by R. M. Lynn
I knew, but I couldn’t help the urge in me to find him. I needed to make sure he was alright. I’d wanted to just hug him and tell him it’d be okay since I saw him with his dad. I’d texted him throughout the night, but he’d ignored me. I just needed to see him, and I’d go. That was what I told myself, anyway.
“I’ll just look around,” I assured him. “I’ll come find you after, okay?”
He gave me a nod before turning his attention back to the girl on the countertop, and I headed for the stairs. Luckily, I didn’t have to go about knocking on any doors or anything because as soon as I headed down the hall, Maddox stumbled out of a door right in front of me, his large frame taking up the entire hallway as his hands fumbled with his phone. My hands went to his sides, trying to steady him, and his glassy eyes swept over my face and a lazy smile spread across his lips as recognition sparked in his eyes.
“Hey, Daisy,” he murmured, tucking his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. “What’re you doing here?”
“You know, to party,” I forced out the lame joke and tried to smile. “You okay?”
“Fucking great. Thanks for asking, baby.” He ran a hand through his messy hair, and I noticed then that his jeans were unbuttoned and the zipper was down. His eyes dropped to my line of sight, and he let out a chuckle as he did up his jeans, his fingers fumbling with the zipper. “A little help, babe?”
I let out a breath and helped him as I mumbled, “What’ve you been doing?”
“I don’t know what you’re asking,” he replied lowly with a scowl and shook his head as I looked back up at him. “I’m at a party. I’m doing what everyone else is doing here.”
Just then, Audrey came out of the room, smoothing down her straighter than straight dark hair, and gave me a shy smile.
“Hey, Daisy,” she greeted quietly and looked up at Maddox. “Willow is leaving, Maddox, and she’s my ride. I have to find Avery, too. She might be riding back with us.” She tipped up to whisper something in his ear before kissing his cheek. “Thanks for today and tonight, Maddox. You’ll call?”
“Sure,” he told her casually and let her walk toward the staircase without another word. When she headed down, he looked back to me. “You got any weed on you?”
I swallowed and shook my head. “No, sorry. Maddox, maybe you should go home.”
“Why? I’m fine.”
“I had to zip up your pants for you.”
“So the fuck what?” he snapped and ran his hands through his hair. “That doesn’t mean anything. What, your feelings are hurt, so I have to cut my night short?”
I glared up at him and retorted, “My feelings aren’t fucking hurt, asshole. I’m telling you I think you should go home because you’re fucking drunk and probably high, too, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I don’t need your help,” he whispered harshly. “Just leave me alone.”
I dropped my gaze to my feet and shook my head. My breath hitched when his fingers grasped my chin gently as he stepped into me and tipped my face up toward his. I bit my bottom lip to keep it from trembling because, fuck it, my feelings were hurt. Not because he likely slept with Audrey. He could do what he wanted, and that was what we agreed to. However, I was hurt because all day, he’d brushed me off. Just me. We were closer than that, and I didn’t know what I did to upset him so much.
“It’s not you,” he murmured after a moment. “I just… Fuck, Daisy, I’m just messed up right now. And I know you’re the only one who really sees through it all. I just can’t have you looking at it when I don’t even want to yet. I haven’t figured out how I’m feeling right now, and I can’t handle you digging it up. Not yet.” He shook his head and dragged his hand from my chin to the side of my neck. His forehead dropped to mine, and he let out a shaky breath as he choked out, “What he said fucked me up, Daisy. It fucking hurt me.”
“I’m sorry, Mac,” I whispered and hugged him around his waist. “But you can’t act like an idiot because of it. You’re better than that, and when you react like this, it gives his words actual meaning.”
He nodded weakly and pulled back slightly to look over my face once more. I brushed his hair from his forehead and gave a tiny smile. I grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle tug, hoping he wouldn’t argue with me anymore about taking him home. He let me lead him downstairs, and I slipped under his arm to try and stop him from stumbling while I searched for Dash. He was still in the kitchen, but at that moment, he was lighting up a joint with the girl on his arm while Jimmy was yelling at him about smoking in the house.
“Don’t be a bitch, Jimmy,” Dash snapped and exhaled out a puff of smoke before Maddox and I approached. “Hey, you found him. Shit, man, you look rough.”
“I got to take him home,” I told him. “He’s had too much. You should’ve kept an eye on him.”
“I’m a big boy, baby, don’t worry,” Maddox laughed out as his hand reached for Dash’s joint. “Give me that.”
“No,” I snapped and smacked his hand down. “You’re going home. Now. Okay?” I looked to Dash. “I just wanted to let you know that we’re leaving.”
“Alright. Let me know if you need any help, and I can swing by.”
I gave a nod and yanked on Maddox, pulling him back through the crowd for the door. It was a struggle getting him into the car, but once he was buckled, I got into the driver’s side and began down the road. He lulled his head to the side against the headrest and looked at me. I felt his eyes on me, so I quickly glanced to him and then the road again.
“Hey,” he whispered.
“Hi, Maddox,” I muttered back and let out a breath.
“We can go to my place. Dad went to the airport after the game. He’s going to New York for a few days for work.”
I just nodded and drove past my place to get to his. He stumbled out of the car once we were there, and I thought he’d fall, but thankfully, he was able to catch himself by using my shoulder as leverage. It took far too long to get him upstairs and to his room, and I sent up a silent prayer once we got there. He sat on the edge of the bed and raised his arms up without protest as I pulled his shirt over his head for him. Once I undid his jeans, he lifted up slightly to slide them down his legs, and I pulled the blanket back so he could roll underneath before covering him up to his shoulders.
“Lay with me,” he whispered as I turned off the light. “Stay.”
I let out a breath and laid down next to him when he raised the blanket up to let me in. I’d only stay for a little bit. I was feeling some sort of way about everything, especially with the likelihood that he slept with Audrey. I knew I told him he could, and truthfully, I had no reason to be upset with him. So, I was in a weird place of emotions, trying to decipher everything and wondering if it was worth the argument.
“Maddox?” I whispered, gaining the courage to ask him what really happened while my back was to him and his eyes couldn’t see mine.
After a moment, he mumbled, “I fucked her. I know you’re wondering, so I’ll just tell you.”
“Okay,” I whispered and let out a breath.
“I didn’t do it to hurt you. It was stupid.”
“It wasn’t.”
He doesn’t say anything else to the topic, and I was thankful for it. I didn’t expect him to stay celibate because of our little arrangement. I also didn’t expect to feel the way I did in the moment. Perhaps, I was naïve, and I thought maybe he’d realize I was it for him. It wasn’t stupid that he slept with Audrey. It was stupid of me to think that I’d ever be more than just Daisy to him.
◆◆◆
6
Marcus hovered next to Daisy but didn’t take a seat next to her at the lunch table she was at with Logan. I thought she no longer had an interest in him after the one date they went on, but I apparently thought wrong. But what the fuck did I really know? My best friend had been practically avoiding me for what felt like forever. It’d been over a month, nearing Halloween. Ever since that night at Jimmy Kowalski’s
party, she’d been nearly nonexistent in my life.
It fucking sucked.
She texted me back just fine, and she responded when I spoke to her at school but never started the conversations first. She didn’t go to practices, games, or parties anymore. She didn’t let me drive her home, and anytime I asked her if we were okay, she plastered a smile on her face and told me everything was just fine. But it wasn’t fucking fine. I missed her, and I knew I fucked up, but I couldn’t let her just toss us out because of it.
“Hey, man,”
I glanced up and over my shoulder at Marcus and wondered why the hell he approached my table and what he could possibly want. Colt and Dash looked up from their seats on either side of me, leaning back to scowl at him, and Dash crossed his arms over his chest.
“What?” I muttered to Marcus.
He smirked and shrugged as he countered, “Nothing much, buddy, I just thought I’d pick your brain about something.”
“I’m not your buddy,” I snapped and shifted my chair to face him. “What the fuck do you want? Get on with it and go back to your real buddies over there.”
“Second stringers,” Colt supplemented with a smirk.
Marcus’s jaw clenched momentarily before he plastered a smile on his face. “I was just wondering, you know, what Daisy likes. I figured you’d know.” He looked from me to the guys and then back to me. “Word is she’s into some wild shit like threesomes. You know if she’s into ass play?”
My chair scraped against the floor as I flew out of my seat and lunged for him. Dash wrapped his arms around me from behind and yanked me back while Marcus laughed with a couple of his idiot friends who’d gathered to watch. Colt gave him a shove back and warned him to go take a seat somewhere else.
“It was merely a question, bud,” Marcus taunted further and cocked his head to the side. “I know you have to keep her around for a reason, right?”
“Let me go,” I growled at Dash. I knew I’d risk hurting him if I tried to get out of his grasp on my own. “Fucking let me go.”
“No way, man, it’s not worth it,” he snapped back. “If Coach hears you fought him, you’ll be benched.”
“Wouldn’t want that, Tate,” Marcus continued, smirking at me. “You’ll risk your chance at Stanford, and we all witnessed the last time Daddy had something to say about that.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Dash shot back lowly. “Go sit down. One more word, and I won’t be responsible for what he does to you while me and this one hold you down.”
Marcus laughed before turning and going to sit down with the rest of his loser friends. Once released from Dash’s hold, I pushed away from him and kicked my chair, making it fly back into the table before grabbing my shit and stalking off toward the exit. I ignored the calls of the dean, but he didn’t try too hard knowing who my father was. I stormed down the hall until I was at my locker, and I stood in front of it, my fists clenching at my side while I resisted the urge to punch the hard metal.
“Don’t mess up your throwing hand.” I looked up at the sound of Daisy’s voice, and I sighed as she approached me carefully. Once at my side, she murmured, “You okay?”
“Fine,” I muttered. “You should get back to lunch before you get in trouble.”
“I just… I saw you book it out of there and heard some of the whispering, so I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
I shook my head and glared at her. “Really? I mean, are you okay? Because you’ve been acting like I’m contagious with some incurable disease. You’re avoiding me. Why?” I shook my head. “No, I know why. I just… Are you talking to Marcus again?”
She shook her head and mumbled, “No. He’s texted me a couple of times, but I’ve kept things brief. He came over to my table for God knows what. He just carried awkward small talk, asked me if I was going to the game, and that was it.”
“Stay away from him, okay?” I snapped and ran a hand through my hair. “I mean it, Daisy. He’s a fucking asshole.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mac. I’m not interested in him anyway.”
“Great, well, you should head back.”
She stepped close to me, and my jaw ticked in anticipation as her hand slipped up my forearm. I closed my eyes and let out a breath as her forehead went to my chest with her own released breath. My hand went to rest at the back of her head, my fingers slipping into her hair.
“I miss you,” I whispered. “I really fucking miss you, Daisy.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered back and looked up at me, her chin pressing into my chest now and my hand still in its place. “I miss you, too. I just…”
“I never meant to hurt you. I swear, Daze, I never did it to upset you. I was fucked up that night, and it’s not an excuse, but I –”
Her hand went to my mouth, and she shook her head. “I know. I’m not mad at you or anything. I promise. I’ve just been in my head lately, and my parents… Mom just moved out, and I’ve been dealing with that. I’m sorry I’ve kept you at a distance. Let’s just forget about it, okay?”
I wasn’t satisfied with that, but I let it go and nodded. She wanted to forget about it, so I’d let her. For now. If she thought she’d go back to being a friend at a distance, she was sadly mistaken. I pressed my lips to her forehead and froze when her face tipped up so her lips collided with mine. She kissed me softly, tentatively, and it only took a moment for me to part my lips and kiss her back.
She startled away from me when the bell rang, signaling the end of the period, and I ran a hand through my hair as she glanced around the hallway that was quickly filling with people. I wrapped my hand around her wrist as she tried to slip into the crowd and pulled her back to me.
“Hey,” I said when her front hits mine, a quick breath escaping her. “You’ll come to practice today?”
“I don’t know, Maddox,” she muttered with a shrug. “Avery and her minions have been giving me a hard time, and I’d rather avoid them at all costs.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before now, Daze? I’ll take care of it.”
“Don’t, okay? I’m fine. See you in Calc?”
I let out a breath and nodded. “See you then.”
She gave my hand a squeeze before slipping away, and I leaned back against my locker to watch her go. When Audrey walked by and gave me a wave, and I only gave a small smile in return. Thankfully, Dash came up to my side and knocked his fist into my shoulder, so she kept walking. Since the night of Jimmy’s party, I’d been avoiding her like Daisy had me but tenfold. She seemed to think that what had happened between us was more than it actually was. She was turning into a clinger with each passing day.
“Hey, man, you alright?” Dash asked and raised a brow as Colt came up behind him. “You lost your fucking cool back there.”
“I’ll beat his fucking ass if he even looks at her again,” I countered with a glare. “And next time? Lay off. I don’t need you to hold me back.”
“Look, Mac, you’re going to really fuck up your chance at playing in the next game for some douchebag who likes to run his mouth?” Colt interjected with a shake of his head.
“No,” I snapped and pushed away from my locker. “I’d fuck up my chance at football to protect what’s mine.”
With that, I headed off to class. At the end of the day, I found Audrey at my locker, and I grimaced involuntarily as I approached her. She immediately started speaking as I opened up the metal door and dropped a couple books into the locker before shoving my Calc book into my backpack.
“Maddox, I, um… I feel like I’ve maybe done something wrong,” Audrey mumbled and bit her lip, pulling on the end of one her braids. “I thought… I mean, after what happened that night at Jimmy’s, I thought –”
“Listen, Audrey, you’ve done nothing wrong. I just… I’m not looking for a relationship right now,” I explained softly and ran a hand through my hair. “And you deserve a lot better than what I can give you.”
“It’s Daisy, isn’t it?” When I frowned, she
shook her head and quickly added, “No, no, I just meant that I’ve heard some things. That you guys are into each other or whatever.”
“We’re not into each other. We’re friends.” I must’ve answered too quickly because she looked doubtful. I shook my head and repeated, “We’re friends. But, look, that doesn’t matter. It’s got nothing to do with her. I just can’t be serious with anyone right now. I have a lot going on, and I have to focus on football. I hope you understand, and I really am sorry. You’re a great girl, Audrey.”
She blinked away unshed tears and nodded quickly. With that, she walked away, and I let her because there wasn’t a point in stopping her. I’d only give her hope for something that was never going to happen. So, I headed to practice and put it out of my mind. After practice, I showered before pulling on a pair of joggers as Dash, Colt, and Luke Taylor, the team’s tight end, got dressed around me.
“Tate,” I heard my last name barked behind me as I held my shirt up about to pull it over my head.
I knew the voice, flinched at the sound, and turned to look at Coach Dyer. “Yes, Coach?”
“My office,” he demanded and stalked off from the lockers toward his office.
“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath as Luke frowned and asked, “You think he heard about the shit with Williams?”
I shrugged, and Dash grasped my shoulder as he sighed out, “Just be cool. It could be nothing.”
It was never nothing when Coach wanted to speak with someone. I pulled my shirt on and headed for the office, tossing a glare at Marcus when he smirked at me on my way. The bitch probably tattled on me or some shit. I knocked on the glass window quickly before entering the office and standing in front of his deck.
“Sit down,” he ordered and looked from his computer screen to me once I did. “I heard about the lunchroom incident today, and to say I’m disappointed is an understatement. Where the fuck is your head, Maddox?”
I was used to him cursing at us, yelling, and screaming, but sitting across from him never got easier in a one on one scenario. He was intimidating, and honestly? I worked my ass off to make him proud because at least he’d tell me I did good after a game unlike my father.
