by London Casey
“Hey,” she said.
I swallowed hard. “Hey.”
“Liam, come in,” she said.
I stepped into the apartment.
My heart danced like a kid in the rain. Telling me that I was single and what I wanted next was finally okay.
I wasn’t sure that was exactly the truth. The single part was. The other part…
“Do you want a drink?” Emily offered.
“Yeah. That would be great.”
“Soda? Water? Beer? Whiskey?”
“I’m not driving,” I said.
“You never drive,” Emily said.
“The beauty of the city.”
“So that means you want something good,” she said. “No problem.”
She walked to her kitchen and I looked right at the smoke alarm that had been going off the last time I was here. Her on that step ladder, waving a towel, trying to stop the thing from screaming.
Maybe that was the sign. The universe sounding the alarm that things were going to get crazy…
My eyes moved across the kitchen and I saw Emily at the counter, reaching up into a cabinet. Her shirt was pulled up, showing off her lower back. My fingertips ached to walk up to her and touch her. In my jeans, I felt something else happening. Like a giant beast stirring to life after the longest winter known to man, my dick slowly began to throb.
Another unpleasant reminder of just how unhappy I had been with that other person.
Emily got the whiskey bottle and reached for glasses.
“Skip the glasses, Em,” I said.
She spun around, whiskey bottle in hand.
In that moment, she was a dream come to life.
The face of an angel. Her hair slightly messy just because she didn’t really care. Which turned me on. Her t-shirt and jeans working simultaneously to announce all the curves she didn’t like but I already knew I loved.
I walked toward her, my heart no longer dancing but rather hitting like a sledgehammer to a wall.
I stopped with just inches between us and I looked down at her.
“I don’t know what to say right now, Liam,” she said in almost a whispering voice. “I’m so sorry.”
I nodded. “I hate to say this, Em, but it was a long time coming. I knew the writing was on the wall. I thought I could be the guy who could clean up that writing and salvage what was left. I thought I could keep some kind of image.”
“And what image is that?”
“I’m not even sure anymore,” I said. “That’s the problem. Sometimes I look out the office window and wonder what the fuck I’m doing. I got to spend time with you and next thing I knew…”
“You were trying to skateboard and sucked at it,” Emily said. “Have a drink, Liam.”
She put the whiskey bottle to my chest.
My hand quickly wrapped around her hand.
I held her and the whiskey bottle.
We stared at each other for a few seconds.
With my other hand I twisted off the cap to the bottle and lifted it to my mouth.
Her hand still on the bottle.
I had no idea what the fuck we were doing.
It was weird but… it was Emily.
Em. My Em.
The whiskey burned and I knew what tasted sweet to balance it out.
I lowered the whiskey bottle from my lips and lowered my lips down toward hers.
“I’ve been waiting so long for this, Em,” I whispered. “How to do this the right way. I’m not sure there’s a right way. I’ve sat home for days thinking about you.”
“What do you mean days?” Emily asked.
“I was hiding out a little, Em. Trying to sort my thoughts.”
Emily pushed at my chest and slipped away. “So when did this happen?”
I looked over my shoulder. “What?”
“I was texting you and you weren’t answering me,” she said. “Then you said you were busy with work. You weren’t at work?”
“No.”
“So you lied to me?”
“This is kind of a big deal right now, Em.”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t. You sat there alone dealing with this? What actually happened then?”
“What does it matter? I’m here now. I’m where I want to be. With you.”
Emily shook her head.
She looked flustered and pissed.
“Em… wait a second. I think you’ve got things mixed up in your head.”
“I don’t think I do at all,” she said.
Before I could figure out what was happening here, someone knocked at the door.
“Miss Crabapple?” Emily shouted. “What are you doing here?”
“I just ventured for a walk,” an old woman’s voice said. “I can’t remember the last time I came down this way. I thought I would surprise you with a…”
The voice trailed off as I saw a skinny figure enter the apartment and look right at me.
I offered a quick wave.
“Oh,” the woman said. “You have a visitor. Wow. Maybe I should move to this floor if these are the kinds of visitors you get.”
“This is Liam,” I said.
“Liam?” the woman asked Emily with a smile as though she had heard my name before.
What’s going on here, Em? Have you talked about me to others? If so, talk to me instead. Tell me what you’re feeling.
“Liam, this is Miss Crabapple,” Emily said. “She lives on a different floor and isn’t supposed to be down here. She’s part of my posse for the rooftop.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” I said.
I put the whiskey bottle down and Miss Crabapple snapped her fingers and pointed.
“You bring that bottle with you,” she ordered.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said.
“Miss Crabapple,” Emily said.
“Nope,” she said. “I’m tired. I’m winded from walking down here. I could die right now, Emily. And if my dying wish is for a gorgeous man to bring me whiskey, shouldn’t I get that?”
Emily’s cheeks turned red.
I brought Miss Crabapple the whiskey bottle.
“If I start drinking, are you going to carry me home, Liam?” she asked.
“Of course,” I said. “Why don’t I leave you two alone? Em, I can give you a call later.”
“I’m the one who ruined your night,” Miss Crabapple said. “Don’t leave. I just need to get back home.”
Emily looked at me.
I nodded.
I put my arm out. “Why don’t you grab my arm? And we’ll go for a walk, okay? You show me where you live.”
“Are you asking me to take you home on the first date?” Miss Crabapple asked.
“Well, with a smile like you’ve got, how can I not?” I asked.
Miss Crabapple’s faced flushed for a second. “That’s sweet of you. I’m dying of cancer. There’s nothing good about me right now.”
“Don’t say that,” Emily said.
“It’s true,” Miss Crabapple said.
“I disagree,” I said.
“Try me,” Miss Crabapple said.
“Your eyes are full of life,” I said. “You have nice cheekbones too.”
“I look like a skeleton.”
“Not a chance. You know you have a smile that catches any man’s attention. And your attitude is vicious. You could suck men in, destroy them in a second, and spit out a pile of bones.”
Miss Crabapple laughed. “But not you, right?”
“Oh, not me. I’m far too strong. That’s what makes me an attraction.”
Miss Crabapple handed me the whiskey bottle back.
She looked at Emily. “Be careful of this one.”
“Oh?” Emily replied.
“He’s smooth enough that he’ll have your panties in his mouth before you realize what’s going on.”
Emily gasped. “Miss Crabapple…”
“Okay, fine,” she said. “The old, dying lady is making dirty jokes now.”
“Come on,” I said to her. “Show me your place.”
“Smooth,” she said to me.
“Like a baby’s ass,” I said with a wink.
Miss Crabapple laughed again.
I looked back at Emily and smiled.
She tried to keep an annoyed look on her face, but I caught her slowly smiling.
That slow smile was going to fix everything wrong in my world.
“It’s because of Emily, isn’t it?” Miss Crabapple asked.
“It is,” I said.
“Damn. I thought you were going to take me to bed, Liam.”
“Tell you what… next time, let’s get to know each other. Rooftop?”
“It’s a date,” Miss Crabapple said.
“See you soon,” I said.
Miss Crabapple looked at Emily and made her eyes really big.
She slowly shut the door and I glanced down at Emily.
Without hesitation, Emily grabbed my shirt and pulled.
“We’re going to the rooftop,” she said.
“Throwing me off for real this time?” I asked.
“I’m really considering it.”
“I think you’ve got this all wrong, Em…”
“Shut up, Liam. First off… what you just did for Miss Crabapple… that was nice. That was sweet. She needed that.”
“I know you do a lot for her.”
“She’s got this outlook on life… she knows she’s going to die…”
I put my hand to Emily’s hand and stopped her halfway up the steps to the rooftop.
“We’re all going to die,” I said. “All we have right now is the time we have.”
“Don’t get all philosophical on me. I’m not happy with you right now.”
Emily took off up the stairs and I followed her.
“Wait… Em…”
“Miss Crabapple takes each day as its own version of life,” Emily said. “I caught her one time trying to walk on her own and I thought she was going to collapse. So I helped her. We’ve been friends ever since. She doesn’t want to be treated like something is wrong. And neither do I.”
Emily opened the rooftop door.
I hurried after her and my hands slipped to her hips and stopped her.
“Em…”
“This gigantic moment happened in your life and you holed up,” she said. “And then I never heard from her either. So what does that mean?”
“That means we both know who she really is,” I said. “We’ve known it for a long time.”
“You wanted to marry her.”
“I don’t think I ever did.”
“Then… why…”
“It was the next step,” I said. “The second I saw you smile, Em… when it was just us… sitting at the counter that night… it was like I stepped off this fucking treadmill.”
She shook her head. “I can’t hear that right now. I don’t think I can be that person.”
“What person?”
Emily looked back at me. “I tell people she’s my best friend. Now what? I’m the woman who…”
Emily stepped out of my reach.
“It wasn’t working for a long time,” I said. “This Boston trip just proved all we both needed to see. I didn’t want it to happen over the phone, but it did. And it’s for the better. The reason why I stayed in my apartment and lied to you…” I looked up to the night’s sky for a breath. “The truth, Em…” I looked at her again. “I was excited and happy. After that phone call, I wanted to find you and kiss you. I wanted to scoop you up off your feet, kiss you like you deserve to be kissed, and then show you how beautiful you are. I can’t get it out of my head the night you told me you think you’re too curvy or not pretty… I’d give up everything in my life just to hear you realize how perfect you are.”
“Liam…”
“It’s fucking insane,” I said. “I know that. I did the right path thing. But what if I want to ride a skateboard, get drunk, end up at a beach somewhere, with you in my arms under the stars?”
“That can’t happen, Liam. You know that.”
“One part of it can. The only part that matters. You, Em, in my arms.”
She stepped toward me and then stopped. “No. Wait.”
She looked ready to cry. “You should go.”
“Okay. Want me to walk you home?”
“I’m fine up here.”
I turned and walked to the door.
I thought about Jackson.
That prick.
He told me to just show up and fuck Emily. He told me the second she opened the door to just grab her and have her.
He was right.
But I didn’t want to just fuck Emily.
I wanted her.
“Liam,” Emily shouted.
I looked back with the door open.
“Everything you said… I want it too,” she said. “Are we really going to blow up our lives like this…?”
“I know my answer to that,” I said. “You can figure out yours. You’re worth the wait, Em.”
I let the door shut behind me.
I took a deep breath.
This slow burn shit was good for the movies, but not for real life.
Then again, both Emily and I knew when we finally did jump into the fire, there was no coming out.
And again… she was worth it all.
Chapter Thirty
Emily
I wrote four versions of a text message to Liam.
And not a single one was sent to him.
The version of me being a good friend to him.
The version of me being a good friend to Miranda.
The version of me being a lover to him.
And the version of me being a horny woman, wanting him to come over, fuck me, and then we could see where our feelings were.
Sleep wasn’t my friend.
Self-soothing didn’t help much.
I couldn’t come because I couldn’t get Liam out my mind.
And if I was going to be in bed, touching myself, thinking of Liam, why not just have him there with me?
At one point, I pictured Miranda and that just dried everything up.
I sat up in bed and shook my head.
What a bitch, right?
She had been the same way throughout college. Yet when she went to law school - with Liam - she would keep in touch with me. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized the friendship was her footprints on my back. She called me when she needed something. And stupid me just never noticed it.
Just like with Buzzy… Miss Crabapple… the homeless men I gave food to…
That was just me.
I cared. I gave. I believed in abundance and giving.
But then there were people like Miranda. Who were born to take and take, and not give a damn.
Now Miranda didn’t even matter… kind of.
If she stayed in Boston, then it was a win for everyone here in the city.
She was still the person who controlled the building where the bakery was.
Something had to happen there though…
And just like that, I stayed up all night, thinking.
Stuck between a fantasy with Liam and the reality with Miranda.
Pacing my apartment, drinking water, diet iced tea, knowing I was going to regret not getting any sleep.
Finally at four in the morning, I sat down on the couch with my phone and typed up one more text to Liam.
Where would we run away together to? You want forever? Come get it.
I quickly deleted the text.
I then crashed on the couch and tried self-soothing again. With some visual aids thanks to the internet.
I was tired and wanted the real thing.
My fingertips were pruned like I had been in a bath too long.
All without any relief.
Sexually frustrated? Check.
Falling in love with my best friend’s fiancé? Check.
Ready to set my entire life on fire? Check.
I woke up two hours later and called Lucy.
“You sound like crap,” Lucy said.
“I didn’t sleep much.”
“Why not?”
I heard the tone in Lucy’s voice.
“Stop,” I said. “I’m going to do something I’ve never done before.”
“You’re ditching work.”
“Yes.”
“Good,” Lucy said. “You pay Ember and I to run the place. You should take a day off here and there. Now just please tell me that you’re in bed with Liam.”
“Lucy…”
“Okay, fine. I guess that was my fantasy last night.”
I shut my eyes. “I’m going back to sleep.”
“Enjoy,” Lucy said.
I hung up and rolled over on the couch.
I literally never did this. Ever.
Ever in my life…
When I was in high school, I had a job. My weekends were early hours and sometimes really long days. I also helped at the bakery when my grandmother needed me to. There was no sleeping for hours or sometimes days and all that.
Until now.
Right now.
It was like a new version of Emily showed up.
To get some sleep.
I fell back to sleep really quick too.
I figured guilt would keep me awake.
Nope.
I heard my phone ringing and I rolled over to answer it in case it was Lucy or Ember.
It was Carla calling.
And it was noon.
I sat up and looked around the apartment.
“Noon,” I whispered.
And the world didn’t end.
I got some sleep and life continued to function.
I didn’t answer Carla’s call.
Instead, I wandered into the kitchen and made some coffee.
Carla sent me a text that I didn’t read until I returned to the couch with my cup of coffee.
My plan was to stay in my PJ’s all day.
Give Liam a taste of his own medicine.
Hole up and think.
Ignore him.
Lie to him.
Even though there was this sense of… excitement…
He and Miranda weren’t together anymore.
Which meant…
I looked at my phone for distraction.
Where are you? We’re meeting Ernie at 1. You have to be there. Don’t be a Robin!
I smiled.
I looked at my guitar, balanced on the chair in the living room.
