, love,” she said, holding out her hand to Em. “Let’s go find some more iconic landmarks for this cheeky tourist to snap.”
~/~/~/~/~
Music played softly on the stereo. Ambient lighting and burning candles created a cozy, romantic feel in the living room where Em and Fiona sat on the sofa, intimately entwined. Matching teacups sat on the glass coffee table, half full. They’d been talking for well over an hour, telling each other even more things about themselves, their lives, their dreams, their fears, that neither had ever shared with anyone else, devouring each other with their eyes as they did. They talked about everything and anything—about all but the big giant elephant in the room. Prairie’s room.
“Fi,” Em said, looking at Fiona’s hand in hers. “We need to talk about…”
“I know,” Fiona interrupted. “Us.”
“Well, actually…” Em drew a deep breath. “Prairie.”
“Of course, Prairie. And us.”
“Is there an us?” Em asked, unsure, scared, certain.
“Well, um…” Fiona had been thinking about the unprecedented romance brewing between herself and Em all day, and she regretted it had to end and why. She’d struggled with the reality of who she was and what she wanted. She didn’t want to hurt Prairie again, and she absolutely didn’t want to hurt Em in the end, which she was certain she would do. Better to hurt her in the beginning, she supposed with deep regret. “Yes, actually, there is. Don’t you think?”
Em cleared her throat as she summoned the courage to say what she dreaded saying. “I do… definitely, but… It doesn�
�t matter, Fiona,” Em said, deciding to just come out with it. She took a deep breath and let it out quickly. “I’ve decided to break things off with Prairie,” she said with sadness in her voice. “It’s over.”
“Love, don’t do that on my, our… account…” Fiona urged.
“No, no, Fi. It’s… It’s not about us, the breaking up I mean. It’s been over. It’s about Prairie, and me, and how you and I would never have happened if…” Em stopped and exhaled slowly.
“If you two were still good.” Fiona understood all too well.
Em nodded. But there was more.
“And we… Fi… we…” Em was dying inside. “We shouldn’t do this,” she said, indicating the intimacy they shared even just sitting together as they were. “I… It’s not fair to Prairie.”
Fiona’s nod was almost imperceptible. “Yes,” Fiona agreed with sadness in her voice. She couldn’t believe Em beat her to it, but was profoundly relieved. Fiona couldn’t bear hurting her anymore than she was already hurting.
“And…” Em didn’t know if she could say it out loud, but she had to in order to be certain. “Prairie… can never know about this. Us. Ever.”
“Okay…”
“I still love her, Fi. I probably always will in some way. Even though things haven’t been good between us since she left,” Em choked up for a moment. “She deserves…”
“Respect.”
“Yes.” Em looked at Fiona, into her eyes and said with sincerity. “Fi, I… don’t regret this… at all. Being with you has been… so… beautiful. Amazing. So… right. Nothing I’ve ever…” Em drew a breath in slowly. “What I do regret is that I was too afraid, complacent… whatever, I didn’t do what should have been done months ago. And the thing is… the tragedy of it all is…” Em looked at Fiona, into her soft, sexy, brown eyes, so comfortable with her, as if they had been lovers and friends their entire lives. “I love you, Fiona. I mean…” Em exhaled quickly. “I’ve fallen in love with you. So completely.” She was surprised at how easy it was to tell Fiona how she felt, because sharing her emotions had never been easy for Em.
Prairie Fire Page 36
