by J. J. McAvoy
“Mommy said you can’t have real fish yet. So, for now, we’ll just have this,” I said to her, looking up at the projection of the sea life on the ceiling in her room.
“Thank you, Daddy! I love you.” She hugged my neck, squeezing as tightly as she could, her face brushed up against mine.
There was that pain in my chest again. “I love you, too,” I whispered, hugging her back. “…Daddy is sorry he wasn’t there before.”
“It’s okay. Daddy was sick! And Daddy is here now!” she said, letting go of me. Lying back down, she pointed above her. “What kind of fish is that?” She pointed to the tiny blue and orange fish that swam by.
I had no idea. But luckily, the thing came with an information package. “It’s called a Mandarin Dragonet. It’s a small-sized fish of very little weight. And they are found in the Indo-Pacific Ocean shore reefs, and lagoons. They are found mostly under dead corals or near the rubble beds of the ocean. They are usually found at depths of one to eighteen meters—” I paused, not sure if she cared or even understood a word I was saying. When I looked away from my phone, she was staring at me intently.
“Why did you stop, Daddy?”
“Do you even understand everything?”
She shook her head. “But Mommy says to ask questions at the end.”
“Mommy teaches you about fishes?”
“Mommy teaches me about everything. Sometimes I go to a church school, and they teach me, too. But I like it the best when Mommy does.”
“You don’t want to go to a regular school with other kids?”
“Mommy says I’ll go later!” She smiled. “Maybe when I’m seven.”
“So, she’s going to teach you all by herself?”
“Daddy is here.”
Did I have time to do that, though? Did she?
“Being gone in the beginning? What the fuck does mean? Where does the beginning start and end? No matter what, you missed your daughter’s life—"
My father’s words slipped into my ear like poison, and I gripped the phone tightly. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to feel the boiling rage within me.
“Daddy, keep going.” She put her hand on my face, and just like that, everything else faded away.
“Yes ma’am,” I replied, looking up the next fish.
Though she didn’t know how to read anything but a few words, she pressed her face beside mine, looking from the phone to the ceiling.
And that’s how we were, for a good hour until she fell asleep on my shoulder. It wasn’t that late, but at least she was only sleeping at night now. In a few more days, she’d be used to her life here. It wouldn’t erase the time she was in Italy, but slowly, day by day, this would be the only home she really remembered.
Gently rising off the bed, I picked her up and put her farther up the bed, placing the blanket on top of her.
“Keep going, Daddy.” She yawned.
“Sleep. We will read more tomorrow,” I whispered.
“I’m not asleep,” she muttered, trying to fight off the sleep, but snuggled into her pillow more.
I waited for a few more seconds, brushing the hair from her face before getting up. Walking to the sliding door, I glanced back at her one more time before turning on the camera system in her room and stepping into my own, closing the door behind me.
Taking off my jacket, I tossed it onto the couch and pulled down my tie. The bottle of red wine I had called for was already on the coffee table. And as soon as I uncorked it, Calliope entered the room like a bloodhound. She glanced at me as if she were a little shocked to see me.
“She let you go?” she asked. “When Gigi is interested, she never stops asking questions.”
I didn’t reply, needing a drink first.
“You are upset with me,” she said, walking over to where I was lifting the bottle of wine, and I still did not reply. “A 1949 Domanie Leroy Musigny Grand Cru? You’re drowning your sorrows with a fifty-thousand-dollar bottle of wine?”
I glanced up to her with my eyes narrowed. “A drop in the bucket compared to what I lost today.”
Her face fell as she took a seat opposite me. “I fucked up—”
“Since when do you fuck up, Calliope?” I snapped, gripping my glass. “Isn’t the point of your being at my side to prevent fuck ups?”
She just looked at me. “Really? Is that my role for you? And here I thought I was here because you—”
“Do not do that,” I sneered. “Do not fucking trying to spin this bullshit and put it on me. I am not in the mood for that fucking game.”
“I am human, Ethan. Sometimes I also, on rare occasions, fuck up,” she muttered.
I shook my head. “If one plan fails, you come up with an alternative. Yet today, you had nothing. What happened?”
“Nothing I say is going to be good enough—”
“You’re right but tell me anyway. What happened? Where were you all day?”
She had the bloody audacity to glare at me. “I’m sorry. Am I supposed to report my every move to you? I thought we were partners.”
I inhaled through my nose, gripping the glass, all while doing my best not to holler, so I didn’t wake up Gigi. “If it would make you feel like more a partner, I can tell you what my day entailed.”
“Sure—”
“Calliope.”
“I asked for men. Big Tillio let me down. I went there to change his mind. Then I had to clean up. I now have my people. I just didn’t get them when you needed them,” she said so quickly it almost sounded like a foreign language.
I sat forward, still trying to keep calm. “Last night, you told me to trust them, because they are your people. Now tonight, you tell me you could not get them, because of a nobody like Big Tillio. I’m confused. If they are your people, why aren’t they ready at your call?”
“It’s complicated.”
“I’m sure I can keep up.”
“Are you asking me to share all of my secrets right now?”
“So, you admit you have secrets?”
“Like you don’t?” she shot back.
I shook my head. “Not from you, no, I don’t. You know everything about me. While I, on the other hand, seem to be left grasping for straws.”
“You’ve never complained before.”
“I’ve never lost so much because of you before!” I snapped, not just my tone, either, the glass broke in my hands, cutting my palm.
Her gray eyes shifted to my now bleeding hand before she got up, moving to the bathroom.
“Calliope, I am not finished!”
“Stop fucking yelling at me!” She came to the door to fucking yell in my face. “I am not going any-fucking-where but to get the goddamn first aid kit!”
“Screw the fucking first aid kit! I’m fine!”
“I don’t give a fuck if you are fine or not. You’re bleeding on my fucking carpet!” she shouted, marching like a giant, back over to me. She stepped over the glass before taking a seat beside me. Angrily she pulled out everything she needed. “I had this carpet hand-made in Egypt.”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” I asked in annoyance. “You do understand how shitty this day was?”
“Yes, I do,” she replied, yanking my wrist over and elevating my hand to slow the blood flow. “Which is why I don’t want to forever remember it each time I look down and see blood and wine stains on our fucking carpet.”
I said nothing as she cleaned my hand.
“You still haven’t answered my question. Why do you need to go through Big Tillio in order to—ahh.” I hissed as she pressed the alcohol into my wound.
“Sorry,” she whispered with a slight smile on her lips.
“I am angry at you, Calliope.”
“I noticed.”
“Then do me the courtesy of at least looking bothered.”
She frowned, glancing up from my hand to stare at me. “I don’t look bothered?”
“Not bothered enough.”
“What is the exa
ct level of expression you’re looking for?”
Saying nothing, I reached for the bottle, drinking straight from the mouth as she patched up my hand. “This family cannot take many more setbacks, or people will start to lose faith.”
She was silent, and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t sure what she was thinking. I wanted to holler in frustration. Why did she always have to be so damn difficult?
“How does that feel?” she asked, nodding to the bandage she had wrapped over my palm.
“I thought you only cared about your stupid carpet?”
She clicked her tongue and said nothing more as she packed up everything. “They won’t lose faith, if you don’t. Diamonds are made from pressure, Ethan. The more pressure, the more clarity.”
Reaching over, I cupped her cheek, running my thumb over her lips. “Ask me what happened today,” I said gently.
She sighed, trying to remove my hand. “Ethan, I know—”
“No, you don’t know all of it, so ask me.”
She eyed me carefully. “Okay, what happened today, Ethan.”
“After watching my business assets burn, I was pulled over by a cop. No, I was pulled over by my father, who was pretending to be a cop.”
Her eyes widened. “Your father? He came to you? You spoke to him?”
I nodded.
She shook her head, confused. “For them to come out and expose themselves—only something dire would cause that. You can make the money back from the drugs.”
“They weren’t concerned about the drugs,” I explained as I brushed my hand over her neck. “They were concerned about you.”
“Me?”
“They apparently have proof you are betraying me. That this has all been one long game to destroy this family,” I said, now gripping her neck with the same hand she’d just wrapped.
She didn’t even flinch as my grip tightened. I could feel the blood rushing, her pulse beating.
“I told you not to keep secrets. So, Calliope, how do you plead to these charges?” Once again, I found myself held hostage by her eyes. I wanted to be angry at her. I wanted to yell in her face. I want to choke her with my bare hands, but I couldn’t.
I was the one holding her by the throat, yet I was the one trapped. Maybe she knew that, which was why the corner of her lips slowly turned upward.
“I plead guilty, Boss.”
What?
CALLIOPE
His eyes widened in utter shock. He was shocked, and his grip on my neck loosened.
“What? What did you just say?”
“I plead guilty—” In the blink of an eye, his strength returned, his grip like iron around my neck as he slammed me back onto the couch, his body hovering over mine.
“This is—”
“I…plead…guilty…I…plead…innocent.” I struggled to get the words out against his hands. “I…plead…the…fifth.”
“Does this look like a good time to mess with me, Calliope?” he sneered.
I grinned despite the furious look in his eyes and the rising dizziness that came from lack of oxygen. “I’m…not…messing with…you. I won’t…fight…you. You decide…here. Now…If I’m guilty…if you believe them…kill me now and…get it over with…Save your…family.” Talking so much was actually making this much more painful.
The fury in his expression didn’t vanish, nor did his grip change. I stared up at his green eyes like they were jewels in the sky, waiting.
“You don’t think I would. That’s why you want me to decide. You already know my choice. So, saying this isn’t a risk for you.” He frowned, pushing me down harder, and I just smiled more.
“I…can only hold…my breath…for…so…long…Ethan…”
He leaned down and kissed my lips once before whispering, “I think you are guilty.” Just like that, his other hand wrapped around my neck, adding pressure.
My vision spotted, and everything slowly darkened. “Love…you…both.” I’d never thought about that until now. But if I had to die, then this was exactly how I wanted to go…the life squeezed out of me by the hands of my lover. It was poetic.
I could feel my mouth moving, but I could no longer hear myself, and a second later, my vision collapsed into darkness.
ETHAN
She laid there completely still. Her eyes finally shut, freeing me. Leaning over, I kissed her neck. Her skin was so warm under my lips…the blood still rushing in her veins. Slowly, I rose off her, mindful of the glass I’d broken before I lifted her into my arms. Her head slumped to rest on my chest. Walking forward, I gently set her onto the mattress, tucking her under the sheets on her side of the bed then moving to my own.
Lying back on to the pillows, I stared up at my ceiling, trying to think of something to distract myself from what I had just done. And there should have been a thousand things to hold my attention, like the current state of my city, who was going to fill which positions. I could have thought about how I was going to recover my losses from today. Hell, I hadn’t spoken to my parents in almost a decade—that should have had priority in my mind. But instead of any of those options, the only thing that went through my mind was the fact that I had choked my wife until she was unconscious…because I loved her too much to kill her.
“I’m not sure how this love thing is supposed to go, Calliope, but I pretty sure we are not a good model for it,” I whispered, despite the fact that she could not hear me. “In fact, I think we are a bit toxic.” I was silent for second as I tried to piece my thoughts together. “Or maybe it is just me. After all, a man should never put his hands on a woman, right?”
“I am not a woman…I am Calliope.” Her voice was hoarse, and I glanced over to her. “You are not a man…you are Ethan.”
“You weren’t unconscious?”
“I was. But I recover fast,” she whispered. “Lots of practice.”
I frowned at that but said nothing.
“So, you changed your verdict. I’m not guilty?” she asked.
“You are guilty, you are innocent, and you will not speak. So, I punished you according to each,” I muttered.
“Ethan, the wise,” she said then coughed. Lifting her head, she placed it on my chest.
“Calliope, the shrewd,” I muttered, wrapping my arm around her.
“I don’t like shrewd. That sounds so negative.”
“I know.”
She grumbled, now having the energy to look at me. Except, now I closed my eyes, not wanting to get lost in the sight of her again. However, the woman just found another method to get into my head.
“Close your eyes if you want to. Choke me all night if you must,” she whispered directly into my ear. “Nothing will change…toxic or not…bad or good day…betrayal or no betrayal…I’m still going to love you, and you are going to love me, even if it might be against our better judgment.”
When my eyes opened, she was above me. Reaching up, I brushed my hand through her hair, tucking it behind her ears.
Wasn’t I angry at her?
Didn’t I tell myself I would get the truth from her tonight?
“I’ll make today up to you,” she whispered.
Calliope, the shrewd…Calliope, the angel of death, the Grim Reaper…Calliope, my one and only love…Why must it always be the hard way with you?
She’s lying about what happened today.
She’d lied to me many times before but today…today something was different. And I could not help but think of my father’s words.
I’d spoken to my father.
He’d sat right beside me.
After so many years, there he was…in the flesh. No longer a ghost.
They risked that…just to warn me about Calliope.
Do you really think that you started to lose face the moment she came into your life by accident? His voice now echoed through my thoughts.
Even after the seeds of doubt my father had planted in my mind, I was sure, no, I was positive that I was not going to kill Calliope…because s
he wasn’t going to betray me.
I was not wrong.
They were.
16
“A street thug and a paid killer are professionals, beasts of prey…who have dissociated themselves from the rest of humanity and can now see human beings in the same way that trout fishermen see trout.”
~ Willard Gaylin
ETHAN
“Are you going to stand there all day, or are you going to get in?” she nearly yelled as she pulled up in front of the house in my car, the sound of the wheels screeching to a halt in front of the steps where I stood still echoing in my ear.
Of all the cars in our garage…she chose this one? I said nothing and got in on the passenger’s side and leaned back in the seat.
“Seatbelt please,” she said politely, and I just stared, so she stared back, not moving until I did what she had asked. She was insufferable sometimes.
However, I wore the damn seatbelt, and not even a second later, she stomped on the accelerator like a NASCAR driver. She sped out of the driveway so quickly that I felt the pressure through my back. I did not think the gates would have time to open all the way, but she managed to get through. Part of me worried that there may be some paint chipped off the sides.
“You are aware this is a three-million-dollar car, correct?” I asked her as she overtook the car in front of her and sped down the back streets.
She was already pushing eighty miles per hour. “Nope, I just thought it matched my outfit.” She glanced over at me with a smile.
“Any other black car wouldn’t fit your outfit?”
“But none of them were custom Bugattis,” she replied, pressing her foot down even farther, taking us to ninety. “Don’t worry, I’ll return your precious car back to you in one piece,” she said as she passed another car, barely beating a red light before turning sharply onto the interstate.
I shook my head, trying to let it go. But I had a bad feeling, especially with her being so polite all of a sudden. Bad things happened when Calliope was nice. It meant she was bottling up her rage, holding back, saving her energy…for what? I still did not know.
“Do you want to tell me this plan of yours anytime soon?”
