by Jade Alters
“I…I wasn’t sure I wanted to break it,” he confesses in a soft tone.
“But this morning…you were suddenly sure.” It’s not a question. It’s a heart-wrenching statement of fact.
“Well…I…” he stumbles with his explanation, and I wonder if he’s at last noticed just how hurt I am by all this. “It’s not really that simple.”
I jerk my gaze up to his. “How is it not that simple, Aleixo? You didn’t want to be bonded with me because you don’t want me. Simple. Straightforward.” A horrible thought enters my mind, dragging with it every insecurity I’m constantly trying to suppress. “Is…is it because I’m not…whole?”
He frowns, appearing genuinely confused. “What do you mean?”
I tap my prosthetic. “You know what I mean.”
His eyes widen and he straightens from where he was leaning against the table. “What? No! That’s not it at all. Samantha, I don’t think you’re broken or missing anything.”
“That’s easy enough for you to say, but your actions aren’t really backing up your words.”
To my surprise, he steps closer to me and takes my hands in his. He holds my gaze, and the sincerity in his eyes nearly undoes me.
“I think you are beautiful and brilliant,” he assures me. “I’m so attracted to you, it’s almost obscene.”
Those words should make me feel better, but I just can’t shake the lingering doubts in the back of my mind.
“If all that’s true, why did you want to break our bond so badly?” I ask him softly.
He closes his eyes and releases a breath. I wait for him to open his eyes again and explain himself.
When he finally does, he says, “I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“Several things,” he admits. “First, there was the whole experience with my former mate hanging over my head like an axe and I was terrified of going through something like that again.”
I nod, finding that a rather understandable reason for avoiding future bonds.
“And second?” I prompt. “You said that one was first.”
He chuckles softly. “Nothing gets past you. Alright, the second reason was…cowardice.”
* * *
I furrow my brow. “I don’t understand.”
He squeezes my hands and rubs his thumbs along my knuckles as he stares down at them. It takes him a moment to get the words out and I wait silently, not wishing to push him or deter him from telling me the truth in any way.
A long last, he says, “I was afraid…that if I broke the bond between us, you wouldn’t care about me anymore at all.”
I gape at him. “What?”
He nods, peeking up at me. “It’s silly, I know. And selfish, but…I couldn’t shake the feeling that the bond was the only thing holding you to me, and while I want you with me, and I want that very badly, Samantha, I want you with me willingly. Not because some strange instinct within you compels you to be.”
I stare at him, completely caught off guard by his confession. It sounds very much like he telling me he has feelings for me. I’m almost too afraid to hope, but now I have to know for certain.
“What are you saying exactly, Aleixo?” I murmur. “You…you care about me?”
He holds my gaze and his tone is firm when he answers, “I don’t just care for you, Samantha. I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I can say with certainty that it has nothing to do with the bond. Nothing is driving me toward these feelings but you.”
I’m speechless. Completely and utterly speechless. I can only stare at him as my mind whirls, trying to catch up with everything he’s just said. In the span of less than twenty-four hours we’ve gone from a fragile friendship to lust, anger, hatred and now love. He loves me. This strange, beautiful, brilliant man loves me…all of me.
“But…but earlier…when you accused me of such terrible things…”
“I’m sorry,” he firmly replies. “I’m so sorry. I was caught off guard and upset. Vulnerable still, I think. I should never have said those things to you. I know you better than that, and I know you wouldn’t have done anything to try and use me.”
Here come the tears again. “Really? You believe me?”
He nods. “I do. I never should have doubted you.”
This is like a dream. I’m actually not sure if it’s real, it’s all too amazing. He holds my hands to his lips and kisses my fingers.
“I love you, Samantha,” he tells me again with clear conviction in his voice. “You are everything I could have ever hoped for in a mate, and it’s only made better by the fact that I know what I feel for you is real. I have no doubts, and I want to spend my life with you, whatever that looks like.”
I stare at him for several long moments, speechless. He holds my gaze, never wavering in his confession, and finally, I’m able to find my voice and give him a response.
“I love you too.”
His face lights up with biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him. “Really? You do?”
I nod. “Yes, yes, I love you. I think I’ve loved you for some time now.”
“Before you learned that I was a phoenix?”
“Yes,” I assure him. “Well before then.”
He looks relieved, and then overjoyed again. Pushing to his full height, he urges me out off the stool and then tugs me into his arms. His mouth descends on mine in an eager kiss that I’m all too happy to respond to. I wrap my arms around his neck and push up onto my tiptoes so that I can press my whole body against his.
There’s magic in this kiss. I can feel it. I can taste it. This is us making our own bond. One that is our choice fully and completely. It’s more than instinct…it’s love.
As we kiss and laugh and hold each other in this perfect moment, we both know that the future won’t be easy. We’re from two different worlds, after all. However, making our way through it will be more than worth it in the end, because we’ll be with each other.
And there’s no better fate I would rather meet.
Epilogue
Aleixo
Being back among people after being fairly isolated for so long is rather jarring. I gaze out the passenger side window of Samantha’s car and watch as the buildings of her hometown zip by us, as well as all the people out enjoying the warm, sunny day. It’s just a small town thirty minutes outside of Boston, but it’s almost too stimulating for me. If we were in a city right now, I’d probably lose my mind.
I turn my gaze from the window and stare down at my hands, needing just a moment to calm my racing heart and nerves. Samantha reaches over and intertwines her fingers with mine, giving them a reassuring squeeze.
“It’ll be okay,” she tells me with a soft smile. “Once you get used to everything again, you’ll feel right at home.”
I return her smile with a tentative one of my own. “So long as I’m with you, I’m always home.”
She chuckles and rolls her eyes, though her cheeks are flushed with pleasure.
“That is such a cheesy line,” she teases me.
“You like it when I’m cheesy,” I respond with a grin.
She nods. “Yes, yes, I do.”
We continue driving for several more minutes until we enter a residential neighborhood. There are houses with white picket fences and large yards on either side of the street as we drive. I spot children playing and the whole scene is so idyllic, it almost doesn’t seem real.
We pull into the driveway of a medium-sized white house with blue shutters and a red door. Samantha puts the car into park outside of the garage and kills the engine.
Turn to me, she smiles and says, “Welcome home.”
I blink at her, momentarily caught off guard. That’s right. This is my home now. Here, with her. After so many years alone, I can hardly believe it’s true.
She gets out of the car and I follow after her. We retrieve our bags from the trunk and then make our way to the front door. Standing back, I wait as she unlocks it and we walk inside.
The interior is neat and stylish, and reminds me very much of Samantha with its slick gray walls and homey furnishings. We put our bags down and I watch her go from the foyer into the living room before she turns to me with a smile.
“Well, would you like at tour?” she asks with a grin.
I blink at her, suddenly overcome with desire. My woman in our home. What man could resist that?
As I stalk toward her, her expression changes to one of matching lust and eagerness. I reach her and wrap my hands around her waist, tugging her against me.
“No tour?” she murmurs breathlessly.
“Not yet,” I reply with a growl. “Later…although you could show me the bedroom right now.”
She giggles as I lower my head and slant my lips over hers. Her moans make me clutch her harder against me, and I remember just how long it’s been since I was able to touch and taste her like this. The journey from Antarctica was long and exhausting, with multiple aircraft changes and long waits in airports. It’s been days since we were able to indulge in each other, and I’m very eager to christen our new home together, making it ours and not just hers.
My fingers find the bottom of her t-shirt and I begin to slowly pull the garment up, but she stops me with her hands on my wrists.
“Hold on,” she says with a grin against my lips. “We’ve just been jumping from plane to plane for the past how many days? I need a shower before we get too frisky.”
“I don’t mind,” I tell her, leaning in for another kiss, but she dodges me with a chuckle.
“I’m serious Aleixo!” she declares, kissing my chin to take away the sting of her rejection. “I feel gross, not sexy. Let’s get cleaned up and then we can have a little fun.”
I groan. “Fine…if you insist.”
“Thank you.” She kisses my cheek and steps out of my hold. I reluctantly let her go. “I’ll go get cleaned up and you can look around if you want. Then you can shower too, okay?”
“I’d rather shower together,” I growl.
She arches her brow with a sexy little smirk. “We both know what’ll happen if we do that. Our goal is to actually get clean here. It’ll be fine, I promise. You’ve gone this long without any…another half-hour won’t kill you.”
“Says you,” I pout. She laughs again and goes to grab her bags before trudging down the hallway in the direction of what I assume is the bedroom. For a moment, I consider following her and trying again to convince her to conserve water with me, but I decide against it. She’s right, it’s been a long couple of days, and if she needs a hot solo shower to help her relax and feel better, I’m not about to deny her that.
So, instead, I take up her offer to look around. She’d told me she had friends and a cleaning service taking care of the place while she was away, so everything’s neat and tidy without any noticeable dust. There isn’t any clutter. Everything is arranged just so, which honestly doesn’t surprise me. Samantha’s things are at once practical and modern, though I can tell what belongings likely hold a more sentimental value than others. A painting of an old barn hanging on the wall that doesn’t really go with her other more minimalist pieces. A somewhat gaudy ballerina figurine set among other items from what I assume are her extensive travels. A colorful crocheted throw spread across the back of her sleek gray couch.
I grin as I take in Samantha’s private little world. A place where she comes to get away from everyone else. Her space, which she has now invited me to share with her. It hits me in this moment just how privileged of a thing this is. This life that she’s asking me to build with her. To think, I tried to prevent this all from happening, convinced that she didn’t really care for me or me for her. Too scared to admit that the bond wasn’t the real reason I was so drawn to her and wanted to be near her pretty much every minute of the day.
I wasted so much time being afraid of being connected with her…when in truth, there was never anything to be afraid of.
After I make my way through the living room, I inspect the kitchen and dining room, then wander down the hall she disappeared into. I come upon a home office and a guest room, and finally reach the master bedroom. Stepping over the threshold, I pause so I can take the whole room in. It’s decent sized, with a large bed on the far wall with a blue comforter. I think of all the things we could do in a bed that size when I hear the water from the shower in the adjoining bathroom turn off. A few moments later, Samantha emerges wrapped in a plush robe, toweling off her hair. Her eyes land on me and she grins.
“Your turn.”
Unable to help myself, I cross the room and grab her, pulling her into another kiss. She gasps, an indication I’ve taken her by surprise, but then she melts into me. I find the tie of her robe and begin to undo it, but she stops me again.
“Shower first,” she insists.
“I don’t need to,” I tell her.
She nods. “I’m clean, so now you need to get clean too. You’ll feel so much better, believe me.”
I let out a huff of breath and roll my eyes, but nod. “Fine. I’ll shower.”
“Thank you,” she says with a grin. “And when you come out, I’ll be waiting in bed for you, okay?”
The sparkle in her eyes tells is all the motivation I need. I step away from her and hurry to the bathroom, stripping off my clothes as I go.
“I have to admit, you were right. I do feel so much better now that I’m clean…”
My words trail off as I step out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist, steam billowing out behind me. My gaze falls on Samantha, who is indeed in bed, but is curled up on her side sound asleep. Damn. Should’ve seen that coming. I knew she was tired, and the truth is, I’m exhausted too.
As disappointed as I am that our intimacy is clearly postponed yet again, my heart still twists at the sight of her. She’s so beautiful. Her prosthetic is resting against the end table next to the bed, and that feels my chest with tender warmth that she has become so trusting and comfortable around me that she so easily lets that part of her be visible to me. It’s another privilege I know I don’t deserve, but one I’m extremely grateful for. Tossing my towel away, I climb up into the bed behind her and wrap my body around hers.
She shifts at my touch and turns her head toward me, her eyes cracking open as she gives me a sleepy smile.
“Hey,” she murmurs. “Sorry I’m being such a bummer. I didn’t realize how tired I was…”
“It’s okay,” I assure her, pressing a kiss to her hair. “I’m happy to just hold you while we sleep. So long as your near me, that’s all I really need.”
She wiggles against me, the press of my erection making it obvious that that’s not all I really need. She turns fully in my arms and places a sweet kiss on my lips.
“Don’t lie to me,” she teases. “You’re dying right now, aren’t you?”
I groan. “I mean…yes, kind of, but you’re tired, and…”
She hooks her leg over my hip. “I’m never too tired for you.”
I freeze as she opens up to me and my length presses up to her warm, wet flesh.
“Is that right?” I murmur.
She nods, biting her lip. “It is. Maybe we should just take the edge off and then take a nap. What do you say?”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” I grin before rolling her onto back to lose myself in her arms.
“Samantha, you know how much I love you, right?”
“Hmm? Of course I do.” She looks up at me with a little confused frown. “Is there any doubt in your mind yet about how I feel about you?”
“No,” I assure her, though some days it’s easier than others to believe her affection for me isn’t a by-product of our long-severed bond. “I just have something I want to ask you, but I don’t want to ask you unless I’m certain you love me.”
We’re lying together in bed, having spent the afternoon alternating between napping and making love. Our luggage still needs unpacked, and I’m starting to get hungry, but I’m reluctant to get up and let her
out of my arms. I decided to prolong our time together in this intimate little bubble by asking her something I’d planned on asking her tonight anyway.
She pushes up onto her elbow so she can look me full in the face with a furrowed brow.
“I don’t understand. Stop being weird. You know I love you, so what is you want to ask me?”
I grin at her impatient tone. My Samantha isn’t that much of a fan of surprises after everything that happened in Antarctica, but I’m pretty certain she’s going to love this particular surprise I have for her.
I sit up in bed and urge her to do the same. When we’re facing each other, I take her hands in mine and gaze into her eyes.
“Samantha Reyes, from the moment I met you, I felt an undeniable connection that I wanted to fight against tooth and nail…”
“Wait, what is this?” she blurts, her eyes widening.
I grin and shush her. “Don’t interrupt, I have a speech. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes…fighting our connection. I didn’t want to want you, and I had no intention of falling in love with you, but both happened before I could stop them…”
“If this is what I think it is, you’re not off to a great start.”
“Let me finish. I promise it’s good. When phoenixes mate, there is no fanfare or ceremony. We simply are joined by fate and instinct. Sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s bad. What we have, though, is so much more than that. We are choosing each other, not because we have to, but because we want to. We want to love each other and build a life together. We want to wake up next to each other every morning and learn each other’s deepest secrets. Everything between us is a result of us saying yes to each other, and now, I have yet one more question that I’m hoping you’ll say yes to.”
“Oh, my God…” I can see tears shimmering in her eyes and it’s clear she’s fighting them so I can get to the main part.
“Samantha Reyes, love of my life…my chosen mate…will you marry me?”
