by Nikki Ashton
My heart, thudding against my chest, dropped to my stomach when I realised that she was standing alone, right on the touchline where there was a gap in the spectators. As if sensing I was watching her, Sarah’s head turned towards me and she offered me a small smile. I hadn’t even considered she would turn up to watch, she hadn’t before. Feeling a fucking host of butterflies in my stomach I smiled back.
She looked beautiful with her hair in a high ponytail, loose strands whispered around her face, but the minute the cheer girls started to chant while waiting for one of Ashworth High School’s trainers to come on to a player who’d gone down, she glanced in their direction and spotted my dad. Instantly her smile dropped, and I could see from my spot on the pitch that her face had gone white as she lifted a shaky hand to her mouth. She really was petrified of him.
“Sarah,” I called and jogged towards the sideline where she was standing.
Dad was still walking towards her, and when I looked over to him, to ask him to go back, I noticed that his eyes were firmly on her. My head spun back to Sarah, but when I looked, she wasn’t there and all I saw through the crowd of people was the back of her head and the high ponytail swinging as she pushed through them and away from the pitch.
As the whistle went to restart the game, I heard Mr Jameson yelling at me to drop into space in midfield. My pulse was racing as the adrenalin rushed around my body waking up all my senses.
I wanted to go to Sarah.
I needed to get my head into the game.
I had to stop my dad.
“Hudson get in that space now,” Mr Jameson shouted.
Running backwards I looked over my shoulder and heaved a sigh of relief to see Dad had stopped in the gap where Sarah had been and had his eyes firmly on the pitch. He clapped his hands together and leaned forward.
“Come on, Adam, show them how damn good you are.”
Flashing him a smile, I turned back to face the play just in time to see Tyler shimmy past one of Ashworth’s defenders and fizz the ball straight to my feet.
Despite playing well, we lost the game two nil and I had to admit it fucking stung. Ashworth were two places below us in the league and had been missing their first-choice striker, so we really should have beaten them. We peppered their goal with chance after chance, but their Keeper had a worldy of a game and saved everything.
Shaking the opposition’s hands, I looked to where my dad had been standing, expecting to see him there, but it was an empty space. Quickly scanning the thinning crowd there was no sign of him, I couldn’t even see his disappearing back. The dread I’d felt when I thought he’d been making his way over to Sarah spiked again.
He hadn’t said he’d wait for me, and neither had we agreed we’d meet up after the match, but the fact that he wasn’t on the sideline waiting for me had me shit scared. What if he’d gone after Sarah? I had no fucking clue how long he’d been gone. Once Sarah disappeared and I was sure Dad was staying, I’d got my concentration back on the game and had spotted him a couple of times early on, and then once at the beginning of the second half, but that was all. For all I knew he could have left and gone over to her house. Or what if she’d decided to go back into school and do some extra study… he might have followed her in there.
“Ad,” Tyler yelled. “Mr Jameson wants us to go straight to gym.”
He rolled his eyes because we all knew what that meant – the fucking bleep test. Mr Jameson always did it when we got beat. He reckoned anyone that passed it obviously hadn’t worked hard enough on the pitch, so they then had to run around the school field four times. You couldn’t even fail it on purpose either, the sneaky bastard just knew if you were faking and then you had to do six laps.
“Okay, I’ll be there is a minute.”
Tyler strolled off, puffing hard with his hands on his hips. He’d definitely been one player who’d tried hard to get us the win—he wouldn’t be running around the pitch later. As I watched him go thoughts raced around my head on what I should do. I couldn’t go and find Dad because all my stuff was in the changing room and Mr Jameson would probably catch me sneaking in. The best I could do would be to get the bleep test done and hold just enough back that I didn’t look like I’d been slacking in the game.
As I ran from the pitch, Alannah came into view. She was walking along, chatting to Jessie Morgan, a girl in the cheer squad who had a crush on Tyler. Hoping that Alannah didn’t tell me to piss off, I rushed over to her.
“Hey Alannah, can you do me a favour?” I asked.
“Oh, and hello to you too.” She slapped her hands to her hips, and Jessie sniggered.
“Sorry, but I haven’t got much time. Can you call Sarah for me and check she’s okay?”
Alannah’s face blanched as she glanced at Jessie and then back to me. “Why?”
I gave her wide eyes which hopefully said, don’t ask questions. Thankfully, she understood, because she pulled her phone from the outside pocket of her bag and tapped at the screen.
Waiting for Sarah to answer, I held my breath, only letting it go when Alannah spoke.
“Hi, where are you? I thought we might go to TJ’s… oh, okay… yep, will do… see you tomorrow.”
With the call evidently over, Alannah looked up at me and licked her lips.
“She went home, she didn’t feel well.”
“Is she home now?” I asked, rubbing my hand across the back of my neck.
“She says she is. She said she’s in her room watching a film.”
I nodded at her hoping that Sarah wasn’t lying. “Okay thanks.”
“Should I go around there?” she asked.
I considered it for a second. “Yeah, it might be an idea.”
Alannah nodded and jogged away leaving Jessie looking confused and me hoping that Sarah was telling the truth and she really was okay. One other fact was startling clear to me. I didn’t trust my dad, and that made me feel sicker than the dreaded beep test ever would.
18
Sarah
Throwing my phone onto my bed, I wondered whether I should call Alannah back and agree to meet her at TJ’s, Mum had nipped to the supermarket on the way home from work though, and I didn’t want to have to ask Alannah to come and get me then have to drive back into town to go to TJ’s. I knew she would, but it didn’t seem fair, plus I wasn’t in the mood.
Seeing Mr Mills had really shaken me, especially it being back in a school environment. Adam must have asked him to go, which pissed me off. Surely, he must have known how much it would upset me to see his dad there. Maybe he didn’t know though, it was obvious he didn’t believe me.
Frustration, fear and anger all buzzed around my head in equal measures. I slid off my bed, deciding that I’d start dinner for mum. I knew she hated supermarket shopping and making dinner would be the last thing she’d want to do when she walked through the door. Walking into the kitchen I flicked on the light, because although we were in the second week of February it still got dark quite early in the evening. With a sigh, I went to the fridge and pulled out a packet of minced beef and whatever else I needed to make chilli.
I took it all over to the counter next to the sink and set about preparing everything, when the calendar hanging from a hook on the wall caught my eye, making me groan. It was Valentine’s day in three days and the card and stupid bloody teddy bear I’d bought for Adam would be staying put at the bottom of my wardrobe. I’d been in two minds whether to buy them in the first place. I’d been an idiot though and listened to the stupid pathetic girl inside of me; the one who thought he’d love the teddy bear dressed in a City kit with a number seven on its back.
“Oh, piss off,” I griped at the picture of a woman tossing a pancake over the top of the days of February.
After putting the beef into a large pan and starting to fry it in oil, I ran the cold tap and began to wash the excess dirt from the mushrooms. I’d almost finished when movement in the garden caught my eye. It wasn’t quite pitch-black outside, but too dark
to see properly. I knew for definite there must have been something there because the security light came on.
My heart started to pound as I moved to the back of the kitchen and turned off the light and peered out from what I felt was a safe spot, away from the window. There was nothing out there that I could see, the garden was only small and just lawn with a shed tucked in one corner; there really wasn’t even anywhere anyone could hide. I was seriously paranoid and was beginning to believe that Adam was right, and no one had been following me that day.
Tentatively, I went back to the window and pulled down the blind that we barely ever closed. We had no need, our garden backed onto another garden and we had a seven-foot wall all the way around it, although that hadn’t stopped Adam scaling our garden gate. Trying not to think about whether anyone else could get over the six feet high gate, I still felt safer by closing off my view of the darkness outside.
After eventually calming down, I finished making the chilli and had it on a low heat when the doorbell rang. The shrill sound made me jump and almost drop the lid of the pan. Taking a deep breath, I peeked into the hall from around the door. Our door only had two thin panels of frosted glass in it, so I couldn’t make out who was there. I decided to ignore it and hope whoever it was just went away. It was probably the Amazon man delivering something Mum had ordered online, but he’d leave it by the front door if he had to.
The bell went again but at the same time my phone buzzed on the kitchen table. I snatched it up and pressed at the screen, not wanting whoever was outside to hear it. When I read the text, I gave a massive sigh of relief.
Alannah: I’m outside, can you answer the door?
I didn’t bother replying but ran to the door and flung it open.
“Oh my God,” I said breathlessly. “I had no idea who it was.”
Alannah frowned and stepped forward peering at my face. “Are you okay? What’s going on, Adam asked me to call you?”
“You’d better come in.”
She shook her head. “I can’t I have to get home; Dad is taking me and Mum out for dinner. The TJ’s thing was a ruse because Jessie Morgan was standing next to me.”
“Adam asked you to come over?” I licked my dry lips as I waited for Alannah to answer.
“Yeah. He seemed really worried about you. What happened?”
“His dad was at the match earlier. He was coming towards me, so I just left. Adam saw it all.”
“Shit,” Alannah groaned. “No wonder he wanted me to call you. His dad didn’t speak to you, did he?” Concern flashed across her face as she took hold of my hand.
When I shook my head, she visibly relaxed.
“If Adam was so worried, he shouldn’t have invited him to come along,” I muttered.
“I can’t believe it. He’s a total dick. I told you he was and now he’s just proved it.” Alannah’s mouth thinned into a grimace as she folded her arms over her chest. “God, Sarah, you are so much better off without him.”
I didn’t argue with her, not because I necessarily agreed, but because I didn’t have the energy.
“You should speak to the police,” Alannah added. “Tell them he’s harassing you.”
“He didn’t even speak to me, Alannah.” I’d already told her that I’d seen him in town and what the police had said. She’d been amazed that they weren’t willing to slap him in cuffs and arrest him straight away.
“If he comes near you again then call them straight away.”
“I will. Now you go or you’ll be late for dinner with your mum and dad.”
She leaned in and gave me a quick hug. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow at school. Now go inside and lock the door.”
Smiling I gave her a salute and did as she said.
I hadn’t even got back to the kitchen when the bell went again, and assuming it must be Alannah I pulled it open, only to be faced with Mr Mills.
“No,” I gasped. “No, you can’t be here.”
“I’m only here to deliver a message,” he said lifting his chin haughtily. “I just came to say I forgive you for lying. I forgi—”
“I didn’t lie,” I broke in. “You know I didn’t lie.”
“Like I said, I forgive you for lying, but I also need you to know that you ruined my fucking life.” His tone was quiet and calm which made it all the more menacing as he leaned closer to me. “So, it’s only fair I ruin yours. First thing I did was take Adam away from you, then it’ll be your friends and maybe last of all that dance class you love giving so much.”
“I’ll call the police,” I sobbed. “My mum will call the police.”
“Oh God, I almost forgot about your mum. Maybe I’ll take her away from you too.”
I shook my head as I reached for my wrist. “No, you can’t. I’m going to call the police right now.”
“Try it, Sarah,” he snarled. “And see what I’ll do. I’ve got someone who will say I was at the park, sitting on a bench reading a book.” He pulled a dog-eared paperback from his pocket and held it up to me. “And plenty of people saw me at Adam’s match, so don’t waste any more police time than you already have.”
Another sob ripped from my lungs as Mr Mills sneered at me. He had someone to lie for him? There was someone who was willing to go along with his sick game?
“Actually, you tell the police,” he said as he turned to leave. “Because when you’re proved to be wrong, they’ll just think your mental health is suffering again. That’ll make it so much easier for me to ruin your life.”
Tears and snot ran down my face as I silently watched him calmly walk away, pulling his baseball cap further down on his head. His stride was long and confident, and I knew that my nightmare had started up once again.
19
Adam
Since the match I’d tried to call Sarah and check she was okay, but each time my call had been dropped, which was a pretty good statement of how she currently felt about me. My dad on the other hand had called me a few times in the two days since then and had explained he’d had a call about a job during the second half, so had rushed off to meet the guy in the park as he was working close by. The job was in a garage, spraying cars again, but the owner had taken someone else on. It all sounded dodgy to me, who met someone in a park to talk about a fucking job?
In fact, the more I considered everything, the more I realised everything about my dad seemed dodgy. He had no job yet had bags of new clothes. He had a nice apartment and time on his hands, but still didn’t make any real effort to see me. I was beginning to think I’d picked the wrong person to support.
With a sigh of frustration, I pushed my textbook away and leaned back in my chair to stare at the battered photograph of him which was lying on my desk. Leaning forward I snatched at it.
“Why the hell did you come back?” I hissed.
Staring down at the picture I recalled all the times I’d wished he would come back and rescue me. Now that he was here, all I wanted was for him to disappear and for me to get my life back. I wanted to be a teenager who enjoyed sex with his girlfriend whenever possible. I didn’t want to be a teenager who worried for hours every night about whether I’d done the right thing by taking his side.
Sliding open my drawer, I threw the picture inside and noticed Sarah’s notebook that I’d taken from TJ’s. I thought about opening it, but now that I knew what all the notes, words and poems were about it felt wrong. The death of her dad was something she was still struggling with and those words were what had helped her get through. I decided I’d take it back to her, but first I needed to get her to speak to me. I had to get us back to being friends at least. I groaned and dropped my forehead to the desk. What the fuck was I thinking; get us back to being friends… and then give her the stolen notebook back? What a shit idea that was? All that would do would drive us further apart.
“Shit,” I cursed and banged my head on the desk.
“Are you okay?” I turned to see Roger peering around the door. “I was calling you, but you ob
viously didn’t hear.”
“Just having a mild breakdown,” I grunted, sitting up and twizzling around in my chair to face him.
“Can I come in?” he asked, hovering by the door.
I thought about it momentarily and then nodded. Things had been thawing between us the last few weeks, mainly because I’d stopped acting like a dick around him. Part of it was also because I’d begun to see that out of all the parents I’d had over the years, Roger was one of the better ones, my mum included. After all, Lori fucking adored him, and kids were usually right about things like that.
“You want to talk about it? Or I can get your mum because I assume it’s about your dad and Sarah?”
“I’m worried about her,” I replied without even questioning it. “She’s not spoken to me in days.”
“You finished your relationship with her. Isn’t that sort of normal for teenage girls to do that to the boy who dumps them? What do you kids call it, ghosting?”
I let out a humourless laugh. “Most girls probably, but not Sarah. She’s really different to most girls. We were speaking, but she saw Dad at the match the other day and since then she’s kind of avoided me.”
Roger pointed towards the bed, and when I nodded, he pushed a pair of jeans and a jumper away to make room for himself to sit down.
“I think you have to realise that was probably not your best idea.”
When I opened my mouth to speak, he held up a hand.
“I get why you wanted your dad to go to the match, Adam, but maybe you should have told Sarah first. It would have been better than her being side-swiped by seeing him.”
