I told Jessie everything. The summarized version of it, watching as her anger faded and a look of disgust, of sadness, took its place. Basically, I told her that Christian and his posse had bullied me so badly I’d tried to kill myself. I even tugged up my sleeves and showed her the old wounds. I told her that Christian still hated me, and I was sure he wanted me to try to kill myself again. That he was mean, rude, and just horrible.
And, because Jessie was a nice girl, because I had her pegged from the beginning, I knew she’d never want to date someone who could be so awful.
When I was done, Jessie threw her arms around me, hugging me close. “I can’t believe…” She blinked, her eyes tearing up. “I can’t believe he would do something like that.” When she ended the hug, she swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “I need to talk to him.”
Confronting him would do no good, but I let her spin on her white tennis shoes and march to the boys’ locker room down the hall, disappearing inside.
Telling someone the truth, showing an ignorant person my scars, it wasn’t something I did on an everyday basis. I was suddenly tired, so very tired, and yet the night wasn’t over yet. This night had just begun.
I crept closer to the locker room, leaning in the shadows of a locker as Christian and Jessie exited the locker room and went into a nearby classroom. I slipped my phone out of my back pocket and tiptoed to the classroom’s open door, listening to what went on in the room.
It was brutal. Jessie confronted him on his past actions, probably hoping to get the truth from him, but did Christian tell the truth? Did he even try to defend himself? No. In fact, he sounded just like the asshole I knew he was. Really, it was a miracle they’d survived dating each other for the last few weeks.
“I don’t have to explain anything to you,” Christian said, sounding haughty.
It was a moment before Jessie whispered, “You know what? You’re right. You don’t. Know why?” Another tense minute before she added, “Because I’m not your girlfriend anymore. Your reaction was enough. Everything she said was true. You bullied Elle until she tried to kill herself, and you didn’t want me to know. You’re an asshole, Christian, and we’re done. We’re so done.”
I hurriedly stuffed my phone in my back pocket, darting into a nearby hall that led to an emergency exit as Jessie stormed from the room, furiously wiping her face, trying to stop the tears from falling.
Mission accomplished, though I didn’t feel too good about it. I felt horrible, really, but when I watched Christian leave the classroom and huff away, I couldn’t help but smile. The boy truly was upset. I didn’t know why. A jock who looked like him could have another girl on his arm before the morning.
Since I was in the short hall near the emergency exit, he didn’t see me as he walked by—and even though I knew it was a bad idea, I did it anyway.
I called out to him.
Chapter Fifteen
“It’s sad that not everyone is a fan of assholes, huh?” My voice dripped sarcasm, the facetiousness laced with pure venom. I could not hide the fact that I wanted this boy to hurt, and I wanted him on his knees in front of me.
Christian froze, his posture rigid as he measuredly turned to face me. His expression was murderous. If looks could kill, I’d be a goner. It probably wasn’t best to rile the beast, but I’d been preparing myself to face this particular beast down for a while. It was officially now or never. Last call.
He glanced down the hallway, both ways, to see if anyone was around before approaching me near the emergency exit door. I wasn’t afraid of him. What was he going to do? Hit me? Attack me? One scream was all it would take—plus, after the whole breakup thing, I was sure Jessie would side me with over Christian any day.
No, this beast might have horns, but I was horn-proof. He wouldn’t be impaling me today.
“You bitch” was what he said. So colorful and imaginary. Like talking with a poet.
I leaned on the wall behind me, sighing. “I’ve been called worse things, most of them by you, but I’m sure you don’t care about that.”
Christian stood before me, radiating heat, his skin slick with sweat from the game even though it’d been at least ten minutes. Halftime was probably almost over, anyway. His blonde eyebrows were together, his sapphire eyes jewels of hatred. Even with the sneer on his face, he was gorgeous. Well-built, intimidating, and drop-dead gorgeous. Too bad looks weren’t everything. Personality-wise, he’d lose every competition.
“You had no right to say anything to Jessie,” he said, stepping closer to me. Less than a foot away, now. I could smell his sweat; it wasn’t a bad smell, sadly. I kind of liked it. “No fucking right.”
“Really? You think so? Because I think I had every right, considering it’s my past, too,” I said, pushing myself off the wall. If I was taller, I’d be right in his face. As it was, my head was angled up, and I was mere inches from his wide chest. “You don’t get to decide who I tell.”
Christian let out a chuckle. He had the balls to laugh in my face. “Why? You want to advertise around the school that you’re a suicide survivor? Go ahead. See how far that gets you.”
“So far, I’m finding everyone is actually pretty nice.” Mostly. “You’re the only asshole here, Christian, and soon you won’t have anyone to back you up.” God, why did he have to be so tall? Why did I have to stand so close to him? Why did I feel like…running my hands down his chest and along his abdomen and touch every single muscle on his body?
“Is that what this is about?” A slow smirk drew across his face, and I felt my stomach do a somersault or two. “You want me to pay for what I did?” Christian’s shoulders rose and fell as he chuckled, moving closer to me, pressing my back against the cold wall. He set his arms on the wall beside me, boxing me in.
Shit. I’d never felt so small. Physically small, not existential crisis small.
His head leaned down, though he kept it from touching mine. Beside me, his hands were fists on the wall, as if it took every ounce of self-restraint he had to keep himself from touching me. “Then hurt me.” His voice was low, deadly, and it washed over my body like velvet. Velvet that could cut you up, but still. “I’d like to see you try.”
I couldn’t believe it. This bastard was calling me out, like he thought I couldn’t hurt him. Like he thought he was invincible or something, untouchable by the masses. Newsflash: everyone could be embarrassed, even this prick, and I’d make him learn I was not here to play around. I meant what I said.
I met his eyes. Most of the lights were off in the hallway, for no one was supposed to be back here, but I could see the hue of his blue eyes. I’d drown in them if I wasn’t careful. “Buckle up, Buttercup,” I whispered, “because I’m going to take you for a ride.”
A sound that was a mixture of a growl and a sigh escaped him, and Christian was about to say something in response, but a sharp “What the fuck” from the main hall caused him to stop and slowly turn his head toward Alec, who had finally come to look for me. A little late to the party, but here. Christian did not move away from me; if anything, his arms enclosing me inched closer, and I felt his body press against mine.
A nice, warm, muscular body—one I shouldn’t be fantasizing about currently.
“Get away from her,” Alec warned, hands fisted at his sides. A part of him must’ve still viewed Christian as his friend, even if he’d been spending most of his time during school with me. During chemistry, their table was always silent. They hardly had been talking lately, all because of me.
“No one tells me what to do,” Christian muttered, sounding absolutely menacing. “Not you, not Jessie, and sure as shit not Elle.” His eyes flicked between Alec and me, coming to a conclusion only he could. “You want her back? Fine. Let me just finish up here.” As if he thought Alec was going to turn and walk away to give us privacy.
Wait, no. He knew Alec wasn’t going anywhere, and he knew Alec wasn’t going to take his eyes off me, not when Christian had me cornered against the wall,
his body pressed against mine. Christian wanted him to watch.
Everything that happened next happened within a span of a few seconds.
Christian grabbed my face, tilting it up towards him. His lips met mine, instantly devouring me whole. Eager, hard, full of a desire no one could match. My legs practically turned to jelly when I realized I wasn’t fighting him. If anything, I was kissing him back. My body’s automatic reaction to being forcefully kissed by an attractive guy I had a strange history with.
Then, suddenly, his lips left mine and he pulled himself away, leaving me breathless against the wall. He left the exit hall, giving Alec a hard slap on the back as he said, “Have fun with her.” Before Alec could think to respond, he was joining his teammates, who were in the process of returning to the gym now that halftime was over.
Alec met my eyes, and I prayed with everything I had that I wasn’t standing there looking like a used-up doll. I kind of felt like one, after that unexpected and mostly unwelcomed kiss. Mostly being the opportune word there. Apparently I had a thing for the guys who’d made my childhood a living hell.
I was dumbstruck. How did that happen? Why didn’t I stop him? Why the fuck did I kiss Christian back? He just got dumped, because of my own doing, and the last thing I should’ve done was let his mouth stray anywhere near mine. We were enemies. We were so much worse than enemies.
Alec’s hand found mine, and while I was lost in my own head, replaying what just happened, flabbergasted at myself and my lack of action, he pulled me through the halls. We did not return to the gym, didn’t go back to watch the second half of the game. He led me out of the school’s front doors, out into the cool night air. It was that same cool air that snapped me back into my head.
I yanked my hand from his, stopping on the sidewalk. Alec was already on the blacktop, heading to his car, but he stopped when I began to put up a fight. “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. There would be no more random grabbing of me tonight, thanks. “You don’t get to control me, Alec.”
“I’m not—” Alec let out an annoyed sigh. “I’m not trying to control you. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to sit and watch the game when Christian was all over you.”
I stared at him like he was crazy. “The only reason he kissed me was to upset you.” Duh. It should’ve been obvious. I shouldn’t have had to say it. As obvious as I thought it was, I did not appreciate the look Alec threw back at me—like I was the crazy one. “What?”
“You’re stupid if that’s what you think,” Alec muttered.
So, what was he trying to say? That Christian kissed me because he wanted to? Shaking my head, I said, “Until ten minutes ago, Christian was with Jessie. I—”
“You broke them up, because you want payback on him,” Alec said, stating my whole business for anyone nearby to hear. Thankfully, the parking lot was devoid of people, save for us. Our only companion was the moon overhead and the gentle breeze passing by.
“All I did was tell the truth,” I told him. “I told Jessie what happened six years ago. It’s not my fault she’s a decent human being and wanted to break up with him after I told her.” I puckered my lips, noticing how Alec’s eyes fell to my mouth when I made the motion. “But, you know what? Yeah, I do want to take credit for it.”
Alec turned, moving toward his car. “He’s literally the only reason you wanted to come to this game.” I followed him, not wanting it to end like this. We weren’t dating, but I had to get him to see that he was wrong. “I can’t believe I was so stupid. I thought—”
I reached out for him, laying a hand across his car’s door. “I did come here to talk to Jessie, but I also came to spend time with you—which you don’t seem to get, because you haven’t talked to me once in the last hour! Ever since bringing Xander up, you shut down.”
Letting out a sigh, Alec turned to me, leaning his back on the car. “There’s…history you don’t know, El. Things you might look at me different for.” His face turned toward the dark sky, and he rubbed his neck, oozing awkwardness.
I moved closer to him. “Then help me understand.” When he said nothing, I set a hand on his chest, a gesture I hoped would soothe him. “I would never look at you differently.” At that, he was slow to meet my gaze, which made me add with a sly grin, “I already saw you at your worst, so…” I shrugged.
The truth was, even considering everything that happened involving Xander, everything that had happened six years ago involving me, I still thought Alec was a good guy. He just, unfortunately, had a really bad case of follow-the-leader.
Alec nodded once. “That’s true. Sad, but true. Okay, if you…if you really want to know, I’ll tell you. But not here.”
“Where?” I asked, moving around the car to get in.
Turned out, the where was the local park. Closed to the public, since the sun was down, but that didn’t stop Alec from parking there and shutting off his car. By now, the kiss from Christian had worn off, along with most of my indignation from it. Right now, I just wanted to know what the hell the deal was between Xander and Alec. If I could get them both on my side…it would be easier to get back at Christian.
Alec ran his hands over his pants, almost like he was wiping the sweat off his palms. He was nervous, which I found incredibly odd. After everything the Dick Squad had said to me, did to me, this had to be a piece of cake. I mean, Alec wasn’t the one whose period showed up randomly one Wednesday. Alec wasn’t the one whose seat was drawn on constantly with red marker after that. Come on—I was used to embarrassing shit.
Shit that I could laugh about now. Sort of.
Since no music was playing on the radio, because Alec had muted it on the drive here, there was nothing but silence. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore, so I said, “Whenever you’re ready.” Meaning: get on with it right now.
“I’m sorry,” Alec said, glancing at me. “It’s not easy.” The windows were rolled up, not another car around. We were as alone as we could possibly be. Whatever he was going to tell me must be downright horrible. Did they murder someone together? Kidnap someone? Experiment on animals or some shit? Get on with it, bucko.
“What’s so bad about it?” I asked. “Did you murder anyone? Hurt anyone else? Cause another girl to try to kill herself?” When Alec gave me a skeptical, somewhat annoyed look, I shrugged. “What? If it’s not any of those, it can’t be that bad. Out with it.”
“Christian thinks I stopped seeing Xander when his parents took him out of River Junior High. It was sometime during eighth grade. He was still one of my good friends and I didn’t want to lose him,” Alec explained, and I nodded along, not quite getting what he was hinting at.
So far, it didn’t sound like anything bad, so then why…
“I lied to everyone about Xander,” Alec said. “I lied to everyone about him because I didn’t want anyone to know that I was seeing him.”
Holy moly, was I a confused little shit. “Why wouldn’t you want people to know? He was your friend, of course you wanted to see him—”
“No.” Alec’s stare matched mine, and I noticed an intensity in his gaze that was not there mere moments ago. It sent a shiver down my spine; I liked it when he looked at me like that. “I started seeing him as more than a friend.”
What? What did he—
Oh.
Oh.
Well I didn’t…I sure as hell didn’t expect that. Murder? Maybe. Bullying another girl? Given their history with me, sure. But to see each other like that? I was shocked, so shocked I didn’t quite know what to say.
“When he told me his parents wanted him to go back to River High freshman year, I panicked,” Alec went on. “I started acting like Christian. Ignoring his texts, his calls. When he came back to school the next year, it was like we were strangers.”
I tried putting it together, “So you ghosted him during the summer because you didn’t want everyone at school to know you’re…” I couldn’t exactly say he was gay, beca
use he did seem to like me and my body. Plus, I had the memory of his dick hard against my pelvis as I grinded on it, so…there was a better word for it. “Bi?”
Hold it. That meant Xander was bisexual too, didn’t it? I wasn’t quite sure what to do with this information. I wasn’t prepared for it.
“Yeah, I guess,” Alec muttered, groaning. “I was a douche, just like Christian.”
It was hardly in the same vein of crimes, though. Gay and bisexual people, adults and kids alike, were afraid to come out to people they knew, let alone to an entire school. I could understand where he was coming from, even if he hadn’t handled it well.
When I was silent, he added, “If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I get it. Just tell me now, so I don’t show up at your locker and make a fool of myself—even if I deserve it—” His fumbling words halted the moment I unclicked my seatbelt and turned on the seat to face him.
“You think I’d stop talking to you over this? You’re…you’re stupid.” Okay, might not have been the best thing to call him, but I was at a loss for words here. So caught off-guard I could think of nothing else to call him but stupid. Because that’s what he was.
I wasn’t some middle-aged white man driving around with the Confederate flag attached to the bed of my truck. I wasn’t some rich old man on Wall Street. I was a member of the motherfucking Generation Z, and I couldn’t care less who anyone slept with, as long as it was consensual and not in the realm of pedophilia.
Alec opened his mouth, probably to retort, to say he wasn’t stupid, but I beat him to the punch: “Okay, you’re not stupid. You’re just…” I let out an annoyed sound. “I can’t think of what you are, but you should know that it’ll take a lot more than that to scare me off. So what if you like the occasional dick? Don’t we all?”
Oh, dear lord. I should stop speaking right this instant. I was only making it worse. Much worse.
“You’re really not upset?” Alec asked. “Or weirded out? I just thought…” His shoulders went up and down once. “I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”
Spite: A Bully Reverse Harem Page 12
