Abby, Tried and True

by Donna Gephart

  When the elevator door opened on the fifth floor, Abby saw more bright colors and a circular desk, with people in medical scrubs and lots of computers and other machines. It smelled clean, with an underlying whiff of medicine.

  As they walked to the desk, Abby peeked into one of the patient’s rooms and immediately wished she hadn’t. There was a lump curled under a white sheet. The lump was hooked up to some kind of machine that had a plastic bag of fluid hanging from it. The lump—pale and frail—barely looked like a person.

  Abby turned away from the sight, hoping her brother didn’t end up looking like that.

  “Welcome, Paul,” said a woman with tight blond curls and blue scrubs with baby elephants on them. “I’m Nicole. I’ll be your nurse today. Let’s get you settled into your room.”

  She must’ve noticed Paul staring at her scrubs. “Oh, don’t mind these,” she said. “Most of my patients are younger than you.”

  There were a lot of little kids in beds in the rooms they passed.

  “Is this floor supposed to be only for little kids?” Paul asked Nurse Nicole.

  “Oh no. We just have a lot of little ones on the floor right now, but it’s also for teenagers like you.”

  Abby looked into another room they passed, and a bald boy was lying in bed, watching TV. Her stomach tightened, thinking about what Paul would look like bald. Her brother had such nice, thick hair. Maybe it wouldn’t fall out. Maybe Paul would get through treatments without many side effects.

  “We have an awesome teen lounge at the end of the hall,” Nurse Nicole said. “It’s got video games, a library, a table to play games, and a music station with instruments, like guitars, a keyboard, and a banjo.”

  Paul and the moms looked at one another.

  Abby gave Paul a discreet fist bump, as though having a banjo in the teen lounge would make up for Paul having to be hospitalized.

  Everything in Paul’s room was white. White sheets. White walls. But there were decorations, too. A painting of a person holding a couple dozen colorful balloons. It looked like he was floating. There was a TV hanging near the ceiling and a bathroom and a window that looked out onto the parking lot.

  “This is it,” Nurse Nicole said. “Did you bring your own pajamas, Paul?”

  He shook his head.

  Nurse Nicole went into the closet and pulled out a blue gown. “You can go into the bathroom and put this on, but you’re welcome to bring your own pajamas. That’s what most of the kids do. Makes them feel more comfortable.”

  Abby had a feeling Mom Rachel would be buying Paul funny pajamas to cheer him up.

  “Get settled,” Nurse Nicole said. “I’ll be back to put on your medical bracelet and hook you up so we can get some fluids in you. And please don’t hesitate to ask me anything. I’m probably more accurate than Google, and I’ll bring you ice cream if you play your cards right.”

  Abby remembered the playing cards she had brought and put them on the table near Paul’s bed.

  “Thanks, Six-Pack,” Paul said, and then he went into the bathroom to change.

  “Not so bad.” Mama Dee looked around the room.

  “I guess,” Mom Rachel said. “There are a lot of little kids here. It’s sad.”

  “So sad.” Mama Dee smoothed the white blanket on Paul’s bed. “Maybe I could bring some cupcakes for them, if the nurses say it’s okay.”

  Mom Rachel grabbed Mama Dee’s hand and leaned her head on her shoulder. “That would be nice, babe. The exploding unicorn ones.”

  “Of course.”

  “And a chocolate ganache with peanut butter frosting for Paulie.”

  Mama Dee sniffed.

  Paul came out of the bathroom wearing the flimsy blue gown and a pair of not-exactly-clean socks. He climbed onto the bed. “Here we go.”

  They watched a half-hour TV show before Nurse Nicole came back and attached a plastic bracelet to his wrist with his name, birth date, and medical information on it.

  Abby watched the nurse put a long needle into a vein in Paul’s wrist.

  “Does it hurt?” Abby whispered to her brother.

  Mom Rachel touched Abby’s arm and put a finger to her lips to tell her to be quiet.

  She never told Abby to be quiet before. She usually told her to speak up.

  Sorry, Abby mouthed.

  “It doesn’t hurt, Six-Pack,” Paul said.

  Nurse Nicole turned. “Who’s Six-Pack?”

  Abby’s cheeks warmed as she tentatively raised her hand.

  “That’s an interesting nickname,” Nurse Nicole said as she checked labels and hooked things up.

  “She’s an interesting person.” Paul winked at Abby.

  Abby sat back in the chair in the corner, glad she was there. Paul, who plays the banjo, tells jokes, and does great in school, thinks I’m an interesting person. I write poetry. I’m crocheting an endless afghan. I have a friend in Israel and a turtle named Fudge. I guess I am interesting.

  “Okay, we’ll get some fluids in you first, and then I’ll be back to hook up your chemotherapy.”

  They waited an hour and a half until Nurse Nicole came back with the chemotherapy in bags she would hang on Paul’s IV pole. The liquid chemo in those bags would drip, drip, drip into the tube that went into Paul’s vein.

  “You ready for this?” Nurse Nicole asked as she hung the first bag of chemo.

  “Absolutely not,” Paul answered.

  “That sounds about right,” Nurse Nicole said. “I don’t know anyone who is. We’re here to help you through all of it.”

  Paul nodded.

  Abby imagined the medicine storming into Paul’s body and fiercely battling the cancer cells. After a few minutes, Abby looked at Paul’s hair to see if any of it had fallen out, and she wondered when he might throw up, because she knew those were two common side effects from chemotherapy.

  But what actually happened while they sat there was… nothing.

  Paul sat in the bed. Chemotherapy dripped into his arm. Abby and her moms talked and watched TV with Paul and checked their phones.

  “Ready to go, Abs?” Mama Dee asked. “I’ve got to get to the shop.”

  “Uh, I guess.” Abby wasn’t ready. She wanted to stay with her brother, but she’d promised when Mama Dee was ready to leave, she’d head back to school without an argument. Abby looked at the playing cards, untouched, on Paul’s table. She should have brought something different, something that would have taken Paul’s mind off what was happening. Maybe she could think of something else to bring him when she visited him later.

  Mama Dee kissed Mom Rachel on the cheek. “Need anything before we go?”

  She shook her head.

  “We’ll be back by dinnertime.” She leaned over, being careful of the IV pole, and kissed Paul on the forehead. “Love you so much.”

  “Love you too, Mama Dee.”

  Abby thought Paul looked so vulnerable on the white sheets in a skimpy blue hospital gown with his hairy legs protruding. She wanted to stay with him the whole time he was in the hospital, but she knew that would never fly with her moms. She’d overheard them discussing how worried they were about the schoolwork Paul would miss because of this. They’d never let her miss more school.

  After making their way out of the hospital and back to the car, Mama Dee drove Abby to school and checked her in at the front office.

  She’d missed only two classes.

  * * *

  Other than a boy yelling, “Watch it!” when he accidentally bumped into Abby in the crowded hall between classes, no one spoke to Abby all day. Not a teacher. Not another student. Not even the school custodian, Ms. James.

  For a moment, Abby wondered if she was invisible. If maybe she was still back at the hospital and only thought she was at school.

  “Abby!” It felt good to hear Conrad call her name from his spot by the fence after school.

  She rushed over. “Hi, Conrad.”

  They fell into an easy stride walking together toward
home. “How did it go at the hospital this morning?” Conrad asked while they waited for the crossing guard to give them the signal to cross.

  As they stepped into the street, Abby shifted her backpack. “It was weird.”

  “Weird how?”

  Abby stopped on the other side of the street in front of a bench. “Once Paul started getting the chemotherapy, nothing happened.”

  Conrad nodded and started walking again. “With my uncle, the changes didn’t happen right away. It was two weeks after his first treatment that his hair fell out.”

  “Oh.”

  “And I hate to tell you this, but he actually got sicker the more treatments he had.”

  “Oh,” Abby said again.

  “Want to come over? I baked cookies last night.”

  Abby’s heart skipped a beat. She’d been so worried about Paul, she hadn’t thought as much about Conrad as usual. About how she felt when she was near him—tingly. She almost blurted a quick Yes! but then remembered something. “I can’t.”

  Conrad nodded.

  “No,” she said. “I want to, but I promised I’d walk and feed Miss Lucy, then head right over to my mom’s shop in town. We’re going back to visit Paul at the hospital so Mom Rachel can go home for a while.”

  “Yeah.” Conrad’s shoulders slumped. “Makes sense.”

  “Or…” Abby held up a finger.

  Conrad looked at her, hopeful.

  “You could walk me into town, I mean, if you’re not too busy with homework and—”

  “Yes. I’ll walk you into town. I can do homework later.”

  Abby nodded, feeling a lot better than she thought she would on her brother’s first day of chemotherapy. Paul seemed okay when she’d left the hospital, and Conrad wanted to walk her into town. Even if hardly anyone talked to her at school today, it wasn’t the lousy day she’d expected. Maybe Paul would be one of those rare people she’d read about on the Internet who got hardly any side effects from chemotherapy. And life could get back to normal as soon as he finished his treatments.

  * * *

  At Dee’s Delights, Mama Dee looked frazzled. Her short hair was pressed against her sweaty forehead under her toque—the chef’s hat she always wore at work. “Hi, guys,” she said as Abby and Conrad walked in. “I’m not quite done yet. Mind hanging out for another half hour to an hour, and then we’ll get going, Abby?”

  “Sure.”

  Conrad tapped Abby on the shoulder. “Want to go over to Perk Up?”

  Abby looked at Mama Dee, who nodded, then handed Abby a ten-dollar bill. “I’ll be ready to go to the hospital when you get back.”

  The word “hospital” made Abby’s stomach lurch. She hoped Paul was doing as well as when she’d left him.

  At Perk Up, Conrad held the door open for Abby and for a woman walking in with a baby in a stroller.

  The place smelled wonderful—freshly brewed coffee and newly baked muffins.

  Abby ordered hot chocolate and a blueberry muffin. When she took out the ten-dollar bill from Mama Dee to pay, Conrad gently pushed her hand away. “I’ve got this.”

  Abby put the money back in her wallet, feeling like this might be a date. Her first date. With an eighth grader! “Thanks, Conrad.”

  Sitting at the table, they clinked their mugs, and Abby immediately burned the tip of her tongue with her first sip.

  “So, I was thinking….” Conrad had not lifted his mug to his lips.

  She wrapped her fingers around the warm mug, determined not to take another sip until it cooled off.

  “Would you want to…?” Conrad glanced out the window, then back to Abby. “Go out somewhere together?”

  “We are out somewhere together.” Abby regretted those words the moment they left her mouth.

  Conrad looked down.

  “I mean, YES!” Abby blurted.

  “Really?” He looked up, hopeful.

  Abby nodded.

  Conrad leaned forward. “Okay, I was thinking instead of doing something ordinary, we could create… I don’t know…” He leaned in even closer and said the next part quietly. “The perfect date.”

  Abby’s heart hammered so hard, she thought it would burst through the wall of her chest. She couldn’t wait to tell Cat!

  “What do you think?” he asked.

  Abby nodded again, even harder. Then she took another sip of hot chocolate and burned her tongue again. But at this point, she didn’t care.

  Conrad put his palms on the table. “And even though it’s really far away, I think we should make our perfect date on Valentine’s Day.”

  Abby’s heart did three somersaults and a cartwheel. She’d never done anything with a boy on Valentine’s Day before, even though Cat kissed a boy last Valentine’s Day and Abby had wished something special had happened to her, too.

  “Okay, we should start planning,” Conrad said. “It’ll be fun.”

  “Planning,” Abby managed. “Fun.”

  Conrad laughed, and Abby spent the rest of the hour floating on a cloud of happiness. Even the burnt tip of her tongue couldn’t dissipate her joy because by the time they’d walked back to Dee’s Delights, Conrad and Abby had planned the perfect Valentine’s Day date.

  All they still needed to do was find someone to drive them there.

  And wait.

  * * *

  That evening at the hospital, Paul looked the same as he did in the morning—sitting up in bed, wearing the thin blue gown with the chemo drip hooked up to an IV in a vein in his wrist. Except now his small room was filled with people—Ethan, who was inexplicably wearing a hat that looked like a chicken; Bubbe Marcia and Zeyde Jordan, who were not wearing any headgear at all; the moms and Abby; and Paul, who was playing a banjo for everyone. It wasn’t his banjo from home, so it must have been the one from the teen room the nurse had mentioned.

  Abby couldn’t believe that being in the hospital getting chemotherapy could be fun. Leave it to Paul to figure out how to make that happen. Between Abby planning a perfect Valentine’s Day date with Conrad and Paul being in such good spirits, Abby was bubbling with joy.

  “Any requests?” Paul asked.

  Zeyde put his hands around his mouth and called, “Can you play over the hills and far away?”

  Bubbe Marcia nudged him. “Jordan!”

  “What? I thought it was funny.”

  “It was funny, Zeyde.” Paul plucked a tune, and Zeyde clapped along.

  Everyone joined in the clapping, and Mama Dee tapped her toes to the music.

  Nurse Nicole walked in, and up went her arms. “Didn’t know we were having a party in here!”

  Paul stopped playing.

  Everyone got quiet.

  Abby bit her bottom lip. She didn’t want her brother to get in trouble; things were already hard for him. Abby wished she hadn’t contributed to all the noise by clapping so loudly.

  “We love parties!” Nurse Nicole shouted. “Carry on, awesome people! I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

  “I’m sure as heck not going anywhere.” Paul held up his arm with the IV taped to it.

  A few people laughed.

  Then Paul went back to plucking the banjo.

  Nurse Nicole returned a little while later with small cups of vanilla ice cream on a tray and little wooden spoons wrapped in paper for everyone. “Can’t have a party without ice cream. Am I right?”

  Abby decided she was absolutely right. Also, it had to be a good sign that she’d brought Abby’s favorite flavor—vanilla.

  Eventually, everyone left the hospital room except Abby and her moms.

  Mom Rachel stood by the bed and held Paul’s hand. “I hate to leave you, sweetheart.”

  “Mom,” Paul said. “You were here all day. You said you were going home when Mama Dee came, and here you still are.”

  “I know.” She wiped at the corners of her eyes.

  “I’m in good hands,” Paul said. “Nurse Nicole will take care of me.”

  “She
will.” Mom Rachel let go of Paul’s hand. “I’ll be back early tomorrow.”

  “It’s okay, Mom.”

  Mama Dee grabbed Mom Rachel around the shoulders and led her out, turning her head to throw Paul an air-kiss.

  Abby went to her brother’s side. “Can I give you a hug?”

  “You’d better,” Paul said.

  The bed rail was in the way, but Abby reached over and hugged her brother, feeling his warm cheek against hers. “Love you, Paul.”

  “Love you, Six-Pack.”

  She gave one last wave, then ran to catch up with her moms, feeling lucky she got to leave the hospital and go home. Abby felt sad Paul had to stay in there.

  * * *

  When Abby and her moms got home, there was a small brown bag taped to their front door—freshly baked cookies from Conrad.

  “I do believe that boy is sweet on you,” Mama Dee said. “Give me one of those cookies so I can see if he’s a good enough baker to spend time with our girl. Also, I’m hungry.”

  Mom Rachel laughed and handed Mama Dee a cookie.

  They watched Mama Dee take a bite. “Mm-hmm. Crunch on the outside and soft on the inside. Not too sweet. A rich chocolately flavor. That boy passes.”

  Mom Rachel and Abby each grabbed a cookie as they walked in and were greeted by a very excited Miss Lucy, who didn’t quite make it outside and peed on the floor.

  “I’ll clean it up,” Mama Dee said.

  “And I’ll take her out.” Abby hooked a leash onto Miss Lucy’s harness.

  “Thanks so much, you two,” Mom Rachel said. “I’m thoroughly exhausted.”

  Abby didn’t mention she was hoping to see Conrad while outside.

  Conrad wasn’t out there, but the mildly sweet taste of the cookie he’d baked lingered on her tongue.

  * * *

  The next evening, the visit to Paul’s hospital room was different.

  There was no party atmosphere, just Abby’s brother lying in bed, looking pale, with a full tray of food pushed to the side.

  Mama Dee and Abby were the only visitors in Paul’s room. They’d come to relieve Mom Rachel, who’d been there all day. Abby thought Mom Rachel looked tired. And her breath smelled funky when she kissed Abby on the cheek.