by Jessica Park
“It’s OK.” Roger waved Celeste up from her seat. “Why don’t you come inside with me? I want to show you the results from that study I did on combating the spread of harmful algae.”
Celeste didn’t look at Julie as she got up and handed over the invitation. “Please don’t worry about this. I understand that it would not work.”
Fuming, Julie crossed her arms. Celeste’s demeanor had changed, and she no longer looked relaxed. This was Matt and Roger’s fault entirely.
Matt put his hands in his pockets and looked down. “I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you? Do you really? Goddamn it, Matt! How could you do this to her?”
He looked up, surprised. “Do what?”
She sighed. “Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? You’re setting her up for failure. She knew you hid that invitation from her, and that told her you don’t believe in her.”
“She knew it because you made a spectacle out of it. She can’t go. You know that. That’s why I didn’t want her to see the invitation. It’s just another reminder of something that she’s not ready for.”
“Maybe you’re the one who isn’t ready? Maybe your parents aren’t ready? Huh? You mother had her wearing fricking pinafores, for God’s sake, until I took the kid to the mall!”
“Shhh! Stop yelling!” Matt warned. “This is not your decision.”
“It’s not yours either. It’s Celeste’s. She should be able to go if she wants to,” Julie insisted. “She’s ready.”
“She’s not ready.”
“She needs friends, Matt. When was the last time anybody asked her to do anything?”
Matt was silent.
“She needs friends,” Julie said again. “And so do you. You need her to expand her world so that you can have yours back.”
He nodded. “I know. But this Rachel’s parents probably made her invite everyone. Including Celeste.”
“Every girl in that entire huge class was invited to stay at their house? I don’t think so. Celeste got asked because this Rachel girl wanted to invite her. It’s just a party. If you don’t make a big deal out it, she might not either. You’re her brother. She looks up to you, and she needs to know that you believe in her.” Julie waved the invitation at him. “That you trust her, and that you think she can succeed. Don’t you get that?”
Matt avoided her eyes. “She doesn’t look up to me. She looks up to Finn. And you.”
“And you. She loves you.”
He shuffled his feet. “You really think she can handle this?”
“Yes. I do. I know it.”
“What about Flat Finn?”
“She’ll fold him up and stick him in the bottom of her overnight bag. No one will know. She’s gone shopping with me a bunch of times without him, and I don’t even have to take him in the car when I pick her up from school anymore. Yes, he still has to stand by her bed or outside her door at night, and she still obsesses about him some of the time, but it’s not like it was. She’s getting busy with other parts of life. With life, for that matter.” Julie looked pleadingly at Matt. “She can do this. She’s dressing better, she’s into normal music, she picks out cute boys on television. Shut up!” Julie cut off Matt before he said anything. “This stuff is normal. She’s even talking less… less like someone who just graduated from an advanced articulation class. Well, sometimes. Let her grow up. She’s got to take a risk.”
“She doesn’t even want to go, Julie.” he said feebly. “Really.”
“She does, too. You saw how she looked at that invitation.”
Matt let out a big sigh. “I’ll talk to my parents.”
“And call Dana. I gave you her number months ago.”
“She had mono.”
“So what? You could have brought her soup. Tended to her needs, if you know what I mean.” Julie gave him an exaggerated wink.
“I did call her, and she said she felt awful and that she’d call me when she was less plague-like.”
“I talked to her this morning, and she feels better. She’s been holed up in her apartment for ages, and she’s ready for some fun.”
“If you wink at me again, I will never call her.”
“Fine. Stop being so uptight.”
“Did it ever occur to you that I might have to be? I have a lot to manage.”
Julie put her hands on her hips and took a breath. “Sorry.”
“Anything else you want me to do? Should I start a list of all of your assigned tasks?”
“That’s it. For now. But call Dana, and go on a date like a regular college boy. And don’t wear a weird shirt.”
“Define weird.”
“Nice try.”
**********
Julie lay down on her stomach, her fingers poised over the keyboard. The only light in the bedroom came from the glow of the laptop, but she didn’t need to see anything else right now except the online chat between her and Finn.
Julie Seagle
OK, so I told you about Celeste’s upcoming sleepover and Matt’s possible date. What else….?
Finn is God
I project that the sleepover will be a success, and the date will not. Matt tends to get gassy when he’s nervous and, well, you know… That doesn’t usually go over so well with the ladies.
Julie Seagle
I gather he did actually have a girlfriend for a while, so presumably he can maintain control of his bodily functions for short periods. You should wish him well!
Finn is God
I wish this poor Dana girl well, poor thing… I’m joking! I’m sure they will be engaged by the end of the date. Aha! And then we can dance at the wedding. I will wear a purple tuxedo so that I stand out and can be identifiable next to Flat Finn. (Must make sure FF does not wear similar suit. Disaster!)
Julie Seagle
You’re warped.
Finn is God
You are not the first, and will not be the last, to say so. I wear my “warped” label with pride. On my lapel. A lapel label!
Finn is God
You have no impending events yourself?
Julie Seagle
I’ve been taking it easy since the Polar Plunge. A frail girl like myself only has so much stamina, you know.
Finn is God
Ha! Weak you are not. I was very impressed by your daring feat. Terrified, but impressed. But maybe you have a date yourself…?
Julie Seagle
Nope. Not interested in anyone here.
Finn is God
Good. Just checking. I mean, you should go out with whomever you want, of course.
Julie Seagle
Oh.
Finn is God
But I don’t want you to go out with anyone. Is that unfair of me?
Julie Seagle
It would be unfair if I were not going out with anyone else just because you didn’t want me to. I’m waiting.
Finn is God
Waiting for what?
Julie Seagle
Just waiting. Maybe waiting for you. (Which, as it turns out, is a lot like waiting for Godot.) But that sounds crazy.
Finn is God
I’m glad you’re maybe waiting for me, crazy girl. (FYI, that play is based on one of my past lives, but I totally didn’t get any financial kickback. Publishing bastards!) And Julie, my dear, you get to see me all the time… in flat form. I’m dashing, yes?
Julie Seagle
A regular heartthrob, although I’m dying to catch sight of a three-dimensional you someday.
Finn is God
Believe me, I’ve thought about a three-dimensional you plenty.
Julie Seagle
I’m hoping that just sounds creepier than it actually is. Hey, Finn?
Finn is God
Yeeeeeessss?
Julie Seagle
Remember when I was stuck in the elevator? We got interrupted.
Finn is God
We did.
Julie Seagle
I want to know how t
he skydiving story ends. What you say to me and how we land.
Finn is God
OK. I was hoping you’d ask. I’ll tell you.
Finn is God
When we last saw our hero and heroine, they had just pulled the chute and were drifting. What will happen next, concerned viewer? Will our brave couple have their chute torn to shreds by a savage vampire seagull? Will a freakish tornado appear and suck them into a swirling wind current? Stay tuned…
Julie Seagle
Finn!
Finn is God
Ohhhhhh. You want the good version.
Julie Seagle
Yes.
Finn is God
The slow version.
Julie Seagle
Yes.
Finn is God
The hot version.
Julie Seagle
Yes.
Finn is God
I gotcha. I like that one better too. Ready? Here we go…
So we’ve pulled the chute, and we’re drifting, riding the sky. It’s just you and me. You can hear me now that we’re falling like this, remember? I tell you that I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to land and reach the real world, because I like our world up here better.
Finn is God
I tell you that I like being this close to you and how you feel against me. But now even I’m hesitant to jump. I’m afraid that when we hit the ground, this will be over. We’ll land and this feeling between us will vanish. That you won’t feel it any longer. I can’t stand that thought.
Julie’s hands shook as she wrote.
Julie Seagle
I’ll still feel it.
Finn is God
You think?
Julie Seagle
I know.
Finn is God
Then we can land now. I wait until we are just the right distance from the ground. We’re coming in hard, so I tell you to start moving your legs like you’re running. You feel your feet hit the grass, and we run together for a few feet, before the force of our landing throws me forward. I fall into you, pushing you down. I’m afraid I’m going to crush you, but I catch myself with my hands, holding my weight up. We’re both breathing hard, the thrill from the jump still coursing through us.
Well, now he’d done it: Julie was riled up. This was getting too heated to deny, and she wasn’t going to pretend that what he was writing was not totally turning her on.
Finn is God
Landing feels different than you thought it would. You’d pictured what it would be like and how you might react. As many times as you’d gone over this in your head, it’s completely different. All the signs were there telling you how it would be, but it’s not what you thought. It’s just as good—maybe even better—just not what you expected. You can look back now and see how you should have known, but you were focusing on the facts instead of the feeling.
Finn is God
I reach between us and release the buckles that are holding us together. This is when I really panic. The ride up in the plane didn’t scare me. Or the height, or the jump, or the noise. None of that scared me. Right now, only one thing does.
Julie Seagle
Tell me.
Finn is God
I’m terrified that when I undo that buckle and release you, that you’ll get up and walk away from me. I can’t think of anything more excruciating.
Julie Seagle
I told you I wouldn’t do that. I won’t leave.
Finn is God
I’m still worried. If I roll you over so that you’re facing me, you won’t stop me?
Julie Seagle
I definitely won’t stop you.
Finn is God
Then that’s what I do. I tell you to close your eyes. You listen while I tell you how I feel about you. That I think about you all the time, and I can’t get you out of my head. I ask you to ignore everything you think you know and to listen only to your heart, without doubting anything. Can you do that?
Julie Seagle
Of course I can.
Finn is God
Then I kiss you, and I make you feel everything that I feel.
Holy….
Julie was pretty sure that she stopped breathing. What she wouldn’t do to have him here with her right now, telling her these things and kissing her…
Julie Seagle
You have to come home.
Finn is God
I know. Let me think for a minute.
The wait was interminable. Then finally he wrote.
Finn is God
This summer. I can’t make it happen before then.
Julie Seagle
I’ll take it.
Finn is God
Don’t tell anyone, though. Just in case. I’d feel bad enough letting you down, and it would be worse with Celeste.
Julie Seagle
Got it. But you’ll try? I mean really try this time? Not like at Christmas.
Finn is God
Yes. Tonight, I’d do just about anything for you. Unless, of course, it involves getting out of my seat right now. I don’t want to creep out my host family.
Julie laughed, and it took her a minute to type without hitting the wrong keys.
Julie Seagle
OK, well… ahem… take your time. I should get some sleep. Or try. It’s late here. (I can’t remember where you are!)
Finn is God
I don’t even know where I am anymore. Get some rest. I’ll talk to you soon.
Before she shut down the computer, she copied and pasted their chat into a text file. Yes, it was embarrassing and sort of silly, but she liked having all of their chats so that she could reread them later. This one she would be rereading for sure. Many times.
Chapter 25
“It’s midnight. What do you think the girls are doing?” Julie asked Matt. “I bet they’re giggling and doing each others’ hair.” She spun around in his swivel chair while he lounged on his bed, adding music to his iTunes library.
“Oh, my God, probably!” Matt said in a stupidly high-pitched voice. “Or, like, maybe they’re talking about Robert Pattinson! Or Justin Bieber! Oh, my God!”
“I can’t believe it. Matthew! You made a reference to pop culture.” Julie clapped her hands to her cheeks, feigning utter delight. “Actually two references. I’m stunned and so proud.”
“I’m incredibly well-rounded. And it’s almost one, not midnight.”
“Really?” Julie couldn’t believe how late it was. She’d been hanging out in Matt’s room for hours, listening to music. It turned out that there was, shockingly, some overlap in their musical taste.
“Seriously, I think things went well. You can’t deny that your sister was completely excited for this party. She looked awesome, and she got the best gift for Rachel. Plus, Flat Finn is totally hidden in that bag. Nobody will know.”
“She did look happy,” Matt admitted. “Maybe you were right. I met Rachel for a minute when I dropped Celeste off. She actually seems like a nice girl.”
“Will wonders never cease? I would’ve assumed Rachel was a complete hellion.” Julie smirked. “Why aren’t you out tonight? Celeste is gone for the first time, so you should be taking advantage, don’t you think?”
“Not with my parents gone for the weekend. I wouldn’t feel right.”
“I’d be here! Where’d they go again?”
“I don’t remember. A Harvard retreat in Maine.”
“Oh.” Julie stopped spinning in the chair. “I’m sorry. You must be fed up with being left in charge?”
“Well, once in a while they get tired of the local takeout and need to venture elsewhere to assess the culinary situation in other cities. I understand that.”
“I accept your deflection and raise you another question. How was your date with Dana last night? I haven’t heard from her all day. Where did you take her? You should be out with her again tonight.”
