by Mia Madison
“Jacob?”
“Hm?”
“Thank you. For everything.”
I rolled onto my side and held her close, loving the way her naked body felt against mine.
“I should be the one thanking you, honey.”
“Don’t be modest, it doesn’t suit you. I—”
Her sentence was interrupted by a loud yawn. She looked embarrassed by the sound, which made me laugh. After everything we just did—everything I said to her—and a yawn made her blush. Adorable.
“Get some rest.”
“No,” she protested, trying to sit up and failing when I tightened my hold on her. “I don’t want to sleep yet. I want to talk to you while I have the chance.”
“We’ll talk tomorrow. I promise.”
“Really? You won’t dodge my questions like usual?”
“I don’t plan to, but if I start, we’ll just fuck again. Problem solved.”
Ivy let out a short laugh before adjusting herself on the bed. When she found the comfortable position she wanted, she took a few deeps breaths and her body practically melted into my side. It was quiet for so long that I almost thought she fell asleep.
“Do you really want to keep me?” her soft voice broke into the silence.
I froze for a brief moment, wondering if it’d be better to risk it all with the truth or spare us both with a lie. Ultimately, I decided that Ivy would always be worth the risk.
“More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
I had no idea whether she heard my earnest reply or not. The sound of her breathing evened out faster than I expected. I must have really tired her out. She usually took a while to fall asleep.
I supposed it was my turn for a restless night. For a long time after Ivy fell asleep, I laid in bed listening to the sound of her breathing while staring up at my ceiling. My body was completely relaxed thanks to the mind-blowing orgasm, but my mind was a fucking mess.
Days ago, I resolved to let her go. It was the right thing to do and I damn well knew that. Yet my tune changed completely the moment the prospect of sex was on the table. I pretty much threatened to keep her if she went through with it—and she seemed happy about it.
Was what she felt just some kind of twisted hero-worship? Ivy would have been in a real bad spot if not for me and the location of my house. It made sense that she’d get attached considering I saved her from an unknown fate.
The idea that her feelings only ran that deep cut me to the bone. I wanted her to stay because she wanted to here. I couldn’t achieve that by threatening to keep her.
Then again, if she did stay, I’d never really know whether it was because she wanted me or because she felt obligated to. I took her innocence. I’d always be her first—we were bound together by that. Top that off with the fact that I kind of saved her…
How could I be sure? How was anyone ever sure about these things?
Looking down at her peaceful face, what I really wanted—what I needed—finally clicked into place.
I wanted her to love me.
Eleven
Ivy
The pleasant dreams I was having shifted into a nightmare shortly before I woke up. I saw myself waking up sore and alone, Jacob’s warmth long gone from the sheets. A wave of nauseous hit me as I rose on unsteady feet and shuffled over to the window. When I pulled the curtain back and looked outside, my heart began to race.
Gone was the forest that surrounded Jacob’s home. In its place was the hustle and bustle of the city—New York, if I had to guess—and I somehow knew that what happened in Montana with Jacob was nothing more than a faded memory at that point. A life not chosen.
It was terrifying.
The dream disturbed me enough to wake up in the real world. The first thing I realized as I sat up was that I was a lot sorer than I expected to be. I was in great shape, yet my body didn’t seem to care. Given how rough Jacob was the night before even when he was clearly trying to be gentle, I wasn’t that surprised.
Unfortunately, one part of my nightmare was true. Jacob wasn’t in bed with me. I laid my hand on the spot beside me, relieved when I felt the warmth still lingering there. He hadn’t been gone for long. Glancing around, I noticed that he laid a t-shirt on the foot of the bed, obviously meant for me. With a smile, I snatched it and hustled to the bathroom.
After I finished brushing my teeth and cleaning up, I gave myself a thorough look-over in the mirror. A few bruises were forming around my hips as I expected. Beyond that, the only evidence that I’d lost my virginity was the bite mark he’d left on my neck as he came inside me. I pressed my fingers gently to the mark, feeling my body begin to react just from the memory. Despite my soreness, I wanted him again. I slipped the shirt over my head before skipping out of the room and heading downstairs to find him.
I didn’t have to look hard. Jacob was standing in the kitchen, jeans riding low on his hips as he cooked breakfast. I inhaled deeply, groaning when I instantly recognized the scent of bacon. Jacob looked back, smirking at the sight of me in his shirt.
“Good morning, beautiful. You hungry?”
“Starved.”
“Can’t imagine why,” Jacob said with a cocky grin.
I walked over and slid my hands over his bare back, relishing the sound of his deep, content sigh. He leaned backed against me for just a moment before straightening himself again.
“It’s a mystery,” I whispered before pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades. “You’re a brave man, you know.”
“How so?”
“Cooking bacon without a shirt on.”
“What can I say? I’m made of tough stuff, sweetheart.”
That he was. I couldn’t stop myself from sliding my hands around his front, starting at his pecs and sliding down over his abdomen. I closed my eyes and imagined the way his muscles flexed while he was on top of me the night before, unable to stop my fingers from moving down to the happy trail that led into his jeans.
Jacob’s hand gripped mine and my eyes flew open. Busted. I thought he was going to stop me. I was so wrong. Instead, he jerked my hand down to cover the bulge in his jeans, curling his fingers around mine and making me squeeze the rapidly hardening length. It was clearly a type of warning, but it didn’t stop me from giving it another squeeze before I released him.
“Now I’m cooking bacon without a shirt and with a boner,” he muttered, pulling a laugh from me.
“At least you have pants on,” I pointed out as I leaned against the counter beside him.
“I’ll take them off if you’ll agree to protect my manly parts with your mouth.”
“Tempting, but I’d rather not give a blowjob for the first time with the threat of bacon grease hovering over me.”
He let out a chuckle, but I noticed his eyes darken as I spoke. I deconstructed the sentence in my head to try to figure out what bothered him and came up empty. I opened the cupboard and grabbed a coffee mug, pouring myself a generous cup and spooning in a little sugar before returning to his side.
“You up for taking a ride today?”
My brows shot up in surprise before another possible meaning entered my brain. I narrowed my eyes, taking a sip of coffee before I asked, “What kind of ride?”
Jacob grinned wickedly at me over his shoulder.
“Not that kind. That comes later.” He paused to shoot me a wink before he explained, “No, I was thinking I’d take you up to the mountains. Do a little sightseeing.”
“Really? That’d be amazing! I can take some pictures for my blog and post a quick update if we get some signal on the way.”
“You’re in then?”
“I am so in. I’m going to get dressed.”
I stood on my tip-toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, smiling when I saw a light blush rising in the same spot. I wondered if he realized how handsome he was. He definitely knew how good he was in bed, but he struck me as maybe being a little insecure about his size, at least when it came to women. It wouldn’t have surp
rised me if some were too scared to even get near him. When I first saw him on the porch, I knew I felt majorly intimidated.
As I ascended the stairs, I was hit by a weird thought. Had I not been so desperate that night, would I have run when I saw him? My immediate reaction was denial, but the memory of being afraid of his large, shadowed form was still recent enough to make me doubt.
I opened his closet which was full of my clothes and smiled. In the end, I knew how I might have reacted under different circumstances didn’t matter. Things had played out exactly the way they were supposed to.
Jacob vetoed my outfit before I even made it downstairs. He came upstairs to tell me breakfast was ready but ordered me to change into jeans and sneakers before he let me go down to the kitchen. While we ate, I grilled him about his plans for the day, but he wouldn’t give me another hint until it was time to leave. When he told me to grab a jacket in case it got chilly and made me swear that my feet weren’t hurting, I assumed we were going on a hike. The bear spray he carried confirmed my suspicion.
A few hours later, we were walking hand-in-hand down a surprisingly easy trail in the mountains. There was a pretty sharp incline near the end, but overall, the hike was a breeze.
The trail led us to a beautiful overlook that I couldn’t stop taking pictures of. At one point, Jacob grabbed my phone and I struck several poses that made him grin as he snapped shots of me.
“Thank you,” I said as he handed my phone back to me.
He stayed close to my side, softly holding me as an idea struck. I opened the camera again, standing on my tip-toes and turning the phone around to take a selfie of us. Jacob didn’t have time to react and the image I got thanks to his distraction made my breath catch.
There wasn’t anything particularly special about the shot and it was a tad bit blurred, but the expression on his face as he looked down at me easily made that photo the most treasured one I’d ever taken. He was staring at me like I was the beautiful view behind us. Like all he could see was me.
Maybe I was reading too much into the expression. I showed him the picture, watching him carefully as he looked at it. Jacob smiled softly at the image, reaching his hand up like he wanted to touch it before pulling away.
“Is there a way to print that?” he asked.
“I can order prints and have them sent to you.”
“I’d like that. It’s probably the best picture I’ve ever taken,” he said with a little laugh that seemed almost embarrassed. Jacob changed the subject immediately, turning back toward the view as he asked, “So, what do you think?”
“I think it’s beautiful. All of it.”
“All of it?”
“The state, I mean,” I elaborated. “Don’t get me wrong—I don’t like not having internet or cell phone signal or feeling like I’m miles and miles away from all civilization, but there’s just something about this place that I love. It feels like…”
“Home,” Jacob finished for me. “I had the same feeling when I moved back here.”
“Moved back?”
“Yeah. I was born in Montana, but my folks moved to Dallas when I was nine. My grandfather owned most of the land around my cabin and I inherited it when he passed away. I came back around ten years ago, give or take.”
“Are your parents still in Dallas?”
“They died when I was twenty. Car crash.”
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Jacob.”
He shrugged off my sympathy, clearly uncomfortable being on the receiving end of it.
“It was a while ago. You’re close with your folks?”
“Maybe not ‘best friends’ close, but yeah.”
“You think you’ll end up living close to them one day?”
“No. They’ll never leave Missouri and they know I’m done there. I plan to visit often, but I won’t go back to stay.”
Jacob nodded slowly, lost in thought. All I could think about was his promise to keep me the night before. Would he keep his word or was it just foreplay? Then again, if he hadn’t really meant it, why would he have kept it up after the sex? The words he said just before I fell asleep echoed loudly in my head.
’More than I’ve ever wanted anything.’
He gave me a knowing look and I knew he was thinking something similar to what I was. The real question wasn’t about whether he wanted me to stay.
It was if I did.
He wouldn’t keep his promise—he’d let me go if that’s what I chose. In the end, the decision was mine. We both knew it.
I just wished I knew which choice was the right one to make.
Twelve
Jacob
For two days I pushed the thought of Ivy’s van and her looming departure out of my mind completely. Did a pretty good job of it, too, though that had less to do with my willpower and more to do with being continuously distracted by Ivy’s body. I couldn’t keep my hands—amongst other parts—off of her. Thankfully, she was almost as bad as I was. Her first taste of sex made her more curious and we were going at it morning, noon, and night.
The honeymoon stage had to come to an end though. It always did, or so I’d heard. Ours was cut a little shorter than the typical period of time and it wasn’t because we’d gotten sick of each other.
Hell, I was pretty sure that if she were to stay, I’d never get sick of having her. The honeymoon period would last the rest of my life, or until she needed a break.
But as soon as she was ready for more? Oh, it would be on.
Not that any of that would ever happen. I’d never get the chance to find out whether the insane attraction I felt for her would last, or if she’d always be able to make me hard at the drop of a hat.
The truth of it was that I was right from the start. I should have let her go. She had a bright future traveling the country or the world or wherever she wanted to go. She didn’t need to be tied down to a recluse almost twice her age in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t fair to her.
With that thought fresh in my mind, I sat up in bed, ignoring the soft sound of her stirring beside me as I headed for the shower. I knew the van would be ready to be picked up and I needed to wash her scent off so it wouldn’t drive me insane after I dropped her off.
I snorted as I scrubbed my skin raw. Even after her scent was long gone, I’d never be able to stand in my shower without thinking about the times I took her against the wall. Her stuff would be gone, she would be gone, but her presence would linger. Ivy would haunt this house for the rest of my fucking life.
It’d never stop hurting. I’d never stop missing her.
I didn’t regret a damn thing except for what had to happen next.
“Come on, baby. Time to get up.”
Ivy let out an adorable huff and rolled over, burrowing deeper into the nest of blankets on my bed. It made my chest hurt to think that it was the last time I’d see it, yet I still smiled at the sight. She had to be exhausted considering how late I kept her up the night before. The least I could do was let her sleep a little longer.
Besides, maybe it was better if I took care of the next step. It’d hurt like hell, sure, but gradually removing her presence from my house would make it easier to process when I came back alone.
She left one of her suitcases in the bottom of my closet, making my job a little easier. I unzipped it quietly so I wouldn’t disturb her, slowly taking her clothes off the hangers and folding them with great care before placing them in her bag.
Some pieces confused the shit out of me. There was one dress with some kind of mesh overlay that I couldn’t get to sit right no matter how many times I tried to fold the damn thing. It was worse than trying to fold a fitted sheet. Why the fuck were women’s clothes always so complicated?
The closet was empty and her bag was almost full by the time Ivy woke up. I was coming out of the bathroom carrying the various bottles of girly shit she had when she sat up and gave me a horrified look.
“What’s going on? Are you kicking me out?”
�
��Van’s ready,” I reminded her bluntly as I secured the bottles in their protective pouch and shoved it in the suitcase. “Just figured I’d help you out.”
Fuck, the look on her face ate at me. It didn’t take a genius to see how betrayed she felt. It wasn’t my intention to make her feel that way, but maybe it’d make it easier on both of us to end things on a sour note.
The thought of her looking back on this moment years later and resenting me… No. It didn’t matter if it would be easier. I couldn’t fucking do it. I couldn’t purposely hurt her like that.
I sat on the edge of the bed, barely able to resist sliding under the covers and taking a last look at her naked body. I knew if I did that, I’d fall under her spell once again and we’d be stuck there for hours saying goodbye.
I didn’t want to say goodbye.
“Listen, kitten,” I started, cutting myself off to consider my words carefully. I decided to be totally honest and lay it all out for her. “You know I want to keep you, but I can’t make you stay. You’ve got a life of your own to live. If you ended up hating me for locking you up here and not letting go… It’d destroy me. You understand?”
Ivy leaned her head against my back and I felt her nod as she whispered, “I understand.”
“Good. So, this is what’s going to happen.” I paused to swallow roughly around the lump in my throat. “I think I grabbed all your stuff, but I want you to go back and make sure I didn’t miss anything. When you’re done, I’ll meet you at the truck.”
“You don’t want to—”
“No,” I interrupted, knowing damn well what she was thinking because I was thinking it too. “I don’t want to drag it out if that’s okay with you.”
“Okay. I understand.”
With that being said, I carried the heavier of her bags downstairs to the truck and lingered on the porch while I waited. Had it been anyone but her, I would’ve watched as they walked through to make sure they didn’t take anything, but somehow, Ivy had managed to earn my trust. It was a feat very few people had ever accomplished and she did it in record time.
