by C. Morgan
I wished I could take it back.
A car finally arrived and I was able to buckle Cora safely in the back seat after investigating the car seat. The driver put our suitcases in the trunk and I got in the back and rested my head against the headrest as we pulled out into traffic and made for home. The driver was a quiet man who didn’t try to strike up a conversation and I was grateful for that.
I rode in silence until my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. Wishfully and somewhat naïvely, I hoped it was Natalie.
It wasn’t. It was Grady.
I held the phone to my ear. “Hey.”
“What the hell did you do?”
I sighed wearily and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I screwed up.”
“Apparently. I woke up to a phone call from Natalie this morning and she ripped me a new asshole. I’ve never heard her like that. She told me to never do her another favor again, after which she called me several colorful adjectives I couldn’t repeat if I tried. So, I’ll ask again, what did you do?”
It took me a minute to start talking, but once I did, the words poured out of me. I told him everything. I told him about mine and Natalie’s scheme to show up to the wedding pretending to be engaged. I told him how much fun we’d had pretending before we were even at the wedding. I told him about Mona’s miniature temper tantrums and how, at the end of the wedding night, she’d figured out who Natalie actually was, along with every single one of her guests, and he left Natalie in the ballroom before he realized, where she was laughed and pointed at while Mona lit him up outside for bringing a “whore” to her wedding.
“Natalie is not a whore,” Grady growled. “Mona should think twice about throwing that kind of word around when she’s the one who cheated.”
“Don’t,” I said, my voice thick with fatigue. “That doesn’t help.”
“So then what happened? Natalie can take a bit of heat. There’s no way she’s this pissed all because Mona had a few choice things to say about her.”
I sighed. Grady was right, of course. So, I spilled on everything that happened out in the hallway and how Natalie had heard every word. Grady whistled on the other end as I recounted how Natalie had practically screamed at me while she threw her ring to the floor before storming off to pack her bags and leave for the airport.
“I’ve never felt so miserable before,” I admitted. “I never meant to hurt her. Natalie… I think I’m in love with her.”
Grady hesitated. “In love with her?”
I didn’t say anything as he processed what I was telling him.
“Shit, man,” Grady said softly. “What are you going to do?”
“It scares the shit out of me but I do love her. And I want her in my life. She’d be so good for Cora and I think Cora would be good for her, too. I need her to understand she only heard a sliver of the conversation. I don’t think she’s less of a woman because of her business.”
“Well, you’d better orchestrate a damn good apology if you expect forgiveness because she was so pissed when she called me my phone felt like it was catching fire against my ear, she screamed at me so loud.”
I gulped. Did I really want to confront an angry dragon right now?
I had to. There were no other options. I loved her. I wasn’t afraid of her.
Well, I was a little afraid. But a healthy dose of fear was a good thing.
Right?
I rubbed at my eyes. “Any advice?”
“Wear armor.”
“Any valid advice?” I rephrased.
Grady grunted. “No, man. You made your bed. If this thing between you and Natalie is real, she’ll hear you out. Just because she’s furious doesn’t mean she isn’t still a reasonable woman. She’s smart as hell. But she’s hurting. The only advice I have is get to the point quickly and walk away if she isn’t willing to forgive you. Don’t drag it out.”
I swallowed. “Yeah. I can do that.”
“Good luck.”
He ended the call.
I gazed out the window and wondered how long I should give Natalie before I started asking to talk. She might want some space.
Cora shifted in her car seat and lifted her cheek from the pillow on the side. She looked more alert than she should have for someone who just woke up from a nap.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Were you eavesdropping on me again?’
“Did you mean what you said?”
“When I said what?”
“That you loved Natalie,” Cora said.
I licked my lips. “Yes, I did.”
“Why did you pretend to be getting married to her?”
“Because…” I trailed off. What words were there to properly explain this to a five-year-old without making me look like the asshole who tried to take one final jab at her mother? “Because I was being a brat. Natalie and I shouldn’t have pretended. It was irresponsible and immature, mostly on my part. I hurt her feelings really badly and I feel awful.”
“Tell her you’re sorry,” Cora said.
“It’s not that simple.”
She frowned. “You told me an apology goes a long way.”
“Yes, but—”
“So, we should go tell her we’re sorry.”
I arched an eyebrow. “We?”
Cora nodded assertively, and the gesture reminded me of her mother. “Yes. Mommy always says I’m impossible to say no to. So, I can help.”
I chuckled, leaned forward, and told the driver Natalie’s address. As I fell back against the seat, I ruffled Cora’s hair. “Your mother is absolutely right.”
My stomach was in a tight knot when the car dropped us off at Natalie’s house. He offered to wait at the curb but I sent him on his way. It wasn’t a long way back to my place from here. We’d make do if Natalie kicked us back out and sent us on our way.
I dragged my feet and luggage up the front steps. Cora hauled the front door of the apartment open for me. I stepped through and she followed, looking more alert and refreshed after her catnap. We came to a stop in front of Natalie’s door. The red cardinal sitting on the bottom of the Christmas wreath stared at me with beady black eyes.
Cora blinked up at me. “Aren’t you going to knock?”
“I’m getting my wits together.”
Cora shrugged, stepped forward, and rapped her knuckles on the door.
My eyes widened with surprise. I took her by the shoulders and pulled her back. “Cora, I was—”
The door swung open. My heart leapt into my throat as I looked up expecting to see Natalie, but it wasn’t her. It was Victoria. For a brief moment, I was relieved.
Keyword brief.
Victoria’s stare sharpened and she crossed her arms. “What are you doing here?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but Cora beat me to it.
“Is Natalie here?” my daughter chimed.
Victoria’s gaze slid down to Cora. Her hard expression softened as she offered Cora a smile, but her glare was right back in place as her gaze flicked back to me. “Really? You brought your adorable daughter? That’s a cheap shot, Rylen.”
“We were on our way back from the airport,” I said, like that was enough explanation.
Victoria shrugged one shoulder. “And?”
“Can I speak to Natalie?”
“She’s in bed,” Victoria said stiffly. Then she lowered her voice as if Cora, standing right at my feet, couldn’t hear her. “She’s exhausted from crying for the last twenty-four hours straight over a guy who isn’t worth a single one of her tears.”
The guilt threatened to swallow me whole. “Please, Victoria? I have to try to make this right.”
“How entitled of you to think you’re the one who could make this right. You’re the one who screwed it all up in the first place!”
“I know.”
“You should leave her alone.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?” Victoria asked sharply.
Cora giggled, oblivious to the tension. “Because he’s in l
ove with her.”
Victoria blinked down at my daughter.
Then a soft voice spoke from inside the apartment. Victoria stepped back, revealing a disheveled Natalie wrapped up in her bathrobe with Muse in her arms. Her eyes were puffy and the tip of her nose was pink from crying. “Love?” she breathed.
I groaned and hid my face in my hands while Cora, still blissfully unaware of the pain and angst all around her, stepped past Victoria to tug on the end of Natalie’s robe and ask if she could pet the kitty.
Chapter 37
Natalie
Love?
Had Rylen really said love?
I handed Muse to Cora without looking down. The little girl cooed to my cat, who started purring, and I padded over to the door where Victoria gave me a warning look that said, ‘Don’t trust him just because he’s saying what you want to hear.’
I put a hand on her shoulder. “Can we have a minute?”
Victoria made an unimpressed sound in the back of her throat and shot a scornful up-down look at Rylen. “Don’t be an ass,” she hissed.
He held up his hands. “Already did that.”
“Damn straight,” Victoria muttered before finally conceding. She turned, gave me a tight-lipped reassuring smile, and walked back into the apartment to chat with Cora and play with Muse.
Meanwhile, I stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind me. I stared at the floor in hopes he would start talking first. I had nothing to say to him. My brain was still working in overdrive trying to process what Cora had just said.
Love.
“Natalie, I don’t know where to start.”
“The truth is always a good place.”
“I know. I just—”
“Is it true? What Cora just said?” I couldn’t take it. I needed him to just spit it out and get to the point. No more circling the drain. “Did you tell Grady you were in love with me?”
Rylen swallowed. “Yes, I did.”
His words made me lightheaded.
“And I meant every word,” he continued. “This past month with you has changed my life. Has changed me. I lost touch with who I was in the divorce and I didn’t even realize it had happened until you came along and started challenging me. When I’m not with you, you’re all I think about. And when I am with you, all I want is to be the best version of myself to make you happy. To make you smile.” He raked his fingers through his hair and shook his head. “I’m saying a lot of things right now.”
“Keep going.”
His blue stare met mine. “I’m in love with you. I think I have been since the minute I laid eyes on you that first evening in your office but I chalked it up to lust or infatuation. I didn’t want to believe I could fall for someone so quickly. Not after how badly my last relationship ended.”
“I’m not Mona,” I said.
“I know. I know you’re not. And what I said to her about you…” He trailed off and ran his hand down his face in exasperation. I could see guilt etched into the furrow of his brow and the slump of his shoulders. He knew how badly he’d hurt me, and it was hurting him, too. I felt a pang of satisfaction at that. “What I said to her about you was out of line. I was an idiot. I let Mona get under my skin like only she can, and when she accused me of bringing a hooker to her wedding, my temper got the better of me. I was trying to defend you, Natalie. I was trying to explain why I hired you in the first place and I wasn’t very tactful about it.”
“No, you weren’t.”
He nodded slowly. “Mona has always been able to say the right thing to provoke me. That night was no different. But that doesn’t excuse how I hurt you. Natalie, please believe me when I tell you, I would never, ever want to hurt you.”
His icy blue eyes were sincere. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to fall into his arms and forget the whole thing ever happened.
But wanting to do something and actually being able to do it were two different things.
I held back tears. “You made me feel so worthless.”
His expression tightened and he looked at the floor. “I know.”
“I sat in that ballroom for twenty-five minutes while strangers laughed at me.”
“I know.”
“You should have come and found me and we should have left.”
He nodded. “I know.”
I’d never been one to keep my anger inside. It was bubbling up inside me now, demanding to be let out, and if Rylen truly wanted forgiveness and if he truly loved me, he needed to be able to hear and understand why I was hurting so badly.
“I love you too,” I said.
His gaze flicked up. His lips parted. A silent question hung between us.
You do?
“And that’s why it hurt so bad,” I said, not letting him off the hook. “I was in love with you and you were still too caught up in what Mona thought to put me first. You let me be a sideshow for those assholes for twenty-five minutes. Had I never come out looking for you, who knows how long it would have taken before you’d had enough and come looking for me? An hour? Maybe more?”
“No, never. I would have—”
“But you didn’t.”
He held his tongue.
“I came looking for you to make sure you were okay. And I find you and Mona saying horrible and untrue things about me. Rylen, when you love someone, you don’t indulge that. You turn your back on it and you walk away. Can you do that with Mona?”
His jaw flexed. “She’s always going to be a part of my life. She’s Cora’s mother.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to let her in. You and her had your shot. You both blew it. The door is closed. I refuse to give a man another shot who lets his ex have so much control over him and the things he says.”
“I understand. Listen to me.” He reached for my hands and took them in his. His palms were clammy. He was nervous as hell. “I never felt for Mona the way I feel for you. Comparing may not be the right way to go here but she is the only woman I ever loved and you’ve made me question if that love was even real in the first place. Maybe I was only with her because she was all I knew. Because she made me feel safe and she offered a future with no uncertainty. No question marks. But after our marriage ended, all my life consisted of was the unknown. I didn’t know when I’d be okay again. When I’d love again—or if I even could. Until you.”
I searched his eyes.
“Natalie, I am truly, terribly sorry. If I could take it all back, I would do whatever I could to make that happen, but I can’t. All I can do is stand here and tell you how sorry I am. I understand if you can’t forgive me but you deserve an apology.”
I licked my lips and let the silence stretch between us. He ran his thumbs over my knuckles. His touch still made me want to lean into him. Just because I was hurt and angry didn’t mean how I felt about him had changed.
Because it hadn’t.
I was madly in love with him.
“You’re an idiot, Rylen Maddox,” I told him.
“Agreed.”
“A big, dumb, stupid idiot.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips and hope glinted in his eyes. “Am I the kind of idiot you can see yourself forgiving? Or am I the kind of idiot who should get off your front step while I still have my head?”
“My forgiveness has conditions.”
His shoulders squared and his posture straightened. “Of course, you do. You’re a businesswoman, after all. Name them.”
“Well, to start, I require dinner. Thai or Indian. Butter chicken or curry. Either or.”
“And?”
“I want the ring back,” I said firmly.
Rylen blinked. “The ring? Why?”
“Because it’s mine,” I said matter-of-factly. “You gave it to me and it’s pretty and I want it. That’s why.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I left it at the hotel. I didn’t think.”
“Yep.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “You’re an idiot.”
“At least I’
m consistent.”
I crossed my arms. “I’ll find more conditions, but for now, I forgive you.”
Rylen looked like I’d just lifted the weight of the world from his shoulders. “You do?”
“Yes, I do. I’ve said my part. We can put this behind us and move forward.”
He stepped in close. “Please tell me I can kiss you now.”
I gazed up at him. He was looking at me that same way he always did. It had only been thirty-seven or so hours since he’d last looked at me like that but it felt like forever. The last time, I’d been dressed to the nines in my blue dress, push-up bra, and heels. Now? I stood before him looking like an absolute mess and he still looked at me like he thought I was the most beautiful woman on the planet.
“You’d better before I change my mind,” I whispered.
Rylen cupped my cheek and leaned in. The kiss was soft and warm. It pulled all the lingering pain out of me. His touch poured love back into all my empty spaces. I breathed in deeply and clung to the front of his shirt as he backed me up against the door and pinned me there while the kiss deepened.
He broke away. “I love you.”
“Stop talking.”
“I’m not going to get tired of saying it.”
Giggles escaped me and I felt lighter on my feet for the first time in days. “I love you too.”
“That sounds so good.”
“You know what else sounds good?”
His hands roamed down my backside. “What?”
“Dinner.”
He chuckled. It rumbled deep in his chest. “I don’t have a car.”
“You can take mine.”
He kissed me one last time before resting his forehead against mine and closing his eyes. I could have counted his long dark lashes if I wanted to. “Can we stay here another minute?” he breathed.
I held his face in my hands and closed my eyes, too. “Of course.”
Chapter 38
Rylen
Natalie closed the oven with her hip and carried the steaming casserole dish to the kitchen table where Cora waited patiently with her legs swinging back and forth off the end of her chair.
She leaned forward, knife and fork clutched in each hand, and inhaled a waft of steam. “What is that?”
