by R. M. Lynn
“Um, well…” His hand ran through his hair, and I could see his shoulders shrug. “I’m not exactly staying at home, so… I didn’t know where to go. Dash said it wasn’t a good night because his parents are fighting. Colt’s in a shitty mood with Stella, and he said he had to go to his dad’s place to meet his new girlfriend or something. I hate asking the other guys on the team because it’s awkward. I figured I could get away with staying here.”
“You don’t even have any blankets. It’s freezing out here,” I argued and shook my head. “You should go home, Maddox.”
“I can’t go home,” he snapped. “I can’t see my dad.”
“He’s barely there anyway.”
“He’s been there every goddamn day, waiting for me to come back so that he can fucking yell at me some more. It’s not worth it.” He let out an audible breath. “I’m too tired to fight him anymore. I just needed to get out of there, and so far, I’ve been doing just fine.”
“Drinking to get drunk and partying every weekend?” I countered. “That’s being just fine?”
“What do you know?” he retorted. “Look, just let me stay out here for a bit, and I’ll just go to Colt’s whenever he gets back from his dad. It can’t be more than an hour or two from now.”
I decided not to respond because I didn’t want to make him angrier. I simply gave him a gentle shove until he scooted over enough so that I could lie down under the skylight. Sure enough, the night sky was clear, and I could make out a few constellations and pinpoint a select few stars. I forced myself not to flinch when Maddox laid down on his back next to me.
We were quiet for a long time until he whispered, “Remember when we’d do this as kids?”
“Yes,” I whispered back, biting my lip to keep from talking more.
Instead, Maddox continued to speak. “It used to be my favorite thing in the world. Dash and Colt always left earlier, and it’d just be you and me up here. I remember feeling relief. As if I didn’t have to share you anymore.” I swallowed and tried to keep my eyes on the stars above us. “You used to name off every constellation you saw, and I used to be so goddamn fascinated with how you had a backstory for all of them and could rattle them off like you were fucking Google. I still get like that. In Colorado, when you told me about Aries… I love listening to you tell me the stories about each one. You get this little spark in your eye, and you smile when you talk like you don’t even know you’re doing it.”
I turned my head to look at him, having not realized he felt this way or noticed the way I felt about the stars. I always thought he thought it was a weird quirk I had like most people did. But when he turned his head, his moonlit eyes looking back into mine, I felt the words he was saying.
“And I miss the stories, laying under the stars and listening to you tell me everything you know about them,” he continued quietly, and I turned my head back toward the sky even as I felt his eyes on me. “I miss everything about you, Daisy. I miss driving you home, hanging out by your locker, and I miss sitting by you in class. I miss helping you with homework, and I miss watching The Office with you.” I bit my lip to stop myself from crying, and I closed my eyes when I felt his fingers brush along mine. “I miss your smile, your laugh, and I miss being able to talk to you about everything that’s going on in my life. Because I really need that someone, and the only person I want to talk to is you. You’re my best friend, Daisy, and these past couple weeks, it’s like I’ve lost a fucking limb.”
I looked at him at the sound of his voice breaking with emotion. I turned onto my side, and he does the same, his hand sliding tentatively to the underside of my jaw.
“I didn’t say it back when you did because I was so afraid I’d lose you if things went south between us in a relationship.” He let out a breath and scooted closer, moving his hand into my hair. “I buried my own feelings thinking that I could just have you as my friend and be okay with it. I could sacrifice my feelings so that I wouldn’t ever lose you. But this time we’ve spent apart, it’s taught me that I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t go back to being your friend.” I willed him to continue internally, wanting him to get it all out there. “For a long time, I’ve been told what I have to have in my life. I’ve been groomed for this life outside of Summerset, and it was all pointing to a life without you, even before we made the arrangement. My dad wants me to leave for Stanford and never look back, and for the longest time, I was willing to do it. It makes me sound like an asshole, and I’m sorry, but I would’ve done it for him because he’s my dad.”
I gave him a small nod, knowing that all his whole life he simple wanted his dad’s approval. He swallowed, his hand clenching slightly in my hair as he worked up the nerve to keep talking.
“But then you came to me with this bizarre as hell deal. When I told you no, it was because I honestly didn’t want to fuck anything up that we already had. I knew it’d change us, and I knew because the feelings I’d buried down for years were back at the surface the second you asked me to take your virginity.” I let out a breath, wanting to apologize, but he shook his head and continued with, “No, it’s okay. I’d buried them for so long, it was like a punch in the face when they were back in full force. I didn’t know how to deal with them, but I wanted to give you what you wanted. I never would’ve agreed, Daisy, if a part of me didn’t want to know what it was like. I think you’re beautiful. Inside and out. I always have. The times we spent together, it was like I got a taste of what it’d be like if I said fuck it and gave in to all the things that I wanted just for myself. If I didn’t listen to my dad about distractions, if I didn’t think about Stanford. If I was just there, and if I just let myself give in to everything I wanted to have with you.”
I let my hands fall to his abs, and he released a breath, dropping his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes as we laid there motionless until, finally, he lifted his head and searched my eyes.
“I was afraid to lose you, Daisy, if I was honest about how I felt. I can’t stand the thought of one day splitting up and never seeing you again,” he told me next. “But I lost you anyway, and it fucking sucks. Because I am in love you, Daisy. I’ve loved you a long time, and after all this, I can’t imagine not having you as mine for another second. Because if shit falls apart, at least I had you once. I’d regret it forever if I didn’t give it a chance. I’m sorry I was a coward. I should’ve told you I loved you the moment you told me, but I freaked out. The idea of my one constant turning into something else had me freaked. But I need you in my life, Daisy, and not as just my friend. But if you’ve moved on, or want to try to, then you can. I’ll understand. I just had to tell you before you did because I’d hate myself even more if I didn’t tell you the truth.”
I took in every word before finally whispering, “I’m glad you told me. Even if it did take you much too long.”
He let out a breathy chuckle and put his forehead to mine again. “I’m sorry. For everything. I should never have pushed you away.”
“I’m sorry, too. For making you feel like you lost me. Because you’ll never lose me, Maddox. No matter what.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,”
His eyes caught mine for the briefest moment before my eyelids fluttered closed when his lips brushed over mine. My hand slid up into his hair while the other gripped his side as he rolled us over so that I was on my back with him hovering over me. Our kiss deepened, and I held him to me, never wanting to let go. When we were out of breath, Maddox pulled back slightly and put his forehead to mine again, pressing a quick kiss to the tip of my nose.
“It’s freezing out here,” I whispered. “Why don’t we go inside? You can stay here tonight.”
“Watch some of The Office?” he murmured back and pressed a few quick kisses to my neck.
“I actually started Stranger Things.”
“Without me?”
The whine in his voice had me giggling uncontrollably, and I grabbed both sides of his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t
realize I wasn’t the only one that hadn’t watched it.”
“I only watch shows with you, Daze.”
“You’re lying. We spend a lot of time apart.”
He lets out a laugh and slides his hand to the side of my neck. “We spend more time together than we do apart, and dead ass, babe, I only watch shows with you.”
“I know you watch The Office alone,” I countered with a smirk.
“Sometimes,” he laughed out and kissed me briefly. “I’m freezing. Can we go in?”
I nodded, and he sat up away from me before beginning to head down the rope ladder. He waited for me at the bottom, putting his hands on my hips and helping me down all the way. I turned in his arms and slid my hands up his chest until my arms went around his shoulders. Lifting up on my toes slightly, I pressed my cold lips to his and melted against him.
“This feels unreal,” he murmured against my lips.
I looked up at him and asked quietly, “In a good way, though?”
“The best way,” he whispered back and kissed me slowly. “I didn’t think I could be this happy. I only wish I got my shit together sooner.”
“Everything that’s supposed to be is,”
He gives me another kiss before taking my hand and walking toward the backdoor of my house. I slipped inside first, making sure my dad was still nowhere in sight, and then hurried him to the stairs. We headed up and to my room, and I closed the bedroom door, locking it just in case. Maddox quickly hopped into bed and stretched out, an arm going above his head on the stack of pillows I had while his other hand pointed the remote at the TV. I got into bed with him, curled up into his side and let out a content sigh.
“I missed this, too,” he whispered as his arm came down around me and pulled me tight against him.
“I missed you, too, Mac,” I murmured and tipped my face up to his, kissing him lightly. “Can I tell you I love you?”
“Please. I promise this time to respond appropriately.”
I smirked. “I love you, Maddox.”
“I love you, too, Daisy.”
It felt so good to say it and have him say it right back. I had Maddox restart the first episode of Stranger Things, and with him in my bed with me, it wasn’t too frightening of a show. He pressed his lips to my temple every so often.
“You’re wearing my hoodie,” he suddenly said halfway through the episode.
“It smells like you,” is all I replied with.
I felt him smile against my forehead before he pressed a kiss there. I snuggled closer to him and smiled against his chest. And finally, all felt right with the two of us.
◆◆◆
11
The next day at school, I met Daisy at her locker. Dash and Colt were already there, and she was laughing and shaking her head at something Dash said. When I walked up to the three of them, Colt and Dash immediately tensed, but I ignored them as Daisy gave me a small smile. I slid my hand to the side of her neck, pulled her to me, and dropped a kiss to her lips.
Against her mouth, I murmured, “Hey, baby.”
“What the fuck is going on?” Dash exclaimed from the left of me.
“Is this real life right now?” Colt muttered as I pulled back from Daisy and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into my side. “Dude, what the hell is going on?”
“Nothing,” I told them both. “We’re together. Either of you got a problem with that?”
Dash shook his head. “No, man, I’m happy for you guys.” He gave a grin to Daisy. “I just want you guys to be happy.”
“Yeah,” Colt agreed with a nod and put his hand to my shoulder. “I’d rather you guys figure your shit out than keep on with that ignoring each other bullshit.”
“You’re happy?” Dash asked us both.
I looked down at Daisy as she smiled up at me, and I replied, “Yeah. We’re happy.”
Stella and Logan approached us, and Colt muttered, “I’ll see you guys later,” before he disappeared down the hall. Honestly, Colt and Stella should just fuck out their aggression and move on from their bullshit. But who was I to judge.
“Um, what the fuck is this?” Logan squealed as she looked me and Daisy up and down. “You’re holding her. Are you friends again?”
Stella had the smallest of smiles on her face as Daisy told them, “Um, well, we’re definitely friends again. But we’re also together.”
“Together?” Logan asked loudly. “Together?! What does that mean?”
“She’s my girlfriend, Lo,” I interjected. “Now, quit screaming. You’ll alert the whole damn school, and we don’t need the attention.”
“Oh, I’m alerting them alright. Get ready.” She skipped down the hall and began shouting singsongingly, “Maddox loves Daisy, Maddox loves Daisy!”
I rolled my eyes, not at all amused, but when I glanced down at Daisy, who had a smile on her face, my lips split into a smile as well. Stella gave Daisy a bigger smile, and she squeezed her hand before heading down the hallway. I turned to face my girl fully, put my hand to the underside of her jaw and tipped her face up to mine.
“I’m your girlfriend, you said?” she murmured, her emerald eyes sparkling.
“That’s what I said,” I concurred. “That okay with you?”
She nodded and tipped up on her toes to press her lips to mine. I wrapped an arm around her waist and held her against me even as our mouth separated.
“You should get to class,” I murmured and kissed one more time. “I’ll see you at lunch, yeah?”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “Later, boyfriend.”
“Later, Daze.”
I smiled as I watched her head down the hallway. By lunchtime, the word had spread that Daisy was mine, and it didn’t seem like that much of a shock to most. Avery and her minions were the most surprised. They casted their dirty looks Daisy’s way the entire lunch period, but she didn’t seem to mind. She simply sat next to me, ate her food, and chatted with the others at the table. During the last class for the day, I walked into the room and found her sitting in the seat closest to the door and furthest from my own desk. Bracing my hands on the desk, I leaned down to her and brushed my lips over her ear.
“What’re you doing?”
“Sitting,” she countered with a smirk and looked up to me.
“In the wrong seat,” I told her and ran my lips over her jaw.
She shrugged and teased, “I figured you could handle it, you know, sitting apart from me. Mariah likes sitting by you so much.”
I frowned and glanced up at Mariah just as Dash walked into class and gave my back a pat. Standing straight I ran my hand through my hair and flashed him a quick smile.
“Daze, why aren’t you sitting by us? I thought we were over this whole thing now that you’re fucking exclusively,” Dash chuckled out, and I shook my head at him and gave him a shove to his chest. “Ow, man, relax. Daze knows I’m kidding.”
“Come sit by me,” I shamelessly whined and pulled on her arm. “I’ll make her move.”
“I can do it,” she insisted with a laugh and stood up next to me.
Dash and I followed her over to row of seats at the far end of the room next to the windows, and I stood behind her as she stood in front of Mariah who was seated at the desk that was supposed to be occupied by Daisy.
“Hey, Mariah, I was hoping that maybe we could switch seats again,” Daisy said to her with a smile.
“Um, actually, I think I’ll just stay here,” Mariah countered cattily and smiled up at Dash. “No take backs.”
“Actually, Mariah,” my girl snapped lowly, a fake smile still on her face as she leaned onto the desk with her hands, “I will be sitting next to my boyfriend, and you’ll be the kind peer that goes to sit back at her original desk.” I put my hands on Daisy’s shoulders and pulled her back against my chest, hoping to get her out of Mariah’s face and deescalate the situation but loving it at the same time. “Are we clear, Mariah? Please, don’t test me.”
Mariah’s lips stretc
hed into a thin line before she stood up quickly, grabbed her things, and stomped to her desk at the other end of the room. Dash was chuckling as he took a seat at his desk, and I smirked against Daisy’s cheek before pressing a kiss there and sitting down. She took her place between us, and I turned to look at her as Dash leaned forward and shook her playfully by the shoulders.
“That was sexy as hell, babe,” Dash laughed out. “Did you see her face?”
“She called me her boyfriend,” I teased and put my fist out for him to bump it with his.
Daisy rolled her eyes with a laugh. “You guys are ridiculous.”
The bell rang, and our teacher began the lecture right away. My knee bounced in anticipation, wanting to get out of school and spend the rest of the night with Daisy. The second the bell rang signaling the end of the day, I took her hand and walked her to her locker for her to get her skateboard.
“Hey,” she murmured and looked up at me as she closed her locker, resting her board against it.
I smirked as she bit her lip and brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. “Hey, baby.” I scowled when she continued to nibble her lip as if she were nervous about something. “What’s wrong?”
She took my hand and led me out of the school toward the parking lot as she said, “I just think we should talk.”
“You’re not already breaking up with me, are you?” I asked dryly and opened the passenger door of my car for her.
“No,” she laughed out softly before climbing in. Once I got into the driver’s side, she turned in her seat toward me and grabbed my hand. “When you were talking about school in the Fall… You were right. I did get accepted into GCU.”
“Congratulations, Daze,” I murmured and squeezed her hand. “I’m proud of you.”
“But I hadn’t accepted the admission offer at that point. I was waiting for another school.” She shrugged. “I applied to Stanford awhile back, but I didn’t get in. I mean, I didn’t think I had a chance anyway, but I knew that you were feeling down about potentially going there without your friends.” She shook her head and quickly added, “It was before everything that happened with us.” Another shrug. “But I didn’t get in, like I said, and I’m sorry for that. I really suck at math.”
