by L A Cotton
Yet, I knew it was an act. Another performance where he refused to let me see his true feelings.
“Dad, I—”
“You brought that girl and her thug boyfriend into our lives. I told you... I told you she would ruin you.”
Guilt wrenched through me, squeezing my heart like a vise. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“But it did.” Disappointment drenched his words. “Your mom may never recover from this, and for what? Because you wanted to prove a point and date the Hernandez girl.”
That wasn’t it at all. But words failed me. It was hard to argue with him when Mom was lying there hooked up to machines because of Jermaine. A guy who never would have entered our lives if it wasn’t for Mya.
Pain splintered through me. I didn’t think it was possible to feel more hurt than I had when I saw Dad cradling Mom’s body, blood covering her, fear shining in her eyes. But I was slowly realizing there wasn’t a limit on how much agony a person could feel. I hadn’t only almost lost Mom tonight, I’d lost Mya too. The one person who made everything seem brighter was now the one person who would forever be a reminder of this moment. Of standing here and watching my mom lifeless and pale in a hospital bed.
I pushed all thoughts of Mya out of my head. Right now, I needed to concentrate on my family.
“I need to make a call,” Dad said suddenly, pacing across the room. “I trust you’ll stay with her?”
“Of course.”
“I’ll be back.” His tone was cold, sending chills up my spine.
I dropped into the chair beside Mom and let my head fall back, closing my eyes. The last four hours felt like a bad dream. People in Rixon didn’t get shot. But it wasn’t a dream, and Mom had been shot by my girlfriend’s ex. It was hard to believe that only a couple of days ago I was planning our future and now I couldn’t think past the next hour or the one after that.
My cell phone vibrated, and I pulled it out of my pocket, wincing at the blood still streaked over my hands.
Mom’s blood.
* * *
Mya: Felicity said your mom is stable. That’s good, Ash... really good. I’m thinking of you both. You know where I am if you need me xo
* * *
I stared at the screen for a couple of seconds, before powering it off and placing it on the small nightstand. My head wasn’t in the right place to deal with Mya, not yet. Things were different now, I knew that. She had to know too. But I didn’t want to say something I might regret later down the line.
Running a hand over my face, I dropped my weary gaze to Mom again. It was inconceivable how someone who looked so peaceful could be walking the thin line between life and death.
“You have to pull through,” I whispered, the words ripping out my heart. “I need you, Mom. I need you.”
She was the one redeeming thing about our family, the glue that bound our fragile state together. Without her, we would be nothing.
Tears rolled down my face as I let my worst fears take hold.
She had to pull through.
Because if she didn’t, the hole she would leave behind would be irreparable.
Four days.
I sat by my mom’s side for four days, waiting, hoping, praying the doctors would give us the news we wanted to hear.
But four days passed and nothing changed.
Her condition was stable, but the doctors didn’t want to prematurely wake her for fear of sustained damage to her brain from the severe blood loss.
“Hey, man,” Cam slipped into the room, bringing me a fresh coffee. I’d lived on the stuff since I figured everyone would frown if I sat here drowning my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle of whisky.
“Thanks.” I sipped at the cup, barely tasting it.
“How is she?”
“The same.” I rubbed my face. “It’s weird, you know. I’ve been used to not having her around much. But this is fucking torture. Knowing she’s right there but might never...” I swallowed down the swell of tears.
“She’ll come through this, Ash.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I could feel the darkness edging into my thoughts. I wanted to be positive; to listen when the doctors said it was the best-case scenario right now. But it was so fucking hard when she was just lying there, unmoving. Motionless.
Lifeless.
“The team all send their thoughts. They all want to come show their support, but Coach told them to hold off until you’re ready.”
“I’m not,” I rushed out. “I appreciate it, I do, but I’m not ready for them to be here. You and Jase are different, but not the rest of the team, not yet.”
“I get it. But just know she’s in everyone’s thoughts. You both are.”
“Thanks, man.”
“How’s your dad handling it?”
“You’d have to ask him,” I grumbled.
“That bad, huh?”
“We haven’t exactly talked much. He blames me.”
“Come on, Ash, that’s… It wasn’t your fault.”
“No?” My brow rose. “If I hadn’t gotten with Mya, Jermaine would never have—”
“You can’t think like that, and you can’t change the past.” He gave me a pointed look but I couldn’t bear his sympathy. The pity in his eyes. “Have you spoken to her?” he asked.
“She texted me a few times but honestly, she is the least of my worries right now.”
“Asher,” he let out a heavy sigh. “That isn’t fair and you know it.”
“Fair?” I scoffed, making a strangled sound in my throat. “None of this is fucking fair. My mom was innocent, Cam. She shouldn’t be the one lying there.”
“No one should be lying there,” he said calmly. “And I’m so sorry it happened, I am. But you love her, man. What happened doesn’t change that.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“Mya loves you and she’s holed up at her aunt’s, hiding…” he hesitated, letting his words trail off.
“Hiding?”
“It’s nothing, forget it.” Cam rubbed his face, but I saw the flash of guilt in his eyes. “You need to focus on your mom. We can handle the rest.”
“Handle what?” I levelled him with a hard look. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Seriously, man, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s nothing.”
“Cameron…”
He blew out an exasperated breath. “It’s just you know how people can be around here. They close rank, and your mom and dad are like Rixon celebrities.”
“Cam, what the fuck happened?” A growl rumbled in my chest.
“Felicity and Hailee took Mya for ice cream at Ice-T’s. There was an incident.”
“With Mya?” My chest tightened and I rubbed my breastbone.
“A couple of girls gave her shit. It got ugly. Tim didn’t want any trouble, so he asked Mya to leave.”
“Fuck.” My hand flew out connecting with the side of the bed, pain radiating through my knuckles. Luckily it wasn’t my already busted up hand.
“Felicity and Hailee gave him a piece of their mind, but she’s been at her aunt’s ever since.”
“Maybe it’s for the best,” I mumbled, cradling my hand. “Maybe she should just go back to Fallowfield Heights.”
“For real? You want her to leave?”
“How I am ever going to fix this, Cam? Tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do here?” My voice was shrill, desperation laced in every word. “Because the way I see it, my mom pulls through and wants nothing to do with the girl who brought this to our doorstep, or she doesn’t pull through and…” I couldn’t even say the words, the lump in my throat too big.
Swallowing, I took a couple of deep breaths.
“It’s not easy, I know—”
“It’s fucking impossible.” Frustration welled up inside me. “If I try to fix things with Mya, it’s like I’m choosing her over my mom. And if I just end things with her, I’m just like everyone else who has ever let her down. But it’s my mom, Cam. The one pers
on in my life that has sacrificed so much for me.”
A frown crossed his expression. “What do you mean?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Sadness clung to my words. “I hate that Mya is going through this, but I can’t be who she needs right now. Not until my mom wakes up.”
And maybe not even then, the words teetered on the tip of my tongue.
Cam stood up, offering me a sad smile. “You know, I love you like a brother, Ash, I do, and I hate that this is happening. But I know what it’s like to almost lose someone you love, to feel like they’re slipping through your fingers, and I know what it feels like to want, need, someone to blame. But this is not Mya’s fault. She came to Rixon to escape her psycho-ex. Put yourself in her shoes for a second—”
“Cameron, I don’t—”
“No, bro, you need to hear this. Something is happening with you, something big. You think we don’t see it, but we do. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s something to do with your old man. He’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t approve of Mya. But don’t let this,” his eyes flicked to my mom, “give him the ammunition he needs to make you end things with her. You found your person, Asher. Don’t let her go just because things got hard all of a sudden. You need her just like she needs you. And if you don’t try to make things right with her, one day down the line, when your mom is better and this all seems like a bad dream, you will regret it.”
“Cam?”
“Yeah?”
“You can go now,” I said.
He hesitated, disappointment edging into his expression. Part of me wanted him to push, to make me listen to his lecture. He was only telling me the truth after all.
But there was one giant problem with that.
The truth hurt.
And I was maxed out on my daily dose of pain.
Chapter Thirty-One
Mya
“That’s it,” my aunt stormed into my room, “you’re getting out of that bed even if I have to drag you.” She hurtled toward me like a bull, and I bolted upright, holding out my hands.
“Okay, okay, I’m getting up.”
“Praise the Lord.” She backed off. “I have been going damn near out of my mind worrying about you.”
“I’m sorry, Auntie,” I whispered. “I just—” Tears gushed from my eyes and I grabbed a pillow, burying my face into it.
I hated this.
The permanent pit in my stomach, the endless tears and overwhelming heartache.
Almost a week had passed.
Seven days without Asher by my side, reassuring me we could get through this. Seven days of not knowing whether he would ever speak to me again let alone forgive me.
Seven miserable days without the guy I’d come to love more than anything.
If it wasn’t for Felicity and Hailee, I might have driven myself insane with worry. As it was, they’d kept me updated about his mom’s condition. Which hadn’t changed since she came out of surgery.
At first, I’d tried to keep myself busy. To go on with life as normal. I managed four days. Four days until Kellie Ginly and her gymnastic friends cornered me at Ice-Ts and ripped into me as if I was the one who had pulled the trigger. School had been hard enough that day, facing the onslaught of whispers and stares. But it was nothing compared to having Kellie all up in my face, telling me that I ruined Asher’s life.
I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever let someone speak to me the way she’d belittled me. But I’d just stood there, taking her abuse and insults, letting them seep into my pores, sinking deep inside my bones. Because I did feel partly responsible. Part of me, no matter how misguided or irrational, felt like I deserved her wrath. She was Asher’s people long before I ever arrived in Rixon.
And me?
I was just the Latina girl from the hood who had ruined his life.
“I know, child, I know.” My aunt plopped down on my bed, wrapping her slender arms around me. “Love is a cruel, wicked thing. But this is not your fault, Mya, you hear me?” Slipping her fingers underneath her jaw, she tilted my face up. “Tell me you know that.”
“I... I know.”
“You need to believe it too. What happened with Mrs. Bennet was nothing but a tragic accident. Me and the ladies at church have been praying for her.”
“Y- you have?”
She clucked her tongue. “Don’t sound so surprised. Just because this town has never welcomed me with open arms doesn’t mean I’d ever wish harm to anyone. We are all God’s children, Mya. A fact some of the good people of Rixon seem to forget. Has he called yet?”
“I... no.” I shook my head, shame and embarrassment burning through me.
“If he’s worth your love, he will. And if he doesn’t, then you know he’s not.”
“He blames me.”
“No, he doesn’t. But sometimes, blaming someone is easier than accepting the truth.”
“I just feel like this is karma. That I’m paying my dues for leaving Fallowfield Heights and abandoning Jermaine.”
“Mya, Mya, Mya, for a bright, intelligent girl, you really are quite the fool sometimes. This isn’t karma. This is life. And life can be hard and messy and painful. You got out of Fallowfield Heights because you knew if you stayed, you’d end up hurt again, or worse. Ain’t no life for a girl like you there. Your mama knew that. Keelan knew that. And deep down, Jermaine knew that. Don’t ever feel guilty because you got out. Because you made the hard decision and walked away.”
“Why couldn’t he just let me go?” I cried, clinging onto her. “Why did he have to come back?”
“Because while you were strong enough to let him go, he was weak. Jermaine will pay for his sins, Mya. One way or another he’ll pay.”
Even now, it still didn’t make me feel any better. There had been too much hurt and pain.
“Your guidance counselor called,” Aunt Ciara said. “She’d like to see you tomorrow if you’re up to it?”
Drying my eyes with my sleeves, I nodded. “I should go back to school anyway.”
“That’s my girl. Don’t ever forget who you are and where you came from, Mya. Being born and raised in Fallowfield Heights is a part of who you are but it doesn’t define you.”
“Thank you, for everything.”
“For my favorite niece, anytime.” Her laughter made me smile. We’d had a rocky time recently, but when all was said and done, we were family, and no matter what happened, I knew she would be there for me.
“Hey,” I said as I walked up to Felicity, Hailee, and the guys.
“Mya, thank God.” Felicity enveloped me in a hug. “I’ve been so worried.”
“I’m okay.” I wasn’t, but I would be.
I had to be.
“Hey, Mya.” Hailee hugged me next, concern radiating from her.
“How is he, really?” I asked, my eyes finding the two people who would know better than anyone. But I was greeted with silence.
Eventually Jason cleared his throat. “I’ve got to go, catch you later.” He kissed Flick before heading off into the building.
“Did I do something wrong?” I clutched the strap of my backpack.
“It’s not you.” Felicity gave me a warm smile, but I knew she was lying. Jason blamed me. Just like everyone else in town.
“I have a meeting with Miss Hampstead, I’ll see you later.” Hurrying away from them, I kept my eyes down, trying to block out the low hum of whispers following me.
I heard she’s in a gang.
The bullet was meant for Asher instead.
She should just go back to where she came from before anyone else ends up hurt.
But my once thick skin was worn now and no matter how much I tried to ignore them, their voices only rang louder.
“Mya, come in.”
Miss Hampstead liked to provide service with a smile, and today, despite the circumstances, was no different. I guess that was a prerequisite of being the school guidance counselor; you smiled regardless.
“How are you?�
��
“I’m holding up, if that’s what you mean.”
“And Asher, is he—”
“Asher is focusing on his mom right now.”
She flinched. “Of course. Well, I really just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know how quickly rumors circulate the halls at school let alone the town.”
“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Four months ago, I would have believed that. But that was before Asher had smashed through my walls and buried his way deep inside my heart.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Her expression softened as she relaxed in her chair.
“What is there to say?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Lots of things I should imagine. How did seeing Jermaine again make you feel? How do you feel now he’s been arrested with the probability of spending a long time behind bars? I should imagine it’s put a huge strain on your relationship with Asher. Maybe we should start there?”
“You want to know how I feel?” Miss Hampstead nodded and I sighed. “I’m tired.” My lips thinned, a vortex of emotion swirling inside me.
“I’m tired of people thinking they know about me, about my life. I’m tired of being judged on the color of my skin and not what’s beneath it. I’m tired of people asking me how I am, knowing that they probably won’t like my answer. But most of all, I’m scared. I’m so scared that Juli... Mrs. Bennet won’t pull through and that I’ll lose Asher for good and that I’ll never be able to walk down the street again without people looking at me like I’m the one who pulled the trigger. So yeah, that’s how I’m feeling.”
Silence enveloped us as my words, my pain, hung heavy in the space between us.
“That’s... a lot to carry around with you.”
I drummed my fingers against my thigh, desperate to escape her small office, even if part of me wanted to stay here forever.
“Maybe some time off—”
“You think I should hide?” I scoffed, indignation skittering up my spine. “That’s your solution?”
