“Oh wow!” Jess sniffs, wipes her tears—happy tears. “So the necklace finally brought them back together!”
“Yes, I suppose it did,” says her dad. “He certainly became a fixture after that. He and Anna were inseparable.”
“Do you have more stories?”
“Plenty.”
“Then maybe we should talk more,” she says.
“Yes,” says her dad kindly, “maybe we should.”
“I’d like that.”
“Me too. Perhaps…in a few weeks you could come over, you and Aggie, come for lunch. See the twins. And Eileen, she’d love to see you. She’s always asking.”
“Yes,” says Jess.
“And bring…Whatshisname?”
“Tim.”
“That’s it, Tim.”
“Did you like him? You know we’re moving in together—”
“Yeah. He told me. Yeah, he was…really pleasant. But I kind of liked that other fellow, the bounder with the kiss. Now that one had something about him.”
Jess sighs, throws her face to the sky.
“Oh, please. Not you as well.”
“The thing is, Jessy, I learned the hard way. I ignored my heart and followed my head. And in doing that, I messed up the thing that mattered most. Your mother was the love of my life. Eileen, she’s a worthy second, but your mum was the one. And I blew it with her because I was so fussed about saving money and being sensible and keeping control. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Listen to your heart, girl. Go and have fun while you can. Life’s too short.” He pauses, then adds, “Do you know what your mum would have said?”
“What?”
“Trust the necklace.”
Chapter Twenty
Tim is alone in his classroom, surrounded by textbooks and papers, timetabling staff for the forthcoming school year. He sees Jess approach and smiles.
“A lunchtime surprise! To what do I owe this pleasure?”
But immediately he senses something’s different.
There is apprehension in her face, a tightness in her brow. She is wearing that old-fashioned butterfly necklace again and, somehow, the fact of this feels significant. He clicks the lid on his pen, lays it in front of him. The corridors echo. The late August sun shines through the skylights, casting shadows on the freshly polished rubber floor. In a week it will be covered in scuffs as the pupils of Baxter Academy return to drag their chairs and trample each other’s rucksacks. There is something about a school when it’s empty, he thinks, that feels so…expectant. He smiles again, and it wallops him in the chest, the sense of what’s coming, what he has known would come all along.
“Hmm,” he says, rocking back on his chair. “Something’s up?”
Jess smiles, but there are telltale signs of old tears in her eyes. He can at least take gratitude from the fact that this is difficult for her.
“I’ve been doing some thinking,” she says.
“Sounds ominous.”
She clutches her hands in front of her. The folds of her tea dress—the kind he loves her wearing—ripple against her body. She looks so delicate and he wants to put his arms around her, to protect her, but…this is not what she wants. He understands that now.
“I get the feeling I know what you’ve come here to say,” he says as gently as he can. He isn’t, never was, and never will be an arsehole. It’s hurting her to do this, and so it should, but he’ll make it easy. In a few hours’ time, he’ll meet Duff in the Star. He’ll drink too many pints, have a cry, get a kebab, punch a wall on the way home. But to her, he’ll be a gentleman.
“Come here,” he says, taking her hand, pulling her close, pushing his own hurt aside.
A tear trickles down her cheek. He wipes it with the tip of his finger.
“I think the world of you,” she whispers. “You’ve given me so much. You’ve restored my confidence. You’ve made me feel loved when I was lost. You’ve offered me a home. Even a job! But, above all, you’ve showed me that there really are smart, kind, mature men who can cope with conversations about babies and house buying and plans for the future. But”—the tears flow freely now—“as much as I’d like to share all of that with you, in my heart, I know I can’t. I’m not ready. I might never be ready. I’m not…wired that way.”
“It’s okay,” he says, squeezing her hand. “It’s okay. I knew. I knew it was coming. I’ve denied it for ages. I’ve been trying, trying to grasp on to you, but I could tell you were always edging away. And that’s what you have to do. I get it.”
She sniffs, reaches into her bag, takes out the key to the Stratford apartment.
“This is yours,” she says, pressing it into his hand.
It’s a sting to the soul, but he braces himself, smiles through it.
“Thanks,” he says, closing his fingers around the key, making a fist. “So what now?”
“I’m thinking of going on a trip,” she says.
“With him?”
“Maybe,” she says after a pause. “I’m really sorry.”
“Oh god—”
He tips his head back and groans, the leaden truth hammering into him.
“The fact is, Jess, that day at your grandmother’s wake, when he stormed in and kissed you and behaved like a nob and…as mad as I was, and how insane it all was, deep down, I knew. I could never kiss you like that, with so much pizzazz. It’s not my way. But it’s your way. So…I understand.”
Now she sobs.
“Oh Jesus! You’re so good! And you know what? One day really soon you’ll meet someone who’s perfect for you and you’ll blow them away.” She gives a wry little laugh. “Is it right that I already feel jealous of them?”
“No, it’s not,” says Tim, a little more bitterly than intended, “because you’ve made your choice, but…thanks for the compliment.”
She sighs, frowns, then kisses him lightly and walks away.
For a moment he feels proud that he’s been so magnanimous, then the numbness engulfs him, then the sadness. Because in his mind’s eye, he sees his dreams—a home and a family with Jessica Taylor—now ghosts on the breeze. And through the silence, the tick-tock of the wall clock creeps into his consciousness. The sound makes him panic.
***
Jess hastens to the exit, sorrow like a rock in her throat. He took it so well, which says everything about his temperament. He was, is a lovely human. In her wretchedness, she can only question her judgment. Has she just taken a pass on the best option she might ever have? Thrown away serious potential…for what? Her head and heart do battle again.
But as she reaches the door, she catches sight of the “who’s who” staff photographs in the lobby, spots three new starters beaming out. One of them is an attractive fortysomething woman with auburn waves and an open smile. She is wearing a shiny charm necklace, not dissimilar from the one that Tim bought Jess; and beneath her photo, her interests are listed as history, cricket, and cycling. Jess smiles, feels the bud of hope returning. There is someone for everyone. As she exits, a second wave of emotion washes over her, and this one is elation. Elation mixed with clarity.
***
She finds the ticket in the drawer where she hid it, trying to forget its presence. She checks the time and, with a rush of adrenaline, realizes there are only four hours until the boat leaves. She messages Guy.
Are you still sailing? Doughnuts x
No reply. He really has taken her hint and left her alone. But if she’s to take the chance, she can’t afford to wait for his acknowledgment. In haste, she throws her favorite dresses and jewels into her traveler’s backpack. A toothbrush. Medication. Face wipes. Sandals. Trainers. Swimsuit. Notebook. What else? What, really, is this trip all about? How long will it last? Where will it lead? All these questions—and she doesn’t want the answers. The not knowing is the thrill, a vibrant reminder of what
it is to go chasing into the unknown, following an urge, hunting for treasure, whatever that may be.
As she drags her backpack down the stairs, clattering her cane against the banisters, she hears the front door click. Aggie flusters through, takes one look at Jess’s baggage, and balks.
“What? You’re not moving already, are you? I thought the flat wasn’t finished until October?”
Jess sighs, braces herself.
“Actually, I’m not moving into the flat.”
“Oh—?”
“Actually, I broke up with Tim.”
“You…broke up?”
Aggie’s mouth drops open.
“Oh, come on, Aggie. Surely you twigged. You know me better than anyone.”
“But…Tim! Perfect Tim. Lovely Tim, with his really good job.” She blinks, the horror building as she processes. “You can’t. You…can’t. What are you going to do? How are you going to live?”
Jess sighs.
“Actually, I’m going away for a while.”
“Where?”
“Guy bought me a boat ticket. To Cape Verde. To find a long-lost ruby for an old general.”
Now Aggie is incredulous.
“You cannot be serious, Jess? I urge you. This is madness. Utter, reckless madness. Besides, I thought…I thought we were done with all of that—”
“No, Aggie, you were done. I was always…confused. I’ve listened to you enough, too much probably. I value your opinion and I love you to the ends of the earth, but you need to understand that I’m different than you. I want different things from life, and that doesn’t make me better off or worse off. Just different.”
“Oh, Jessy—”
Her ire now turns to tears. Jess softens, takes her hands.
“Aggie, this is about me. Not what you want for me. But what I want for me.”
“But can you trust that man? He has traits—and you know what I’m talking about. This isn’t the first time you’ve chased after a charming rake. You hardly know him. What risk are you willing to take, after everything?”
“I realize it’s nuts, but it’s making me feel alive again. I don’t think I want a settled life. I don’t even know if I want children. I adore yours, but nothing in me seems to want my own. Although I tell myself I do because…that’s what’s expected. But I can’t funnel myself into the wrong-shaped life, just because the world assumes it of me. I’m saying no. Not now. Maybe in the future, but not now. Please, you have to understand—”
“Oh god,” Aggie sobs, “why do I feel like my nexus of control is collapsing?”
She squeezes her sister super tight.
“I love you to the ends of the earth too,” Aggie whispers. “And I’m proud of you. And…maybe, deep down, maybe I wish I was more like you. So okay, you have my permission to go with Guy. Because, believe it or not, sometimes…sometimes I wish I could let go and do something out there too.”
Jess brushes the teary waves of hair from her sister’s face.
“Aggie,” she says, smiling, “you can do whatever you want to do. You’re a Taylor.”
She catches sight of the time.
“Oh shit. If I don’t leave now, I won’t make it. Oh—”
She dithers. She hasn’t thought this through.
“Where are you headed?”
“Southampton dock.”
“That’s miles away. Jesus, Jess, how were you planning to get there?”
“I was thinking train, but—”
“Give me your bag,” says Aggie. “I’ll drive you.”
“Really?”
Jess beams at her sister.
“I’ve been looking for an excuse to go flat out in the Merc. Ed doesn’t allow me to go over sixty.”
“Roof down?”
“Obviously.”
And with matching grins, they exit the house, jump into the car, and take off, almost literally, leaving Ed, who is just wheeling his bike up the street, to blink and wonder, oblivious to the unfolding Thelma and Louise excitement in the air.
“There. It’s there,” says Jess, pointing at the sign for the passenger terminal.
Aggie swings the car right.
“Shall I drop you? Shall I park? Is there time?”
Jess checks her phone. Half an hour to spare. But Guy still hasn’t replied to her message. The thought dawns on her that all this go-get-your-man exhilaration might be for nothing. Maybe he has found a better prospect, started chasing that instead. Or worse, has slunk back to the kept-soul convenience of Stella Weston.
“I don’t know, Aggie. I think, drop me. I’ll figure it out.”
If she’s about to be stood up, Jess would rather be stood up alone, away from an audience.
“Okay,” says Aggie, “but if you need me… I won’t drive home just yet. And you’ll call when you get there? And you’ll send us lots of pictures? And when you get back—”
“We’ll come for Hoppit Sunday lunch.”
“Promise.”
“Of course,” says Jess. “And…one more thing…I had a chat with Steph last week. I think she and Jared have had a wobble—”
“Hooray!” cries Aggie.
“Just go gently with her, won’t you?”
Aggie growls.
“The sooner that pleb is out of her life—”
“Aggie, perspective! When we were young, our dad had to worry about whether our boyfriends were sneaking us into illegal all-night raves and plying us with fake ecstasy. If all you’ve got to worry about is whether Jared is going to lecture you that eggs Benedict is a sin or that carbon neutral is the only way forward, then count yourself lucky. He sounds like one of the good guys.”
“But I want her to have options—”
“She’s sixteen.”
“Meet someone who’ll give her what she needs—”
“Sixteen.”
“Someone who’s got their act together—”
“Aggie! Steph is only sixteen. Let her go on her journey.”
Jess smiles at her sister, then kisses her cheek.
“Thank you,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Aggie.
And with that, the Taylor sisters part.
***
With her backpack and her cane and a pair of sturdy walking boots, Jess marches through the terminal. Her legs feel good. The discomfort in her hip is distinctly diminished. Perhaps, she thinks, the pain is starting to become a lesser feature of her daily life. Through the glass walls she can see huge six-decker cruisers jostling for dock space, rich with the promise of exotic destinations and glamorous captain’s table dinners. At the kiosk, she hands over her ticket and her passport, all the while furtively looking around her, looking for him. It was a simple question she’d messaged, requiring a simple answer. She breathes slowly, tries to still her nerves. Now that she has said goodbye to Aggie, it all feels very final. Sudden limbo, anchors raised.
“Oh boy,” she reassures herself. “It’ll be fine. Whatever happens in the next ten minutes, it will be fine!”
“You all right?” says the man in the ticket office.
“Oh yes,” she says, hands on hips, grinning to mask her spiraling apprehension.
“You’ve only got twenty minutes. If you hurry down there, you’ll find the foot passenger entrance. That’ll get you straight on deck, then someone will show you to your cabin.”
“Thank you,” she says.
But then a thought catches. Jess raises her hand to her neck, feels the pulse of the necklace, its butterfly wings beating the rhythm of her heart.
“Excuse me,” she asks, “how do I get back to the visitor parking?”
The man shrugs. “At the other end of the terminal, but…you’ll struggle to make it there and back before—”
“I’ll chance it,” says J
ess, staggering away as fast as her crooked hip will allow.
She pulls out her phone, calls Aggie, who answers immediately.
“What? Is everything okay?”
“There’s something I forgot,” says Jess. “Where are you parked?”
“Next to a yellow bollard… Wait…I can see you… I’m waving—”
Jess spots Aggie in the distance and, pulling on the straps of her backpack, works up to a run—the first since the accident. She arrives panting, flustered, a little overawed, then hastily removes the necklace and hands it to Aggie.
Aggie blinks. “No offense,” she says, “but I don’t want this. It’s really not my style.”
“Not you, Aggie. It’s for Steph. Give it to Steph. Tell her…when the time is right… It just might help.”
Jess smiles, gives her bewildered sister a final hug, then runs/hobbles back to the terminal. She reaches the boarding gate, shoves through it just in time, a sense of joy blooming within her, freedom taking over. She looks around the deck, but he isn’t anywhere. A crew member offers to show her to her cabin. Perhaps he’ll be waiting inside or has left some hint of his presence—an item of clothing or a note telling her where and what time they should meet…
But the cabin is undisturbed, pristine. Ah well.
Jess flops back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. Her mind swirls. What was it Bevan Floyd told her about soul mates…that they fly into your life for a reason, then they leave. Certainly, it happened to Minnie and Emery. Then Anna had a long time without her Archie. Nancy lost Paul. Carmen lost herself. And now…Jess is here and Guy is not. Could it be that he brought her to this point, then fluttered away?
She gets up again, goes to the outdoor deck, walks the length of it. The sun is just starting to set, a smear of peach and pink. As the ship moves way, its huge hulk heaving from the land, the thought that she is on this journey alone is immense all around her. She leans over the balustrade, faces the breeze, the great ocean ahead. She feels both elated and sad, but it will be okay, she tells herself. She is a Taylor and it will be okay. Guy played his part—a soul mate’s way—challenging her, helping her move forward in her life. Maybe that’s enough?
The Lost and Found Necklace Page 25
