Alec, to his credit, didn’t let the suddenness of the situation or the fact that he stood with an apparent boner pressing against his shorts affect him. He pushed Christian back, although Christian hardly moved, being built of steel and all. “What the fuck? What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” Christian echoed, voice rising. If steam could’ve been coming from his ears, I was sure it would’ve. “What’s wrong with you? I told you to stay away from her.”
“You can’t tell me who to stay away from,” Alec shot back. “You’re not a parent. You’re not a teacher. You’re just a jealous asshole.”
The asshole part I would agree with one hundred and ten percent. But jealous? That made no sense whatsoever. Why would Christian be jealous? No possible explanation rang in my head, and I felt Jessie’s eyes meet mine. Somehow I knew: if I wanted Jessie to continue to be nice to me, I had to leave this party now, before things got worse.
You might be wondering how things could get worse, and let me just say that, based on past experiences and life trauma, things could always get worse. Just when you think you know the bottom, that the roller coaster of life was about to head up a hill and start to be good again, it took another sudden, unexpected drop. Life could always get worse—and right now, I didn’t need Jessie as an enemy.
“I should go,” I mumbled, mostly to myself and for Jessie’s benefit. While the guys were busy glaring at each other, I moved into the hall, shooting Jessie an apologetic expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…to cause any of this.”
Jessie said nothing, only watching me as I hurried down the stairs. The music still pumped through the house, and I felt the rhythm in my heart as I exited through the front door, ready to hike it home.
Why would Alec say Christian was jealous? There was no way he could be. Christian hated me, and everyone knew it. The whole class knew it way back when. It wasn’t like he wasted time pining for me while I was gone. The bastard probably threw a party the minute my mom took me out of that school and told me we were moving.
I still remember sitting in that hospital room, wishing things were different. Wishing…wishing I had someone else’s life.
I was hooked up to an IV, liquid pumping into me constantly. I’d lost a lot of blood, and even with the transfusion, they said I’d be tired for a while, not to mention the fact that my wrists would hurt for a long time, even after the stitches dissolved. They were keeping me for observation now, because of what I did. It didn’t stop Mom from making plans, though.
We were moving. Leaving this place and not coming back. Just me and her, on our own, away from Dad and his pretty, young girlfriend. Mom was getting better; she told me she’d tossed all the bottles in the apartment, that she’d work three separate jobs if she had to, all to keep me with her, alive and healthy.
I think…I think a part of her blamed herself. I knew she blamed Dad for some of it, but how could she blame anyone when the one who cut my wrists was me? No one else was in charge of how I acted or what I did, and it wasn’t like I was four years old. I knew the consequences of what I tried to do. I knew what would’ve come of it if Diane hadn’t found me.
Out of every emotion I could’ve possibly felt then, I felt mainly embarrassed. I didn’t want Diane knowing what I did, how I failed, and I hated how Dad looked at me now. Mom was the only one who looked at me normally, who smiled at me and told me everything was going to be alright.
Mom sat beside my bed, scrolling through something on her phone. When she saw that I was looking at her, she put her phone on her lap and smiled at me. A gentle sort of smile. “How are you feeling, Elle?” Even her voice was tender.
“Tired,” I muttered, being honest. No more lies.
“Just wait until you’re an adult, then you’ll know what being perpetually tired feels like.”
In spite of myself, I chuckled. God, I loved my mom. If I didn’t have her, I wasn’t sure if I would want to pull through. Be with Dad and Diane? No way. I’d rather run away and spend my life working at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. My mom was the only one I wanted to be with right now. If she could be strong, if she could give up alcohol and be an adult again, not wallow in what my dad did to her, to us, then I could be strong, too. We could be strong together.
“I love you, honey,” Mom whispered. “Just wait until you see the house I found. It’s small, but you’ll love it.” Mom had the money now that the divorce was settled. She’d gotten quite a bit out of Dad, and I was happy for it. With what Dad did, destroying our family, he deserved nothing.
“I love you, too,” I spoke, my eyelids suddenly feeling heavy. “I can’t wait to go.” I dozed off before I heard what Mom said next.
All those years spent with Mom, away from here, away from Dad and Diane, getting better. Trying to be better. Making friends with Leah and learning to enjoy life again. Trying hard in school. Being who I was meant to be. Funny how it all came full circle, huh? How I was back here again, with Dad and Diane, my life minus Mom, facing down the bullies who’d made my life a miserable hell.
Yeah, funny wasn’t exactly the word I would use to describe it, but here I was.
I headed down the driveway, passing the numerous cars parked there. The driveway was full, and the nearby road was full, too. This was apparently a neighborhood where you could park wherever you damned well pleased. My arms were crossed, and as I turned onto the sidewalk, heading home, still confused about the whole jealous asshole thing, I heard someone calling my name.
“El, hold up!”
My feet slowed to a stop, and I was sluggish in turning to face the approaching boy. Alec, with his shirt on. He looked nowhere near as upset as he did mere moments ago, but still. The moment we had was over, and I just wanted to go home. To think. To…do something else. I didn’t want to deal with him, with the strange feelings inside of me.
“Where are you going?” he asked, as if it wasn’t obvious.
“I’m going home,” I said, shrugging. “It’s clear I’m not wanted at the party.”
“Ignore Christian. You know how he is.”
Yeah, that was the saying of the year, huh? I shrugged again, saying, “It’s okay. I just don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.” I wasn’t sure if I should bring up what Alec had said or not; maybe it was something he’d said in the heat of the moment because he was pissed we were interrupted while we were about to get down and dirty.
Alec let out a sigh. “At least…at least let me take you home.”
I met his eyes, their green hue reflecting the silver moonlight. He was eager to spend more time with me; truly, this boy had no idea the spite I held deep inside of me. The hatred I held for him, Xander, and Christian, although after tonight, I’d be an idiot to ignore the light, fluttery feeling that erupted inside of me when I was near him.
Fuck it all. I was starting to like him. Really, truly like him. Oh, well. My revenge would come first, and then, if he still wanted anything to do with me, we could go from there.
First thing’s first, though: my answer to his offer. I smiled at him, watching as his expression lit up as I said, “Sure.”
Chapter Ten
The diner’s bright lights were almost blinding above me. Alec and I sat across from each other in a booth whose red leather was worn and cracking. When he’d pulled up to the parking lot, I’d cracked the joke this doesn’t look like my house, which made him laugh. He wanted to spend more time with me, apparently. Maybe he thought he’d get lucky again.
Maybe he would.
It was late, though not too late where the night owls were concerned. The party was still going at Jessie’s house, and Alec got quite a few calls from Christian, who he promptly ignored. Even stopping at this diner, I’d still be home earlier than I thought I would be.
Alec ran a hand through his brown hair, which was now mostly dry. He’d changed out of his swimming trunks in the diner’s restroom, now wearing jeans. Still in his damp shirt, but either way, he looke
d good. Too good. So good, it was hard to stare at him and picture doing what I would do to him. Breaking him like he’d helped break me six years ago. Did he have any idea how broken I truly was? Beneath my bracelets and my bangles, I rubbed my wrists, feeling the risen scars.
“I’m sorry about what happened back there,” he said again, not for the first time. “I never thought Christian would do that.” Alec shook his head, distraught over his friend’s actions. How he could call himself a friend of Christian’s was beyond me. Boys were weird.
I tilted my head. The Christian I knew would do that and more. “Maybe you and I view Christian differently. He was never nice to me.”
“I know.” A look of guilt crossed over Alec’s face, and his gaze fell to the table between us. The diner had only a few other customers, and one waitress taking care of all of us. It’d probably be a little while until we got our food, but that was okay. Everyone else was old; no other kids our age. Alec and I could talk it out, and maybe I could get down to the root of what he’d said earlier.
A jealous asshole.
“Still,” Alec went on, “it was out of line. He shouldn’t have done that.”
I leaned my elbows on the table. “Can I ask you something?” He nodded. “Why did you call Christian a jealous asshole?” I was literally drawing a blank, and I never drew blanks. It bothered me more than I would admit. If Alec didn’t explain his choice of words, I’d go nuts.
“Well, I know he was awful to you back then, but…” Alec bit his lower lip, and I found myself drawn to the tiny motion. I wanted to be the one biting that stupid lip. Damned hormones. “After you moved away, he told me kind of liked you.”
My mouth nearly dropped to the damn floor. Kind of liked me? Bullshit. This wasn’t some case of boy-is-mean-to-girl-because-he-secretly-likes-her thing. This was ten million times worse than that. Everything Christian said, everything he did—all of it put together bullied me into trying to commit suicide.
When I was able to speak again, I said simply, “No way.”
“Yeah,” Alec nodded, “he told me and Xander. I didn’t believe it, not until recently. When you came back, and he saw you, when he told me to stay away from you, well, I realized he was telling the truth all those years ago.” His shoulders rose and fell once. “Now, you probably remind him of everything he did. We did.”
Yes, because Alec, as high and mighty as he was now, was just as bad as Christian, if not worse. He might not have said as much to me, might not have tripped me or mocked me as I went by, but he was witness to it all. He’d been there, laughing at everything, not once lifting a finger to try to help me.
“After I heard what happened, I thought about you a lot,” Alec went on, pausing to take a sip of his dark, fizzy pop. “I wandered by your house, hoping to see you. I dreamt of you. I knew what we did was bad, but until I heard that you…until I heard the rumors, I never thought we crossed the line. But we did. We did, El, and I’m so sorry.” He reached across the table, laying a hand atop mine, squeezing softly.
I held his stare. “You three destroyed me.”
“I know.”
“No,” I said, “you don’t know. You can’t know, because you’ll never feel what I felt six years ago. You might’ve changed, but it’s obvious Christian hasn’t.” I puckered my lips as I thought about him, the rage on his face when he’d found Alec and I together. He had no right to control either of us. We were our own people who could make our own damned decisions.
Alec slowly withdrew his hand from mine, setting it in his lap beneath the table. “Did you really come to the party tonight for me, or…” He trailed off, but I knew what he was going to say, for the memory of his car ride that first day was livid in my head.
“Or was I hoping to dig up some shit on Christian?” I finished for him. “I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want some kind of revenge on him, after everything he did to me.” Across from me, Alec’s shoulders slumped and his expression fell. “You were right, that first day back, when you said I was up to something.”
Alec was nodding to himself, probably mentally berating himself for believing I’d ever want to spend time with him. I couldn’t have that.
“But,” I added quickly, my voice earnest, “I would also be a liar if I said I didn’t feel anything toward you. I like you, Alec, even though I shouldn’t.”
My words caused him to snap back into focus. “El,” he pleaded, “I would never do anything to hurt you again.”
“Prove it to me,” I said.
He nodded again, and soon our food came, and we were mainly silent as we ate. A burger and fries, nothing too special. But it was good. Greasy, unhealthy food that Diane would never be caught dead cooking. Heaven on a plate. I would eat food like this every night, if I could. Food like this could be a reason for living.
Alec paid the bill and left a tip, and then we were out of there. Once we were back in the car and on the road, he said, “So, there’s a basketball game Tuesday night.”
I knew the basketball schedule; mostly because the cheerleaders and basketball players wore their uniforms during the school day. As I watched the darkened scenery pass by, I nodded once. Christian would be playing, but how I could ever make a basketball game work for my revenge plot, I wasn’t sure.
“I could come pick you up, if you want. We could go together,” Alec offered, his knuckled practically white on the steering wheel, as if he was nervous. Like I made him nervous. Almost like…well, almost as if he truly liked me and was afraid I’d say no.
“Are you asking me on a date, Alec?” I grinned, hoping to put him at ease.
“Maybe I am,” he said, glancing at me.
“Okay,” I told him. “I’ll go with you.” I didn’t tell him I’d be plotting while I was there, waiting for an opportunity that might come out of the blue, sudden and unexpected, mostly because he didn’t need to know. It was bad enough I’d admitted I had it out for Christian. “It’s a date.”
Alec pulled into the driveway at my house a few minutes later. With the car parked, the engine idling, he turned his torso to me. “El, I—” He stopped only when I pressed a light fingertip against his lips. He had the softest lips I’d ever known, and for a split-second, I wondered what his lips would feel like all over me.
I shushed him, “It’s okay. Just forget about it. I don’t want to think about the past. I only want to think of the now. You and me.” And then I dropped the finger against his mouth, using it to undo my seatbelt, leaning over and pressing my mouth to his.
It shut him up good.
I didn’t let the kiss linger, fearing what would happen if I didn’t pull away after a few moments. I wanted to drag him upstairs, throw him on my bed and have my way with him, but Diane and my dad would definitely intercede. I was still living under their roof, and just because I was eighteen did not mean I could invite anyone inside.
“I’ll see you on Monday,” I murmured, chuckling at his dumb, awe-struck look. I was about to get out of the car, but he pulled me back.
“I feel stupid for asking this, but could I have your number? You know, to text you or something.” Alec was a great kisser, but I had a feeling he wasn’t quite used to asking girls out. I gave it to him, blowing him one last kiss before sauntering to the front door.
With one hand on the knob, I waited for Alec to drive off before I went inside, finding my dad and Diane on the couch in the living room. Dad turned his head to me, while Diane just yawned. It wasn’t even midnight yet.
“You’re back early,” Dad said.
“Wasn’t a fun party.” Before either of them could ask me why, I headed up the stairs and said, “Goodnight.” It was their not-so-subtle cue to leave me alone and not ask questions. I went straight into my room, texted Leah even though I knew I wouldn’t get an answer until tomorrow, and turned off all the lights. After tearing off my clothes and putting on my pajamas, I crawled into bed, snug under the covers.
My phone was plugged in and charging on my nigh
tstand, and I lay there in the darkness for a good long while, staring at the ceiling. With the curtains drawn, it was near pitch-black in here, and I sighed to myself.
It just didn’t make sense to me. Christian could not have said all those things, done all those things to me, because he liked me. I was not a fan of the whole boys being mean to you thing, and I hated when someone insinuated it was because they liked you and didn’t know how to show you affection. Fuck Christian. Fuck them all, even Alec. Cute as he was, nice and sincere as he was now, he was no better than Christian.
Alec. I shouldn’t even be thinking about Alec right now, and I definitely shouldn’t have agreed to go to the basketball game with him, but there had to be some way to use the game to my advantage. I had three days until then. I was sure I’d figure out something.
My mind wandered, and I thought back. How close Alec and I had gotten at the party, feeling his hardness pressing into me, grinding against it as I kissed his neck and his collarbone. God, who was I trying to kid? I was still horny.
I let out a sigh. My hand slowly moved down my stomach, snaking beneath my pajama pants, curling along my body. I knew I shouldn’t, but I imagined Alec as I touched myself, how good it felt to press up against him and drown him in passion and heat. I was still wet, which made it feel even better.
My breathing grew short, my skin burning up. Alec’s lips were so soft. I hadn’t a doubt in my mind that if his face was between my legs, I would’ve climaxed. As it was, I was already close. It wouldn’t take me long to…
My phone started to vibrate, and I held back a groan, using my other hand to reach for it, wholly expecting it to be Leah. She wasn’t one for parties or for staying up late, so I had no idea why she was calling me back so soon.
“What do you want?” I answered, trying my best not to sound like I was in the middle of masturbating. Hey, guys did it all the time. Us girls were allowed to do it, too.
Spite: A Bully Reverse Harem Page 8
