by L A Cotton
But I couldn’t seem to drag myself away either. Because in that moment, with her passed out on the bed, I could pretend. Pretend she was mine and I was hers. Even if it was only a dream. One I knew could never become reality.
Leaning against her desk, something caught my eye. Reaching for the stack of papers, the familiar crest stared up at me. “What the...” My eyes squinted as I snatched up the college application, a sinking feeling tugging at my stomach.
There was no way.
No way she was applying to Penn, my fucking school.
Yet, there it was, staring me in the face, like a giant screw you from the universe.
“J- Jason?” Her soft voice hit me dead in the chest. “Are you still here?”
I wanted to go to her, to reassure her everything was okay. That she was just disorientated from all the liquor in her bloodstream. But I was paralyzed by the papers in my hand. At what they implied.
Penn was Ivy League, one of the best colleges in the country. What were the chances that Felicity also had plans to go there?
Unless... no. She wouldn’t pull that kind of crazy shit.
Would she?
Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. My chest tightened around my lungs like I’d been sacked by a hulk of a linebacker. Quietly hurrying to the door, I glanced over at her one last time before ducking out of her room and retracing my steps out of the house.
Felicity was never supposed to be a distraction. She was never supposed to bury her way under my skin.
Only she had.
And for as much as I’d resisted, for as much as I knew it was a terrible idea, deep down, I had been coming around to the idea of exploring this thing between us. The inexplicable pull. But I wasn’t looking for anything serious. Didn’t have time for it. Not now. Not when I went off to Penn next fall. So the idea she would be there, on campus, showing up all over the place... I couldn’t deal with that shit.
It was better this way.
Better she hated me.
Better she got all ideas of her and me out of her head.
Felicity deserved Prince Charming, not the misunderstood Knight with a chip on his shoulder and hate in his soul.
The vibrations of my cell pulled me from my thoughts and I dug it out my pocket. “Yeah?”
“Check your snapchat,” Grady said. “We’ve got a problem.”
“Do I even want to know?”
“I think you’ll want to see this, Cap.”
“Fine,” my jaw clenched, “thanks for the heads up.”
I waited until I was in my car to open up Grady’s message and when I did, I knew only one person was responsible.
Thatcher.
Chapter Twenty-One
Felicity
“I think I’m in hell.”
“No,” Hailee said, “that’s just your hangover talking.”
“Don’t say that word. It’s evil.”
“What did your mom say?”
“Oh, I hid out in the bathroom until she left for work. But if I don’t make it through the day, I’m ready to fake a stomach flu. So ready.”
“That was some impressive display last night.” She gave me a pointed look; one I felt all the way down to the pit of my stomach.
“Honestly, I don’t know what to say.” My cheeks flushed.
“You could start with the truth.”
“I’m not sure you’re ready to hear it.” I peeked over at her while the rest of the student population filed down the hall, moving to their classes.
“Hey,” she grabbed my hand, “It’s okay. You don’t need to protect me. I know you like him. I know he likes you—”
“He doesn’t like me, Hails.” My head shook side to side. “I’m just a game to him.”
A game I could never win.
“So what was last night then?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, why did my pig-headed step-brother pretty much carry you out of Bell’s—in front of everyone might I add—if you’re just a game?”
“He did?”
I had hazy memories of being wrapped in his arms but I hadn’t considered what it meant. That he’d done it in front of other people. Our classmates. Hailee was staring at me like she expected an answer, so I said, “Because he’s trying to win student of the year? I don’t know.”
“God, you’re dense sometimes. He likes you. It’s written all over his face every time he looks at you.”
“Hails, I don’t know what you think you know, but Jason doesn’t like me.” At least, not in the way I wanted him to.
“Come to the Seniors Night thing tonight.”
“I can’t. It’s family and friends of the team only.”
“Well I’m a guest of honor and I’m family. You can be my plus one.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Look,” Hailee pulled me closer to the locker bank. “Jason is as stubborn as he is good at football. But he’s different with you. I can’t explain it, but ever since New York, he’s been different. Come tonight, be there for him. And maybe after, the two of you can talk.”
“You really think it’s a good idea? He made it seem like...” My voice trailed off before I revealed too much.
Everything was so confusing. He said one thing but was constantly doing another. And despite my head knowing it was better—easier—to walk away, my heart didn’t want that.
“Don’t you at least want to know where you stand?”
“I guess...”
“So come.”
“Fine, I’ll come.” I was going to the game anyway and even if Jason didn’t want me there, Hailee, Asher, and Cameron would make me feel welcome.
Butterflies tickled my insides. I didn’t want to get my hopes up again, not where Jason was concerned. But I had hazy memories of last night. Of him undressing me and tucking me in. Of his fingers tracing my face as if I was the most precious thing in the world. He could be so gentle and tactile and warm with me. A stark contrast to the cold icy version everyone else got to see.
“Don’t look so worried.” Hailee squeezed my hand, offering me a reassuring smile.
But this was Jason she was talking about.
Which meant I didn’t need to be worried.
I needed to be terrified.
I should have known the night was doomed when the Raiders lost. The entire game had been like pulling teeth. We scored a touchdown. They got one back. We sacked their QB, they took down ours even harder. Jason was off his game, so much so we’d all witnessed Coach Hasson chew him out on the sideline more than once. It was a shitshow and everyone felt the tension on the field.
By the time we arrived at the Hassons’, nervous energy coursed through my veins.
“Relax,” Hailee said. “It’s going to be fine.”
“Did you watch the same game I did?” I asked incredulously. “We practically got our asses handed to us.”
“It was one game and it isn’t like they needed the win or anything.”
“Hails, you have so much still to learn.”
She chuckled, cutting the engine. “I know I talked you into coming tonight for Jason; but confession time, I partly did it for me.”
“Hails, he’s seen the portrait. He knows how good you are.”
“I know but this is different.” Her voice cracked. “It’s like baring myself to everyone, and that terrifies me.”
I twisted around to her. “You are so talented, babe. You have nothing to be worried about. Mr. Jalin managed to fix the damaged portraits and everyone is going to love them. All of them. This is your time to shine, Hails.”
She gave me a slight nod, but I could see the fear in her eyes. Reaching over, I squeezed her hand. “You’ve got this.”
“We’ve got this.” Her smile grew.
“Ride or die.”
“Ride or die.” Hailee gave me a small nod, before we got out of the car and made our way around the side of the house. The team were already there, their expressions somber, the
mood still tense.
“Ah, Miss Raine,” Coach Hasson made his way over. “Just the person I wanted to see.”
“Hi, Coach, tough game.”
“Hmm.” His lips pressed into a thin line. “We’re not going to dwell on that tonight. We’re here to celebrate our seniors and your talent. Mr. Jalin informed me of the incident.” The way he said it suggested he knew there was more to it than what he’d been told.
“Unfortunate to have happened the day before the presentation,” he added.
Hailee tensed but kept her expression neutral. “These things happen. I’m just relieved Mr. Jalin had the foresight to take photographs of them.”
“Indeed. Now if I could borrow you for a quick moment to run through the plan.”
“Hmm, sure.” Hailee looked to me and I nodded.
“Go, I’ll be fine.” Glancing around the Hassons’ yard, I spotted Asher and Cameron with their parents. The rest of the players were standing with their families.
But not Jason.
He was sat in a chair on the edge of the gathering, drinking a beer. Jenna Jarvis sat proudly on his lap, like the Queen Bitch she was. A potent mix of anger and jealousy skittered up my spine when her eyes lifted to mine and glittered with victory.
“Flick, what’s... Oh.” Hailee reappeared. “What the hell is he playing at? She isn’t even supposed to be here, it’s a closed event,” she mumbled beneath her breath.
“It’s fine,” I steeled myself, ignoring the ache in my chest. “Let’s go get our seats.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m here now, aren’t I?” And it wasn’t like seeing Jenna all over Jason was new to me. I’d been there and done that enough times, I didn’t just own the t-shirt, I had that crap trademarked.
I trailed after Hailee, keeping my eyes ahead. If Jason noticed me, he didn’t let it be known. Asher on the other hand, beamed at me as we approached the long table. They had been arranged in a giant U shape with the lectern at the front surrounded by Hailee’s portraits behind in a sweeping arc, and rows behind for the rest of the guests.
“Fee, baby, this is a surprise,” Asher said quietly, his gaze moving past me, probably to Jason.
“Hailee invited me as her plus one.”
“Screw that, you can be my plus one. Come on.” He patted the seat beside him.
“Isn’t someone sitting there?”
“You.” He smiled and some of my nerves subsided.
“Hey, Felicity,” Cameron added once I was seated. “How are you?”
“I’m good. Sorry for gate-crashing.” I gave him a tight smile.
“Never. You’re Hailee’s best friend which makes you one of us. Besides I think Mrs. Hasson got carried away with all the food. The more the merrier.”
“Thanks.” Before I could stop myself, I’d lifted my gaze over to where Jason and Jenna sat. He looked indifferent, barely touching her, but she was wrapped around him, hands splayed on his chest, her body turned into him slightly, sending a clear signal to everyone—to me—that tonight, Jason belonged to her.
“He’s pissed we lost,” Cameron said.
“Nah, he’s pissed his head wasn’t in it and that’s why we lost.”
“Ash,” Cam warned.
“He needs to figure his shit out before the play-offs or we can kiss State goodbye.”
“What?” I asked, the three of them staring at me.
“You should talk to him.” That was Asher.
“She’s going to, right, Flick?” Hailee added. “After the presentation.”
“I, uh, I guess.” My eyes found him again only this time he was staring back. His eyes narrowed and dark. Anger rippled off him, palpable even from our position all the way across the yard.
“Ignore her.” Asher leaned in.
“Easy for you to say.” I tried to give him an easy smile, but I knew it probably looked strained.
“He doesn’t want her. She’s just convenient. Or a bad habit. Yeah, she’s a bad habit.” His lip kicked up.
“You know what they say about bad habits, right?” I said. “They’re hard to break.” My stomach sank.
“Don’t give up on our guy yet. I don’t know what happened today but something’s eating at him.” I gave him a pointed look and he added, “More than usual.”
“You really want me to do this?” The words flew out of my mouth. “Me and Jason?”
Asher sucked in a harsh breath, his eyes shuttering. But when they opened again, he was looking at me with nothing but understanding. “Did I wish for a second that things could be different? That maybe I’d caught your eye first? Hell yeah, I do.” He swallowed thickly. “But you can’t help who you fall for and I always knew it was you and him.”
“I’m not sure there’s a me and him, Asher.”
“That’s because Jason doesn’t know how to let people in. He doesn’t know how to trust anyone. But you’re changing him, Fee, baby. Which is why you can’t give up on him yet. He might not realize it yet, but he needs you. And something tells me, you need him too.”
“I...” The words died on my lips. “You’re a good friend, Asher Bennet. He’s lucky to have you.”
“You’ve got me too.” He grinned. “No matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you.”
“That means a lot. You’re going to make some girl very happy one day.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” He chuckled, but it came out strangled. “Here we go.”
I followed Asher’s line of sight to where Coach Hasson was standing next to the lectern. Jason had finally moved to an empty seat at the table. Of course it had to be right opposite me. His hard gaze burned into the side of my face as I tried to concentrate on Coach Hasson.
“Okay, okay, settle down.” He waited for silence to fall over the yard. “Tonight we celebrate our seniors. Their commitment and dedication, their leadership and talent. But it isn’t only a celebration of the past, it’s a celebration of the future. Of the young men you’re becoming and the doors that await you. I have a whole other speech somewhere,” he pretended to check his pockets, “But for now, I’m going to hand it over to a man who knows all about what it takes to be the best. Kent Ford.”
Hailee stiffened beside me and I leaned in. “Did you know about this?”
“He never said a word,” she whispered.
“Maybe that’s why he was off his game.” It would make sense. Everyone knew there was no love lost between Jason and his father, despite the united front Mr. Ford liked to present to everyone.
Jason’s dad moved to the lectern, brushing down the lapels of his dinner jacket. He looked good, much like an older Jason. Same unruly brown hair, same dark intense eyes. But age had mellowed him, or maybe that was Hailee’s mom. Either way, he looked happy. He looked like a man content with life. A man in love.
I found Hailee’s mom in the outer row of seats. She beamed at her husband, radiating happiness. “Look at your mom,” I said quietly.
“I’d rather not,” Hailee groaned.
“Hey.” I took her hand under the table. “She’s happy. They’re happy. I know she hurt you, but you can’t help who you fall in love with.” God, I sounded like Mya and Asher. I knew Hailee carried a lot of resentment toward her mom and the lies she’d told. But if I’d learned anything over the last few weeks, it was that sometimes your head and heart went to war and it wasn’t always your head that came out the winner.
It was so easy to judge, but it wasn’t until you were in that situation, trying to do the right thing, that you realized just how powerful the heart was. I mean, here I was, completely aware that Jason didn’t want me, not the way I wanted him, but I was willing to put myself on the line one more time to try to reach him. To try to show him that sometimes you had to take a risk.
“Hey,” Hailee nudged my shoulder, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I flashed her a weak smile. “I’m fine.” The lie was so regular now, it rolled off my tongue with ease. Even if every time
the two little words spilled from my lips, it killed another little piece of my heart.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jason
I wanted to run. The urge to get up and walk away from my old man, from Coach, my teammates, and best friends, Hailee, even Felicity, coursed through me. Like deadly poison, it burned, eating away at my soul.
The last thing I wanted to do was sit here and listen to Kent Ford spout shit about hard work and sacrifice and family. Because he was a liar. Sure he’d loved the game, and he was a damn good player back in the day, one of the best, but he didn’t know what it meant to make sacrifices. He was a have-your-cake-and-eat-it kind of guy, and like so many players before him, I suspected he loved what the game could do for him more than the game itself.
But still, I didn’t move.
People thought I was cold, that I didn’t care. Sometimes I wondered if I cared too damn much. I just didn’t let people see it.
“Welcome to Seniors Night,” his strong voice carried across the Hasson’s yard, “The final home game of any season always holds a special place in my heart, but tonight was something else. Tonight, I watched my son continue the Ford legacy in Raider history. It’s just a shame his game was off, but what player doesn’t have his ups and downs.” He gave the crowd an easy smile, even earned a laugh or two. But I wasn’t laughing. I wasn’t even smiling. Because I knew it wasn’t a joke.
He and Coach were pissed we didn’t get the win and they weren’t the only ones, My old man was telling me in front of everyone I hadn’t been good enough tonight and it fucking burned. So much so, part of me wished I’d have gotten up at his wedding and talked about his failure as a father and husband just to see how he fucking liked it.
The feeling of never quite being good enough, even though you thought you gave your all.
But the truth was my head wasn’t in it tonight. Too consumed with Thatcher’s latest threat. With Felicity’s sea-green gaze every time she’d looked my way at school. I couldn’t tell anyone about Thatcher though. Until I figured out what the fuck to do, I had to lie and pretend everything was fine.
