by Emery Jacobs
My body trembles and my vision wavers as I try to fight back the tears. I put the Jeep in drive, look over my shoulder to be sure the road is clear, and then pull out onto the highway. I just want to get home, crawl in bed, and wrap up in Jack. He’ll smile and tell me he loves me, and we’ll forget all about this stupid drive.
Lights flicker in front of me, but they don’t look like taillights. I squint, lean forward a bit, and then use one hand to wipe the fog from the window. The lights seem to be getting closer. I glance over at Jack, who is resting his head against the seat with his eyes closed. Shit! When I bring my gaze back to the road, it’s too late. The lights are directly in front of me and they’re connected to a car going the wrong direction down the highway. “Jack!” I scream as I jerk the steering wheel to the right and then slam on the brakes, trying to avoid them, but it’s too late. A clap of thunder screams loudly somewhere in the darkness. Crunching metal pulls at my ears as burning rubber twists and curls, stinging my nose. My head is heavy and my vision blurs once, twice, and on the third time, everything goes dark.
9
Jovie
Then
Christmas Eve
“Santa Claus won’t come if you don’t go to sleep,” Piper whispers, and I laugh loudly. “Shh!” She presses her finger against her lips as she makes the noise. “You’re gonna wake up Mom and Dad.”
She climbs into my bed and lies down beside me, resting her head on my oversized pillow.
“No, I won’t. Daddy went to the station to check on something important, and Mom is passed out. I think she drank too much of her relaxation drink again.” I laugh again, but this time I’m not as loud. “Oh, and Santa will come even if I’m awake,” I tell her as she snuggles against me.
“Who told you that?” she asks.
“Nobody, but I’m not stupid, you know. I’m twelve, not two. And I also know—”
“Don’t say it!” She looks at me pointedly. “If you don’t believe then—”
“I know, I know—then I won’t get any presents.”
“That’s right, little sister. And speaking of presents, what are your thoughts on our gifts this year? Did you ask for anything good?”
I wiggle around in the bed until I’m propped up against the headrest looking at Piper. This is our thing. We always spend Christmas Eve in either my bed or hers. We talk and laugh until sleep takes us away.
“Nope. Not this year. I told Mom and Dad to surprise me.”
“Surprise you?” Piper questions as she fluffs her pillow and then readjusts her head.
“Yeah, I’m tired of always knowing what I’m getting. I think it takes all the fun out of it. So, this year, I have no idea what’s under the tree, and I’m more excited than ever.”
“Hmm… that’s pretty good thinking, sis.” She laughs softly.
My mind reels from one subject to the next, stopping at my mom and her drinking problem. I may only be twelve, but I know walking around every morning with a bottle of vodka in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other is not normal behavior. What bothers me the most is that no one ever talks about it. We just carry on with our life like everything is okay. Since my big sister is in a great mood, I decide to give it a shot and ask the question that is always on my mind. “Do you think Mom will ever stop drinking?”
“Wow. Subject change, huh?” Her eyes lose a little of their brightness at the mention of Mom’s problem with alcohol. We all know it’s real, but no one—including our dad—will talk to us about it. He says eventually she’ll get better. I may be a kid, but I’m not stupid. She struggles every day, and it makes me really sad for her.
“I don’t know. Maybe one day. It’ll probably take something bad happening before she stops for good.” She shrugs with one shoulder. “That’s the way it usually works.”
“Hopefully you’re right. I mean about the part where she stops drinking, not about the something bad happening.” Somewhere buried deep inside my brain, I know something bad will happen and it will give Mom a reason to stop drinking for a long time, but she’ll eventually go back to the bottle time and time again.
My mind drifts in and out of sleep. Piper kisses me on the forehead. “Good night, Jovie. I love you.” Her voice is soft, and it sounds like she’s far away.
“I love you too, Piper, and I miss you every day. We all do.” Tears pool behind my eyes as they flutter open briefly, a few tears escaping before they close on their own.
“I miss you too, little sis, but everything’s good. I promise.” Her voice drifts even farther away.
I whisper her name. She doesn’t answer, so I say her name again and again. Each time it’s a little louder. Still no answer. I reach my hand out to touch her, but she’s not there. The empty space beside me is cold. I miss you too, hovers in the air around me.
“Live your best life and love with your whole heart.” Her voice fades away with the last few words, and I know she’s gone forever. Open your eyes, Jovie.
10
Jovie
Now
Christmas Eve
My eyes jerk open, and I suck in a deep breath. Piper. I squeeze my eyes closed for a couple of seconds before opening them again. Beep, beep, beep. What’s that noise? I move my head slowly to the right and take in the large window. There’s no light filtering through the blinds, so it must be dark outside. Beep, beep, beep. Where’s that sound coming from? “Where am I?” I mumble, my voice sounding hoarse and weak.
“Jovie?” The familiar female voice grabs my attention. Mom.
“Mom, where am I?” I blink my eyes a few times, and she’s standing over me. Her eyes are red, swollen, and tears are streaming down her face.
Suddenly I’m blindsided by so many emotions, but the main one is fear. The storm, the car going the wrong direction, the burning rubber… Jack. My heart slams around in my chest as my pulse races through my veins. The air is heavy, and I can’t breathe. “Where’s Jack? Mom, please… where is he?” In just the few seconds that my eyes have been open, my mind has manifested every worst-case scenario possible.
“I’m here, Jovie.” His voice is laced with relief.
I let out a huge breath as I reach for him. “Jack,” I mutter as my eyes fill with tears.
Mom steps to the side as he approaches the bed, leaning down and swallowing me in a big hug. “Thank God you’re awake,” he whispers near my ear before kissing my cheek, and I cry. The tears continue to fall as he pulls back from the hug and stares into my eyes. “Don’t ever scare me like this again.”
I scrunch my nose, sniffle, and nod. I’m still not completely myself. I feel drugged—groggy and still fighting sleep—but I’m so thankful I’m still here, that the accident wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
Jack has a couple of lacerations on his face that have been stitched closed and a healing bruise underneath his left eye. I drag my hands through his hair before skimming his face with my touch. “You’re okay?” I ask, my voice shaky.
“Baby, I’m fine. You’re what’s important, and I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life taking care of you.”
“Jovie, you’re awake?” My dad’s question cuts Jack off as he walks into the room. Jack releases me, and I want to grab him and beg him not to let me go. I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life taking care of you.
“Yes, and I think I’m okay.” At least I think I’m fine, but actually I have no idea—I’m not even sure what today is or how long I’ve been drifting in and out of sleep.
“Thank God.” His hand trembles as he grabs me, pulling me into a hug. “You scared the shit out of us, sweetheart.” He releases me and shakes his head. “I never want to get another phone call in the middle of the night. You understand?” His light laughter is forced, fake, and I know without him saying it that receiving a phone call about me being in an accident brought back memories of the night Piper was killed.
“I never want you to get another middle-of-the-night phone call about me,” I tell him. My mouth is dry, a
nd my throat feels thick. “Mom?” I know she’s still here, but she’s been pushed aside by the men in my life.
“I’m right here, Jovie.” She grips my hand and pushes past Dad to get to my side. “Do you feel okay? What do you need?” She may not have won any mother of the year awards when I was younger, but she’s still a mom—my mom—and she just knows I need her.
“I have a bit of a headache, and my face kind of hurts.” I rub my jaw then open and close it a couple of times. Honestly, I didn’t realize I had any pain until just now. When I first woke up, I was so worried about Jack and then happy he was okay that I couldn’t focus on anything else.
“Let me call your nurse,” Dad says, reminding everyone in the room that I probably need to be checked out now that I’m awake and alert.
“Do you think I can have something to drink? My mouth feels like it’s full of cotton.” I direct my question toward Mom.
“I’m sure it’ll be okay, but let’s ask the nurse first,” she answers without hesitation.
A petite brunette dressed in scrubs enters the room and makes her way to my bedside. “Hi, Jovie. I’m Tabitha, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Does anything hurt?” Her voice is calm, almost soothing. She doesn’t give me time to answer before she sticks a thermometer in my mouth, presses a few buttons on the monitor above the bed, and grabs my wrist.
I wait until she removes the thermometer before giving her the same answer I gave Mom a little while ago. Headache and face ache—if that’s even a real complaint. She pours me a small cup of water and gives me some acetaminophen for the pain before explaining to everyone that she will get in touch with the doctor and let him know I’m awake and alert. She asks me a few more questions about my pain before she leaves the four of us alone again.
I love my parents and I’m grateful they drove in from Georgia, but I want everyone to leave. I’m still exhausted and fighting sleep.
“Do you think we need to hang around for the doctor so he can give us an update?” Dad directs the question toward my mother, who is sitting next to me, holding my hand. I glance over at Jack; he’s leaning against the wall, quietly watching everything unfold from a distance.
“What time is it?” I briefly remember that I have no idea the time or even the day.
“It’s—” Dad hesitates as he looks at the wall in front of me. “—six o’clock in the evening.” He motions toward the clock hanging there—the one I didn’t see.
“I bet with it being this late in the day on Christmas Eve, the doctor probably won’t be back around,” Mom adds.
“Wait, what? It’s Christmas Eve?” My gaze flits from Mom to Jack. He smiles and then gives me a nod. “I’ve been out for an entire week?” I continue to look at my boyfriend.
He opens his mouth to speak, but my mom cuts him off. “You haven’t really been out as in unconscious. They gave you medicine to help you rest until the doctors knew for certain that you were okay.” She squeezes my hand gently. “You’ve actually been kind of in and out the entire time.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What she means is that you would wake up and mumble a few words and then drift back to sleep. I think the longest you were awake at one time was maybe five minutes or so, but you weren’t alert like you are now,” Dad explains.
“I guess we’ll head back to the hotel for the night, since you’re awake. We just didn’t want to both be gone until we knew you were okay,” Mom says with tears still in her eyes.
“You’ll be back tomorrow?” Even though I desperately need some alone time with Jack, I want to see my parents on Christmas Day.
“Of course we will,” Mom answers, glancing toward my father. “Unless you want us to stay tonight.”
Jack’s voice interrupts. “I’m staying.”
It’s weird how those two words completely fill my heart with love and security. Jack’s staying—with me. I’m not sure happiness is the emotion I should feel right now, but life is too short to dwell on what could have happened. I’ll take the few bruises, abrasions, aches, and pains over a lifetime of loss any day.
“Thank you.” My eyes flit to his, and he nods.
My parents gather their things before saying their goodbyes to me and Jack. As soon as they’re gone, my boyfriend is at my bedside with my hand in his. Suddenly I’m tired, so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.
“Will you be upset with me if I go to sleep?” My eyelids are growing heavier by the second.
“I’ll be upset with you if you fight sleep because of me,” Jack says before kissing my forehead. “Go to sleep, Jovie. I’ll be here all night if you need me.”
I blink a few more times before giving up the battle and drifting off to sleep.
11
Jovie
Christmas Day
“Merry Christmas, baby,” Jack whispers, his warm breath dancing across the skin below my ear.
I rub my eyes, turn my head to face him, and smile. “Merry Christmas.”
His fingers skim across my bare arm then slide in between mine, squeezing my hand gently.
“Did you sleep good?”
I nod. “Yeah, actually I did.” I don’t remember much after drifting off to sleep last night, which I usually equate to a good night’s sleep.
“How about you? Was the couch good to you?” I motion toward the small sofa beside the bed and cringe. There is no way anyone could sleep well on that tiny thing, but knowing Jack, he’ll lie and say he did just so I won’t feel bad that he stayed the night.
He barks out a laugh before rubbing his neck. “I slept better than I have in years.”
“I doubt that.” I hesitate for a second. “But thank you… for staying.”
“You couldn’t have made me leave even if you wanted to.”
I never want you to leave. Promise me you’ll stay forever.
“How do you feel?” He brushes a strand of hair from my face.
“Good—better. I want to go home,” I say softly.
“I want you to go home too, but we have to wait until the doctor says you’re a 100 percent.”
I’m so grateful to be alive, but for some reason I’m having to push away the poor pitiful me emotions that are pulling me in. Maybe I just need some food and a shower, and I definitely need to brush my teeth because I’m so not liking this dirty feeling I’ve got going on.
“Do you think I can eat something today? And maybe take a shower and brush my teeth?”
“I can’t answer those questions for you, but I’ll go get your nurse.” He lifts my hand and kisses it gently before standing and walking out the door.
It’s been a long day, especially for me since I’ve basically been asleep for the past few days. My parents spent most of the day here, and Layla and Sebastian came by with gifts and food. Stone, Annie, and Fish all dropped by about two hours ago but only stayed a short while. My doctor also made an appearance and gave me the not-so-great news that I can’t go home today or tomorrow but maybe the next day, but he made no promises. I needed a nap and Jack knew it, so he hustled everyone out of my room so I could rest. Now I’m awake staring at my boyfriend in the chair next to the bed. His head is hanging to the side, his eyes are closed, and his breathing is slow and steady. I wonder how long he’s been asleep in that position. Poor guy. He’s not going to be able to hold his head up straight tomorrow. I shift my weight around in the bed to find a more comfortable position for myself, and my elbow accidentally bumps the railing. The noise is louder than I expected, and it awakens Jack. Shit!
“Everything okay?” he asks, jerking his head to an upright position.
“Crap, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up,” I say as I turn to face him.
“It’s fine. I didn’t need to be sleeping here anyway. I do better on the couch.” He motions toward a small sofa he slept on last night and every night since I’ve been here. That thought makes my heart both happy and sad—happy because he loves me enough to sacrifice his comfort, his work, an
d everything he needed to be doing over the past few days to stay here with me while I recover, but also sad because sleeping on that tiny pleather couch has to be miserable, especially for a guy Jack’s size.
“I’m sorry about all of this.” I swallow around the lump in my throat.
“Don’t say that, Jovie. Don’t you dare go there. None of this was your fault.” He shifts around in the chair, reaches his arms above his head, and straightens his spine. “If it’s anybody’s fault, it’s mine,” he says as he lowers his arms and shifts his weight around in the chair.
“Yours?” I lean in closer to him. “How could you possibly think any of this is your fault?” I know what he’s going to say before he answers because Jack blames himself for everything bad in his life, and I don’t know if anything or anyone can change his thought processes.
“I never should have let you drive.” He huffs out the words like he’s still mad at himself.
“The accident would have happened no matter who was driving. The car that caused the accident would’ve still been driving on the wrong side of the road.” I suck in a quick breath. “Don’t blame yourself for what happened. It was an accident, and thankfully we’re both okay.” I scoot over to the edge of the opposite side of the bed. “Just please stop blaming yourself,” I plead. “What happened to me is different. It’s not the same as with Piper, and neither accident was your fault.”
He nods. Jack is a good guy, the best, but he’s entirely too hard on himself, and it makes me upset with him at times.
“Will you lie down with me?” I ask.
He looks over his shoulder at the door before pushing up from the chair and climbing in beside me. He wraps his strong arms around me and pulls me in close. I sigh as my body instantly relaxes into his. This is the best feeling in the entire world.
