by L A Cotton
A decision my mom had never forgiven me for.
“There you are.” A familiar hand slid over my shoulder.
“Jenna,” my voice was clipped but it didn’t deter her from sliding into the stool beside me.
“Drinking all alone?”
“Just catching my breath. You know how it is after a game.”
“I know how it can be.” She walked her fingers over my arm. “You look tense.”
Tense was the fucking understatement of the year.
“I can help with that.”
My eyes slid to hers in question. Of course I knew where this was going, the only way it ever went between us. But my dick wasn’t in it, not tonight.
Unperturbed, Jenna leaned in, brushing her lips against the shell of my ear. “Meet me in the storeroom in five.”
“Oh yeah, you going to make it worth my while?”
She pulled back, running her tongue across her bottom lip, a slow seductive sweep. “I think we both know that when we’re done, you’re gonna be feeling a whole lot better.” She stood up, making a show of flicking her long blonde hair off her shoulder and letting me get a front row seat to her impressive rack.
“Five minutes.” She mouthed before sauntering away, heading straight for the back of the bar.
“That one has trouble written all over her.”
“Maybe I like trouble, old man.”
“I knew another guy who said exactly the same thing once.” Jerry gave me a knowing look, whipped the towel off his shoulder and began wiping the counter.
I hadn’t wanted Marissa. She was new. All shiny and eager. Probably hoping she could impress me enough to want to stick around. But Jenna knew the score. She knew it was nothing more than sex between us. A way to burn off some steam and relax.
And given how tense I was, I knew I’d be a fool to resist what she was offering. Decision made, I downed the rest of my whiskey and made my way to the back. But before I disappeared down the hall, I glanced back, searching for my friends. For Felicity. She was still laughing at Asher, her eyes alight and lips curved. She looked happy. My chest tightened, Jerry’s words rattling around my head. He was wrong. I wasn’t my father.
I would never let myself become my father.
But I was no saint either.
Chapter Nine
Felicity
“Are you sure he won’t come back here?” I asked Hailee for the millionth time since we left Bell’s.
“He rarely comes home Friday night, either crashing at Asher’s or…” she trailed off, giving me a sympathetic smile.
Jason had barely looked twice at me at Bell’s, and every time he did, it was with a scowl painted on his face. As if that wasn’t enough, I’d watched him follow Jenna Jarvis into the back and return a while later with a lazy smirk and fresh wrinkles in his Henley.
“It is what it is.” My lips pursed.
She shook away her grim expression. “Anyway, we didn’t come back here to mope over stupid boys; it’s girls’ night. Are we going with Scott Eastwood in The Longest Ride or shall we go old school with a bit of R Patz in Breaking Dawn?”
Smothering a giggle, I shot her an incredulous look. “I still can’t believe, you, Hailee Raine, are a closet Twihard.”
“What?” She shrugged with no sign of remorse. “He’s hot.”
“If you say so. I’m more of Tim Riggins kinda gal. You can keep your sparkly vampires; I’ll take Friday Night Lights any day of the week.”
“Maybe that’s your problem,” she quipped, setting up the film.
“Says the girl dating her very own football star.” I rolled onto my stomach and grabbed another handful of popcorn.
“I’m dating Cameron, the person. Who just so happens to play football.”
“Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that.” I grabbed a pillow and threw it at her. Hailee caught it and settled down on her bed, hitting the light switch and plunging the room into darkness.
“This is nice,” she said through a yawn. “You, me, just like old times.”
“Uh-hmm.” I wondered if she’d still be saying that if she knew what I’d been doing with her step-brother less than a few hours ago.
Dear God, what had I done? Letting him touch me like that. But it was like I became someone else around him; someone who thrived on his cruel words and cocky charm.
It was unlike me. But maybe that was the problem. Maybe I liked the fact I felt different around Jason. Powerful and sexy. Instead of the wallflower I’d been for most of my life.
Hailee was immersed in the film, oohing and ahhing to all her favorite parts, until my eyes grew heavy and the moving images started to blur.
I woke with a start. “Hailee?” I whispered, but she was out cold, her muffled breaths steady and shallow. The glare from the television illuminated the room, guiding my path as I climbed to my feet, stretching out the kinks in my neck. The digital clock on her nightstand read one in the morning. We must have been sleeping awhile.
Deciding to pee before I tried to get comfy again, I ducked into Hailee’s bathroom. Not bothering to turn on the light, I left the bedroom door ajar instead. Once I was done, I washed my hands, catching my reflection in the small wall mirror. I looked the same. Same green eyes, same brown hair, and beauty spot on my upper left cheek. But I felt different. Something inside me was changing.
I was changing.
And I didn’t know how to make it stop, whether I even wanted to.
“You gonna stand there all day or are you done?” The low growl catapulted my heart into my throat.
“Jason, what the—” He closed the distance, brushing past me to pull the door separating Hailee’s side of the bathroom and her bedroom closed. “Let me out.” My eyes narrowed as I took in his disheveled appearance; the bitter scent of whisky lingering on his breath.
“Why the fuck are you here?” he ground out, rubbing his jaw. There was a slight slur to his words and I realized he was drunk.
Crap.
I could deal with sober Jason, but drunk Jason… drunk Jason was what had landed me in this situation in the first place.
“I’m with Hailee. She invited me. It’s girls’ night,” I said as if it mattered. Of course it didn’t freaking matter.
Edging backward, my hands searched desperately for the door handle.
“You’re everywhere, like a recurring nightmare.” His words hit me straight in the heart.
“You came in here first—”
“It’s my fucking bathroom.” Anger blazed in his eyes as he stalked toward me, so close if he reached for me, I’d be right there.
“It’s Hailee’s—”
“I don’t give a fuck. You shouldn’t be here.” He dragged a hand through his hair, pulling at the ends in frustration.
“So let me go,” I whisper-hissed, done with his bullshit. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for any of this. Okay, so maybe I had a hand in blurring the lines between us, but he’d made it perfectly clear where we stood, and it wasn’t like I was begging him to give me a chance.
“Is that what you really want?” His hand came for me, splaying against the side of my neck, his thumb tracing up and down.
“Yes,” I said shakily.
“You sure?” Jason leaned in, his breath hot on my skin, his lips dangerously near the soft spot right beneath my ear. “Because I’m not so sure. I think you like this, like what I do to you.” He inhaled deeply, inhaled me, and my legs almost gave way.
“Jason, stop.” I fisted my hands at my sides, knowing if I touched him it wouldn’t end well.
“Stop?” There was a wicked glint in his eye as he lifted his face to me. “You think you get to say when this stops?”
“I’m not going to play this game with you, not anymore.”
He was drunk, his words crueler than ever, his touch harsher.
“Game? You think this is a game? This isn’t a game; it’s bloodsport, baby. And you… you couldn’t have made it any easier if you’d tried.”
Tearing myself from his hold, I stepped back, my body hitting the wall. “Get out,” I said, coldly. “Now.”
He blinked, confusion clouding his glassy eyes. “Feli—”
“Get. Out. Before I do something we’ll both regret.”
His heavy gaze lingered on me for a second before he staggered out of the bathroom, and I slumped against the wall, releasing the breath caught in my throat. Wondering how the hell I was ever going to survive Jason Ford.
Everything went back to normal after that. Whatever had happened between me and Jason in his car, was filed under ‘epic screw ups’, and I spent the weekend trying my best to forget our middle-of-the-night moment in the Ford-Raine bathroom. Of course, I didn’t breathe a word of it to Hailee.
It had hurt, a sharp pain splintering my chest, that he could go so quickly from kissing me, touching me, to being with Jenna. But it was just another reminder I needed to push all thoughts of Jason Ford out of my head.
At least, that was the plan.
“Felicity?”
“Huh?”
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Mom frowned. “I was calling you and you were completely zoned out.”
“Late night studying,” I said around a fake yawn. “You know how it is.”
“I know it’s senior year, baby, but I don’t want you making yourself ill. A good night’s sleep—”
“Makes for a healthy mind. Got it, Mom.”
“You know your grandma, God bless her soul, used to drill that into me every day.”
“I know, Mom.” Just the way you drill it into me.
“Senior year.” She slid a plate of pancakes toward me before helping herself to another mug of coffee. Apparently, once you were an adult, a healthy mind ran on a good night’s sleep and two coffees before eight. “It only seems like yesterday you were born.”
Silently groaning, I ate my breakfast while Mom took a trip down memory lane. By the time I was done, she was a little teary-eyed. “We’re so proud of you, Felicity, and to think you’re following in our footsteps.”
“Sure thing, Mom.” I regurgitated the same response whenever she brought up college.
“Although,” she went on, “I’m not sure how your father is going to cope. He barely slept when you were in New York.”
“It was one night,” I reminded her.
“I know, I know. But New York is just so...”
I filled the silence with adjectives. Big. Amazing. Inspiring. Alive. I should have known she would say, “Overwhelming.”
“I don’t know, I kind of liked it.” And it had absolutely nothing to do with giving a certain brooding Raider my v-card.
“Really?” Her nose scrunched up. “I found it to be so gaudy. Anyway, your father and I agreed, no more road trips until after graduation, young lady. I’m not sure his heart could take it, and you know Doctor Garrick said he needs to watch his blood pressure.”
“Mom, I don’t think my one-night stopover set off Dad’s blood pressure, I think his endless late nights at the office did.” He was rarely ever home and if he was, he brought his work with him.
“He just wants to provide for us, baby, for you. A strong work ethic is so important these days.”
“I know,” I murmured the words, suddenly feeling guilty. Dad did work hard for his family.
“One day you’ll understand.” Her eyes held nothing but warmth, as if she was doing me a favor. Protecting me. Keeping me safe from the monsters of the world. But what she failed to realize was, she was stifling me.
I was stifled.
But I couldn’t tell her that.
Not unless I wanted to break her heart.
So I pressed my lips together and smiled, hoping she couldn’t see I was already tainted by a monster.
A monster who wore a blue and white jersey and ate girls like me for breakfast.
“Miss Giles,” the gruff voice startled me. “Just the girl I hoped to find.”
My brows pinched as I gawked at Principal Finnigan, trying to rack my brain for any recent indiscretions he might be here to reprimand me for.
When the silence went on for a second longer than normal, I finally found my voice and said, “I’m sorry, did you want me, Sir?”
“Indeed.” He smiled faintly. “This is Mya Hernandez, a transfer student from Philadelphia. I was hoping you could buddy up with her and help her settle in.”
“Me?” I blinked, certain I’d misheard. “You want me to buddy up with her?”
“Well, I don’t know of any other students called Felicity Giles, do you?”
“No, Sir.”
“Well, then,” he said, “I’ll leave you girls to get acquainted. Mya already has her class schedule. If you have any issues, please see Miss Hampstead.”
He smoothed down his blazer and took off down the hall, leaving me and the new girl staring awkwardly at one another.
“Listen, it’s cool,” she said with a hint of a Latina accent. “I don’t need you to babysit me. Just point me in the direction of,” she scanned the paper in her hand, “AP History, and I’ll tell Miss Hampstead you were more than helpful.”
“Mya, right?” I asked, ignoring her brush off. “I’m Felicity. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Yeah, whatever.” She hitched her bag up her shoulders and glanced around.
“I love your hair, is it—”
“Natural?” Mya rolled her eyes.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“No, I’m sorry.” Her hard expression softened. “That was rude of me. It’s just hard, you know, transferring partway through the semester of senior year.”
“You’re from Philadelphia?”
“Badlands,” her voice lowered significantly.
“Isn’t that like…” The words lodged in my throat.
“The ghetto?” Her brow went up as she gave a strangled laugh.
“That’s not…” My cheeks flamed. “I didn’t…”
“Badlands is not The Hamptons, that’s for sure, but it was still home, you know?”
“You’ve been?” I changed tack. “To the Hamptons, I mean? I always wanted to go, but my mom and dad prefer culture to the beach.” Quiet culture: museums and galleries and historical buildings.
“I went once. Didn’t think it was all that. That whole scene isn’t really my thing.” Mya snorted, pushing her unruly spiral curls from her face. She was beautiful: all caramel skin with dark features, and a slim but curvy frame. She reminded me of Amandla Stenberg.
I smiled to myself. Girls at Rixon fit into two categories: Plastic Barbie jersey chasers and the rest of us. One look at Mya and I knew she was like me and Hailee. Well, pre-Cameron and a certain star quarterback that would remain nameless.
“What?” Mya frowned at me as I studied her.
Slipping my arm through hers, I leaned in close. “Are you a football fan, Mya Hernandez?”
“I prefer basketball.”
My smile grew.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” She frowned.
“Oh nothing, but I think you and I are going to be great friends,” I declared, dragging her down the hall. “Welcome to Rixon High.”
“So this is the cafeteria,” I announced as Mya trailed behind me. She had insisted on doing her own thing at lunch, and I had insisted she come with me to meet Hailee. Apparently, my persistence outweighed hers.
“Aaand it looks just like my old cafeteria except without the drug dealing and fights.”
My head whipped around and I knew my mouth was hanging open like a fish.
“Joke,” Maya said. “I’m joking. Well about the drug dealing, mostly.”
“It was that bad?” I asked as we joined the line.
“Fallowfield High was a jungle. I’m lucky I escaped.”
“How did you?”
“Long story,” was all she said before turning her attention to the lunch items. “Same shit food though.”
“Oh, I don’t know. The tacos are usually good a
nd Friday is spaghetti day.”
“Hmm, sounds delicious,” she replied drolly.
“Just wait, you’ll see.”
“And who might this be?” Asher had impeccable timing. I’d hoped to get Mya situated before introducing her to anyone else. But from the way his gaze drifted down her body and back up, I knew Asher would need no introductions.
“Asher Bennet.” He held out his hand. “You must be the new girl.”
“This is Mya,” I said when she pursed her lips in defiance, staring at his hand like he had an infectious disease.
I was growing to like this girl more by the second.
Asher quickly recovered, running his fingers through his messy blond hair. “You like football, Mya?”
“It’s not usually my scene, no.”
“We’ll have to change that then because you just landed yourself in Rixon.”
“Am I supposed to know what that means?”
“You’ll see.” He winked at her before turning his attention to me. “Looking good, Fee, baby.” Then he strolled away as if it was nothing.
“Why is everyone staring at us?” Mya asked.
“Because you just caught the eye of a Raider.” My stomach knotted at the words, which was weird because if Asher turned his attention to the new girl, at least it meant he wouldn’t be looking at me anymore.
Didn’t it?
“So not interested.” Mya loaded her tray with lunch items.
“Boyfriend?” I raised a brow.
“Ex-boyfriend. And I’m not looking to replace him anytime soon.”
“Ah, I see. Bad break up?” We moved along the line.
“The worst.” Pain flashed in her eyes, but it was gone in an instant. Mya was hardened. Aloof. She reminded me a lot of Hailee pre-Cameron.
