by L A Cotton
After I broke the news to Mom that I planned on switching my business degree to animal science, and she’d had a semi-meltdown, I let Jason drag me away to give us both some space. I’d broken her heart but as he kept reassuring me, it would heal. Because that’s what hearts did. Sure, maybe they never quite got pieced back together the same way, but they would carry on beating.
“How are you feeling?” he asked me as he drove to wherever it was he was taking me.
“Sad, but mostly relieved. I’m their only child, their baby. I didn’t want to hurt them.”
“She’ll come around, I promise.” His hand splayed over my knee, rubbing gently. I covered it with my own, grateful for his reassurance.
“And my dad?”
“Him too. It might not happen overnight, it might not even happen over a few months, but it will happen.” I murmured some incoherent reply, too depressed to answer. “You deserve all your dreams, Felicity, and they will realize that one day.”
“Where are we going anyway?” I changed the subject. I wasn’t feeling in the mood, but Jason had insisted he had something to show me. I never could resist him, and I wasn’t about to start now.
When we turned off the main road out of town and took the familiar dirt path down to the lake, I groaned. “Seriously? You brought me here, now? The last thing I want to do right now is bounce on your—”
“Giles?” He cut the engine.
“Yeah?”
“Shut the fuck up and get out of the car.”
Well, okay then. Rolling my eyes, I shouldered the door and climbed out. The lake shimmered under a blanket of twinkling stars. “God, it’s so beautiful out here.”
Jason came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “A little birdy told me you almost completed your list.”
“Almost.”
There were only three things remaining: fall asleep under the stars, get a tattoo, and go to Winter Formal with a date. Although I still wasn’t sure about getting a tattoo. It seemed so permanent.
“What if I told you, you can tick two of those things off tonight?”
“We’re going to sleep out here?” Because I was pretty sure my boyfriend didn’t have his tattoo license, and Winter Formal wasn’t for another couple of weeks.
I craned my face around to his, unable to hide my grin. “Only if you want to,” he said.
“But it’s freezing.”
“So technically, I thought we could sleep in the car, but the view is the same.”
“It’s perfect.” I brushed my lips over his. “Thank you. But that’s only one—”
Jason shoved something into my hand. I plucked open the note.
Roses are red, violets are blue
I’d really like to go to Winter Formal with you?
Stifling a giggle, I said, “Fess up. Asher wrote this, didn’t he?”
“He may have helped a little.”
Turning in Jason’s arms, I leaned up, touching my forehead to his. “I’m glad the two of you are okay.”
“You really think I want to talk about Ash right now?”
“What else did you have in mind?” I asked, coyly.
“First.” he dipped his head, kissing my collarbone, sucking the sensitive skin between his teeth. A shiver rolled through me, my eyes fluttering closed. “I want your answer.”
“Yes,” I breathed, desire humming through me.
“Good.” Jason spun me so that my ass hit the edge of his car. “Now I’m going to make love to you on the hood of my car and then we can cuddle talk about the final thing on your list before we fall to sleep under the stars, sound good?”
Looping my arms around his neck, I smiled. “It sounds perfect.”
Epilogue
Four weeks later
* * *
Felicity
“My god, I can’t watch,” I buried my face into Hailee’s arm as we watched from our preferential seats. Mya was with us, as well as Jason’s dad and Hailee’s mom, and Cameron’s parents. Asher was on the outs with his parents since the suspension, so they hadn’t made the trip.
A collective ‘oooh’ roared through the crowd as the Bulldog’s defensive end took down Cam for the third time.
“Is it always this tense?” Mya asked, to which me and Hailee both answered, “No.”
“Sorry I asked.” She held up her hands, grabbing another hand of popcorn.
“Seriously?” I gawked at her.
“What,” she shrugged, “I’m hungry.”
I couldn’t eat. I was too nervous. My heart had been in my mouth for most of the game. I knew how much this meant to Jason. He’d played it down a lot around Asher; trying to smooth the cracks that had appeared between them ever since Asher took the fall about the Thatcher ordeal. But when it was just the two of us, when I was lying in his arms, nothing between us, I felt his fear. Fear of failure, of letting his team down, his coach, the entire town.
But most of all, of letting himself down.
He’d worked so hard for this, they all had, but no one wanted it more than Jason. It wasn’t just some high school accolade; it was his legacy. His way of proving himself. So watching him and the rest of the team get their asses handed to them, was almost too much to bear.
“Run,” Hailee yelled, “Run.”
We both held our breath, waiting for the moment our offense reached the end zone, but a Bulldog defensive player came out of nowhere and slammed into Grady, knocking him clean off his feet.
“Dammit.”
“At least he almost got there that time,” Mya remarked.
I levelled her with an incredulous look. “Just because your guy isn’t out there on the field doesn’t mean you can’t at least pretend to be interested.”
“I’m interested.” She sat a little straighter. “And what do you mean, my guy?”
“You know exactly what I mean.” She and Asher had gotten closer since I got with Jason but they were both still pleading the fifth on whether it was more than friendship.
“We’re just friends.”
Case in point.
Rolling my eyes, I settled my gaze back on the field, searching out Jason. Pride radiated from every bone in my body. Not because he’d led his team to this point; the whole town knew he’d do it, but for the fact he was mine.
For how far we’d come.
Rixon’s complicated, brooding, cruel, star quarterback was changing right before my eyes. He was warmer and more open, no longer afraid to tell me how he felt. Even less afraid to show me. He’d even made an effort to get to know my parents, although that was a work in progress. My dad was taking some warming up to the idea I had a boyfriend, let alone a boyfriend by the name of Jason Ford who I planned to go off to college with next year.
Of course, Jason still liked to talk dirty and make me blush at every opportunity, but I didn’t mind. In fact, I’d grown to love it. He pushed my boundaries and I pushed his right back.
And I couldn’t wait for the next summer when we left for UPenn to start the rest of our lives.
Together.
Jason
“Raiders, gather in,” I yelled like a general commanding his army. My teammates huddled together, waiting for my words of encouragement. For the profound speech to carry them into the fourth quarter.
“Listen up,” it came out breathless. I was running on empty; we all were. “No team ever wants to be in this position; going into the fourth trailing by eight points. But we can do this. I know we can. Forget all the other games, forget what happened last game.” When we’d almost fumbled our comfortable win by giving the opposing team room to score a touchdown with two minutes on the clock. Luckily, we were able to get the conversion before the final whistle, but it had been the most stressful two minutes of my life.
“Four years and it all comes down to this. Whatever happens, I’m proud to call myself a Raider, and you should be too. Hands in, Raiders on three.”
The huddle grew tighter as my teammates dropped their hands on m
ine. My eyes found Asher on the sideline and before I could think about it, I yelled, “Yo, forty-two, get your ass over here,” giving zero fucks he wasn’t supposed to move from the bench. He deserved this as much as the rest of the guys.
“Feeling the pressure, QB?” he smarted as he jogged over to me.
“You deserve to be here.” I held his eyes, silently telling him everything I’d been too chicken shit to say.
Thank you.
I owe you.
You’re the best friend a guy could ever have.
He gave me a curt nod and then said, “Are we doing this or what?”
“On your word, Ash.”
“Raiders on three. One. Two. Three…” Our battle cry rang out around me for the last time, our six-thousand strong crowd echoing the word at us.
It was something to behold, standing there on Hershey Stadium’s now tarnished field, the blinding Friday night lights blazing down on us. Making us seem larger than life. Worshipped and adored. The next time I did this, my jersey would be Penn Quaker red, white, and blue, and I’d be a rookie. But I was ready. Hungry for it.
College.
Football.
A fresh start with Felicity.
It couldn’t come soon enough. But first, we had a game to win.
Felicity
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked no one in particular as I stared up at the neon sign reading Ink City, nervous energy vibrating through me.
“He’ll love it,” Mya whispered in my ear as the guys jostled one another, the effects of our few celebration drinks showing. “Besides, it’s the last item on your list, you can’t back out now.”
I nodded slowly, watching the guys. They were buzzed, we all were. Still riding the high of the win. The Raiders had done it, in the last minute of play. Cam getting the final touchdown.
“My parents will—”
“Never find out about it. Stick to the plan.”
“The plan, right.” I took a deep breath. Hailee caught my eye and frowned.
“What are you two up to?”
Ignoring her, I moved to the front of our group and grabbed the door handle. “Are you guys doing this or not?”
“Fuck, I love it when she takes charge,” Jason smirked, and I rolled my eyes right back.
“Oh, I’m in,” Asher bounced on the balls of his feet. “I’m so fucking in. State Champs 2019, here I come.”
“I hate to break it to you, Champ,” Mya clapped him on the shoulder, “But can you claim the title if you didn’t actually play?”
“Way to burst a guy’s bubble.” He scowled but it quickly melted away. He was too damn wired. We all were. The after-game celebrations had been crazy, everyone rushing onto the field to celebrate with the team. Then there had been dinner at the hotel’s restaurant with close family and friends. Afterwards, Coach finally let us off the hook. Officially, we weren’t supposed to leave the hotel, but unofficially, Coach agreed to turn a blind eye as long as we all surfaced tomorrow morning for the buses home.
“Either way,” Asher went on, “I’m getting it done. No girls at college are going to know I didn’t play. They’re only going to see ‘State Champ’ and flock to me like—”
“Flies to shit?” Mya deadpanned.
We all streamed into the store, instantly assaulted with the sound of tattoo guns and rock music. Jason walked up to the desk and did all the talking. “Three?” he called over to us and the guys nodded. But before he could confirm with the receptionist, I called, “Make that four.”
“Holy shit, Fee,” Asher whistled between his teeth. “For real?”
“Just something small,” I said, my eyes sliding to Jason. “It’s the last thing on my list.”
“Hell yeah, you heard my girl, make that four.”
His girl. I don’t think I’d ever get used to hearing him call me that.
“Take a seat and Auden will be with you shortly.”
Jason came over to me, dipping his head to my ear. “You sure about this?”
I gave him a little nod, not trusting myself to speak. We’d talked about what I might get if I went through with it. After all, it was the only remaining item on my list. But when he saw it, he was going to freak.
I’d already fallen in crazy messy love with him, so I might as well get the crazy messy tattoo to go with it.
Jason
“What’s taking them so long.” I growled, pacing back and forth outside the room where Felicity currently was, alone with Auden, with his hands on her body, touching her.
“Chill, man.” Cam’s hand clamped down on my shoulder. “He’s only doing his job.”
“Yeah, well, she should have let me in there with her.”
“Maybe she was worried about passing out or getting sick.”
I threw Ash a hard look. Like I gave a shit about that. My favorite version of Felicity was first thing in the morning, hair all mussed up and crazy, her eyes heavy-lidded with sleep, her skin damp from my touch.
I loved sleeping with her, but it usually didn’t lead to much actual sleep. It wasn’t my fault she was so irresistible, and I was a hot-blooded guy who was powerless against her voodoo magic.
The vibration of the gun behind the door finally stopped. “Thank fuck,” I grumbled, moving closer.
A few minutes later, it swung open and Felicity skipped out.
“About time.”
“Sorry,” she said meekly. “It hurt more than I expected.”
“Can I see?” I asked expecting a tiny heart or some script-font life quote girls liked to get. She’d had a few ideas but had been tightlipped about a decision. So when she said, “Don’t freak out,” the floor went from under me.
“What did you do?”
Felicity glanced around the store, and moved in closer. She lifted her sweater up, yanking the neck of her tank down, and everything slowed down.
“Tell me that says what I think it says.” My heart was pounding so hard I thought I might pass out.
“Oh, it says it all right.” Asher was beside me, staring at the curve of Felicity’s perfect breast like he’d never seen a girl’s naked tits before.
There in tiny Varsity font, stamped right across where her heart lay, were four little words that shouldn’t have pleased me so much.
Property of a Raider.
“Flick,” Hailee gasped, her eyes growing to saucers, “Please tell me that’s temporary.”
“It’s not.” She dropped her sweater, meeting my gaze. “Now, no matter what happens, a part of my heart will always be yours.”
“Holy fucking shit,” Asher slapped his hands against his thigh. “If you don’t put a ring on it, I will.” He smirked at me and I glared back, sending him a silent message.
Over my dead body.
Playlist
Two Weeks – FKA Twigs
River of Tears – Alessia Cara
Good Enough – Little Mix
Cruel – Glowie
11 Minutes – YUNGBLUD, ft. Halsey
Gotta Get Up – Moody
Better – Khalid
If I Go – Ella Eyre
Why Her Not Me – Grace Carter
I Gave It All – Aquilo
Bad Blood – Taylor Swift
Nightmare- Halsey
To the Hills – Laurel
Let Me Down Slowly – Alec Benjamin
Mother Tongue – Bring Me The Horizon
Fight For You – ALIUS, Rasmus Hagen
Don’t Let Me Down – The Chainsmokers
Love Me Or Leave Me – Little Mix
Easier – 5 Seconds of Summer
Only Want You – Rita Ora
Now You’re Gone – Tom Walker, Zara Larson
Power Over Me – Dermot Kennedy
Cross Me – Ed Sheeran, ft. Chance the Rapper
Fight For You – Man Made Machine
Love Again – New Hope Club
Say You Love Me – Jessie Ware
The Harder You Fall
To
My Readers
Thank you for loving the Raiders as much as I do!
Chapter One
Mya
I woke startled, grasping the barely familiar sheets in my fingers as I tried to regulate my breathing.
It was just a dream, I silently whispered.
Just a messed up, distorted version of things. It wasn’t real.
“It’s not real,” my shaky words pierced the silence.
When I’d first moved to Rixon from Philadelphia, the nightmares had been every other night. My aunt wanted me to see a therapist, but I wasn’t about to sit in front of some shrink and let them dissect my dreams. I knew what haunted me in my sleep. I didn’t need to give it a name or reason or excuse.
Sometimes people experienced bad things and it left marks. Scars invisible from the outside but so real on the inside that you never forgot. You just learned how to deal. How to get up each day, paste on a smile, and survive.
Surviving in a place like Rixon might not have been a matter of life or death, but it still had its moments.
I finally pushed back the cover and climbed out of bed, trying to tame the dark, unruly spiral curls out of my face. My bedroom in my aunt’s house was small but cozy. She’d never had children, but she had tried her best to make it homely for an eighteen-year-old girl who was more of a stranger than family. Lilac wasn’t my color, but I appreciated the effort.
My favorite thing about my new space was the small adjoining bathroom. Aunt Ciara’s room adjoined the master suite which meant we didn’t have to share. A luxury I hadn’t been afforded back in Philly.
After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I pulled on some clean clothes and made a second attempt at fixing my hair, eventually settling on dragging it into a ponytail. The girl in the mirror looked like me but she hadn’t felt like me in a really long time. I guess that’s what happened when you were forced from your home, your life, and shipped off to live in the ass crack of nowhere. If I hadn’t been paired with Felicity Giles on my first day at my new school, Rixon High, I didn’t doubt my existence here would be almost intolerable.
